Visual Kei

“Stop looking at me like that,” I snapped, still angry about the dress incident. “I’m not going to break, you know.”

“Whatever you say, Sunshine,” Seheon retorted, stretching lazily beside me on the bench. I slid away from him to the opposite end, scoffing. I hadn’t expected anyone to catch wind of my plans to meet Chino again, but that was merely vanity. It would be foolish to think The Oni oblivious to my late-night excursions to the outside world. It didn’t fail to piss me off that he had insisted on sending H with me, but it was his way of having eyes in my business (although he undoubtedly knew it would bother me to bring H of all the elites), I supposed, and testing Seheon’s loyalty. I could hardly blame the guy for wanting to see what I’d say; after all, I could be double-crossing him as far as he knew. Still, part of it had to be Seheon’s idea, too. He was nosy as Hell, after everything was all said and done. He could blame it on The Oni all he wanted, but when it came down to it, it was his choice.

The wind picked up and blew my hair all around. As I pulled it out of my face with an annoyed hand, I realized that it had grown to my hips again. How time had passed! The lanterns swung violently in the gusts, their flames flickering and sputtering in the chaos. They knocked on the wooden rods on which they hung, disks of light being cast about erratically. As I shivered and cursed at the wind, I thought on the events of only two nights ago. Miyavi’s words echoed in my mind and I idly fingered the envelope in my pocket as I thought of it. Umi had told me two weeks. It was almost time, but not quite.

I detected his presence as soon as he stepped foot on the holy ground, but Kiiro was not with him. It did not sit right in my stomach, but when he stepped into the oval of light in the shrine’s path, I saw that he did not look overly troubled. His eyes softened when they rested on me, but seeing someone with me was obviously a surprise, and he automatically withdrew. The warmth and affection that he had felt for me closed up just as quickly, replaced by uncertainty and distrust.

“Hello, Alice,” he said casually. What’s this all about? Who is that beside you?

“Chino,” I replied, bowing slightly to him. His name is Seheon Kim. He is my escort and works for The Oni, too.

Although I felt his doubt within me, he made no outward indication of discomfort. “It has been some time.” Why is he here?

I didn’t expect him to be coming along, and I didn’t have time to send out a message.“Yes, it has. How are the others?”

“The same.” We could have offered you more than what you are currently doing. This type of work . . . it devalues a person. The others told me to try and convince you to come back.

“And what of you? You look about the same.” I feel no particular loyalty to him beyond what was promised. But I have learned a great deal since my employment here. I can’t come back, you know that. My fingers twined nervously through the chain hanging around my neck with the flash drive on it.

“I am. Umi sends her regards.” At that, I couldn’t help but be surprised. I thought of the blue envelope she’d given me for Chino. You know that if you would have returned that night, Kiiro would have apologized. He never meant what he said; you knew he loved you.

“Does she? And what is she doing these days?” Bullshit. He meant every word. Perhaps he didn’t specifically blame me for not being able to do anything, but even I knew that I was nearly worthless to you. I was a burden, and I am no longer your burden.

His wise eyes stared me down, cool and melancholy. What of your heart, Alice? Do you love Kiiro still?

It was my turn to withdraw from him. I could feel him lingering in my memories from our time apart. Before he could discover the shame I carried, I shut him out forcefully and set my lips. It wasn’t his fault that he could see things so easily, but I could not allow him to find that particular memory. My heart was heavy and cold.

“Only what she has always done. Umi never changes.” Alice, Kiiro is missing.

Now my heart really froze. Don’t say that just to get me worked up over an old flame. Although I didn’t want it to bother me, it crawled under my skin like a horrible insect. I knew that Chino would not say such a thing if it weren’t truth. Miyavi’s words haunted me again. What little fondness you have for him will diminish soon enough. Did he foresee this?

His eyes narrowed just a bit. “Things haven’t changed much since you were gone.” If you don’t believe me, perhaps you should see for yourself. As far as I know, The Oni is could easily be an affiliate to the group that took him. Why don’t you ask around? “Is that all this was about? To check up on me?” He began to turn away, shielding his face with the shadow his hair created.

“Wait, Chino.” I’m sorry... for everything. I approached him, my hands deep in my leather jacket pockets. For the second time, I fingered the blue envelope that was stuffed inside. “This must be our last meeting.” I slipped it into the pocket of his hooded sweatshirt. His hand closed over it and my hand gently, squeezing in reassurance. I relinquished the envelope. He understood that it was not meant to be open right away.

Without turning back, he continued to walk. “I know.” He melted into the long shadows past the lantern-lit walkway.

************************************************************************************************

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I demanded, slamming my fists on the desk furiously. The action caused various objects on his desk to jump away from their places. Stacks of papers fluttered about, shifting and twirling in the air like ugly confetti.

The Oni didn’t flinch. He effortlessly caught the papers that had scattered under my anger and replaced them with equal ease. Before I could strike his furniture again, I exhaled harshly and glared at his smooth, emotionless face. A glimmer of haughtiness in his eyes sparked the anger again, but I managed to keep it under control enough to hear his next words.

“Tell you what?” he asked, a quirk of his lips telling me that he found this amusing.

“You know exactly what I mean!” I growled, sweeping my arms across his desk, splaying its contents on the floor beside us both. He simply looked at the mess I created and shook his head with annoyance.

“Perhaps I do, but what the company does with its affiliates does not involve you. You have your duties, and this crisis is under control. You were not given leave to investigate on your own. That you have should mean excommunication.” He lazily brushed a paper clip off his suit. “It does not concern you.”

“It absolutely concerns me! I agreed not to go out of my way to meet with them again if it meant that the company would erase their pre-existing records. That was our agreement, and you broke it!”

“I did nothing of the sort. Any and all charges against him have sprung up in recent weeks, and he is being detained for his destructive tendencies. You know what a danger he is to keeping our world separate from that of mortals. That is our aim, and he is in the way of what we seek to achieve. When faced by our kind, it is impossible for them to believe that the preternatural do not exist.”

“You are condemning him because of what he is? How is that acceptable!”

“It is not fair, but vampires cannot be allowed to roam the streets if we cannot control our urges. It is for the greater good, as humans say.”

“Greater good, my ass!”

Suddenly, a twist in my insides pushed my rage aside for a moment and stunned me into a fearful silence. The Oni was unnaturally cold and expressionless, and he very seldom appeared to be so indifferent. I realized with a trickle of dread that he was rather incensed at my display.

“Enough.” He paused to pinch the bridge of his nose with two fingers, sighing deeply. “I preferred when you wore the damn dress. At least then you didn’t complain. Get out of my office.”

Before I could think to do otherwise, I spun on my heel and stomped out of his stupid office, throwing the door violently as I left. It almost connected with Seheon, but he jumped out of the way in time for it to graze his shoulder rather than hit him straight in the face. I stopped momentarily, annoyed that my two partners had been standing outside listening in, but not quite surprised that they would. I expected better of Ray, though. Ray’s eyes flashed with amusement at my blind frustration, and he followed me as I nearly stomped through the sliding door to my room.

“Didn’t get a raise, I take it?” Seheon asked as he followed me, too.

Ray’s fingers combed through my hair, trying to calm me. He looked at Seheon, his eyes disapproving. “Kim.”

“Shut up, hakujin.” Seheon’s concern gently brushed me, but I pushed its warmth away. He touched my shoulder gently. “It’ll be okay.”

I shook his hand off me, unable to even think coherently. The anger was just too strong. “I need some time to think.” Before they could protest, I slammed the door behind me. Sliding to the floor, I tried to find understanding in my head. Everything around me and what I’d done seemed so wrong.

I had left my friends months ago because Kiiro voiced what everyone already knew and felt—I was a burden to them, a charge requiring protection that I didn’t do anything to deserve. It shamed me, and I stubbornly avoided them after that day. In the end, it brought me under the employ of The Oni, a secret affiliate of the United Nations dedicated to overseeing the separation between the preternatural world and the mortal (although he also endorsed ignorance). In the time I’d spent with his people, I’d learned how to control and interpret the sensitivity I had to people’s emotions. I’d also spent a lot of time training and pushed through a wall of physical boundary, accessing the strength, speed, and reflexes that had been denied mortals. Now, I could hold my own in a fight with Aku.

I recently found out I was stuck in the middle of a war I was forbidden from being a direct part of; a war that was being fought over me and the future of the supernatural world. I hadn’t been there to protect my friends. As far as I knew, Kiiro was being held somewhere by someone under The Oni, a fellow elite perhaps. The men had suffered for at least a month in captivity before being rescued by the men as I had left them. I could have helped them, but instead, I walked out. Miko had died. Perhaps even that could have been avoided had I stayed. What else had happened in my time away?

“Poisonous thoughts,” a voice said from the shadows. I knew without looking that it was Ray. He sat beside me, pulling me into his arms. Normally, I might have held him too, but now I could not bear to even see him as I thought of Kiiro. He sensed the name and all its implications, and I felt a touch of jealousy from him, along with something else… a strong emotion, but for what, I was uncertain. It only sent me into more confusion and frustration. He did not relinquish me, however, and instead brushed his fingers through my hair.

“What should I do?” I asked, my heart hurting as if pierced. “I can’t stop thinking ‘what if I never left’. Kiiro’s capture was as much my fault as The Oni’s.”

Ray kissed me softly. “Tell me of him.”

It was my turn to be unsettled. The sway of thoughts and images in my head told me that he knew I thought about Kiiro, and he was right; I did think of him often. It was hard not to. He and Ray were very similar in personality, and the way they carried themselves was the same. Still, something was different about the two. Why did I ever get involved with either?

“He was . . . no, is my friend. I have known him for . . . two years already. I suppose you know all the details, though. No need to elaborate on that.”

“The Oni does not keep us completely oblivious,” he affirmed, looking away from my face. Even as he did, I could feel the tug in my heart. He was hurt by the knowledge.

“Of course,” I said, looking down, too. Between the strong emotions I was feeling and my concentration on the past, what I sensed from him was unclear. Murky at best, and impossible to decode before it became something else entirely. Ray could interpret my thoughts as easily as if he looked into my eyes in moments like this, so I spoke my mind. “I loved him.”

You no longer do? It was thought with a touch of bitterness. Where I had thought him to be like Kiiro—neither good nor bad—I realized in time that I was wrong. He was good. Or he wanted to believe that he was. And he was lying to himself.

I’m a woman. What makes you think I know?

“We will find this friend of yours,” Ray said solemnly, accepting my attempt at lightness, although he showed no amusement. He stood, leaving before I could say anything more.