Coffee and Cigarettes

"Hun? You've been cooped up here all day," my mom said as I sat propped up against the bedpost, tossing the locket listlessly from one hand to another. "Something's wrong, isn't it?"

I sighed. "Not really, Mom. It's just some boy troubles. It's not even that big of a deal, really..."

My mother furrowed her brow. "Sweetheart, you know that if you're in a bad mood, it affects our entire family. If you're going through something rough, it'd be best if you let us know so that we can help you. We won't be able to if we don't know what's bothering you."

"Thanks, Mom," I said sincerely. "I really do appreciate it, but it's something that I've got to do on my own."

My mom nodded understandingly and left the room.

I sighed and rolled off the bed. I knew that I had to face Frank and figure out what the hell he was doing, but I really didn't want to do it. I checked my watch...it was three-thirty. He'd either be at home with his family or at the Way's.

I guessed that he was at the Way's.

I walked alone down the street, sort of hoping that Libby would be there with me. I knew that she was at home though, it was the one time that she and her family could be together.

I marched up the icy driveway and knocked on the front door. I saw Gerard, dressed gallantly in his full-body skeleton pajamas, standing before me. Sleep was imminent in his eyes and I had to giggle a bit...it was pretty adorable.

"Morgan!" he squealed merrily. "I have your present! Wait here..." He ran into the house, leaving me out there in the freezing cold. Of course, he couldn't possibly invite me inside. That just wasn't something he did...ever.

"At least he's in high spirits," I said to myself.

"Talking to yourself is the first sign of insanity," someone said, coming over to the door.

I rolled my eyes once I realized who it was.

"Merry Christmas to you too," Frank said with a small grin.

Where have I heard that before?I asked myself. "Frank, I have to talk to you..."

"Well, you're talking to me now, aren't you?" he asked, a hint of amusement present in his voice. I wanted to slap him for being so cocky, but I refrained.

"Yeah, well...Gerard's going to be back any second, and that doesn't give me enough time, so..."

He then proceeded to interject. "Gerard's in his room. He gets lost in there. What do you want to talk about?"

At that moment, Mikey came to the door, his new beanie perched upon his head. "Merry Christmas, Morgan!"

"Merry Christmas, Mikey!" I smiled.

Frank cleared his throat. "Mikey, we're talking..."

He finally realized what was happening and backed off. "Sorry...heh, I'll just be in the other room."

"Thanks," Frank said bitterly. "Okay, so what--"

"Here you go!" Gerard chirped, popping out from behind Frank, who looked as if he really wanted to punch a certain someone in the face.

"Thank you, Gerard," I laughed nervously. "Frank and I need to talk though..."

"Oh," he said quietly. "Well, come inside. It's cold out there."

I thanked him as he ushered me into the warmth of his house.

"Mikey and I'll just...stay out of your way," Gerard winked as I rolled my eyes.

"Thanks," I said as he walked away. That's when I turned to a not-so-amused Frank with his arms crossed over his chest.

"So, what do you want?"

I scoffed. "You sound apologetic."

"Whatever," he muttered.

I glared at him, eyes narrowed. "You know, I don't get you. At first, you act as if we're best friends. Then you act as if you want to date me by flirting with me--nonstop, I might add," I said, throwing in that last part for good measure. "Then I hear you say that you just want to fool around with me, then you act all apologetic and a few days later, I see you playing tonsil hockey with some random blond bimbo!"

His eyes never left mine as I said this. I glared at him coldly. "So?"

I was shocked. Did he care at all? "Who are you?" I finally managed.

"You know who I am," he answered.

I laughed inwardly. "You have some problems that you've got to sort out internally. Seriously, I don't think I know anyone with as many multiple-personality problems as you."

He opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off.

"Let me finish," I said sternly. "I thought I knew you. I thought that we were close friends and that you cared about me. Maybe not necessarily in the romantic fashion, but at least as a peer. I thought that you understood me. You used to be one of the only people who could genuinely make me happy. But you know, seeing you for who you really are, I've never seen anyone more disgusting or worthless in my entire life."

His eyes were panged with hurt. Really, my own words shocked me, but I felt like I had to say it.

"Morgan..." he said quietly. "I know that I hurt you, but...I really didn't mean to. It's just who I am, you know? I just...I don't know what I can tell you..."

"Then don't say anything," I whispered. "I'm leaving."

I turned around to leave, but I felt a hand grab my wrist. The next thing I knew, Frank had pulled me towards him and forcefully pressed his lips against mine. I was in so much shock that I didn't know how to react. I might've whimpered a bit, actually.

He pulled away and rested his forehead against mine. I stared into his deep hazel eyes. "I want to change," he said finally. "I don't want to be who I was before. I-I want to start over." His next words practically made my heart cease beating. "Will you help me?"

My mind and my heart were telling me two completely different things. I had no idea what to do...

I mean...this felt right, but my mind was telling me otherwise.

I didn't know what to do...so I did all that I could.

I ran.