It Wasn't Meant to Be Like This

“It’s Christmas tomorrow!” squeals April excitedly, for Christmas and Boxing Day, I was planning to stay at my Mom’s, who I have told about me wanting to drop a class, she said she didn’t mind as long I was happy.

Turns out, April is pretty smart.

Things haven’t really changed, Beth and Jack have been dating a while, two and half months he keeps telling me. My feelings haven’t for Beth have not changed, in fact I think I can clarify that I’m in love with her.

I don’t know how to explain it, it wasn’t a big boom of realization, it was a gradual process where I just finally concluded that I was in love with her. Completely and Utterly and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about, then again neither could Jack.

Jack and I have planned a New Year’s Party, at our apartment for all our friends, more of Jack’s than mine, but Maggie has been invited too. We were doing this because we weren’t seeing each other over the Christmas period, as much as he was my best friend, there were limits to seeing him too much. Beth was apparently staying with her father, I had discovered her parents were divorced and it was something she hated. She prefers her father because of the photography passion they share.

Jack had bought her tickets to London. He was taking her after New Year, 3rd of January. He was dropping hits to Beth all the time, he brought her a Union Jack Flag the other way, she asked why and he merely shrugged. He brought her some fish the other day and said they were having fish and chips for tea.

I couldn’t stand it, I couldn’t stand seeing him so damn happy. I hated it.

Little did Jack know, I brought Beth a present too, a present I shouldn’t have got her because frankly I couldn’t really afford it, but it’s worth being indebt for.

I’ve brought her a new camera, a complete brand new one that I know she loved because she’s eyed it up in the shop before. I remembered. I remembered always.

It cost a majority of my salary, but I believed her to be worth it.

The Christmas tree was up, sparkling and nice. April and Mom decorated it whereas I sat there moodily, thinking about Beth, I couldn’t help but join in when April put the Christmas music on.

“Finn!” Mom called me. I took myself out of my trance and turned to look at her, opposite me in the armchair.

“Yeah?” I ask.

“Have you met a girl yet?” Mom asks me, I noticed April had perked up and I immediately scowled at my Mom.

“No, have you met a guy yet?” I retort and Mom’s face falls, whereas April smirks and we secretly high-five.

My phone suddenly rang and I lazily went to pick it up.

“Hello?” I say casually, without looking at the caller ID as I was so absorbed into the Christmas film we were watching. Fred Claus, what a legend.

“Hi Finn, it’s Beth” that voice that I hear so often spoke softly. I tense slightly but I notice Mom and April watching me, so I relax.

“Hi, what’s up?” I ask, my voice going croaky in the middle.

“Nothing, I just remembered. I forgot to give you your gift the other night” Beth tells me and I immediately feel excited. Beth and Jack and I had a pre-Christmas dinner two nights ago, because we wouldn’t see each other.

“Oh right, I forgot to give you yours too” I say like it was no big deal.

“You got me a gift?” Beth asks, sounding surprised.

“Course, you’re my friend too you know” I tease, although I was intending it to be serious. I could imagine Beth smiling at me.

“Cool, well…can I come over or should we meet up?” she asks, I consider her coming over here, but I knew Jack would find out somehow, probably from April and it would ruin everything. Also, Mom would be suspicious of my feelings for her if she saw the gift.

“Let’s meet. The park, usual bench?” I ask.

“Sure, give me ten minutes” she says happily. I could feel myself beaming.

“See you” I say and she says the same before hanging up. I get up, and go to my room, finding the wrapped gift.

“Mom, I’m going out” I shout, bolting down the stairs.
April perked up from behind the couch.
“Where?” she asks.

“Where you going?” Mom shouts from the kitchen.”
“I just said, Out” I say sarcastically.
“But where?” April questions.
“Where you going though?” Mom shouts.

Oh my fucking god. Is there an echo?

“Some place, I’ll be back before dinner” I say, picking up my keys, as it’s too cold to walk to the park.

“You better be or I’m giving it to the tramps!” My Mom shouts, she’s weird like that.

“That’s nice to talk about April!” I shout and I shot out the door before the cushion that April so maturely threw at me, could actually make some damage.

I drove to the park as quickly as I could, without breaking the law. When I got the park, I was happy to see I wasn’t early, Beth was sitting with her legs neatly crossed on what I like to call ‘our’ bench.

“Hey” I say when I’m near enough and I take a seat beside her. Beth gave me a huge smile and I felt myself feeling like a little kid again, who had a crush on someone.

“Hi” she says, it had snowed lately, so the place was like a winter wonderland, there was no kids to be seen, which was kind of nice.
“We going to trade?” she teases and I reveal the medium sized box, and Beth revealed hers, it was a small shape, but to be honest. Size didn’t matter.

“Ready…switch” I announce, we trade presents and I couldn’t help but shake mine but it didn’t give anything away.

“Can I open it now?” Beth asks, almost cheekily. Her hazel eyes glinting with excitement.

“Sure” I say and she rips it open somewhat carefully. She gasped as she saw the picture of the camera on the front.

“Oh my god, Finn this is way too much!” She says, but the tone in her voice told me she loved it. I felt accomplished.

“No it’s not” I say, complete lie but that’s what love does to you.

“But…” Beth begins and I refused to let her win on this.

“Please, just thank me” I tease and Beth grins. She suddenly leans over and kisses my frozen cheek, and I feel it tingle slightly.

Fuck. This is what a single kiss did to me.

“Thank you, I love it. The best gift I’ve been given in a long time” she says and I couldn’t help feel disheartened, when she saw Jack tomorrow, she’d say that to him.

“You’re welcome….can I open mine?” I ask hopefully.

“I feel bad, it’s not as good as yours” Beth says worriedly.

“Nonsense, it’s the thought that counts” I assure her, but to be honest I didn’t care if I got nothing from her, seeing her excitement over that camera was enough for me. It truly was.

I ripped the present open and smiled when I saw the box set of Scrubs and a bar of chocolate, Beth knew I loved Scrubs on fair occasions, when Jack was busy studying or something. We would watch Scrubs and laugh at the silly things JD said.

“Ah, I love it!” I say, truly meaning it.

“You spent too much on mine. I can’t accept it!” Beth says suddenly.

“Stop being silly, it’s a gift. Money doesn’t matter” I tell her. Beth looks at me, right in the eye and I feel it shiver down to my core.

“Thank you Finn. I truly mean that.” she says and I got the double meaning, the fact that her old camera wasn’t as good ever since Jack broke it. I’ll never forgive him for that.

Beth started to open the box and set the camera up. “What you doing?” I ask amused. Beth was clicking everything into place as she spoke “Well seeing as you brought me this..” she starts, putting the final battery in.

“So?” I ask confused.

“You deserve, the first picture. Say cheese” she says quickly, I looked at the camera, and decided to go for it. I pulled a funny face hoping to make her laugh, which she did as the flash went off, making my eyes dazzle.

“Beautiful” she says, giggling.

She showed me the picture and all I saw was a guy acting like a twat but she was pleased, so I didn’t care.

“Got time for a hot chocolate?” I ask her, hopefully. Beth bit her lip, which made her look adorable.

“Can I have whipped cream?” she asks cheekily.

“I’d be insulted if you didn’t” I joke as we stand up. We made our way to the nearest café, and somehow I had my arm around her and she didn‘t seem to mind, in fact her at one occasion, her hand touched mine and it never made me so happy, we were laughing and joking like a couple. Much to my joy.

But I knew it wouldn’t last, but frankly I didn’t care because for now, even if it was just for a hot chocolate, Elizabeth Carlton, was mine.