It Wasn't Meant to Be Like This

“Beth, get your gorgeous ass back in this bed!” I shout, laughing as I saw Beth in the bathroom, brushing her teeth and dancing slightly. The radio was playing softly, as I sat propped up in bed. The bathroom was in my eye line, giving me a lovely view of Beth in a tank top and some girl boxers.

“Shut up!” I hear a muffled voice shout back and I chuckle again, stretching my arms above my head, yawning as the sun shined through the open curtains.

It was Saturday, and today was the day of the show. We planned to go out for breakfast, do some more shopping before coming back and relaxing before the show tonight. I must admit, I was excited.

After waiting for what seemed a lifetime, Beth was finally ready, it took me minutes to shower and put some clean clothes on. After that, we went for breakfast and did what we planned to do.

That night, when were getting ready for the show. Beth and I managed to squeeze in some dinner before hand, and we managed to bump into someone…, someone is very familiar.

“ZOEY!” shrieks Beth excitedly, causing a scene. We were sitting at the bar, for after dinner drinks and our friend Zoey walked in, her hair was a brighter blonde, her brown eyes were same and she was wearing a floral dress, looking adorable. She hugged Beth tightly, almost squeezing her death.

“Finn!” Zoey squeals, rushing and hugging me, suffocating me slightly in a loving way.

“Zoey, I can’t breathe!” I gasp, teasingly. Zoey smirks and slaps my arm lightly.

“Shut up you big lump! What are you guys doing here?” Zoey asks excitedly. Beth and I exchanged looks.

“Oh my fucking god, you’re finally together!” she guesses, before we could protest, she gave us both another huge squeezing hug.

“It’s not official yet…” Beth admits and Zoey falters, and looks at me worriedly.

“What you mean?” she asks confused. I sigh, rubbing my neck nervously suddenly feeling like a jackass.

“Um…Jack doesn’t know we’re here Zoey” I say quietly, feeling as every single person was staring at me in the room. Zoey’s mouth drops slightly.

“You’re having an affair?” She asks in shock and slightly too loud, as the bartender glances at us in disapproval. Beth looked at the floor, looking ashamed and I immediately felt sickened with myself.

“Look, it was my idea-” I begin, wanting to take the blame.

“No, it was my idea. The whole trip is Finn’s birthday present. I wanted some alone time with him. I’m ending it with Jack when we get back, then we’re going official.” Beth says quietly, not looking at her best friend, who looked shell shocked.

“Um…Wow-” Zoey finally speaks. For once since I’ve known Zoey, she looked awkward.

“We know it’s wrong Zo, but…”

“I love him” Beth cuts in, making me smile slightly. I find her hand, which lay limp on lap, I took it in my own, intertwining our fingers together, the touch of her ring on my skin, making me satisfied.

“And I love her.” I say gently, kissing Beth’s head. Zoey looks at me, with a warm expression.

“Look, I’m not judging you guys. You’re my best friends and as long as your happy, I don’t care, just make sure you sort it out before Jack gets even more hurt.” Zoey says finally. We sigh in relief, knowing we had her blessing.

“Thanks Zoey” we murmur together, our bodies coming closer together. The restaurant was a mixture a dining place, a bar and a place for a dance floor, but only for respectable dancing. Some old couples were up there, showing their moves. Beth and I were dressed up fancy, as this was a fancy place, and I felt déjà vu, as this had happened all before.

“Hey Zoey, mind if I take Beth for a dance?” I ask hopefully, Zoey gives us a huge grin, nodding, excitedly.

“Sure lovebirds, I have to get back to my date anyways…” she says casually, but winked at me. It was her new boyfriend, the dance instructor’s assistant. Beth looked at Zoey surprised.

“Date?” she repeats. Zoey simply smiles “I’ll tell you later, now go dance with your boyfriend.” she demands and I feel myself glow in the word “Boyfriend”.

The classical song ended and an old familiar came on, my Dad loved this song. He adored it and he use to dance with my Mom in the kitchen, April and I use to watch them, so in love.

“Beth, come dance” I urge, and Beth nods and I tae a firm grasp on her hand. We told Zoey we’d be back and made our way to the wooden, laminated floor. The band that was playing, smiled proudly, as they sang.

“I heard someone say please, please Mister Bo Jangles, Mister Bo Jangles, come back and dance, dance, dance…please dance!”

The singer belted out, and I brought Beth in the usual pose and we danced in time, moving our feet without looking, it felt so natural to be her like this. To be romantic and intimate like we were being now.

I twirled her around, making both of us smile and a few onlookers watch tenderly, smiling at our young love. The lyrics swirled inside of me, giving me memories of my father, but new ones of Beth.

“You know, my Dad use to love this song…he’d dance with my Mom in the kitchen every time it played. He knew all the words.” I murmur in Beth’s ear, kissing her cheek softly.

“I wish I had met your father.” Beth admits softly, and I feel sad but also happy at the same time, as fucked up as it sounds.

“Me too” I say finally, moving her around and twirling her around again, brining her close to me.

“He would have loved you.” I tell her honestly, the swaying motion was somewhat soothing to me. Beth smiled, the flush of her cheeks telling me that she was enjoying herself.

“He would have been so proud of you, for everything.” Beth tells me, I scoff lightly.

“I doubt it Beth, falling in love with my best friend’s girl? He’d be proud?” I ask, feeling scornful slightly, ruining the atmosphere.

“It doesn’t matter how it happened Finn, I’m just glad it did.” Beth said simply and it instantly brought my mood back up. She could do that to me easily.

“You know, my brother…he would have loved you too. You would have got on like house on fire.” Beth tells me. I grin, feeling hopefully.

“If he’s as cool as you, then I’m sure we would have Beth.” I murmur, sadly the song ends and I feel Beth place a soft, cool kiss on my lips.

“It’s time for the show, honey” she whispers, I nod and we leave the ‘dance floor”. We found Zoey and her new beau, he seemed nice. After saying a quick goodbye and promises we would meet altogether, we left and hailed a cab for Broadway Street.

It’s show time.

--

The show was brilliant, the singers were brilliant, the dancing was brilliant. It was all fucking brilliant, the whole time Beth and I was holding hands or our knees touching. So little contact made so much more meaning. After the show, it was about midnight and it was time to get back to the hotel because we knew it would be dangerous to be out during the night time.

After getting to the hotel, and going to our room, Beth and I began getting comfortable again, making love to Beth was much more meaningful when we were sober and I didn’t feel so blurry, it didn’t feel dreamlike. It felt real, because it was real.

I wish I could have a conscious, I wish I could stop myself from touching Beth the way I did. I wish I could stop myself from wanting more, I wish I could stop myself loving her, but I couldn’t and I never will because it was too late.

It was too late for me to gain any of these things, or to stop any of these things.

I was far too deep in. I was too deeply in love with Beth to back out.

Tonight was our last night as a secret couple, tomorrow we’d go home and within the week, her relationship with Jack will be over and my friendship most likely.

Soon, everything will ruined.

But I don’t give a shit, because I have Beth and that’s all that matters right?

---

The next morning, there was no time for shopping or breakfast, we were going home sadly. Our weekend was done, and it was time to return

“Hey Beth, have you seen my wallet?” I ask, searching my empty pockets. I couldn’t find it anywhere, I had seem to have misplaces it in last nights ‘events’. Beth was clearing out the bathroom.

“No, did you already pack it by mistake?” Beth ass me. I must have and I somehow imagined myself doing it.

Yeah, I did.

“Hurry up, we have to be back before the traffic hits” I call, zipping the last zip of my case. I put on my sneakers, and grabbed my hooded sweatshirt, shrugging it on, leaving it unzipped.

Beth reappeared, with all of her toiletries packed in a bag, she shoved them in her open suitcase and attempted to zip it up. Nada, in the end I had to sit on it while she zipped it up.

“Thanks” Beth breathes, kissing me quickly. For the past hour, we’ve been nothing but affectionate because soon, my time will be over for one week.

“You know, when all the drama with Jack is over…we should come back to New York for another vacation. I was getting use to it over here” I voice, as I check the room over. Beth was quickly reapplying lip balm, and then putting her small makeup bag in her purse.

“Okay, but you’re paying” she teases, I roll my eyes in return.

Beth was checking her hair in the mirror, close to the door. I sauntered behind her, and wrapped my arms around her, looking into the mirror.

“Beth, you look fine, beautiful as always. Stop fretting.” I say, I could tell she was nervous, she kept fiddling with her fringe.

“I can’t help it, it’s just kicked it that…I’ve cheated on Jack so many times and I’ve slept with you multiple times…I just…I’m scared and I feel….dirty.” Beth admits, sadly.

I sigh softly, leaning my head against her shoulder. “Beth, we’re not doing anything wrong.” I lie, just to reassure her. It was a lie though, a bit fat one. Everything we did was wrong, morally. Just not emotionally, or physically.

“We did. We have and we will…” Beth whispers, and I tighten my arms around her, afraid she’s suddenly disappear into thin air.

“I love you so much Elizabeth, isn’t that all that should matter?” I ask her softly, turning her around to face me, those stunning hazel eyes with flecks of golden colours in them stared into me.

“I know it should…but I did care for Jack, Finn. I wasn’t using him as I make it sound…I really did like him, he made me laugh again, he made me feel safe…but then I met you and you gave me all that and more, you gave me passion, lust, love, affection…you showed me so much more. I’m just afraid because Jack is going to be hurt…he’s going to hate me…and more likely you too. I’ve wrecked your friendship with him.” Beth says, her voice cracking in places.

“Hey, hey…what’s brought all this on?” I ask, tilting her head towards me. I hold her head in my hands, stroking away the stray tears.

“I feel such a horrible person.” Beth mutters, sniffing slightly.

“Please don’t. I’m the one that should feel horrible. I started all this.” I try and persuade. Beth shakes her head and leans against my chest, wrapping her arms around my neck and hugging my gently.

“I can’t wait till this is all over, and it can just be me and you.” Beth whispers. I sway slightly, I squeeze her tight.

“Soon.” I say, kissing her temple.

“Soon, it’ll be just me and you, Beth.” I repeat, making a solemn promise. We hugged a moment longer, before letting go and packing up, ready to go home…unfortunately.