Closer to Heaven with You

It was five years ago that I first laid eyes on my future husband. I'd come to visit my brother, Matt, at one of his band's shows and just happened to meet the man of my dreams. He was one of my brother's friends, but I'd never met him. His name was Zacky Baker, aka Zacky Vengeance, and I knew from the moment I met him that this was the man I wanted to marry.

I lured him into conversation by omitting the fact that I was related to Matt, because my older brother tended to get a little protective when it came to me, and I wouldn't have him scaring Zacky off. Zacky did find out eventually, but by then we were already too far in to let go. Five months after meeting, Zacky and I were married.

Before long, I discovered that I was pregnant with my first child. Zacky jumped through hoops to ensure that I was comfortable, that I had everything I needed. When we found out we were expecting a boy, we were both ecstatic.

Shortly after our son, Tyler, was born, Zacky surprised me with some big news. He had enlisted in the army, as had Matt. I didn't question him on his decision, I'd always known him to do what he thought was right no matter what anyone else thought. He assured me it would be awhile before he would be called into duty, so we settled down to watch our young family blossom.

Three Years Later

It was late, after midnight, and yet Zacky and I still sat at the kitchen table. We were both silent, we'd grown tired of talking. In the center of the large rectangular table sat a letter, the insignia of the US Army riding high on the envelope. It had come in the mail today unexpectedly and now we were facing our worst nightmare.

Zacky was being deployed.

We'd discussed this out of earshot of our son, who was now old enough to understand that something wasn't right. Of course we'd known he'd be called out soon, what with the war escalating like it was. But the call couldn't have come at a worse time.

I was pregnant again, this time with a girl. And if Zacky left now, he would miss her birth.

"Zacky, there has to be a way you can get out of this." I spoke to him quietly, my voice hoarse from disuse.

He reached for my hand and squeezed it tightly in his own. With restraint, I refused to look up and meet his gaze. "Emmaline, I know you don't want me to go, but I have to. I took an oath, and I have to stick to it."

"So some oath is more important to you than your family?" At this sentence, Zacky drew in a breath. I'd touched a nerve. I was trying to refrain from this method of conversation, but obviously that idea was a bust. "I can't have you and Matt gone at the same time. It's too much." Matt had been deployed several weeks ago, and the thought of losing my brother was darkening my mind. Now I had to risk my husband, too?

"You know that's not true, Emmaline.", Zacky answered with intent. "Nothing is more important to me than you and Tyler. Or the baby. Now you and I both knew when I enlisted that I would have to be deployed sooner or later. And the sooner I leave, the sooner I can come home."

"But you'll be gone for so long." At this point I began to cry, the reality of everything finally sinking in. Before now, it all felt like a bad dream. "What will I do?"

"I'll only be gone for ten months.", Zacky whispered soothingly. He rubbed his calloused fingers over the palm of my hand, a calming motion, and my tears slowly faltered. "I'll be back before you know it."

"But what about Tyler?" When I mentioned our son, Zacky's face fell. "He's going to want to know why you'll be gone for so long. What will I tell him?"

"You can tell him I went to fight. I think he's old enough to understand."

I stood up from the table and walked over to Zacky. He stood up next to me and I wrapped my arms around his midsection, burying my face in his chest. "I'll miss you.", I said.

Zacky gently kissed the top of my head. I smiled through my tears. "I'll miss you, too, Emmaline.", he murmured. "But everything will be fine, I promise."

----^---{@ <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 @}---^----

Ten months without Zacky was definitely difficult. But we wrote each other constantly and, when given the opportunity, shared a precious phone call. The latter came with weeks in between each instance, so written words rather than those spoken helped us close the gap between us.

After our daughter, Lydia, was born, I arranged for a video link with Zacky so he could see her. It might not have been in person, but it was the next best thing. Matt was there, too. He and Zacky spent a lot of their little downtime together, and he was able to see his niece. I also brought Tyler into the room so that he could talk to Zacky, because he missed his father almost more than I did.

Five months after Lydia's birth, the joyous day finally arrived. In apprehension for Zacky's homecoming, I tidied up the house as best I could and cooked up his favorite meal for dinner that night. Tyler had drawn his father a picture that he was eager to present. I was sure that all of us, possibly even Lydia, were excited to finally see Zacky again.

----^---{@ <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 @}---^----

"Emmaline, really. This is too much.", Zacky sputtered upon entering our house.

"I assure you, it's not.", I responded. "Besides, you coming home wasn't the only reason I cleaned up. The house was filthy and I have way too much down time on my hands."

Zacky pulled me close to him and pressed his face into my neck. "Oh I see.", he said. "I'm not special enough on my own for you to get the house all clean. There has to be other things, too." He nibbled softly on my neck and I inhaled sharply.

"Daddy hurting Mommy?", Tyler asked.

I shoved Zacky away from me. He only smiled at me, like he'd done nothing wrong. "No, Tyler. Daddy wasn't hurting Mommy. Now go on into the kitchen, it's time for dinner."

While Tyler scurried into the kitchen, Zacky walked slowly over to Lydia, who was sitting quietly in her automated swing. He tenderly lifted her and cradled her in his arms.

"She's beautiful.", he whispered in awe. "I wish I could've been here when she was born."

"Insignificant.", I said. "Being absent from her birth will hardly compare to the next eighteen years."

"True." Zacky placed Lydia back in the swing and turned to me. "See, I told you everything would work out."

I shot him a look that clearly conveyed my skepticism. "Alright mister cocky, let's go eat. I'm pretty sure our son is in there starving because you're taking so long."

Zacky hugged me to his side as we made our way to the dining room. I sighed. It felt unbelievably good to have Zacky by my side again. Now I knew he was safe.

Later that night, after we'd put both Tyler and Lydia to sleep for the night, Zacky dragged me into our bedroom. When you've been with someone a long time, you almost know exactly how they behave. You know how to make each other tick. And compared to the uncertainty of the last ten months, this was a sigh of relief.

----^---{@ <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 @}---^----

One Week Later

"Tyler, sit down please."

As I said this, Zacky reached over and forced our son into a sitting position in his chair. "Eat.", he instructed. Yes, as if that would really work.

In the middle of this may lay, the phone began ringing. I stood up, telling Zacky to handle Tyler as I walked away to answer it. I immediately recognized my brother's home phone number and became aware of my heart beating faster. I hadn't heard from Matt in quite awhile, so I was excited to get this phone call.

"Hello? Matt, is this you?", I said.

"No Emmaline, it's me.", Matt's wife, Val, answered.

Oh well. If it wasn't Matt calling me with the news that he would be returning soon, the next best person would be Val. Just as I had been anxious to see Zacky come home safe, she was apprehensive to see Matt.

"Listen, I have some bad news."

I felt myself tense. Bad news? That could only mean...

"Matt's been killed."

Those three words shot ice through my veins. My brother was dead? How could this be? Zacky had returned home to me, why not Matt? I dropped to the floor as the tears began to fall, leaving the phone dangling in midair.

Though I had not noticed it, the dining room had become completely silent with the exception of Lydia's babbling. I detected the faint sound of a chair scraping against the wood floor and seconds later felt myself being lifted from the floor. Zacky's arms hooked around my shoulders, and I let myself fall into his embrace.

"Emmaline, what's the matter?", he asked.

"M-Matt.", I choked. "H-He's dead."

Zacky's grip on me faltered, but did not loosen all together. Obviously he was surprised. After all, he had seen Matt only weeks ago, and he had been perfectly healthy then. But of course a bullet does not distinguish the healthy from the sick.

The joy of having Zacky home was now tainted by my brother's death. How would I ever get through this? It seemed impossible that he was gone. I'd always seen Matt as strong and invincible.

Matt was given a proper army burial. Some of the soldiers from his brigade, along with Zacky, folded the flag that was presented to our hysterical parents. As I looked from my brother's grave to my husband, chin squared as he saluted his fallen friend, I realized how lucky I was to have him here with me. It could've been him being lowered into that hole in the ground.

After everyone else but Zacky and I had departed, I offered a private goodbye to Matt. My protector, my enemy, my friend, my brother.

And with all that we've been through
After all this time I'm coming home to you.