Wildfires

My parents clear the table and
Leave me sitting there as I
Stare without any restraint
At the last slice of triple chocolate cake.

That’s triple the fat,
Triple the shame,
Triple the unhappiness
You’ll experience if you shove
It down your pretty little throat.
Ana is there to keep me distracted.

I banish the ugly thoughts
To welcome the right ones;
I think of how stunning I will be
As well as the girls who will wonder
Why there’s a goddess in their midst.

I daydream for what seems like an eternity
Before I notice everyone has gone to bed.
I take the plate of cake and toss it in the trash;
My body makes its way upstairs to try and
Sleep for an hour or two before school.

I am on the brink of peaceful bliss
When my phone rings obnoxiously loud
From the pocket of my jeans in the basket of
Dirty clothes I need to wash sooner than I expected.

It’s a number that I had long forgotten
Until now.
I consider my options
But decide to answer it because
I
want
to
fucking
sleep.

Iris? It’s Ryne. Are you busy?
His voice is the epitome of distress and fear.
I was sleeping but not anymore.
Wasteoftimeneedsleepnotfoodfuckthisshit.
Oh. Well, there’s been an accident.
I strain to hear him, he’s pretty shaken up, I think.
What happened? If this is a joke, I swear I’ll---
I am not in the right state of mind to be understanding.
Iris, oh god, you have to help me. Autumn is dead.
The phone slips from my fingers.
He’slyinghe’slyinghe’slyingnotpossiblenevergonnahappen.

Even though I fooled myself
Into believing I hated her,
I know it’s not true because
We used to be so close, so connected.
I don’t even realize I’m crying until
The next morning when I see
Tearstains on my pillow.

Who am I?