You're More Than My Hero

*opens eyes*

Wow! The sun is sure shining bright! Did they remove the roof the car? And why do I feel like I'm lying on the ground? Oh shit! I am lying on the ground! And how the fuck did I get here?! I was just sleeping with three fucking mysterious guys that have lame names and-- Those no good bastards! They kicked me out of the fucking car! What have I done to deserve this?! I've been quiet! I don't move much and hell I even helped Party Fucking Poison shoot some Vampire-fuckers!

I slowly stood up and rubbed my eyes thoroughly. Damn, I think the damn sunlight has made me fucking blind! Wait... I'm not fucking blind! It was only temporary! Yay! I then started to walk, and all I can see, well, it's only things I always fucking see! Cactus's, sand, rocks, the blue sky and the fucking sun! I want to see... Something more than that (not like that, you perverts!)! Ugh, is it really hot in here or I'm the one who's hot (yeah, a shitty joke. Sorry you had to hear it)? I continued walking and still saw the same fucking things. It's so boring! And hot! And I'm fucking tired (how did I get so tired though I just woke up? Weird...)! I'm sweating so much that I think I smell bad. I don't even want to know if I smell bad. Huh? Wait... Am I just seeing things or do I see someone? Yes, a someone, a person, I think. I wonder why he's wearing a white coat in this kind of weather, it's fucking hot! Is it me or is that someone somewhat familiar?...

Ah shit. It's a Vampire-fucker!

And there's only one thing I can possibly do at the moment and it's pretty obvious: Fucking run for your fucking life! Being chased by a Vampire-fucker is worse than being chased by trained police dog. I don't really know why I compared it that way but I think it's right... Never mind! Just start running, you idiot! Holy shit! I think it spotted me! I should have slowly walked away from it and then I start running! Oh great, just when it spotted me, I just thought of a good plan! You're such a genius, Franklin Anthony Thomas Pricolo Iero Jr.! Such a freaking genius! Huh... I think it's waving its' arms... What is it doing? Time for another "ah shit" moment! It just called its' fucking friends (or reinforcements. What? I like being a smart-ass!)! Now I have 5 percent (yes, I estimated it, thank you very much) chance of fucking surviving! Where are the three fucking mysterious guys when I need them?! Yes! I said I need I them! I want to live! Not survive, but to fucking live! And then we will come back again to the question, "Why did the fucking kick me out of the car?!" Am I bait? Are they luring the Vampire-fuckers to me so that they can stealthily shoot them for me to be saved once again? I don't have high hopes for that (nice imagination though).

Holy, holy, holy, holy, holy... They're getting closer and closer! Fuck! And I'm getting more and more tired! Huh... Wait... How can I run? I have a wound in my leg for God's sake! When I glanced at my leg... I don't have the wound anymore! Awesomeness! Well, that's the only thing good thing that's happened... And the rest of it are fucking bad! Now that I think about it, maybe they only let my wound heal (those three fucking mysterious men, I mean) and when it was healed, they kicked me out, like a rare animal being released in the wild. Shit! Maybe I'm right! For the first time in years! Those... Gah! And when I just said that the rest of it are bad... It just got worse! Those goddamn Vampire-fuckers started to shoot... At me! I can't dodge and evade all the bullets! They're too fucking many! A bunch of Vampire-fuckers shooting at you is like a machine gun, a moving machine gun that is! At this rate, can I even live? Do I even have the slightest chance of surviving this... This... Near-to-death experience? Heaven help me! Please! Give me another chance! Ah! One bullet got me in the arm! It fucking hurts (yeah, why wouldn't it hurt?) But I should keep running... I need to keep running! I quickly looked behind to see what's happening behind me obviously, to check out if those Vampire-fuckers are still in "Killing Frank Iero" distance and yes, they still are. Shitness. My God, why am I even running even though I have no chance of surviving this?! Worst of all, why am I asking myself these fucked-up questions?! It's just making things worse as it is!

"Ah fuck!" I shouted, tripping over a rock I didn't see along the way. Yes, I'm going to die because because I fucking tripped over a fucking rock! What a great way to do before you die! Good thing I'm not shot in the legs (yet) or I'm gonna end up like before, lying helpless and hopeless. They can shoot me easily anytime now, which is what they're doing right now. Typical. Is it me (this is not another shitty joke) or is time going backwards? This happened to me before, and it's happening again! I crossed my fingers, wishing for a little bit of luck. A little is fine, as long there fucking is! And instead of giving me luck...

"Shit!" I shouted. What's the reason this time? No, I didn't trip over a fucking rock again. If you're guessing that one of those Vampire-fuckers shot me in the leg again, then your guess... Is a fucking yes! Why do they always shoot the legs?! They can just shoot straight to my heart if they want to! I don't wanna feel the pain I went through again (and I thought that the depressed poet version of me was gone... It's fucking back!)! Fuck it! And as I fell on to the ground, as usual, I felt fucking nervous and scared. Seriously, who wouldn't be fucking nervous and scared in my situation?! I wish I would have a heart attack right now so I can fucking die already! Than be shot in the head by a no-good son of a bitch motherfucking Vampire-fucker! I saw feet moving towards me and when I looked up, not just one Vampire-fucker, but a bunch of Vampire-fuckers stood before me, looking down at me as well. Okay, now I can officially say that I have really, as in fuck, no chance of fucking escaping! Not even a decimal (or something lower than that)! I saw them communicating with each other (I'm not saying talk, because I could not hear fucking voices!). And a second later, they all looked back at me again. Oh shit! This is it. This is really fucking it! My judgment day! The last day of my life in this secondary hellhole called Earth. I'm guessing that no one's really gonna save me now, especially not the ones who saved me who literally unsaved me. Fuck them. I hope they get a worse death than mine. Only seconds away and my life's gonna be over already. Yes, already. If you dear people remember, I wasted my life and did nothing that's "memorable" or "unforgettable" (and yes, they mean the same thing. So what? I'm making my famous last words here! Famous last words... Where have I heard that before?)

Then finally (wow, "finally", it's like I'm using it in a good way, when it's really in a fucking bad way), whoa, all of them pointed their ray guns at me ("whoa" of all reactions... I'm so fucking cool. Guess this is the last compliment I'm going to give myself). Bye, bye world! It was fucking nice knowing ya--

BANG!

*opens eyes again*

What the--?! I'm in the car?! I quickly looked around me and yeah, I'm still the fucking car! With the same three fucking mysterious guys who I call my "mysterious fucking saviors", especially Party Poison, who's beside me and... Sleeping. Oh, so he sleeps? I thought mysterious guys like him don't sleep. And it seems that Kobra Kid is the one taking the wheel while Jet Star's asleep. So... That means... What just happened... Was a fucking dream! No, wait... It was a fucking nightmare! I just died in that nightmare! But good thing I didn't die because of it (the dream that is, because if I remember, some nightmares can make you actually die... Scary...). And because of my indescribable relief, I sighed in relief. A loud and heavy sigh of relief, which Kobra Kid noticed.

"Wow, sighing instead of yawning. That's something new," Kobra Kid said. Wow, this is the first time he's ever talked to me. Weird. But yeah, you're right Kobra Kid. 'Cause I'm different from you three fucking mysterious guys and I am not a fucking mysterious dude! Ah... It feels so good cursing at them with my mind again. I just smirked and didn't say anything. I just looked through the window and the view it's giving. Moments later, Party Poison woke up (though I'm not looking at him, I can still see him, you know... Uh... Shit! I can't explain it!). I then looked at him and he looked me (a better way of saying it is, "Our eyes met." But it's... So inappropriate).

"How was sleep?" I asked him. He then gave me that fucking smirk of his and said,

"I should be asking you the same thing." Oh, so he said something useless instead of answering my question first. Once again, his fucking mysteriousness!

"No time for that for now," Kobra Kid interrupted. Wonder why he said that.

"Destination reached," he added. Oh.

Huh? Does that mean we're at the Diner? But why do I see "Die" instead of "Diner"? Wait! There's something precessing in my mind... Letters N and R are removed (I don't know the reason why, don't ask me), which makes the "Diner" spell "Die". Wow, now that's fucking awesome.