Wildfires

One slice of plain whole-wheat toast. (77)
Half a grapefruit. (52)
One teaspoon of hot sauce. (5)
Water. (0)

134 calories.

I am livid by the fact that
Being sick for approximately eleven hours
Has not made me lose a single pound,
Not even a half.

I think I’m one of the few who wants to be sick.

Is it too much to hope for?

I want to trace my fingers over a washboard ribcage,
I want to see an angular face,
I want gangly arms and legs that stretch for miles,
I want to be able to see
My bones,
My success,
My reward.

But Ana & Mia still don’t believe I deserve it,
Don’t care that I’m wasting away for this alone.

Even though we’re all friends,
I know we could easily become enemies.

I’m going to prove them wrong
As well as myself
But first I have to visit a certain someone
before
it’s
too
late.

I open the door, ready to walk to the mausoleum
But then I see Ryne and he tells me to get in the car
My stumpy legs obey this command
And my traitorous heart still beats erratically as he
Leans over slightly,
His arm brushing against my shoulder for a millisecond
To open the vent for the air conditioner.

What did I expect?

He’s only being nice to me today.

Tomorrow, we’ll part ways and nothing will change.

I refuse to dwell on a friendship that wasn’t meant to flourish any further.

Fuck regrets.