Coffee and Cigarettes

I was sitting on my bed talking to Libby on the phone about my first day at school. She seemed kind of weird...I don't think that she was too thrilled about me leaving just because of Frank.

"English is so boring without you,"she whined. "And everyone keeps asking me where you are. It sucks, Morg."

I shrugged, even though she couldn't see me. "My first day went surprisingly well. I made two new friends. That counts for something, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, sure," she muttered on the other line. "By the way, Frank told Mikey that he texted you today but you never replied to him. What'd the text say?"

"He just asked me where I was during lunch," I replied nonchalantly. "I really don't get why he cares now, just because I decided to switch schools."

"He probably misses you more than he realized, you know," she answered. "I know that I miss you a lot. It's boring here."

"You can spice things up," I joked. "Like my new friend, Cara. Today, she put lime Jell-O into one of the teacher's drawers and it got all over his test papers so we didn't have to write it."

"You sure speak highly of these Ryder and Cara people," Libby grumbled.

"You should meet them," I said. "I think you'd get along."

"Doubt it," she said monotonously. "They don't sound like my kind of people."

I paused for a minute, staring at my phone. "Libby, what's your problem? Why are you being so snippy about my new friends? You act as if I've completely left you high and dry over at Belleville."

"That's because you have!" she declared. "You left me for that new stupid school because of Frank and you've made two new friends to replace me. Sounds great, huh?"

"I haven't replaced you!" I argued. "I'm allowed to have friends other than you. What's your fucking problem? You haven't even met them, they're great people!"

"Just watch,"she droned. "Soon, you're going to stop coming over and you're going to start hanging out with them more and more. Soon you'll forget that me and the guys ever existed and you'll be off with your new friends pulling pranks on teachers and shit. Youhate pranks!"

"Oh, whatever, Libby. You're nitpicking and you know it!"

"I am not! I'm telling you the truth. It'll happen, just wait and see!"

"You're being unreasonable. Call me back when you're off the fucking rag," I growled.

"Fine by me," she spat back. "Don't expect me to call you. You're the one who abandoned me, so why don't you call me when you snap back to your senses and apologize?"

"Fuck you," I said dryly before hanging up the phone and throwing it across the room.

Blair knocked on my door and came in without my official permission. "Morgan, you're going to break that thing."

"I don't give a shit," I muttered.

Blair sighed and sat at the edge of my bed. "Who was that, you know, on the phone?"

"Libby."

"And you two just had a fight?"

"I think it's obvious that yes, we did," I responded flatly.

Blair rolled her eyes. "Morgan, I know that it may seem like the world is against you right now, but you've got to learn how to sort things out. You can't expect life to be all flowers and rainbows...you have to take the good with the bad."

I stared at her, dumbfounded. "How can you even say that?" I managed. "You have AIDS. You're dying as we speak..."

She shrugged with a smile. "I've come to terms with it," she said. "I know that I don't have much time but I'm trying to make the most of what I have left."

I shook my head. "I don't know how you can be so optimistic about death."

She shrugged. "I'm not saying that I'm looking forward to it. I'm just saying that I'm not afraid anymore." She sighed again. "I think...that the only thing I'm really afraid of is being alone."

"Alone?" I asked.

"I don't want to die alone," she clarified. "I don't want to be forgotten when I'm gone. I want people to remember me and be happy when they think of me. I don't want people crying at my funeral."

"I don't want to talk about your death, Blair," I said, squeezing my eyes shut. "I don't even know how we got onto the subject..."

She chuckled. "Either way, I don't want you to be unhappy. You and Libby have to work out whatever problems you have, alright?"

"Well, I don't really give a shit right now, I have two new friends who don't bitch to be about my other friends..."

"Give Libby some credit," Blair said. "She's been your best friend for seven--nearly eight years. It's just territoriality. It's understandable that she thinks you're trying to replace her."

"But if she'd only give Cara and Ryder a chance--"

I was cut off by the phone ringing again. I was actually kind of surprised that it still worked. Blair mouthed the words, "Sort your life out"to me before walking out of the room. I then walked over to it and picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Sup, bitch?" Cara sang unceremoniously into the receiver.

"Hey," I laughed. "What's up?"

"Wanna hang out this weekend? This kid's having a party and it's supposed to be a blast."
"I don't have to get intoxicated or high, do I?"

"Not if you don't want to," Cara said. "And if you're feeling uncomfortable, we could always leave. I'm only going because I'd rather not go with my parents to church."

I laughed even harder. "Way to be," I congratulated. "Anyway, I'll see. I'll probably be able to go. But you have to promise me that you and Ryder will leave with me if I'm feeling too uncomfortable with the whole thing."

"Of course," Cara said casually. "Right, Ry?"

I heard muffled noises in the background and I assumed it was Ryder. He said something that sounded like, "Of course!" before Cara shooed him away.

"Anyway, we're gonna bounce," she said. "See you at school."

"Later, Cara," I said, hanging up the phone and tossing it more carefully onto my desk.

I sat against the headboard of my bed and sighed audibly. "What did I just agree to?" I asked myself. "I hate parties."