Jane Doe's Puzzle.

Jane walked slowly back to the table were Gerard was still sitting at. She felt embarrassed with the way she had acted just minutes ago, and she hated feeling that way. She took a deep breath and walked back to her chair. Gerard looked up at her, a smile still hanging from his lips. She smiled back as she sat back down. She passed a couple of white sheets to Gerard as if to make a peace offering.

“Thank you,” he told her, she nodded in return.

“May I ask a question?”

Jane shrugged and stared at her white piece of paper, she didn't want to make eye-contact.

“I'll take that as a yes. Are you choosing not to speak, or can you not speak at all?”

Jane contemplated the question, of course she knew the answer, just didn't know if she wanted to tell him the truth.

Jane picked up her pen and began to write on her paper.

If I tell you, will you tell anybody else?

Gerard stared curiously, he wasn't sure if she was ignoring him or not.

Jane handed the piece of paper to him.

I won't tell if you don't want me to.

I will like that very much.

I promise, our conversations will only be between us.

Jane lifted her head to look at Gerard, she half expected him to be looking at her, but she was wrong, he was working on a drawing.

I can talk, I choose not to.
Gerard stared at the piece of paper and contemplated what to write next. He really wanted to ask her why it was that she chose not to speak but he did not want to push his luck.

Jane looked at Gerard wondering why it was that he was taking some time to reply, she was sure that his response would be short and fast: why? But when Gerard handed back the paper she was wrong.

I hope to one day be able to hear your voice.

Jane couldn't help but to smile for the third time that day, surely a new record for her.

I hope to one day hear my own voice too.

Why don't you just talk?

Jane sighed and looked up Gerard and this time his eyes met hers.

“You don't have to answer the question if you don't want to” he told her.

She shook her head and began to write.

I'm scared

Scared of what?

Of my voice, what if I don't recognize it? Even worse, what if I do?

Why would that be a bad thing?

I'm afraid that if I talk and I recognize my voice then I will remember what happened to me and I don't think I'm ready. I've read my reports and the condition in which I was found. How can somebody go through something like that and be okay?

“Nobody is ever okay, but we have to try and make the best of every situation.”

Jane shook her head.

“I can't pretend to know what it's like to go through what you went through but you are strong, and you will be okay.”

You really think so?

“I know so”

Jane looked up at Gerard and she could she the sincerity in his eyes, but she couldn't believe what he had just said. She didn't believe she was strong. She was just- lucky.

Jane looked back down at her paper and decided she wanted to change the conversation.

Why did you decide to volunteer?

Gerard contemplated the question not sure about how to answer it. He didn't want Jane to think that he didn't care about volunteering if he told her the truth, but decided to be honest anyway.

“I didn't have a choice.”

Jane looked at him with a questioning look.

“I'm here under court orders.”
Why?

“It's a long story.”

Maybe for another day?

“Yes” Gerard couldn't help but to smile, he was glad that Jane was warming up to him, maybe now he would be able to help her find herself.

“Do you spend all your time here?” Gerard asks curiously

Jane shakes her head.

We have a garden out back I usually go outside and read, but never on visiting days there's always patients with their families so I just come in here.

“Are you allowed to leave?”

Jane nods.

On visiting days during visiting hours, I've only seen a few leave for the day but most families tend to visit here for an hour or two.

“You don't remember anything about your own family?” Gerard asks Jane quietly.

Jane shakes her head sadly.

I don't think I had a family.

“Why do you say that?”

Because I'm nowhere to be found in the missing person database, or maybe they just didn't care about me and were glad when I disappeared.

Gerard couldn't help but to feel a sting in his heart. He could see the sadness in Jane and he hated the fact that she believed her own words. He couldn't imagine how Jane felt thinking she had no family or anyone who cared about her.

Gerard extended out his hand and took a hold of hers.

Jane looked at their hands and without warning her eyes began to tear up.

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you.” Gerard says quickly retrieving his hand.

Jane shakes her head and blinks away her tears.

Don't. It's just a weird feeling having someone be affectionate towards me, that's all

She gave Gerard a small smile and went back to doodling on her paper, Gerard doing the same, he figured Jane had had enough of their conversation for the day.