I Am Not Half Empty. I Am Not Half Full. I Am Half Shattered.
Dreams
One pebble in the life of a man can set of a long stream of avalanches.
Sometimes it is in a time of darkness when those who trip don't even see the mere size of the rock at all.
There is a time when everybody clashes into a boulder the size of a pebble,
and it takes away every comfort they had. What ever they had that protected them was broken.
When you have no hope what is left?
That's why when I walk
I take my heart and hold it high
yeah that's right, right to the sky
I let anyone take me down
'cause nobody's beautiful face deserves to frown
take your heart and hold it high
yeah that's right. right to the sky
let those people wonder why
if they ask you you shall say
my heart is much safer this way
I can dream it in my head, while reading, I'm not aware that I'm reading words on paper I'm actually in the story telling it in my mind, five hour books feel like a two hour movie. It goes and goes and it never stops. Ive lived through noise and teenagers and music so even noise doesn't bother be sometimes. I can choose when I dream and if I don't. I control it and morph it to my own. I can do what ever I please. When i read though it stays with the story, nothing is changed it just plays in my head until it's just.... over. "The rate time passes while lucid dreaming has been shown to be about the same as while waking.[citation needed] However, a 1995 study in Germany indicated that lucid dreaming can also have varied time spans, in which the dreamer can control the length"
There's me. I am the latter. When I'm gone and having a bad day books take me from reality and bring me literally to a whole new world, and after I'm done i can make it my own and change whatever i want. I can let it go hours upon hours or the last 5 minutes of class time at the end of the period. It doesn't matter to my mind. It just.... Happens.
I remember when i was little I thought I had insomnia, or at least a problem sleeping. I would dream of a world with all teenage girls, picture barbies. The colors were only shades of pink and red. There was a door, a grand door that led out to a world with horses marching back and forth, in a military style. Crossing it you go to another door, sometimes 5 feet to 500 feet away. Open it and your in an alternate world. The same girls, same style, same clothing. But the colors were all blacks and blues.
I dreamed in this world for years, ever since i can remember up to about forth or fifth grade, when i discovered books. It worked. I discovered to lands and realms and times to explore and there was a new one everyday. i could think up endless possibilities and never be stumped. The things in my mind never stopped. I thought and thought.
History was a problem. I would want to change reality; change the past. That's how I learned to you could say, control it. My mind was accustomed to transforming everything I read and learned I had to rewire it to do in my will. Later it helped me because making up stories helped my in tests.
Another reason I must love math sometimes. When my dreams were out of control math was a great tool in conquering it. There's always one solid answer. You can't mess with it to make the same out come. It would always me different. Math nipped and trained my mind.
Just now I was interrupted, my brothers coming in and asking my mom for things -loudly. I couldn't focus on typing but oddly i was writing it in my head. Now I'm typing it out and trying to get back on track to what my point was because there's so many things rattling in my brain right now. I guess I'm contradicting myself on the whole dreaming with noise thing. See I'm almost dreaming right now, close anyway. There's a difference in my mind between science and and dreams. They themselves contradict each other. Science is a perfect middle for me. Correct answers but room to wriggle and imagine outcomes and possibilities. there is something just factual about science, that i can't put my finger on.
Finding this, for a moment my body feels whole and at peace in a way. Like a disease or sickness you finally found the cure to. I've always known about my dreams, just never had a name to it. Never thought there was such a thing. I always have felt different you see. I play oblivious to all. Girls here are dating and even having intimate relationships while I've never even had my first kiss. Not because of religion, hormones or being scared. Simply because I've been oblivious to the real world, I couldn't care less about hair, clothes, video games or boys. All I need is my mind. If I can control the clock in my mind I can literally dream my days away. I did. My childhood, or many days was locking myself in my room playing with stuffed animals. Sure any four year old plays with stuffed animals and dolls but I didn't care about playing with friends or being alone. I remember have up to 200 animals. They were all characters in my world. I knew every name, every fear of them and I still do. They were human in my world. They walked beside my instead of a tool of use to keep my busy. They were in a way my world, they were tools of my world perhaps. Now when i say my world I meant physically and mentally
. For years I thought I was a dog named lucky. i was Lucky every time I went to a store. I wasn't afraid to crawl around and cause ruckus. my mom let me be because I have three older brothers and she was way past theses stages. By her time she didn't mind a few stares or glances they meant nothing to her. Maybe I'm over exaggerating, maybe I'm not. Hey it's what my mind images and that's how I choose it to be. I remember plots and scenes in my head from being eight years old. They say anything you remember after five years old was mostly likes thought up but I remember going to California when i was four. I remember the Grey mini vane, going on a four wheeler and the guy joking to me that a butterfly went up his nose and through his ear. I remember believing him and thinking it was true. I remember a story of someone I knew flipping over on the four wheeler and fracturing their elbow. I remember seeing a dog parade and they had someone has Dorothy there with "Toto". I remember the plane we went on had three rows of seats. two seats on one for. four seats on the middle row and two seats of the right row.I remember on the way back on the plane we saw monsters ink. in the airport there was a huge T-Rex skeleton in between two elevators. I remember going up the two elevators and feeling so tall. I ever think i remember dreaming at that moment about riding on it and it magically stepping off the thing it was off and walking away. i remember visiting my uncle or works in the marines and him cleaning out his gun. I remember in Disney going into the hunted house and getting so scared i made my mom take us to the emergency exit right when we got out of the haunted elevator. It lead us down a few flights of stairs. The walls were all white. so were the floors. I remember meeting snow white and tiger and crying because I could't meet Cinderella. I remember almost every detail. I have also never gone to California since. I dream of going there again. I've actually had many vivid dreams of going there again. I guess in my mind I have gone there many many many times. I remember visiting my mom's friend that I called Micky. I didn't know his real name until only a year ago. I remember he was obsessed with elephants and I stole a finger puppet of an elephant. And feeling so guilty because he was so nice. i remember he lived in a little suburban home with a lot of plants and dark read coloring with a piano and clutter computer desk with an old black dinosaur of a computer.
I guess I'm rambling.What was the point of remembering California have to do with lucid dreams?
Well anyone one of the main bad things of lucid dreams, besides day dreaming in class is that when I eat while dreaming I don't stop. It doesn't process in my head what I'm doing, just like with the reading and I just eat and eat. Like how I just read and read.
How did I find out about Lucid dreaming? A few days ago I went to a store that was closing and everything was 25 cents so I looked at the books. it was about a boy who was a lucid dreamer. I really do wish i remember the title or bought it. But for some reason it didn't call to me. The word lucid dreamer stuck in my head and kept calling to me the past three times until now and I finally looked it up.
"in some dreams where the dreamer is lucid and aware they could exercise control, they choose simply to observe."
Like what I do in books.
In case you didn't notice I'm writing this as I go. There is no planning out or editing to be done. This is my raw mind, and that is how I per fer it to be. Not 5 by 5 sentences and paragraphs. I write as I write. But when I'm not into what I'm writing it's often just mediocer. If I'm not interested why would I be in my most vital state of mind? It's my safe haven not my place to dream up random things I'm told to but the one place I can do what ever I want to.
"In a study of fourteen lucid dreamers performed in 1991, people who perform wake-initiated lucid dreams operation (WILD) reported experiences consistent with aspects of out-of-body experiences such as floating above their beds and the feeling of leaving their bodies"
But I believe that I have been aware of my dreaming without actually being aware I've had total control. I could feel this way if I really wanted but why would I? I can made my dreams become reality when I want but I prefer to keep them separated. Perhaps they can get mixed too much and that's one way you can become insane, who knows.When your dreams become your reality but no one Else's actuality what would they think? That possibly maybe you were insane.
"Many people report having experienced a lucid dream during their lives, often in childhood. Children seem to have lucid dreams more easily than adults"
But I believe I have captured the state of being able to capture whatever I need to make lucid dreams and have taken it with me through life.
"Over time, several techniques have been developed to achieve a lucid dreaming state intentionally."
But I don't need 'techniques' or being intentional..; i just do is as I have always done.
I must express concerns in a way though that now I recognize what exactly I'm doing it may say, take the magic out of it all. I do not wish to end it though. I just want it to stay a mystery and keep it's magic, the very magic that's slowly fading as I write this. But then again it's my mind and I choose to use it as will. But the thing is I don't use will, I just do it. The end of 6Th grade I went back to having trouble sleeping. Style and boys were creeping up and I became a tad curious. When I opened my eyes and looked around everybody seemed aware but me. It opened doors i wished would stay locked shut. I did wrangler it back though. It was always there, right under my nose. I'm working actually, right now to find a balance. i can control it but balance is different. Like water. You could control it in a wave pool but when you create waves can you surf it?
"The wake-initiated lucid dream occurs when "the sleeper enters REM sleep with unbroken self-awareness directly from the waking state"."
It's abbreviated as W.I.L.D. I believe this is very, almost accurate because in the wild, anything can happen.
I'm stopping here. because i feel a strange sensation of freight. Here on it it tells ways to get in and out of the WILD. but I do not wish to know. No no no no. I'm afraid I would have to start all over again. This time I would be trying to do what wikipedia says, not my own mind and that to me is a very dangerous place and way to be. So here I take my leave into a dreaded dreamless sleep.
Sometimes it is in a time of darkness when those who trip don't even see the mere size of the rock at all.
There is a time when everybody clashes into a boulder the size of a pebble,
and it takes away every comfort they had. What ever they had that protected them was broken.
When you have no hope what is left?
That's why when I walk
I take my heart and hold it high
yeah that's right, right to the sky
I let anyone take me down
'cause nobody's beautiful face deserves to frown
take your heart and hold it high
yeah that's right. right to the sky
let those people wonder why
if they ask you you shall say
my heart is much safer this way
I can dream it in my head, while reading, I'm not aware that I'm reading words on paper I'm actually in the story telling it in my mind, five hour books feel like a two hour movie. It goes and goes and it never stops. Ive lived through noise and teenagers and music so even noise doesn't bother be sometimes. I can choose when I dream and if I don't. I control it and morph it to my own. I can do what ever I please. When i read though it stays with the story, nothing is changed it just plays in my head until it's just.... over. "The rate time passes while lucid dreaming has been shown to be about the same as while waking.[citation needed] However, a 1995 study in Germany indicated that lucid dreaming can also have varied time spans, in which the dreamer can control the length"
There's me. I am the latter. When I'm gone and having a bad day books take me from reality and bring me literally to a whole new world, and after I'm done i can make it my own and change whatever i want. I can let it go hours upon hours or the last 5 minutes of class time at the end of the period. It doesn't matter to my mind. It just.... Happens.
I remember when i was little I thought I had insomnia, or at least a problem sleeping. I would dream of a world with all teenage girls, picture barbies. The colors were only shades of pink and red. There was a door, a grand door that led out to a world with horses marching back and forth, in a military style. Crossing it you go to another door, sometimes 5 feet to 500 feet away. Open it and your in an alternate world. The same girls, same style, same clothing. But the colors were all blacks and blues.
I dreamed in this world for years, ever since i can remember up to about forth or fifth grade, when i discovered books. It worked. I discovered to lands and realms and times to explore and there was a new one everyday. i could think up endless possibilities and never be stumped. The things in my mind never stopped. I thought and thought.
History was a problem. I would want to change reality; change the past. That's how I learned to you could say, control it. My mind was accustomed to transforming everything I read and learned I had to rewire it to do in my will. Later it helped me because making up stories helped my in tests.
Another reason I must love math sometimes. When my dreams were out of control math was a great tool in conquering it. There's always one solid answer. You can't mess with it to make the same out come. It would always me different. Math nipped and trained my mind.
Just now I was interrupted, my brothers coming in and asking my mom for things -loudly. I couldn't focus on typing but oddly i was writing it in my head. Now I'm typing it out and trying to get back on track to what my point was because there's so many things rattling in my brain right now. I guess I'm contradicting myself on the whole dreaming with noise thing. See I'm almost dreaming right now, close anyway. There's a difference in my mind between science and and dreams. They themselves contradict each other. Science is a perfect middle for me. Correct answers but room to wriggle and imagine outcomes and possibilities. there is something just factual about science, that i can't put my finger on.
Finding this, for a moment my body feels whole and at peace in a way. Like a disease or sickness you finally found the cure to. I've always known about my dreams, just never had a name to it. Never thought there was such a thing. I always have felt different you see. I play oblivious to all. Girls here are dating and even having intimate relationships while I've never even had my first kiss. Not because of religion, hormones or being scared. Simply because I've been oblivious to the real world, I couldn't care less about hair, clothes, video games or boys. All I need is my mind. If I can control the clock in my mind I can literally dream my days away. I did. My childhood, or many days was locking myself in my room playing with stuffed animals. Sure any four year old plays with stuffed animals and dolls but I didn't care about playing with friends or being alone. I remember have up to 200 animals. They were all characters in my world. I knew every name, every fear of them and I still do. They were human in my world. They walked beside my instead of a tool of use to keep my busy. They were in a way my world, they were tools of my world perhaps. Now when i say my world I meant physically and mentally
. For years I thought I was a dog named lucky. i was Lucky every time I went to a store. I wasn't afraid to crawl around and cause ruckus. my mom let me be because I have three older brothers and she was way past theses stages. By her time she didn't mind a few stares or glances they meant nothing to her. Maybe I'm over exaggerating, maybe I'm not. Hey it's what my mind images and that's how I choose it to be. I remember plots and scenes in my head from being eight years old. They say anything you remember after five years old was mostly likes thought up but I remember going to California when i was four. I remember the Grey mini vane, going on a four wheeler and the guy joking to me that a butterfly went up his nose and through his ear. I remember believing him and thinking it was true. I remember a story of someone I knew flipping over on the four wheeler and fracturing their elbow. I remember seeing a dog parade and they had someone has Dorothy there with "Toto". I remember the plane we went on had three rows of seats. two seats on one for. four seats on the middle row and two seats of the right row.I remember on the way back on the plane we saw monsters ink. in the airport there was a huge T-Rex skeleton in between two elevators. I remember going up the two elevators and feeling so tall. I ever think i remember dreaming at that moment about riding on it and it magically stepping off the thing it was off and walking away. i remember visiting my uncle or works in the marines and him cleaning out his gun. I remember in Disney going into the hunted house and getting so scared i made my mom take us to the emergency exit right when we got out of the haunted elevator. It lead us down a few flights of stairs. The walls were all white. so were the floors. I remember meeting snow white and tiger and crying because I could't meet Cinderella. I remember almost every detail. I have also never gone to California since. I dream of going there again. I've actually had many vivid dreams of going there again. I guess in my mind I have gone there many many many times. I remember visiting my mom's friend that I called Micky. I didn't know his real name until only a year ago. I remember he was obsessed with elephants and I stole a finger puppet of an elephant. And feeling so guilty because he was so nice. i remember he lived in a little suburban home with a lot of plants and dark read coloring with a piano and clutter computer desk with an old black dinosaur of a computer.
I guess I'm rambling.What was the point of remembering California have to do with lucid dreams?
Well anyone one of the main bad things of lucid dreams, besides day dreaming in class is that when I eat while dreaming I don't stop. It doesn't process in my head what I'm doing, just like with the reading and I just eat and eat. Like how I just read and read.
How did I find out about Lucid dreaming? A few days ago I went to a store that was closing and everything was 25 cents so I looked at the books. it was about a boy who was a lucid dreamer. I really do wish i remember the title or bought it. But for some reason it didn't call to me. The word lucid dreamer stuck in my head and kept calling to me the past three times until now and I finally looked it up.
"in some dreams where the dreamer is lucid and aware they could exercise control, they choose simply to observe."
Like what I do in books.
In case you didn't notice I'm writing this as I go. There is no planning out or editing to be done. This is my raw mind, and that is how I per fer it to be. Not 5 by 5 sentences and paragraphs. I write as I write. But when I'm not into what I'm writing it's often just mediocer. If I'm not interested why would I be in my most vital state of mind? It's my safe haven not my place to dream up random things I'm told to but the one place I can do what ever I want to.
"In a study of fourteen lucid dreamers performed in 1991, people who perform wake-initiated lucid dreams operation (WILD) reported experiences consistent with aspects of out-of-body experiences such as floating above their beds and the feeling of leaving their bodies"
But I believe that I have been aware of my dreaming without actually being aware I've had total control. I could feel this way if I really wanted but why would I? I can made my dreams become reality when I want but I prefer to keep them separated. Perhaps they can get mixed too much and that's one way you can become insane, who knows.When your dreams become your reality but no one Else's actuality what would they think? That possibly maybe you were insane.
"Many people report having experienced a lucid dream during their lives, often in childhood. Children seem to have lucid dreams more easily than adults"
But I believe I have captured the state of being able to capture whatever I need to make lucid dreams and have taken it with me through life.
"Over time, several techniques have been developed to achieve a lucid dreaming state intentionally."
But I don't need 'techniques' or being intentional..; i just do is as I have always done.
I must express concerns in a way though that now I recognize what exactly I'm doing it may say, take the magic out of it all. I do not wish to end it though. I just want it to stay a mystery and keep it's magic, the very magic that's slowly fading as I write this. But then again it's my mind and I choose to use it as will. But the thing is I don't use will, I just do it. The end of 6Th grade I went back to having trouble sleeping. Style and boys were creeping up and I became a tad curious. When I opened my eyes and looked around everybody seemed aware but me. It opened doors i wished would stay locked shut. I did wrangler it back though. It was always there, right under my nose. I'm working actually, right now to find a balance. i can control it but balance is different. Like water. You could control it in a wave pool but when you create waves can you surf it?
"The wake-initiated lucid dream occurs when "the sleeper enters REM sleep with unbroken self-awareness directly from the waking state"."
It's abbreviated as W.I.L.D. I believe this is very, almost accurate because in the wild, anything can happen.
I'm stopping here. because i feel a strange sensation of freight. Here on it it tells ways to get in and out of the WILD. but I do not wish to know. No no no no. I'm afraid I would have to start all over again. This time I would be trying to do what wikipedia says, not my own mind and that to me is a very dangerous place and way to be. So here I take my leave into a dreaded dreamless sleep.
♠ ♠ ♠
yea...