She Will Be Loved

I ran to my house. Okay, drove. I was embarrassed. I was upset. I was angry. And most of all; hurt.

I slammed Morty's door before I walked up the steps to my home. I opened the door to see mom and dad kissing just behind it. I hid m eyes, not wanting to know where their hands were.

"You alright, baby boy?" Cece asked me.

I nodded my head, not letting them see my red face. "I'm fine. Just feel.. sick." I muttered before walking to my room. I put in the code to my lock. Julia's death day. I still wasn't sure why I kept this as my code after this long, I did couldn't let go of that day. It seemed everywhere was haunting me because of that day. It was the day my parents got re-married this year. One of my friends birthdays. And also the day I went to my first concert many years ago. I had only been a baby, but I remembered the date. My parents told me over and over again.

I sat on what I could find of my bed, without closing my door. I put my head in my hands, noticing there was a knife below my feet. I bit my lip; not wanting to do what I was thinking. But she couldn't get out of my head. That song. That costume. That dance. It was all stuck in my mind. Never to be un-seen.

I picked up the knife, feeling how cold it was in my hands. I smirked a little to myself. She hated cutters. Hated that they did it to themselves. This would show her.

I shook that thought from my head.

There was a knock at my door. I looked up to see Adam standing there, staring at my room like it was a grave yard with the dead walking around.

"Dude," He said, clearly wishing he'd never seen it. "What happened in here?"

"Nothing." I looked up at him, knife still in hand. It was hovering a little over my left wrist. I hadn't realized I had it there until Adam said something.

"And why is there a knife in your hand?"

I looked down, surprised. Yet- not surprised that it had been there. I shrugged. "It may make it feel better."

"That's what I thought about burning. I stopped, didn't I?" He still looked around my room. He walked over to something and picked it up. "Is this the cup we got on our way home from the Dead Hand concert?" He asked.

"Yeah." I nodded.

He set it down and looked at me. "Go talk to her. Clare called last night saying that she was crying her eyes out because of you."

"Didn't look like she cared." I almost let a tear fall as my voice cracked. It hurt to know she didn't care about me.

Adam picked up something else, looked at it, and then set it down, too. "Don't hurt yourself. Go try and get her back." He smiled.

I shook my head, a few tears now escaping my eyes. "I'm tried of it. I'm tired of trying to find the girl I love. First Julia dies and now Sam hates me because of something she thought she saw."

"What didn't she see?"

I took a deep breath. "I didn't love her, Adam. I love Sam. I'd give anything to be with her again. But I'm tired of trying to be good enough when the truth is- I never will be. I can't live life. Tonight, I'm driving Morty into the river," I decided right then and there. Drowning. It was the right way to go.

Adam's face was shocked, worried and angry at the same time. "No! Eli, no!" He shouted. "You can't do that to us!"

I stood up. "To who, exactly?! Because no one seems to care too much for me!" I was raising my voice, something I usually didn't do.

"We all love you, Eli. Each one of us in a different way, yeah. But we all love you. You're a loved son, a loved friend, and soon you'll be a loved boyfriend again. We'll get you two back together and in love at no time." He tried to give me a smile, but failed.

I sighed. "Get out."

"Not until you say you're not going to drive into the river."

"Out."

"Eli, I swear to God--"

"OUT!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. I wanted him out, I wanted my parents gone. I wanted to be alone. No, I wanted to be with her.