Love is a Pretty Tragedy

Each of my senses heightened one by one, as my body took in the scent that I never let myself have before. The hairs on my arms stood straight up as she barely breathed in and out. However, I was hesitating as my lips drew away from her fragile skin. This would change her life forever, and I wasn't sure she wanted this. Without me ever sharing my secret, we had never even talked about the possibility. The rain keep pouring from the sky, thankfully, continually erasing her smell. That wasn't enough though. My brain was slowly losing control of my human thoughts; I no longer have the decision in my power.

Just then, as I could no longer restrain myself, I felt a hand forcefully pushing my face away. That wasn't enough to deter me from my destination. I inched closer to her neck now, until I felt the same hand slap me across the face. I shook out of it for a second to notice that Estelle was awake. I blinked several times as my teeth slowly disappeared. I didn't even feel her awake.

She just stared, almost seeming not to believe her eyes. My secret was out just like that. After three years of somehow being able to keep it hidden from the love of my life, she finds out like this. I was never prepared to let her know. Not ever. You would think I would have run the scenario through my head of what if she did found out. What it would be like to tell her. I never did because it was my biggest fear.

Seeing her today was meant to give her some closure, not make her even more confused and afraid. I wanted to run away and never see her again. Her reaction was the thing I was always most scared of. I knew she saw, even though the rain was coming down so hard, and she had just lost consciousness. The way she was looking at me; I knew that she wasn't going to blame her almost drowning for what she saw. She continued to sit on my lap though, not in fear. I felt her pulse race and her pupils widened. In fact, a sigh of relief almost seemed to escape her lips.

I turned away, ashamed at what she saw, only for her to pick my head up again. "I can't believe it," She uttered. She turned my head from left to right, as to make sure she had to examine every inch of my face to make sure she saw everything correctly. I opened my lips to speak, but my speech was stopped by her lips on mine. I almost did not kiss her back from the shock that this was truly occurring. Estelle was kissing me; not Ethan, not even an idealize version of me, but all of me.

I didn't understand at all, but I realized it was just best to take in the moment. I had forgotten how great it was to feel her warm lips on mine. The smooth movement of our lips, the wonderful smell of roses that she always had, the rain thumping on my head and back, the longing that was fulfilled, the surrounding of our lake made the kiss the best one we ever had. It all reminded me of the beginning of the summer when we shared our that kiss in the rain, how everything was coming full circle, but so much had changed to get back to this spot.

"That was it the whole time, wasn't it?" She broke away from the kiss to ask. I wanted more and barely heard her comment. Her lips and cheeks were starting to return to pink, and I could barely lift my eyes to hers.

I blinked several times in confusion. "I just don't understand. You saw, and you aren’t...." Did we both die, and I am dreaming this whole conversation is taking place?

She lifted her mouth toward my ear and whispered, "It is okay. I have a very similar secret." Estelle pulled away with innocent eyes as she was concerned for my response. Rain pellets were running down her face, and she slowly wiped them from her brow.

I wasn't sure I was understanding her. The phrase she used repeated in my head. She could see the confused expression that still hadn't left my face and giggled. This didn't seem to be a time to giggle with everything we had been through, with her just finding out what I had been hiding for so long. Years that I spent torturing myself for what I am. "I think we have a lot to go over." Estelle grabbed my hand and led me toward my own truck. She shut her car door on the way.

We both hopped into my car just like old times; my mind was still racing from everything that had just happened. “So where should we start?" She seemed so calm as I was freaking out. I felt as though when I jumped into the lake that I had transported to a different dimension, one where Estelle doesn’t find it strange that I am a vampire.

"How about what just happened?" I felt like requesting everything from the beginning would be too much for me to handle, better to start slow. "Did you just try to--" I couldn't think it, especially not say it.

"Kill myself?" A concern look crossed her face. "No, of course not," She placed her hand on my knee as she began her explanation. "I had to come back before I left. I guess I was so deep in thought about all the memories here that I didn't even notice as I lost my footing on the deck. It had gotten so covered in moss and slippery as we hadn’t been here in a while..." She paused as she was reliving it in her mind, recovering from the shock of my secret. "I almost died." She seemed to say to herself more than me.

"I was her just in time, I guess." I grabbed her hand that was on my knee and gave it a squeeze.

She was silent for just a moment more. "Yeah you were." As she said that those few words it seemed I could see the love that she once had for me gleam in her eyes. "When I came to, I saw you and I still can't believe it." She stared at me and smiled. "I thought I was seeing things as it appeared you were about to bite into me, but once I saw what you are, everything made sense. I can’t really explain it. All of our problems are now solved; I can't believe that my parents didn't know about you or maybe they did."

I hated to tell her that she was confusing me even more, but it was true. "Why weren't you afraid? I was about to turn you. What do you mean that you have a secret like mine? You can't be." I asserted. I couldn't see how Estelle could be what I was. I've seen her at night recently, no such transforming. She wasn’t this horrible monster that I became each night. I could never see her like that.

"You're right. I'm not, not yet. It’s a long story." She admitted. I knew she was going to tell it to me, as I deserved to know. Little did she know that I had a story of my own, a story that had transformed into something dangerous over the past couple of months.

"A long story that I will shorten for now, and I can try to go into more detail later. In all honesty, I really was kept out of the loop for a lot of it. I have been around vampires my whole life. My family has been vampires for centuries now, and my father is the leader of our clan. As you know, he is typically very absent, and it is because of that. He is obsessed and cares more about the clan than his own family. Well as I guess you know our kind of vampires are not originally born as vampires..." She saw the confused look on my face.

"I was turned by Keane. I-uh..” This was not a subject I knew much about, “died in a car accident when I was 17." It was so weird to say.

Her eyes went wide."I guess there truly is a lot we don't know about each other.” She paused and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before continuing. I was wondering what was running through her head. Did she wonder what my human life was like? I wondered sometimes too.

“Well, we get one chance to live as a human, and then once we die we become vampires. We are born with a special chemical in our blood to trigger the transformation at death. Since my father is the leader of my clan, my brother and I really have no choice of having a long human life. My brother was going to be the one to take over the clan, until--" I could tell the memory was still raw for her, as it would seem impossible not to be.

I inched closer to her as I put my arm around her shoulder. She thinks it is all going to work out, when she doesn't even know the half of it, I thought. I would wait to tell her until the end of her story.

"It doesn't make much sense, but instead of returning as a vampire. He disappeared. We have had people out looking for the body, but..." There were more tears forming in her eyes. I tried to wipe them away before they fell. I felt now was not the right time to let her know that I had found Wes’ car that night. There wasn’t any new information that I could provide.

"So now it is me that must take over the clan, unfortunately. Of course, I was not prepared for that to happen, and never wanted to. My family definitely did not have this in their plan. My brother was much more of a natural leader than myself…”She paused as her thoughts returned to her brother, and how different her life was going to be. I wonder if she even had let this sink in.

“I have no choice now. At the end of my brother's college career, he was supposed to be turned, and then rule what was rightfully his. However, now there is much more of a rush to make sure the final heir does not get kidnapped as well. My father believes that he is going to become much too weak if we wait any longer. He has been a leader to our people, but it is time for him to step down. He believes that I can't remain human after what happened to my brother. Over winter break, I will be turned, so that will give me enough time to heal. My parents are going to allow me to go back to college afterward, just to prove to me how difficult it will be and for them to have me come back and marry, since the kingdom is supposed to be ruled by a male, which could be you." Estelle looked into my eyes so hopeful; I felt as though I couldn't tell her my side of the story. Being around her felt so right, but unfortunately it couldn’t be. I knew that whatever we were now including no more secrets.

“I mean in a way this all makes sense. I always knew we were destined to be together. I could never ask you to be a vampire, just like you couldn’t ask me. We could be together forever, and perhaps move the clan to more progressive ideals.”

How badly I wanted to give in to those hopeful eyes and believe that truly could be it. I readjusted my body position in preparation for my own story. "I feel like I should start from the beginning."

"Please, I want to finally know you." Estelle pleaded.

"Okay." I gave her a slight smile. "As I said, my parents and I were killed in a car crash a few months before my high school graduation according to Keane. He took me in, turned me and ultimately changed my life forever. I never truly hated being a vampire. I honestly always thought of it to be a gift, a second chance, in which I got to meet you."

Estelle's smile became wide as she shook her head with happiness. "I've always loved the positive outlook that you've always had about everything. I'm glad you didn't lose that."

"Well, unfortunately, I recently found out that I was used for a major scheme for attempting to steal the power of another clan. The puzzle pieces are all coming together now so I see that it must be for your father's clan. I supposed this is a power struggle that has gone on for many years, and I was thrown into the middle of it. Without my knowing, I was placed into high school purposefully to meet and make you fall in love with me." Estelle looked as shocked as I did when I first found out.

I quickly continued, not wanting her to think our time together wasn't real. "Keane said we fell in love much quicker than any of my clan members were expecting. I love you so much, but I was always conflicted with this vampire side of me. I was afraid that I could hurt you at any moment. As we approached this summer and you going away to college, it only got worse as I knew I would have to end it. I figured you deserved much better than me, and that college was going to be your opportunity to find that. I would no longer have the cover of your parent's strict rules; I would have to reveal myself to you. I was going to wait until the end of the summer, but when you proposed to me--" This time I didn't want to finish. I'm sure this memory upset her.

"I knew I couldn't go through with it, even though in my head I was shouting yes on the top of my lungs. I didn't think someone could love someone else as much as I love you. Since I so strongly believe this, I knew you deserved better, not a monster like me. I shouldn't have gone as far as I did, but I knew that you wouldn't just accept no as a marriage proposal without more. I love you so much that I don't even know how those words came out of my mouth." Estelle sweetly kissed me as a reassurance that everything was okay now. Little did she know that the story only gets worse.

"I feel selfish." Estelle admitted. "That afternoon that I proposed, I knew what was next for my future even if I didn’t want to accept it. I was so focused with us staying together, and keeping something stable in my life I didn't even think about it." I kissed her forehead, now reassuring her that it was okay. We had both made mistakes.

"That night I went back to my apartment to find a man there with an offer. It was supposed to help get my mind off what I had just told you. I was afraid I would run back to you if I had a minute to myself. Shawn, the man, had motives that I was unaware of. I was originally told it was a training camp for new vampires, but it has turned out not to be that at all. He began giving me these pills. They gave me all of these extra abilities. I could transform whenever I wanted, even avoid doing so at night. I was able to transform into other people, be incredibly talented at everything vampires can do, and I could teleport. At first, he was pushing for me to date this other vampire girl that was training with us..."

Estelle interrupted me, "Was she blond and really beautiful?"

"She was blond, but I prefer brunettes." My comment made Estelle smile, but it was true, specifically one brunette. "He got mad at me so much because I would spy on you. I'm embarrassed to admit this." She nudged me to go on. "I transformed into people you came in contact with several times. The day you met Ethan at Sally’s for the first time, when you were shopping with Aly for your college dorm, and a couple of times Ethan himself. The day when we walked to the park, and we sat in you and your brother’s old clubhouse. Just recently when Ethan came up to your room after your dinner date, Shawn was forcing me to make you hate Ethan at the time. I wanted to stop, but you wouldn't recognize me on these pills. I was obsessed with you. It was scaring me. I promise I didn’t want to hurt you any more than I already had."

"Hmm…the times you mentioned were the only times I ever liked Ethan because he reminded me of you." Estelle admitted. I was thankful to hear it. “Well other than a few weeks ago...not so much then.”

I felt like I was blushing but continued on with my story. "Suddenly, Shawn stopped us training with the girl. He said that she failed him by not making me like her. That Audrey had worked for him in the past, and he owed her a chance. I didn't completely understand."

"Her name was Audrey?" Estelle's eyes had become wide as she leaned off my chest to look me directly in the eyes.

"Yeah..." I said hesitantly.

"Oh woah, I knew her well I knew of her. She didn't look like that..." Estelle was shaking her head.

"She was taking the pills too, shapeshifting abilities." I wondered if the pills affected her as they did me. I never really took the chance to get to know her.

Estelle grabbed my hand, "She broke Wesley's heart. I don't know all the details, but I just remember him saying how he had caught her using him. He refused to see her ever again." Estelle was speechless for a moment. It was beginning to come together piece by piece now. "This is all so crazy...” Estelle murmured.

I decided to leave out the fact that he had killed Audrey; she can only take so much in one day. “That makes more sense now. I suppose that is what Shawn meant by her failing him. Well instead, Shawn told me that I should make you fall in love with me again. At the time I didn't understand it, not like I saw where many of Shawn's plans were going, but I knew I couldn't do it. I knew at that time we broke up for a reason, and in my mind, I believed you deserved so much more.” I looked at Estelle, and this whole situation was so surreal. I didn’t ever imagine having any of these conversations with her, but here we are. Everything is getting out in the open.

“I stopped taking those pills I was telling you about, and that made it for Shawn to control me. He would hurt me if I didn't do as he told me to. He would love this right now. To see me winning you back, to see you in love with me, wanting to marry me because that is his master plan. For me to marry you, kill you and become the heir to your clan as he was signed as my guardian, not Keane. I just found out about that the other night, and it some ways it feels like my whole life is a lie.” Just as Estelle’s reality was sinking in so was mine. Sure, Keane had told me all of this, but repeating it to Estelle made it all that more real.

“But why? What did my clan do to wrong yours?” Estelle was flustered. I guess more vampires in her clan where more kind-hearted than ours.

“They are evil. Maybe it is a power struggle and it has been a dream of all of theirs for some time now. It must all be an old rivalry that I do not know much about. Most likely, Shawn will kill me to have full control. The power hungry are never fully fed I am learning the hard way. I am in trouble."

Estelle rested her head on my shoulder. She was much better at taking in information than I was. She already processed all that I said and was thinking of a solution hopefully.

"I never connected the two though." Now, I was realizing how unobservant I was. "I never assumed that your family was a vampire clan, or that you would be made into a vampire. It helped that I was kept so much in the dark by my own brother though. The vampire side of me is so cruel and ruthless, and you are the complete opposite of that. I didn't once think it was possible." I knew I was mostly talking to myself, as Estelle continued to brainstorm beside me.

As I was hitting myself for not realizing all of this earlier, to let her almost drown, and for her to have to sit down and explain it me before I figured it out, Estelle perked up. She had an idea, hopefully just the idea that would get us both out of this mess.

"I don't want to go." I assumed she meant college and figured I shouldn't protest just yet. At the beginning of the summer, I would have told her no she is going, and that she would not forgo her education for me. However, a lot has changed since then. "I can't go with Ethan and Aly. Every time I am around them I can’t stand it, and I will have to be around them all the time. I want to be here with you. My father can find someone else to take over.” Her chocolate eyes glistened, “We can run away together. California, maybe?”

I wanted to say yes. My mind was thinking through all of the ways that wouldn’t work, but my mouth didn’t listen as I replied, "Okay”. I kissed her this time knowing that everything was told while hoping that everything would work out. Running away together seemed impossible, and was incredibly dangerous for me to be with her like this. Keane had warned me, but I couldn’t be away from her again. It had been too long. I feel like in movies the hero always does the right thing. He removes himself from the relationship to save the girl, but I did that and it didn’t work out.

I was so concerned with only her; I didn't even notice Shawn standing openly in the field, listening to every word that was just said.