The Sun that Melts Away

“Hey buddy!” Jack forced the door of Alex’s room to open and let himself inside. “How’s it going?” Alex slowly brought his head up and blinked thoughtlessly a few times, not answering the question. He hadn’t told Jack yet. Nobody knew but his mother and the hospital. He wasn’t sure how long he could keep that up.

He wasn’t embarrassed about it. He just didn’t know how anyone’s reactions would be. Would they think he was joking? Would they feel sympathy? Pity was the last thing he wanted, it would only make him feel worse.

“Hey Jack.” His voice was thick yet scratchy. “I’m… good.” More like the farthest thing from it.

“You’ve been stuck in your room for a while Alex. You gotta get out man!” Jack cracked the goofy smile he usually held and latched onto Alex’s arm. Alex stumbled out of the bed and just stood there, staring at his friend. “Come on!” Jack dragged him out of the room and bounded downstairs, still holding his arm.

“Where are you taking me?” Alex was only slightly annoyed, and more confused.

“Somewhere fun!” Jack exclaimed, a little too eagerly, and Ms. Gaskarth waved at them as they headed to the front door. She choked on a sob at her son’s face. Anyone else would’ve laughed at the confusion it held, but she could only cry.

The two got in the car and Jack started it up. He floored it out of the driveway and they sped down the quiet suburban street. “Where are we going dude?” Alex said exasperated. He was tired from getting barely any sleep for the last week. “I don’t feel good. I want to go to sleep.” He leaned back into the car seat and lolled his head to the right, absentmindedly mouthing his words to the track 14 on Jack’s mix CD: She Fucking Hates Me by Puddle Of Mudd.

Then I started to realize
I was living one big lie
She fucking hates me
La la la la…

Alex ignored Jack’s obnoxious off-key singing and mixed into his thoughts for about the thousandth time that day. He was going to start his chemo next week, and he was scared. Scared out of his mind, in fact. He’d cried exactly twelve times since receiving the news, but of course he would never admit that to anyone.

Suddenly, Alex realized that Jack was pulling over to the side of the road. “What are you doing?” He asked, puzzled.

“What is wrong with you man?” Jack asked highly concerned for his best friend.

“It’s... nothing.” He hesitated.

“It has to be something. You keep wigging out and no one seems to know why. We’re all worried about you brah. What’s up with you?” Alex sighed and shook his head. Jack groaned. “Come on! What the fuck is it? You’re like a whole new person and it’s scaring everyone.”

“I’ll tell you later okay?” Alex said harshly and crossed his arms over his chest. “Don’t get your panties in a bunch.” Jack leaned in and wiggled his eyebrows.

“I’m not wearing any.” Alex rolled his eyes and playfully pushed Jack away from him, who just laughed and shifted the car into drive.

“Now do I get to know where we’re going?”

“Not. A. Chance.”

-------------------------------------------

“A go-kart track?” Alex said laughed at Jack’s choice of place. “Nice.”

“I know. It’s gonna be sweet!” Jack rubbed his hands together mischievously. “Wanna do bets?”

“Uhmm... Sure. If you win, you have to… go out on stage wearing only a jock-strap at our next concert.” Jack rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

“Okay… but if I win, you have to tell me what’s wrong.” Alex bit his lip.

“Fine.”

The two guys entered the building where the gear was and paid the man at the counter. They got their suits and helmets and headed out onto the track with the guy. He gave them a few rules, and went through the go-kart procedures with them. It was mandatory, part of his job.

Alex and Jack got into the separate karts and started them up, waiting for the green light to set off. At the same time, they accelerated the gas pedal and shot forward.

Alex was in the lead, then Jack, then Alex… Jack… Alex.

They raced around the track three times. Jack ended up finishing first.

He pumped his fist into the air and took his helmet off. Alex slowly got out of the kart and took his off as well. Jack looked over at him, “Now tell me.” He said sternly.

Alex took a deep breath and walked over to him, close so no one else could hear.

“I went to the doctor’s office and got an exam,” Jack eyes him suspiciously while he paused, “I have a serious disease Jack.”

“What is it?” Jack's eyes softened.

“I’ve got... I…” Alex stuttered and tried to file his words out right. “I have testicular cancer” He brought his voice to a low and Jack’s eyes widened.

“You’re not shitting me right? ‘Cause that isn’t funny.” Alex shook his head and rubbed his eyes with the base of his palm.

“I wish I was bro. I wish I was.”