The Seven Deadly Sins

"Oh dear," My mother murmured, her powdered face peering worriedly out the window of the carriage, "We are going to be quite late."

I made no comment to her words, despite the fact that proper manners demanded that I reassure her that there is no reason for such anxiety. For we were quite late, more so than the appropiate time for no woman of status should arrive directly on time only a few minutes later to appear like we had something better to do. In reality though many of the Ladies of court had nothing better to do than count the stitches in their sewing patterns and make sure their overdone hats are tipped at the precisely right angle. It was quite ridiculous in my eyes, but I knew better than to voice my opinions. I learned over the years that as a woman, I should not be too serious about my words; in other senses, this meant that I was not allowed to have an opinion. It was deemed inappropiate.

I adjusted my skirt in a fruitless attempt to feel more comfortable. Corsets should be used on traitors and murderers as punishment for their crimes, not innocent women of society such as I. On occasions like this, I would brood on the thought of olden times where women were not confined to such devices. They could show the skin God gave them without fear of being scorned upon by others. I never voiced it though, who knows what would happen if my governess knew my real interests in reading. In fact, if anyone knew of my reading preferences than I'd most likely be banned from touching any kind of book again.

"Elizabeth," My mother's voice snapped me out of my reverie, "You mustn't look so distant, how will you attract a husband with that expression?"

"I will attract a husband that cares more about who I am rather than how my face is set at the current time." I snapped but instantly regretted it, for my mother's prim lips became tight, a clear sign of coming anger and lectures, "I'm sorry Mother, I haven't been sleeping well so my temper has become quite short."

"It is okay my dear," She sniffed delicately, "The French are much more....sharp than the gentlewoman of England that I have become accustomed to."

I sighed and ignored her backhanded insult, I had been living in France for the past eight years and had rarely seen my mother. She was a foreign figure to me in many ways, one that I did not particularly care for. Her overdone dresses and appearance that seemed to weigh more than her bony frame (apparently they were the latest in fashion for England) turned me off completely. I did not enjoy watching woman turn themselves into something that resembled a cupcake of some sorts. Also the overall way she spoke was incredibly condescending, she seemed to believe that England was far superior to France which was immature in my eyes. For wasn't she the one who sent me to France in the first place?

"Elizabeth dear, who picked out your gown? It's rather dark for a party don't you think?" I turned my stony gaze back to my mother's soft blue one, had she seen nothing of my fashion during her stay here? I guess she did not know that Queen Victoria encouraged her girls to stay true to their own idea of clothing, for it gave more life and depth to the court. But I would agree with my mother, my deep purple gown would seem dark compared to to her yellow cupcake confection of a dress.

"I did Mother," I replied in a low voice, attempting to keep all signs of frustration out. I smoothed down the rich silk of my skirt as the carriage continued to rattle up the cobblestone road, "Simplicity in one's dress is respected here in France, it allows the natural beauty of one to shine through."

My mother nodded in response, but I could tell she was not truly listening to my words. She was quite self-absorbed as were the majority of Ladies at court, I had the theory that their constant tightening of corsets didn't allow enough oxygen to travel to their brain. The end result being that it forbade women from being able look beyond themselves.

"I almost completely forgot," My mother suddenly breathed, she started ruffling through the pockets of her full skirts until she pulled out a small velvet box. She gave me a small smile when she noticed my curious expression, "A token to you from an admirer."

I took the small box from her cautiously but did not open it, "An admirer? Who might this man be?"

My mother's smile seemed to grow and for a moment her wrinkles disappeared, leaving her looking as if she wasn't a day over twenty, "Let us just say that he is a lovely young man who is eagerly awaiting your return to England."

I exhaled slightly when my mother said the word young man, but it tightened at the thought of returning to England. France had been my home for the past eight years, it was the place where I knew a fire would always be waiting for me at bed. The place where I could never get lost in, the place I knew and I loved while England was a cold weathered place constantly looming on my horizon. I knew that one day I would have to return there but I always pushed it off as a distant thought.

But I felt somewhat better knowing that a man who would hopefully be closer to my age would be awaiting me. I would much rather be sent to the gallows than be forced to marry a man who was more than twice my age with pockmarks. Unfortunetely, it was a fate that many girls my age came to, those were the marriages that usual ended up in the most bitter situations. It was not uncommon for the man to be in an affair with any women whether it be of higher or lower status. But for the younger girls, there were not many eligible young men available for marriage in the court, that's why these girls were found in scandilizing affairs with lesser men such as stable boys, servants and.....poets.

The mention of poets made my thoughts travel to much more....enjoyable subjects. Subjects that surrounded a certain dark head of curly hair who had the warmest brown eyes that I had ever seen. My sweet, sweet Nicholas, his words were almost as sweet as his honey tasting lips. I would be seeing him in the gardens after this ridiculous party for some woman or another who had become engaged yet again. My body seemed to ach slightly at the though of his rough hands on my soft skin, it was an addiction that I could not cure.

"When will I be returning to England Mother?" I asked, I inwardly cursed myself for my voice sounded somewhat hoarse from my lustful thoughts. Thankfully, my mother, never failing to be unattentive, looked at me with a slightly unhappy face.

"Within the next few days I suppose," Her eyes flickered down to the forgotten box in my hand, "Will you not open your gift? Your admirer has gone through quite the trouble to ensure that you have received it."

Fighting back a grimace, I pinched the lid of the box to open it. It was a true pain for marriage was an inevitable thing in my future whether I wanted it or not, which I didn't. It wasn't that I didn't want the love or the companionship that would come with a true marriage, I just despised the idea of being forced to spend the rest of my life with someone I would most likely hate. Even the idea of being with my lover Nicholas wasn't such a bright idea for me to be stuck with for the rest of my years.

I opened the lid and found a glimmering pale yellow stone necklace staring back at me. For my mother's sake, I gasped like it was the most splendid thing I could ever receive in the world. I'm not saying that it wasn't pretty, it was certainly beautiful with the delicate gold wrapping around the jewels like vines but it was not given with love. It was a gift from a stranger and it was more of a bribery than anything for my agreement to the proposal. Fortunetely, it wasn't overdone and it would be something that would lay quite beautiful upon my neck.

"It's gorgeous Mother, please tell my admirer that I am very pleased with his gift," As much as I wanted to close the box and never look at it again, I pulled the fragile chain out and began to fix it around my neck. I fiddled with the clasp until I felt it connect properly, the cold metal felt terribly odd upon my skin. It was strange for me to wear something from a complete stranger, I tried my best to think nothing of it though. I needed to get over my adversion to these gifts I would receive, anyway the man who sent this to me would most likely never be apart of my life. The options of a husband were like what kind of gown a woman planned on wearing, constantly changing and never completely sure until you finally walked out your chamber door.

"It is so lovely to see how you have become such a Lady," My mother's soft blue eyes became somewhat dewy, "Your father would have been so proud."

I did my best to smile at her, the death of my father was still somewhat of a shock to me. It happened while I was accompanying Queen Victoria on a hunting trip, it was unfortunate that I could not come home to see his funeral and say the proper goodbyes. He died about three or four months ago of unusual circumstances, but it didn't take much thought on anyone's part to see that my father had been murdered.

It was especially painful for me to find this out when it happened, I had to begin my mourning process alone. I hadn't dealt with death much in my life, sure I would hear of some far off uncle who was killed during a riding accident but that was nothing compared to losing the man I knew as my father. It was most confusing for me too, because I did not know whether I truly missed my father, I had not seen nor heard from him since my leaving England about eight and a half years ago. But the knowledge that he would no longer walk this earth for the rest of my life was hard to fully accept.

Only after his death did I really begin to feel some sort of yearning for that fatherly affection. I believe that's when I began to take an interest in Nicholas, he was the first man to really try and understand my loneliness. The love he showed me was something that I had never seen before, he did not hide his passion with passive excuses or apathetic excuses. Despite the fact our relationship was almost wholy physical, I felt more connected to him than anyone else.

"Your sister is most excited to see you again," My mother's suddenly apathetic voice interrupted my pleasant thoughts, I wondered if I would ever be able to turn my thoughts off like she did, "She has moved up greatly in the court of King Ivan, I have been most pleased with her progress. She's taking the tue form of a lady."

"That's wonderful to hear," I replied stiffly, I didn't need to be in England to know that my sister had turned into a complete harlot. I had heard more than one tale about her scooping necklines, leading remarks, and the scandalous proceedings of three broken engagements in the past four years.

"I do not know if you've heard but," My mother smiled, looking oddly similar to a shy little girl, "I have entered an engagement with the Duke Charles Brackingforth."

"But mother," I could not hide my shock, my words were flying out of my mouth before I could stop them, "It's not proper! The official mourning period hasn't even ended yet!"

"Don't you dare speak to me like that," My mother hisses, her expression quickly becoming livid at my lack of manners. It was a very rare thing to see her like this, but in the confines of our carriage there wasn't a terrible need to keep up false pretenses, "I am just trying to find happiness in my life again! You have no idea the pain I suffered after the loss of your father and now that I have some form of hope, my own daughter cannot allow me the slightest congratulatory statement?"

"I am sorry Mother but you forget that you are not the only person in this family looking for some hope," I kept my tone ice cold rather than feeding into her obvious frustration. I had some problems with my manners as you could tell, I did not have that sweet disposition as many others had attained, "If I am to get anywhere in my life regarding a husband or even status within the court, I cannot have your lack of patience and propriety get in my way."

My mother seemed more than shocked by my words, even I felt somewhat taken aback by the sharp tone that had escaped my mouth. I did not mean to sound so.....cutthroat. But I had put those words out there and now all I could do was wait for her reaction with my best attempt at a blank face.

For a few tense moments, we stared at each other, waiting for the other to show some sign of succumbing. We were both very used to getting our way, many of the girls in court were very soft and easily swayed. None of them had the slightest idea how to make others bend to their will, which was something that came quite naturally to me. But that probably came from being pushed to the shadows as a child, I was able to watch and take apart how people functioned. I could pick someone apart easily, something that Queen Victoria quickly took notice of. She called it my spirit, whatever that meant wasn't very important as long as the Queen smiled as she said it.

"How you can even consider marriage at a time like this is completely ludicrous," I whispered, my voice sounding more like a snake's hiss rather than my usual voice, "This family's history has caused me enough trouble as it is, now you feel like it would be appropiate to marry another man before the mourning period has ended? Do you realize what kind of suspicion that would put not only you, but the entire family under? Father was murdered-"

"Stop!" My mother suddenly snapped, my mouth shut quickly and for a moment I thought she would throw a rage at me. But what happened was the complete opposite from what I expected, her eyes burned with a fire that quickly became doused with tears. I felt a horror spread through me as I realized that I had broke her, the invisible line she set down between everyone had been crossed and it was too much for her. My mouth always seemed to get me in trouble.

"Out of all the people who've hurt me," My mother's voice was an aguished whisper, as much as we could show our emotions on our face, we could not risk raising our voices above the average tone. You could not trust the employees, not even the coachman, "I cannot believe that my daughter would be the one to hurt me the most, can I not be happy? Why must I always be brought down upon the claws of the world's judgement?"

I sighed at her obvious whining, it was somewhat sickening to see a woman who I thought was so strong become nothing more than a child. Her coldness and apathy was no more than a facade apparently, I must remind myself never to sink to her level. To think that for a moment I had actually been afraid of her! She was irresponsible, I could not let that affect my future and for that reason I did not regret my rudeness towards her.

"Happiness never lasts mother," I turned my head and looked out the window, not really seeing the forest passing by, "You know that as well as I do."

My mother sniffed delicately and began dabbing at the corner of her eyes, mumbling about her makeup being ruined. I pushed a stray curl behind my ear, I knew the dramatic pompadour hairstyle was not exactly stylish in the eyes of others but it set me apart from the stencil curled bejeweled women who strutted away. I also knew what flattered my face, curls and jewels did not do much for my bone structed whereas simpler styles seemed to make me appear longer. My ebony mane of loose curls swept over my shoulder, making a stark contrast against my milky skin. It was not overdone at all, simplicity was what I adored, but it was enough to draw the eyes of others.

The gown seemed to do the same thing, its deep purple color brought out the very soft cream in my usual white skin. The bell sleeves rested lightly on my arms and fell down to my knuckles (a style I was extremely fond of) were fringed with a black lace lining. It was fitted like a glove throughout the bodice were a sweet heart neckline that had the same fringe as the sleeves, it accented my chest without being too showy. The idea was to give the men a small taste of skin but leave the rest to their imagination, it was a tactic that one of the Queen's ladies had taught me. Something that worked very well on almost all men.

The smooth purple fabric flared out at my hips to make my already wapish waist to appear even smaller. The skirts came open in a V to reveal a paneled underskirt of dark black silk and black lace that pooled on the carriage floor. I knew what suited me and I was proud that it was true after being a wallflower for more than nine years. Once I came out to France, the ladies say the possibilities in me and taught me how to make my disadvantages my advantages. My dark looks shhould have brought me down status wise (the most prominent women were usually blonde and fair) but instead I learned how it could make me a largely known figure within court.

As you might have guessed, I was something of a flirt within the court but unlike Rosalie I knew how to be tasteful about it. Whereas she threw it all out onto the table, I knew how to lure men with sublty and left them wanting more. It was a true art, something few managed and rarely mastered. Many girls thought that their innocence and sweetness would draw the right man towards them but instead it drew older men who thought they had captured a pushover. The younger men quickly got sick of it though, that factor certainly worked in my favor for I did not carry myself like some kind of gumdrup fairy. It almost made me.....exotic in their eyes, I was a true challenge for them because I never fell easily for their tricks. Nicholas, oddly enough, seemed to think that I had fallen for him but in all honesty it was nothing more than a fling for me. A rush to keep a secret, a thought to pull me through boring days and mere entertainment overall.

Please God, do not let him pester me with letters once I return to England. That's an issue that I'd rather not deal with upon my arrival.

"I do hope the Lady Jane will forgive us, the horses must not be used to the wilderness around here," My mother's voice was a tad wobbly, highlighting her ridiculous excuse. The horses were more than used to the wilderness, it was her overdone gown that caused us to be late. First of all, it took her more than a hour to decide on which confectional gown to wear and then another to properly into it and finally another to add the last touches to her appearance. Of course she refused to take the blame, just like some immature child which I was steadily realizing she was.

"She is a kind woman," Despite my efforts, I could not hold back my retort, "I'm sure she will not be too offended by your tardiness." I noticed the small grimace she gave me when I singled her out in my words, I prayed she would pull herself together for our engagement. It took only one person to drag your entire reputation down, I had already fought hard enough against Rosalie's antics and scandals, I did not need to deal with my mother's here. Even though I had only a few days left, I wanted to leave on a good note with the kingdom. Not as the woman who had a bad blooded family.

"Elizabeth?" My mother's voice was somewhat hesitant now, I turned my gaze to her curiously, "Can you please promise me something?"

"Of course Mother," My response was quick but not honest in the least, I was not going to do something idiotic which was most likely what she'd suggest. But her words were not what I expected.

"Please be careful, the world is a cruel, cruel place to those who are blessed." My mother seemed to be on the brink of saying something very important, "There's so much more going on then you realize...." She trailed off, her voice unsure.

"What do you mean by that?" My voice came out too quickly, this tended to happen when I discovered new information and my curiousity would peak. I mentally kicked myself when my mother's eyes became more aware, she adverted her eyes from mine and her features became blank yet again. She peered out the window as we passed the stone gates of the Threadingbare manor, her normally soft blue eyes were sharp and serious now.

"It's nothing you need to worry about yet," Her voice was very serious, a tone that I had never really heard from her. It distantly reminded me of how my father spoke, slow and serious, deep with thought, "Just promise me you will be careful."

"I promise," I responded half heartedly, more confused at her words than to say anything different. But I could not press my curiousity for the carriage rattled to a stop in front of the large grounds, too green to be natural in the early spring light. I could see the small crowd of silks and satins gathered in the sumptious garden, the Threadingbare family was known for their excellent garden skills but I was somewhat suspicious. It was nearly impossible to keep a garden this bright during the winter, there was joke that ran around the court that the Threadingbares' made a bargain with the Fey in order to keep their garden immaculate.

My mother's expression was serene as the coachmen opened her door to help her out onto the ground, the expression of a lady one might say. In my opinion, it was more like an actor preparing for stage. But I attempted to follow her lead but I'm sure that the small crease in my brow would give one a look into my frustration, I took the coachman's gloved hand and stepped lightly onto the dirt ground. I held my skirts up just a bit so they would not hold onto the dirt, I breifly wished that I could wear trousers like the men so I would not have to deal with my gown.

My mother had already started up the cobblestone path that lead to the gardens, for the first time I did not really want to leave the carriage with her. I actually wanted to speak to her more which was terribly odd for me, I usually couldn't stand to be in her presence but since she knew something I didn't, my frustration would be unending.

I hate being left out of the situation to deal with my curiousity, it was extremely infuriating.

I sighed and began my way towards the gardens, carefully composing my face into a slightly apologetic expression for Lady Jane's sake.

Time for the stage.