Wildfires

I walk to Autumn’s
Nervous. Disoriented. Scared.
Ana and Mia don’t go with me.
Plus, the exercise is good
For me so I can formulate
An actual plan.

Ryne doesn’t know about the letter,
Nor does anyone else, I assume.
You know what they say about those who assume.

I pass by the ice cream parlor,
Resisting the urge to indulge in a
Banana split with extra chocolate syrup.
As if Ana is right there with me, I hear it:
A moment on the lips, forever on the hips.
Do you want to be a failure for the rest of your life?
I was beginning to see progress.
Don’t. Do. It.
I pass by the shop and feel a sharp hunger pain in my stomach.
Youdon’tfuckingneedityoufatcow.

Without a doubt, I am stronger already.

Autumn’s house is still a crime scene;
Would it be considered breaking and entering
If I were to snoop around in her room?
I try not to think about being arrested for burglary
And find Autumn’s window,
Sliding it open carefully.
The house was old and her parents never replaced the windows.
I guess I got lucky this time.

She didn’t die here.

Her room is untouched, as if she’s going to
Waltz into the room with dinner in hand
To flush it down the toilet along with the
Three cherries and cracker she ate for lunch.

I know where the letter is and my
Chest tightens as I inhale and exhale slowly,
Finding the journal Autumn used to track her outtake intake.
I flip through the pages of the journal
Growing more and more disappointed
At the numbers and drawings on each page;
Halfway through it, a few sheets of paper fall out.

I bite my lip.

For Iris.

I found it.