It Wasn't Meant to Be Like This

Beth and I were at the formal night, she looked like a princess in her beautiful dress, and her hair all in ringlets and put in a do. She looked so gorgeous, I wondered what she even saw in Jack. She was in a league of her own.

So many guys had asked for a dance this night, I beginning to lose my cool and Beth was getting irritated too. We had dinner, which was so tasty by the way. I wish I had the ability to cook. Beth and I talked, laughed and I could feel coming closer. We had been drinking and the alcohol was well into our system. Eventually, when a piano classic came on and I had no idea who the pianist was, but I watched Beth, sit across me. She closed her eyes and smiled, as if reminiscing a memory. I had such a urge to touch her hand that was left, lying on her table. I wanted to be with her, you have no idea how badly I wanted to be with her but their was an invisible barrier between us. It was Jack, he wasn’t even here yet he was stopping me.

Always in my way.

Beth swayed slightly and I watched her in awe, as she smiled wider. “Finn, come dance with me” she says, opening eyes suddenly looking excited. It was a slow song, that you had to sort of waltz too and move your feet, I was wondered I’d damager her feet permanently.

“I can’t” I say, but she already stood up, dragging me with her. The couple near us, in their late 70’s watching us adorably, ‘awing’ as Beth dragged me to the floor.

She put my left hand on her waist, well sort of near her waist. The other hand went into her perfectly manicured hand. She put her other hand on my shoulder and she smiled at me, as if reassuring me that I would be okay.

She moved forward, I stepped back, and we moved, we swayed and we danced. I couldn’t believe I was doing it. Beth grinned at me, as the music sped up, and I twirled her around, smiling as she looked thrilled. She came back towards me and we swayed again, dancing more and I just let go, uncaring about everything. Uncaring that I shouldn’t be enjoying myself this much, uncaring that the elderly couple were watching us. Uncaring that I was in love with my best friend’s girl.

She laughed, and I smiled as I heard the lovely sound. We went together somehow, and I wished I could just show her how I felt.

The music got louder and Beth wanted to spin again, so I did but we lost our rhythm slightly, and Beth fell against my chest and we were so close, their was so space between us. My arms automatically moved around her waist, and I knew this was my moment.

I looked down at her, she stared at me, unsure of what to do. The song was slowing down to an end, and I decided to do it.

I bent down and kissed her, kissed her until she could feel what I felt. My brain was in circles, my heart was racing. I hated feeling so vulnerable, that any minute she could push me away and the rejection would scar me forever. But she didn’t push me away, she kissed me back.

Right there, I knew she felt the same. She had to.
She wasn’t a slut, she didn’t sleep around, she didn’t use people. She was a beautiful person, inside and out. I kissed her more, our mouths opening and our tongues exploring each other once again. Beth gradually pulled away and I braced myself for the slap.

Beth took my hand and dragged me away, off the dance floor, out the ballroom and into the elevator.

“Beth-” I begin but she places her index finger on my lips, forcing me to stop.

“I don’t know what we’re doing okay? I don’t know what I’m doing but I do know one thing Finn and it’s I want you, I want to feel loved by you. Can you give me that?” Beth says, in a strange, worried voice.

I stared at her speechless. I took her other hands, tugging her forwards. I kissed her lips, her cheek and her neck.

“I’ll give you anything Elizabeth” I whisper, and I feel her shiver against me. I never used her full name, but I like saying it.

Maybe it was the alcohol that was talking, maybe it was the fancy food, maybe it was the London atmosphere, whatever it was. It had made Beth feel the same for me. I wasn’t thinking anymore, as nothing mattered except for now as we entered our room, and I closed it behind us, locking us in and Beth and I rushed forward, kissing again passionately and I wondered how I lasted so long without her. She was addictive and she was mine.

For now at last. For now, she all mine.

“Finn, we shouldn’t do this” Beth whispers frantically and if I wasn’t so desperate to feel her against me, I would have been a good person and stopped. I took out the pins in her hair, letting the curls I adored fall down carelessly. She looked at me, her big hazel eyes staring at me with worry but some sort of emotion. It was something I couldn’t describe.

“Beth, no more talking…I’m sick of talking. I want to be with you Beth, if it’s only for one night even. Just let me have you for one night, without any second thoughts, without anyone else” I plead, I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I just knew I had to have her.

Beth nodded and we began to kiss again, I felt my suit jacket being take off and my hands were smoothing down her waist, then up to her chest.

I was kissing her everywhere, wanting to make it all last. I could feel myself being turned on badly as she moaned softly, as I sucked gently on her neck between her collar bone.

My tie was undone, my shirt was slowly being unbutton by her shaking hands. I gently took hold of them, they were so cold.

“It’s going to be okay” I whisper in the darkness to her. Beth looked at me, biting her lip and I quickly kissed again. My shirt was smoothly taking off and I felt her hands smoothing over my chest, our clothes were being frantically taken off as we made our way to the bed, the bed I hadn’t hardly touched since we arrived. I slipped the dress off her, feeling her whole body as I pulled it off her head. Her underwear revealed to me. It felt so intimate and we hardly done anything yet.

I could go on and on about how it felt, about how kissing her and caressing her felt like and how much pleasure it was to just feel her skin against mine. I could tell you about how making love to her was better than any girl I had, simply because I loved her. I could tell you how I never wanted to stop, how I wish time actually froze. I could tell you how happy I was making love to her several times, and kissing her each time. I could tell you much I loved her, holding her in my arms till early hours in the morning, tracing patterns on her delicate skin. I could tell you everything about it.

But I won’t.

That’ll ruin it, that’ll make it seem real.
I didn’t want it to feel real.
Because then I’ll be in reality, where I had sex with a girl, whom I loved but didn’t belong to me, she wasn’t.

I’d be a liar, a cheater and a guy who betrayed his best friend.

So for now, I was going to be in my dreamlike world. I was going to be happy.

Tomorrow, I’ll face reality.