Love is a Pretty Tragedy

Wesley’s words wouldn’t leave my mind no matter what I was doing: final dorm room shopping, buying textbooks for the semester, registering for classes, last phone calls to friends that would be going far away, even eating breakfast or just trying to read a book. I was currently sitting in front of the TV, trying not to think of all the lies that had been told to me my whole life. Ethan would text me several times a day, but I couldn’t text him back. If I talked to him, I would most definitely lash out against him. Call him a liar, even though I know all of these plans were not even his doing. He was just following along, only a little less naive than me. We were both being used as game pieces for something that was much larger than either of us realize.

I heard the front door open and close, as I glanced at the time on the DVD player. 6:30 pm, I looked to my right and saw my father with an irritated smile on his face. “Busy day?” He asked while raising his eyebrows. I couldn’t directly look him in the eyes, so I just shook my head, pretended to be intrigued by the TV. That was not acceptable behavior according to my father as he proceeded to stand right in front of the TV.

“I haven’t seen Ethan around for a couple of days. Everything okay with him?” My father looked anxious as he crossed his arms and tapped his finger. I could not believe I didn’t see how obvious he was; I was so blind before. My father never cared to ask about any of my friends. He usually barely even seemed to care how I was doing so why would he be so worried about Ethan. His motive was showing a little too easily.

“As far as I know, but I’ll text him.” My voice was completely monotone. I scooted to the other end of the couch so I could once again pretend to watch the TV, so I could run my brother’s words through my head over again in peace. My father continued to just stare at me and gestured to my phone. I rolled my eyes as I picked it up, knowing that he wouldn’t leave any other way. I knew I would have to see him at Chicago anyway, so I sent him a quick text: Sorry, been sick these past days. Thanks for offering to help with loading the car for school. See you then. “Happy?” I said as I threw my phone back down on the couch. Two seconds later, I heard my phone vibrate. I picked up my phone as my father impatiently waited for me to look at it.

I pressed open message and saw, Alright, hope you feel better. See ya then.

A small smile formed on my father’s face, “Well what did he say?”

“Uhh, I think I’m going to meet up with him at the shops for ice cream or something.” I lied. This was actually the perfect excuse to get out of the house and do something I had wanted to do.

“That’s great! You don’t want to waste these last few moments of summer!” My father came over and gave me a kiss on the forehead. I wanted to push him away and wipe it off, but I retained my composure. He turned away and headed for his small study. Please, for me, just follow your heart, ran through my mind once more. My heart may never learn from its own pain, but I had to try once more. I knew my brother was right about this.

I had to take control of my own future. I had to stop letting other people dictate what my life should be like. Henry, thinking my life would be better off without him in it. Aly, thinking I should be carefree and wait until college. My father, thinking that he can control me and who I am with. I was done with everyone else controlling my life except for me.

I waited patiently after I heard the doorbell ring throughout the small apartment. The sun beat down on my dark brown hair making it warm even though it was late evening. Honestly, I was surprised that I even remembered where Henry lived as I had only been there once before. I tried to peek through the small window, but all I saw was darkness. I knew someone was home though because I saw Henry's truck parked on the street. I tried knocking this time.

I was determined; I knew this was the right thing to do. Even though I might break down when I see him, since the last time was the morning of my birthday when I saw him kissing that girl, I was going to tell him that I still loved him. I would only hope that he would hear me out and remember what we had together. This might be the last chance I have to see him, one last chance to make things right. If he still rejected me, I would have to face it, but I had a feeling he wouldn’t.

Still, no one was coming to the door. I was unwavering in my decision to get inside though. I was about to knock once more when the door finally opened. The sunlight poured into the dark apartment, and I found Henry's brother standing there. He looked thinner and more tired than when I saw him a month ago, definitely not as sauve as I remembered him. "Hi." I said nervously. "Do you remember me?"

"Estelle, was it?" Keane said nonchalantly. I just nodded my head, expecting to be let in, but it didn't seem that Keane had the same motives. "How can I help you?" He licked his lips, disinterested.

I glanced at Henry's truck to make sure I didn't just imagine it being there; I didn't. "I was hoping to see Henry." Standing in front of Keane made me feel very small. “It’s important,” I added.

Keane glanced behind him; he looked down and stepped outside, closing the door behind him. I took a step backwards almost tripping over the steps. "Estelle, I need you to leave and not come back. It maybe doesn’t seem like it right now, but it is better for the both of you."

"What? Why won't you let me see him?" I felt my voice about to crack.

I could see the emotion in Keane's eyes, even though it was barely there. He felt truly sorry for turning me away. "I want the best for both of you, and I know that this is it. Please leave him be."

I looked away, not wanting Keane to see how disappointed I was. "But I know." I blurted out; however, Keane already turned away and went back inside the house. I was left just staring at the door. I wonder if Keane had an influence over Henry. What role did he have in keeping Henry away from me.

I was tempted to knock again.

I had already come this far. My hand went back up to the door, but I couldn’t do it. Keane seemed very firm, and if I was going to reach Henry, it wasn’t here.

I was overcome by a wave of disappointment. I guess I had been building this moment up more than I expected on the car ride over here. I stood there silence for a moment, wondering if I could hear their voices from inside. No one came though. I turned around and stomped back to my own car.

This just wasn't how it was supposed to go. I needed to tell Henry what I learned – how my family was trying to manipulate me.

I couldn't go back to my house, I couldn't go to Ethan, and Aly wouldn't understand. I slammed the car door and just sat there.

I had tried. I wanted to apologize to my brother for letting him down; I had almost wanted Ethan, the toy Dad was dangling in front of my face. Following my heart was now no longer an option as I couldn’t truly figure out where I went wrong with the whole situation. Was it that he just didn’t want to get married so young? Was that what pushed him away? Or was it something else? I thought I just wanted answers, but I wanted him even more. He said awful words to me that day, but knowing what I know now, I would forgive him in an instant. All along no one else could fill the void I was feeling, and maybe it was time to understand that no one ever would, especially Henry.