My Little Cheesecake

Walls were closing in on her, for real. Ok, not for real, but it sure as hell felt like it. No lights were lit in her room, and she didn't care about turning them on either. Saturdays usually signifies having fun, hanging out with friends, not caring about what goes wrong in life. Gwen couldn't do anything of that. Her brother had been in and out of her room, fetching something, without noticing, or simply ignoring the sounds of whimpering from his older sister, who lay on her bed. Usually, she would bring all her problems and sadness to her mother, but this time she was too stubborn to do so. She was convinced she would make this herself, without anyone.

Who was she kidding? Of course she didn't want to be alone. But who was there? Everyone had plans, even problems, of their own. Even those of her friends she called close seemed out of reach just this day. When she realized she actually had a text message waiting on her cell phone she was utterly shocked.

"Come chill with me at the lake? Band practise just ended," she read out loud to herself. "Yeah, right."

She answered slowly that she wasn't really in the mood for anything, and got a reply back pretty quick.

"I don't care. If you don't show up, I'll crash you house (y'know like a wedding crasher does at weddings, whatever,) so you haven't got a choice." For once this day she felt some kind of happiness, like you most probably would feel if someone really wanted to be with you. She didn't care to answer, but wiped away the traces of tears from her face with her bed sheets. Pretty for an evening out, or not. She looked like shit, most possibly because of her dirty hair and tired face.

It was a perfectly nice spring-evening in Summelin, no wind at all. She couldn't understand why she felt the way she felt when it was her favourite weather outside. Why would everything seem so perfect the evening it surely wasn’t?

Anyhow, with her bike, she took the slowest road she could possibly think of to get to the lake. It wasn’t easy; it was practically downhill all the way. By the water there was a small cabin, or it usually just functioned as a roof, in emergencies. You went to this place only if the weather was extraordinary fine, as it was this evening. She could spot Brendon from far away, just standing by the water, hands in his pockets. She just wondered for a second why he was dressed up so nice, with a jacket and everything.

It would be a perfect opportunity for her to scare the living shit out of him, as he had done to her before. Guess what? She didn’t do it. She just walked up beside him, acting cold, saying nothing, and just staring over the lake without anything to rest her eyes on.

He didn’t say anything. Why didn’t he say anything? He would always say something, even if it only was a comment. He didn’t even bother to say ‘hey’, or ‘how are you?’, like he always would’ve. She didn’t care, but why did he want her to come out to this place if he was gonna be just as cold as she was.

Brendon was smart. He knew that if he asked her something, she was just going to act all normal, like she always did. He knew she thought her problems weren’t as important as others were; therefore she never laid them on anyone, just kept them to her. He knew that if he let time pass, eventually she would give in to herself, and just let everything go.

This was pure torture for Gwen. Even though she stood beside her best friend, she felt lonelier than she’d ever been. Heavy breaths kept her from remaining calm, and she felt all of the tears welling up. Why wouldn’t he talk to her, after all this time? She bent down to her knees and stared on the gravel, silent tears falling. Finally he showed some kind of sympathy, bending down beside her, putting a hand on her shoulder.

His touch made her lose it all. She started to cry hysterically and lose balance of her feet. To be honest, Brendon wasn’t really ready for her to get so emotional, but he really did the best he could of the situation. She grasped for his jacket, panicking just slightly. Only three people had seen her like this in some kind of situation; her mother, father and Betty. He sat down beside her, holding a firm grip around her body meanwhile. She cried, and cried, almost until there was nothing left to let out.

She managed to get a grip of herself, finally. When she looked up she couldn’t really tell if Brendon looked pleased or worried, or maybe a mix of both. She noticed something she hadn’t thought about before; he wasn’t wearing any glasses.

“When did you become superman?”

“Since I saw that look you had when you walked up and realized something was wro-,”

“I’m talking about the lost glasses.”

“Oh, lenses, y’know. Glasses are old, and for dorks only.”

“You are and will always be a dork, even when you become famous, dear.”

“Get the fuck off of my dropped glasses now. You don’t think you can come here, cry your eyes out, and expect me to forget about it merely seconds after. You’re gonna tell me right now what’s up.”

“You haven’t noticed how messed up everything is around us? For example, Betty made me realize I was stupid to think about us as this thing called ‘gang’. We’re just different people, with different relationships, that seem to get along pretty well. Whatever, we can have our ups and downs.”

“And that’s all?”

“No.”

“You can’t leave until you-know-what…”

“Alright, I guess I feel pretty lonely, or as a matter of fact, so lonely I sometimes don’t know what to do with myself.”

“Ah, been there, done that.”

“Are you accusing me of being some kind of wuss? Because I can actually leave whenever I want, even though you might not think that…” She made an effort to get up, but Brendon was actually stronger than he sometimes looked, and pulled her down in between his legs again. “Fail.”

“Mhm, but about that lonely-feeling, is it all the time, or just now and then?”

“I think it’s actually all the time, I just forget it, but then realize it again. Oh, I’m so fucked up, Bren.”

“Honeypie, you’re not fucked up. Guys are just afraid of talking to you, because they’re stunned by your enchanting beauty, your sparkling hair, your dreamy eyes, your eyelashes dark as night itse-.”

“Brendon Urie, that doesn’t really help.”

“I know, I know.” He laughed and kissed the top of her head. “I’m just saying it will come, for you and for me. We’ll just have to keep our spirit up.”

“I really hate you for saying that, ‘cause you’re not the first. But that is the truth; I just can’t get it in. I’m the negative person, y’know.”

“You can be negative, and I can be positive. We’ll be like ying and yang, sister,” she shrieked, over-enthusiastic, but probably just a try to get her to laugh just a little bit.

“Bren…”

“Mhm?”

“I appreciate you for doing this, y’know giving me a break… and everything. Ah, I really suck at praising people.”

“It’s alright, cupcake, I get it. I know you have my back too.”

“I guess I won’t be seeing you very much after this…”

“I know, that’s one of the things that sucks with this ‘music is my life’-thing, but we’ve got school and shit.”

“Don’t bail out on me there.”

“How could I bail out on my little cheesecake?”