Visual Kei

I stepped into the bar, the smell of stale liquor and warm beer hanging obnoxiously in the air. Just the kind of atmosphere one could get comfortable in. Gee.

This bar was locally-owned, if I remembered correctly. The only real reason that my dad stopped around here (other than his lack of true connoisseur ambition) was probably that he knew the owner. When I was a little girl, I met him once. He was a truck driver, like my dad, before inheriting the little building that he converted into the crap cave that it was now. Also like my dad, he looked like the stereotypical truck driver.

His name was Todd, but his friends called him "Hot Toddy". Not sure why, he wasn't what I'd call "sexy", but I suppose he was named after the beverage, not for the fact that he was sexually stimulating (which, may I remind you, is false). He was a tall, wide man of German descent. He had a round face with pudgy cheeks and more than a few chins. His eyes were small, blue, and dull, but friendly. He had thick white eyebrows over his eyes. He had all of the kinds of facial hair imaginable. I wasn't sure that there was even a name for it. He had broad, squared shoulders and a wide barrel chest. He had a beer belly and huge, trunk-like arms that were covered with tattoos of naked women. His mom must be proud of her baby boy.

He was sitting with my dad in one of the booths. Knowing my dad, they were probably stuffing their faces. I closed my eyes and mentally prepared myself for what would ensue. Then I walked stiffly over to the booth where my father was sitting.

My dad was socially inept.

Belching loudly, he gulped his beer while somehow managing to bring a fistful of cheese fries up to his mouth at the same time. He dropped a few on the table on accident. He set down his beer bottle, licking his finger and trailing it across the melted cheese that lay on the table. I was used to these grotesque table mannerisms, but it didn't change how embarrassing he was.

Taking another gulp of his beer, my dad asked Todd, "Have you met my daughter?"

The slightly more presentable bar owner nodded once. He smiled at me, his moustaches turning up near the ends. "Hello, Alice. Last time I saw you, I could have punted you across this bar." He was a good guy, but a bit the rough type. He turned back to my father, offering to buy him another drink on the house. Of course, my dad took it.

"How are ya, girlie?" my dad asked as I slid into the booth opposite him, the pungent scent of body odor, sweat, and bodily greases wafting around me. Todd joked with another of his regulars as he waddled behind the bar to open a new bottle of beer for my dad.

"Fabulous," I answered sarcastically. "What happened between you and Mom? And what's with the door?"

"Your mom decided to throw dishes to make her point," he answered in that emphatic way he had, as though he were explaining something to a child. "I don't know how we're going to fix that door. I don't get paid until next week."

I didn't want to ask about the details. I already knew that my mom was unhappy with my father's line of work and the fact that he didn't spend much time at home, but my dad didn't really understand. And of course, my mother (like the stereotypical woman) didn't tell my dad straight out what was on her mind. I tried to drop hints to the both of them, but they were somehow overlooked. My parents argued often, and it was always over stupid little things, but I didn't think that my mother would just leave.

"That woman was going to be the death of you anyway, Rob," Todd assured. "It's a good thing she's gone."

My dad simply stared at him, shoveling another fistful of greasy cheese fries into his mouth. He placed a new beer on the table, adding one more to the six empty bottles and pulling up a wooden stool to sit on. The legs of the stool cringed under his weight. They looked as though they might break at any moment.

"What are you gonna do now?" Todd asked my father, stroking his beard lovingly.

"I dunno, I guess I'll just do what I can."

"There's not much else you can do, Dad."

"I know it, girlie," he said thoughtfully.

"Maybe you should consider becoming a dirty movie star," Todd suggested with a huge grin.

A deep, booming chuckle filled the bar as my father's massive frame shook with laughter. It was a jolly sound. I wasn't used to it being so natural for him. Partly, it came from the rotten barley that he was consuming.

After he got done having his little giggling fit, he shoved the last of the greasy, cheesy mass of fries into his mouth, a little pool of grease at the bottom. After noisily consuming the mouthful, he wiped the back of his hand across his face, shiny with bodily oils, and grinned. I knew he was about to say something.

"I could make millions that way, huh?" He began another peal of hearty laughter. His pudgy face began to turn crimson as he struggled for breath. His pregnant man belly shook as he chuckled. I wondered if he was going to have a coronary. "Maybe if I'm lucky, I'll end up in a three-way with two ladies, but if I'm unlucky… I don't wanna think about that." Todd joined him in laughter, their huge stomachs shaking in unison. It was quite a sight.

"Well, as much as I'd love to sit here and talk about porn stars, I think it's time we left, Dad."

"Whaddya mean? You sound just like your mother."

That sobered him up real fast.

He took another swig of beer, his demeanor suddenly in a dangerous territory for him. I watched, wondering what to say, as he gulped what seemed to be gallons at a time, some of it trickling down the corners of his mouth and into his beard. Lovely.

"I've gotta get you home, big guy." I patted his huge belly affectionately. "Before you get too hammered. How much has he had?"

"'Bout nine," he answered, scratching his hairy beer gut with a pudgy finger. "Need help gettin' him outta here?" He said it like one of those cashiers at a grocery store: one of the pimply high school boys that carry your groceries out for you after bagging them, but only if you're female.

"No, I think I'm fine."

It was quite an adventure back to the apartment, between the racist name calling, cursing, and poking fun at me for various things. He even stumbled over some cracks in the sidewalk, cussing like a sailor. I was surprised that he didn't cause us to get jumped. When we got back to the apartment, I made sure that my dad was in bed and I reflected on the day. Not much had happened, but I already had a strange feeling of optimism growing in my stomach.



Since it was the weekend, I had nothing going on. After waking up, I headed outside to check the mail. I didn't bother changing into real clothes; people would just have to live with seeing my pasty white legs in shorts and my Buckcherry tank top. As I descended the stairs, I saw a guy at the mailboxes, sifting through his mail. As I got close enough to see past the glare on the windows, I realized that it was the hot guy I met the other day.

Excitement grew in my chest, like a ripple of electrical energy. I opened the door gently, smiling to him. He gave me a small, closed-mouth smile in return. Waving a bright red envelope, he greeted me. Today, he was wearing a fairly plain t-shirt and some jeans with man sandals.

"Hi," I said with a yawn. "I didn't think we'd meet again."

"I can leave if you want me to," he replied with a smile.

"No, I didn't mean it to sound like that! I'm glad that we met again. Well, that didn't come out quite right, either… Whatever!" I exclaimed, throwing my arms up in frustration. "You know what I mean, right?"

He chuckled. "Yeah, I understand." He moved back away from the mailboxes so that I could grab my mail. Reaching into the crappy metal mailbox, I pulled out a Sears's catalogue and some bills, groaning at the fact that my Cure magazines hadn't arrived yet.

"It's kind of strange that you have mail if you just moved here," I said, flipping through my dad's bills to see what kind of stuff he owed.

"When I said 'just moved here', I meant we leased back at least a month ago, but didn't actually move our things until just recently," he explained. Pausing a moment, he said, "you don't get many new people here, do you?"

"Sometimes," I answered idly. "Usually they move in for a few months and then they realize how crappy these apartments really are, but more often than not, no one even tries to live in these apartments. They really suck."

"They aren't that bad," he insisted. "Free wireless internet, plus access to driers and washers is nice. Besides, there are some interesting people here."

"Like who?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. "If you consider gangbangers or white trash interesting, then I guess this place is like heaven to you."

"Like you," he said, like I should know that already. "You seem very different. I'm willing to bet you even have a unique name."

"I'm hardly interesting," I scoffed dismissively. "Even my name is boring."

"What is your name?" he asked, as if on cue.

"Oh, that's a good one," I said with a smile, realizing the little trap he set for me. "I didn't think guys could actually be so smooth." He laughed, and so did I. "My name is Alice. What's yours?"

"My name is Jin," he said, bowing politely.

"Looks like both of us have plain-ish names."

"That appears to be the case," he agreed with a small smile.

"Let's go inside," I suggested. "I don't want someone to get snow blindness from my pale legs." Jin chuckled, claiming that my legs weren't quite that pale. "Would you like to come over for a bit?"

"Perhaps that would not be such a good idea."

"Why not? Come on, just for a moment."

"I suppose." He smiled, looking relieved and defeated. I opened the door to the apartment and pulled it closed behind us.

"What happened to the door?" he asked casually.

"My mom threw some stuff at my dad," I responded as if it were perfectly natural. I slipped into the kitchen and reappeared with a glass of Coke, which I handed to him.

"Ah."

My dad's loud snoring could be heard (and felt) from the doorway. I shook my head in embarrassment and ran to close the door. It hardly muffled the sound, though.

"I'm sorry about my dad. He's a trucker, so he needs his sleep."

"Really? In Japan, we have delivery men, but we don't have truckers."

"I've never been there… I'd like to go sometime."

"Everything is different between the two places. I love Japanese shrines, but I also love the cathedrals here. The architecture is amazing."

"I agree with you on that. Everything about cathedrals is ornate: even the pews. The stained-glass windows bring it all together. I love how the old cathedrals have ivy growing up their belfry. It looks so Victorian-era… romantic."

"Romantic?" he laughed. "Even though it has a repressive feeling?"

"I am not Christian, but I wouldn't call it repressive … more like... oh, I don't know the word. I find cathedrals to be calming, and I feel I am always welcome in them. I feel like it is a place to be happy, but also a place to search for solace when you are sad."

"That is an interesting way to describe a church."

"I guess," I said laughing a bit. "Maybe I think about these mundane things too often."

We sat in silence for a moment.

"I have enjoyed talking to you, but I think it best I leave, with your father asleep and your mother gone."

My heart stung when he said "mother". I must have winced or something because he stiffened after saying that. I looked away, pretending to be busy with something else so that he couldn't see into my eyes as I struggled to compose myself. As always, his face was a serene mask. I looked into the lenses of his sunglasses, like I would look into someone's eyes. Maybe if I looked hard enough, I would see his eyes.

"I'll see you later," I mumbled quietly, looking away from Jin's glasses. Something about them was intense. It was annoying knowing that he could see me perfectly fine, but I couldn't see him. He turned and walked toward the door, opening it momentarily. He paused in the doorway, turning back to me. He leaned casually against the door frame, his thin arm supporting his equally thin body. He smiled a crooked, mischievous smile.

"My apartment is number 60. I'll see you later, Alice. Let me know if you need anything, we are neighbors after all."

He closed the door softly on his way out. I took a glass of water out to the couch and sat back down, thinking of the day. I wondered if my mom would ever come back or call… or anything really. I took a drink of water. I needed to be strong because obviously my dad wasn't, but what my mom had done… it was both selfish and necessary, I knew that… but why did I hate it so much? I had seen the way that they fought and maybe things were better off this way. But what about me? Where would I go?

The glass, virtually untouched by Jin sat lonely on the corner of the table. It was half empty.

A part of me couldn't stand the thought of leaving my dad alone in this crappy apartment, especially with the way he handled his stress. He needed me, but then again… if I didn't go with my mom, I doubted that she would keep in contact with me. She could be a real winner sometimes, but I would be better off academically and all that. I couldn't decide and it was frustrating me. I put off deciding on anything and flipped on the TV.

"…Two more deaths in a string of related murders, believed to all have the same killer. With no leads, the police continue to examine the bodies of the two newest victims, looking for anything that might link them together. The cause of death is uncertain, but the police believe that the bodies were not mutilated prior to death. All that is certain is that whoever the killer is, is a very troubled individual."

As if there are killers who aren't "troubled individuals". I rolled my eyes.

I turned, hearing the apartment door open, just as the news report switched to a herpes commercial. My brother appeared, having come home from work. He put his keys on the table and threw his coat onto the couch, sitting next to me. "Hey, Alice," he said tiredly.

"Arvin," I greeted, smiling. "Anything new on the case?"

"I didn't have much time to look at the files, I was a little busy trying to re-direct the firewall on our main systems. It looks like a hacker has been chipping away at our system firewall for a while now. It wasn't too difficult to rectify, just a few trojans to clear and a few false anti-virus updates. I suppose everyone else who is supposed to be backing up our systems must have received their degrees from UNO or something. I'm literally the only person on our team who knows how to do this stuff? I could train a monkey to do this."

I laughed, but he was being kind of serious. "Sorry. I'm just curious about this case."

"It's fine. Maybe I should take you in with me next time. You could probably do better than half of the dumb asses working for me."

"You're only saying that because I'm Asian," I joked. He chuckled and I saw something of our father in the way he did so. "Mom left today." The mood automatically changed. I saw it on his face, although no one else would have.

"So she got tired of Dad's crap, too, huh? When did she leave?"

"I think it was earlier today, but I'm not sure when or why."

"Did she leave a note or anything?"

"No, by the time I got home, Dad had already gone to the bar. He left me a note saying that she was gone and where he was. So, as usual, I went to go get him."

"Yeah. That's his way of dealing with stress, unfortunately."

"I know. But I wonder why Mom left in the first place?"

"Probably the same reason my mom left."

I nodded. He seemed uncomfortable, like he didn't know what to do or say. I smiled a little; at least I still had him around here. All he said was "sorry" and it was really awkward for him, but it still surprised me and I knew that he meant for it to console me. We sat in silence for a moment. I thanked him and went to my room, thinking about things thoroughly.

I didn't know why, but I looked up to my brother a lot. He was 26 without a girlfriend, he was still a virgin, and he spent a few weekends playing Dungeons and Dragons with his friends. He was as much a loser as one could possibly be… okay not completely a loser, but still. Yet I looked up to this super geek. He was the most intelligent and best person I knew, even if he had his own way of going about it. I realized that he was my very first "friend". Although, I didn't consider family as such.

Staring up at the ceiling, I felt energy pulsing through my body. I was never tired at night. I scanned the ceiling, hoping to bore myself to sleep. There was water damage. Gross. In a corner of the room, there was a hook. A poster from a former resident was hanging perfectly in my immediate view. I didn't know what it said, but it was obviously a Korean cartoon character. I only knew because I recognized the Korean language.

A low, sensual moan came from upstairs. I stiffened awkwardly. It continued, the sound of wood against the wall making me cover my ears. For the fourth time this week. Someone's busy.