Status: Finished; sequel in progress.

Reasons For This Lifestyle You Call Suicide

"I saw God cry in the reflection of my enemies"

02.15.07

So FallOut Boy is taking it kinda slow on tours and right now I'm in Chicago. I'm writing from my sidekick on one of the El trains. It's cold outside and I wish I had some hot chocolate. The Valentine's Day Massacre Concert was a complete success and Q101 was there to celebrate it with us. Things just keep getting better...


I looked at the writing for a little, deciding if that would sound good for the fans to hear. I flipped my phone and closed the site. I could always write later. Good thing the heat was on in these trains or I'd go nuts. I missed the warm December I spent with my family. This was just chaotic. The train stopped and let people off and some on. The guys thought it would be easier if we split up on the train's cars so no one would recognize us. I pulled my hood up and put my earbuds in. However, for the deaf people of Chicago the automatic voice on the El rang through my ears.

"Randolf is next. Doors open on the left at Randolf."

I am never going to get over that. When you've rode the El almost your whole life, you can mimick that voice. I was tapped on the shoulder and I looked up. It was a girl, about fourteen and she smiled at me. I didn't know what she wanted, but, and not to be mean, I wasn't in the mood to be overwhelmed by a fangirl and have my cover blown. I took my earbuds out because she was saying something.

"Sorry?" I asked.

"Can I sit here? It's crowded everywhere," she said.

"Yeah, you didn't have to ask," I smirked.

"Actually, your bag is on the seat," she giggled.

I looked down and saw my Five Star backpack laying there. I grumbled and moved it down by my feet. She sat down and put her army green messenger bag on her lap. More people gathered on the train at Randolf. I scrunched up to the window to give the girl more room.

"Thanks; that guy was too close for comfort," she mumbled.

"No prob.. um," I figured out I didn't know her name.

"Jenny," she said, and we shook hands.

"Pete," I said back.

She gave me one of those "no shit" looks. I smiled at her, knowing that look from Patrick.

"I guess you already knew that," I laughed.

"Yeah, but I understand you don't want something big to happen. Especially in the El... that's like suicide," she smiled at me then totally fell into a grim expression.

My face must have fallen too. I looked at her solemnly and turned to face the window.

"I'm... I"m sorry Peter," she whispered.

"No, it's ok." I heard my voice tremble as I spoke to her.

"It isn't because I know how its like," she said.

I looked back at her. Jenny's face looked hurt; her eyes were brimmed with tears.

"How?"

She gave me a weak smile, "I was suicidal, but I've never done overdose. That's the only difference."

I made an expression that read "oh."