Don't Come Back For Me

"Excuse me, can you grab that red bag for me?"

I looked over at the elderly woman, then up at the red bag right next to mine. I grabbed it and handed it to her with a fake smile, trying to be polite. My body trembled with the need to bolt out of the plane, into the airport and drive the rented car to Sam's house, but I couldn't. In my rush to buy a ticket, I had to get the lower class seats all the way in the back by the toilets. It smelled horrible, but I didn't care about the disgusting smells coming from the room behind me. I was worried about Sam, panicking even. I couldn't even concentrate on the music blasting into my ears. It was all too much.

He was going to kill himself... he might have already. Oh, God don't think that.... Why would he go to such levels? Sam was the strongest, most enduring person I knew. He wouldn't give up so easily... not for me. He couldn't give up just for me... right?

I'm nothing. I'm just a stupid football player. I only graduated for my hard head in the game, not because of my brains or natural talent like Sam. Sam... he was everything my mother wished I could be. Talented, smart, musical... I'm my father in every way.

God, I'm already talking like he's gone. I can't do that. I can't think he's gone, because he's not. I'm gonna beat his sorry ass for this...

"Are you alright, honey?"

"What?" I turned to the old woman again, blinking in confusion. I'd blanked out again.

"The line has moved, sonny."

Shit.

I bolted off the plane, my frantically packed duffel bag slapping against my legs as I quickly made it through all the frustrating, time wasting procedures. My feet pounded against the floor as I practically ran for the exit of the airport.

Before I'd gotten on the plane, I called Sam's mother, Ella. She answered on the third ring. I'd forgotten it was three in the morning.

"Hello?" She'd answered, her voice heavy with sleepiness.

"Ella? It's me, Eli."

"Eli? Why are you calling so early?"

"It's Sam," I whispered, tears starting to brim. "H-he sent me a letter, telling me about his feelings a-and that he was going to k-kill himself."

She gasped and I think she dropped the phone because I heard a loud crash.

"Ella? Ella? Ella!"

There was rustling and then her sobbing came through the receiver.

"I-I'm here, Eli... When.. when did he say he was going to do it?"

"Tonight. The letter said tonight... I don't know when he sent the letter. I - I just... I wanted to tell you. Make sure you keep him in your sight and I need a ride when I get to Michigan."

"I'll send his father."

"Okay."

"Eli?"

"Yes, Ella?"

"Thank you."

I finally got to the exit and Stan Everson was already there, in his car and ready to drive. I threw my bag in the seat and hopped in.

We booked it down the highway as fast as we legally could and then some. Stan's knuckles were white on the steering wheel and suddenly, I could feel the uncomfortable pressure of a father's protective hatred pushing against my chest.

"Stan...," I whispered.

"Listen, Sampson. For as long as I can remember, my little boy has been infatuated with you. He liked you since the day you met and I watched that friendship grow into love. I watched my little boy, my Samuel get his heart broken over and over and over for you. I watched him go through abusive relationships, alcohol addictions, suicidal moments all for you. I don't know how you couldn't see it and if you did I don't what know what the hell is wrong with you for not acting upon it."

"Stan.."

"I'm not stupid, Eli Jackson Sampson. You've been in denial since you were seventeen years old, the night you slept with my son."

My mouth opened.

"I told you I'm not an idiot. I know when my son has lost his card to someone. I could see it in his eyes and hell, everyone could see the limp."

I grimaced.

"He went through some serious shit for you and the fact that you kicked him out after something like that pissed me the hell off. But I knew if I killed you, my son would never forgive me. I stayed out of it. I was proud of you when you came back, though it was slightly two months too late."

I laughed nervously.

"Sam forgave you way too easily, but he has a big heart. You know that. Big, yet fragile. And you continued to break it. Make up sex? And sex to get rid of anger? Are you out of your freaking mind, Sampson? He thought you were together. He thought you loved him and he was right. You did love him, but you were too sissy to admit it.

I know coming out isn't easy. It never is, but for God's sake boy, he was in love with you and you were in love with him. It's all that should have mattered."

"I-I'm not-"

"Don't you dare deny me, young man. If you weren't in love with my boy right now, you wouldn't even be here. You would have stuck with calling Ella and stayed down in Florida.

Now, if you're going to talk to my son, you're going to fix this the right way. You're going to tell him you love him, because you do. You're going to promise to protect him, because you will. And you're going to give him the best bloody kiss possible, because that's all he's ever wanted from you. All he ever wanted was that simple gesture to tell and remind him that you'll always be there."

And right at that moment, he stopped and turned off the car. I looked out the window shield to see the familiar white house with blue shingles and a big red door. I got out of the car, still in my duck pajama pants and walked up to the front door.

Ella opened it for me and I walked inside, looking around the all too familiar interior. I could see little boys running around, laughing and screaming as they played tag or told stories in the dark with a flashlight. I could see teenage boys punching each other has they wrestled around and played video games. I looked up the stair case and saw the blond tumbling down and breaking his arm. I looked on the couch and saw them moving together in a big, hot, sweaty rhythm. I looked at the kitchen and saw them throwing batter and icing as they made a cake for Ella's birthday. Everywhere I looked, memories flowed. God, there was so much.

Suddenly, I heard Stan grunt and turned my head to look at him. He nodded towards the stairs and I swallowed hard, making my way up.

"Eli," Ella whispered.

I looked over at her and she handed me a pair of worn out jeans. I smiled in thanks, quickly changing in front of them. It didn't bother me, I've known them for so long I'm sure they've seen every inch of skin on my body. It's not like I was naked..

and Jesus I'm rambling.

I sighed, once again making my way up the stairs. I glanced in Sam's old bedroom, the one he had when he was a kid before he moved into the back room when he was a teenager. It still had a few stuffed animals and his old bed inside. The cowboy wallpaper was peeling slightly in one corner, but other than that it looked like it was just waiting to be used again.

I moved on.

The last door with a bunch of poetic quotes and saying on it seemed to get farther and farther away as I moved closer and then suddenly I was standing right in front of it. I gulped, hand shaking as I reached out and turned the knob, pushing the door open.

"Eli?"

"Oh, my God!"