You're More Than My Hero

A diner... A diner... A diner... Fuck! Nothing's coming in to this empty head of mine! And if you guys are wondering what I need to come to my fucking head is a good and valid reason why these three fucking mysterious guys (and yours truly, but I'm not a fucking mysterious guy) went here... To a diner. A fucking diner of all places! And I don't know a single fucking reason why! How long will I be able to endure this... This mysteriousness! Am I the type of guy that can't be trusted? If you point a gun at me and say, "If you tell anyone about this, I'll kill you," of course I'll say, "Absolutely! You can fucking trust me!" Sigh... I feel so left out... And as Kobra Kid stopped the engine, Jet Star coincidentally woke up just in time. And as I looked at Party Poison, he took the honor of being the first one getting out of the car. Wow, it's like he's the leader or something... Wait... Maybe he is the leader! Okay! This means that my empty head is not so empty anymore! Kobra Kid and Jet Star followed as they got out of the car too, which leaves only me in the car: The guy who told his real name and the guy that has just been saved by three fucking mysterious men. I was kind of uncomfortable, because maybe if I get out of the car, Party Poison may say,

"Stay and guard the car. Your leg still hurts, right? You deserve some 'good ol' fucking rest' while we do something (mysterious) in the diner that spells die..."

Yeah, maybe that's what will happen. Huh? Party Poison opened the door (my side of the car)... Huh... That's another thing that's new... Being a gentleman, but once again, after all the fucking things he has done to me that I can never forgive him of, I wouldn't call him a fine gentleman.

"Wanna grab something to eat?" He asked in a... A... It's on the tip of my tongue... Wait for it... Yeah! In a normal manner! Huh... Took me seconds to think about it, because of course, he's fucking mysterious! And well, he didn't tell me to stay in the car. Cool. I then pulled myself and landed my feet slowly on to the sandy desert grounds (but not yet standing up, because my leg may still fucking hurt, precautions people!) and felt my stomach, which is hella grumbling. I haven't eaten anything since... Well... Yesterday morning but I'm still fucking hungry! I skipped lunch and dinner for God's sake! I then nodded and replied in a normal manner too,

"I sure do."

Then, Party Poison offered his arm to me, this means he's not gonna carry me bridal style anymore. Instead, he's gonna carry me like a dude! Hip hip hooray for me! Thank God! With no hesitation, I put my arm over his shoulder and his arm over mine. Now this is what I call being comfortable. We walked towards "Die" (it sounds better than "Diner". It's more awesome that way because I'm awesome like that) where Kobra Kid and Jet Star are grabbing stuff from the kitchen (I can see them because the door is open, duh!) while I sat down with Party Poison. I placed my arms on the table, the usual. I guess, well, he deserves a little "thank you" for not carrying me like a bride this time.

"Uh, hey," I said. I caught his attention as he looked at me. I gulped and cleared my throat as I said,

"Thanks for... Everything."

Huh? Wait... I should be only thanking him for just carrying me like a girl. But, well, I guess I haven't thanked him yesterday so, uh, it's fine nonetheless. But I still need what I need to say so...

"Especially on helping me walk than carrying me like a girl again," I added. He stared at me mysteriously for a moment and after that moment, he smiled at me. No, not that fucking and stupid smirk, just a normal smile. Seems like he's a bit normal too, but still, he's still fucking mysterious and I'll not remove that from my mind.

"Don't mention it dude," he said, still wearing that smile on his face. If he smirks (that fucking smirk), he's like an evil, bad-ass, creepy and a really fucking mysterious guy (which he is) but when he smiles just like this, well, he's just an average guy. He should just smile more often, it suits him better, so I don't have to be pissed off and be mind-fucked with his fucking mysteriousness. I'm guessing that you guys would expect that I would say "words that came from the fucking heart" but there's no way in hell that will happen. It's just a smile. A fucking smile!

"We found breakfast!" Kobra Kid shouted from the kitchen. That doesn't sound like a normal breakfast phrase for me. Finding breakfast? It's like coming from a wild animal or something. Weird. But at least we have some fucking food to eat already!

"What did you guys find?" Party Poison asked loudly. Okay, they really sound like animals (not in the way that they're actually talking animal language, now that would be weirder). Couldn't it be "Breakfast is ready" or "What's for breakfast?" But fuck! They're being the fucking mysterious guys as they are.

"Good ol' pub," Jet Star replied. Pub? What the fuck is a pub? Maybe it's a plate full of worms and insects and... Spiders. Spiders! My worst fear... If I were forced to eat it, I would run away from here right at this very moment and shout at a Vampire-fucker to kill me. Yeah, that's what would likely happen. Then, the moment of truth, Kobra Kid brought... Phew! Just food in cans that has a freak-ass logo. Let me describe it... A smiley that's color black and has large eyes. Now that's fucking weird. But never mind... There's fucking food! Time to dig in! The food looks like pork n' beans, not my favorite but at least I don't hate it! Jet Star brought the spoons and he handed it normally to all of us.

"Breakfast is served!" Party Poison exclaimed. A normal phrase at last! And as I put the food in to my mouth... Yeah, it does taste like pork n' beans. Cool! Now I feel the energy coming back to me little by little. You all remember that I ran a fucking lot yesterday so of course all my energy was drained out of me. When I fell asleep peacefully last night, 50 percent of my energy came back and if I finish eating this, I would be really back on track!

"Any ideas where we're going next, Poison?" Jet Star asked Party Poison, who was still chewing up the pub. After he swallowed it, he replied,

"Guessing to Dr. D, Frank needs to have his wound treated."

Dr. D? As in... Dr. Death Defying? They know the DJ from that radio station where we listened to last night? Maybe he's a fucking celebrity! Awesomeness! And yeah, Party Poison said my name again, no big deal. Just noticing it. And another yeah... I almost forgot, he's going to take me there just to get my wound treated. He's being "all hero" again. I don't really know what to say but fuck it! We're going to Dr. D for the win win win!

And after the good breakfast has been served, as I said, I'm back on track, with my energy at full 100 percent, it's sad that I still have a wound on my leg. I could run like yesterday if my leg weren't shot. Then, again, Party Poison helped with me the walking towards the exit of "Die". He looked at something, which made me look at it too and it's... A gas station! Didn't notice it earlier but there it is! A gas station! Maybe they're gonna fuel up the car. And beside the gas station is a completely white vending machine. Kobra Kid then walked towards it and got something from a pocket of his jacket. A little gadget thing-a-majig. He connected the vending machine to a wire that connects it to his thing-a-majig. After a few push of buttons, a... Green gun came out from the vending machine. A vending machine that has guns. This world is so fucked up right now, including me.

"A collector's item," he said, smirking. As I observed the gun, I'm noticing its beauty... Its... Coolness! Gah! I want that gun! And unexpectedly, Kobra Kid is walking... Towards me! Maybe he's going to...

"You need to protect yourself," He said, handing me the gun. Yes! This baby is mine to hold and use! Now I can shoot and kill Party Poison and the rest of them... I mean, kill some Vampire-fuckers! *Insert an evil laugh here*

"Whatcha gonna name it?" Party Poison asked me. Huh? Does he mean the gun? And why do I need to name the gun? That's just so... Weird. Once again, the fucking mysteriousness! I'm getting fucking tired of it! Oh well, time to think for a name for the gun... I want a name that's from another language... Like... Italian. Dunno why I picked Italian but I need to think of a good Italian word or name and fast. I remember watching an Italian show (coincidentally) where the guy got pissed and said to the other guy, "Fun Ghoul," which means... Oh yeah, I got just the right name.

"Have you thought of a name now?" Party Poison asked again. Maybe he was waiting a little while for me to answer, but wait no more folks, I got the name just for you!

"Fun Ghoul," the most perfect name that I could think of right now, which I replied.

"Fun Ghoul... Uh... Okay... Sure..." Party Poison said. He's making it sound like my name is weirder than his. He just doesn't fucking know that...

"It means 'fuck you' in Italian, just so you know," I said bluntly, still smiling. All of their eyes widened in surprise. Looks like my epicness blew their minds away.

"Awesome dude," Kobra Kid said. Jet Star just nodded.

"Well, now that everything's settled, off to Dr. D's lair," Party Poison said. A lair? Did I just hear a lair? Fuck yes!