Barbed Wire and Buttercup

“Hey. How’s sunny France?”

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I was currently on the phone to my sister, Elyse. When I was thirteen, my family and I moved to France. My mother is originally half French, and she wanted to move back to where my Grandma lived. I loved France as a child, but as I got older, I realized something. I hated it.
After years of being there, I still couldn’t get the language right. A few simple words and that was it. I would have been better off in French class back in England. I had only one friend there, Sera. She moved to Italy after I’d been there for two years.
My parents hated me, I knew that. They always had. I wasn’t the daughter they wished they’d had, and I knew it.
A year before my brother was born, my parents had another child. Her name was Desiree. She was beautiful. She wanted to be a singer. She was sixteen when she was taken. It was New Years Eve, 1985. She’d gone to a party at a friend’s house, to celebrate the New Year. It was the day of my 12th birthday party. My parents hadn’t heard the phone ring, because of the music usually played at a twelve-year-old girl’s slumber party. It was Desiree, phoning to ask for a lift. After phoning a few times without an answer, she decided to get a taxi instead. But it was unbooked… She was taken to an empty car park, raped, beat, and kidnapped.

I know my parents blamed me. They say if they had heard it and been able to answer it, then they would have been able to save my sister. They say it’s because of me that she isn’t with us now. It’s always been my fault.
Desiree was the main reason my mother wanted to move back to France. When a year had passed after Desi had been taken and there had been no sign of her, my mother couldn’t stay there. ‘Too many memories’ she would say. She’s never been back since. Everyone has given up hope on trying to find Desiree.

As soon as I was eighteen, I left France. I couldn’t stand it any longer. Everything I did, my parents would look at me as if saying ‘You’re here, able to do this, and because of you, your sister never will be able to.’ They think she’s dead. So do the police. The rest of the family, friends of the family. They all think she’s dead too. But I believe they’re wrong. We were close, as sisters. Probably the closest in the family. She was my role model. I could tell her anything; worries, troubles. She told me her problems, too. We were like twins, only with four years between us. I always had a bad feeling inside me on days that she was hurt or sad, even before I knew that she was. That’s how I can tell that she’s not dead. I have a feeling that she’s still out there, somewhere. Alive. I would know if she was dead. I just hope that one day, I can find her.

So I moved back to England in 1991, and a few months later I met Alec. I was nineteen when I had Leon. It's now 1999, and my life has completely changed.

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“Oh, same old, you know.”

“Yeah, too well. How is everyone?”

“Umm… Luke’s doing okay. Don’t even mention mother and daddy, please.”

“Oh. They bad again?”

“Yes. Very. Talk about gone onto one. Majorly gone onto one. Especially Mama.”

“Oh dear. Don’t tell me. She’s gone edgy, shouting at the littlest thing?” I guessed.

Ely sighed. “Yes. I don’t know why. She’s never been this bad before.”

“It’s Desi, Lya. That’s why.”

“But that was years ago. You would’ve thought she would be getting better by now, not worse.”

“What’s the date?”

“17th of July. Why?”

“She would be 29 now. Mother wanted to hand over her business to her when she was 29. Honestly? I think she’s more worried about her business going bust because there’s nobody to take it over if something happens to her, than she is about Desi. She’s so self obsessed, it’s unreal.”

“Oh. Well that’s rude.”

“Isn’t it? I would have thought she’d at least be concerned for her daughter’s welfare. But she’s not.”

“Yeah, but I kind of meant that it’s rude that she didn’t even consider us.”

“Oh, Ely! Don’t be silly, she would never do something like that. She hates me too much, and she thinks that you won’t take it seriously.”

“Oh I so would!”

“It’s not me saying that El. It’s her.”

“But she wants someone to take over. Wouldn’t she want one of us to at least stand in for her?”

“She doesn’t want Desiree replaced, Ely. She wants her back. And so do I.”

“We all do. But I know you were the closest to her, Si.”

“Mmm…”

“Anyway, guess who’s coming down to visit you in a few weeks?”

“What! Really? You’re actually coming down?”

“Yep. Can’t wait to see my little niece and nephew. How are they?”

“Dyani’s fine.”

“And Leon?”

“Well, that’s the thing, El. He’s not too good.”

“What do you mean?”

“H-he has cancer. In his heart…”

There was silence for a moment.

“Oh, Si, I’m so sorry, really I am. Poor thing. How’s he doing?”

“He’s being brave, as always. He doesn’t want us to know he’s hurting. But I can tell he is. I-I’m scared, Ely. I don’t want him to die… he’s my life.”

“ I know Ana. I know. What about Alec?”

“He…I don’t know really. He seems distant. He doesn’t really talk to me much. He wakes up before me, goes to work earlier than he ever has, and comes back late, when I’m asleep. I’ve tried waiting up for him, but even then, he won’t talk about it. Won’t talk about him. I’ve tried to get through to him, Lise, but he doesn’t let me in. He just closes up. In the end I just gave up. I don’t know what to do, I really don’t. I’ve tried everything. But I never see him anymore. It’s almost like I’m on my own. I might as well be.”

“Oh, Si, don’t say that. I’m sure he’ll come round.”

“I don’t know. I mean, it’s not even just me that he’s not talking to. It’s Leon, too. Sometimes he comes home during the day to see Dyani. Leon tries to hug him, talk to him, anything. But he just pushes him away. He won’t look at him anymore. It’s hurting Leon even more. He can ignore me, Elyse. Avoid me even. But he can’t reject his son. He just can’t.”

“That’s it. I’m coming down in a few days. I’ll book my tickets now, and get the next flight down. You’re right. He cannot reject his son. Even if he’s ill. That’s more reason not to. It’s wrong of him to do that. I’m going to go get packing now, babe. I’ll see you soon, okay? Will you be alright for a couple of days?”

“Yeah. I’ll manage. Thanks, Lise.”

“No problem. Bye.”

“Bye.”