Do All Things With Love

The bus was boring, cold and lonely.

The look on his face kept popping up in front of me, the hurt in his eyes. I couldn’t believe I had done that to him, I didn’t want to make him that upset I just...

... I didn’t want to string him along when I didn’t love him anymore, that would have been crueler and he would have grown bitter and angry at me.

I can see us now if I hadn’t of ended it today. We would have ended up screaming at each other and throwing things because he was frustrated at the lack of attention I was giving to the relationship and I was trying to hide and pretend that I still loved him.

I couldn’t do that.

He was in pain now but it would pass soon, with time, hopefully not too long.

The bus ride was long, an hour. I stared out the window trying to find something to distract me. There was only snow and cold out there, and a homeless man. At this time of the year I felt really sorry for the homeless, sitting out there in the freezing cold.

There was something different about this homeless man though, he was smiling; you didn’t see that every day. He was holding a sign up to the sky trying to show everyone, as he turned it towards the bus I could see why he was smiling.

“Do all things with love”.

He was sharing his message with everyone. He looked happy. He was homeless and probably freezing but he was happy because he was sharing his message with everyone. It was amazing.

Then I started thing back on the break-up but not in a bad way. I broke up with him because I cared about him. I didn’t want to pretend and lie to him even though it would keep him happy for now. I cared enough to tell him the truth even though it would hurt.

Yet it doesn’t make me feel one ounce better because I know that he will still be heartbroken and wondering why I broke-up with him. I told him but I don’t think he was listening because he was panicking instead and I know that when he panics he blocks everything out and focuses on his breathing.

I wanted to call him or txt him making sure he was okay and to explain it better to him, but I knew at this stage it would only hurt him more.

I felt miserable. I had broken his heart and left him alone in his room to deal with it. I just couldn’t handle being there to watch as he broke down.

I wanted him to move on and find someone who would really love him, who would always love him and I wanted him to know that.

As the bus passed the post office I saw a poster outside “Show someone you love them by sending them a letter”. I knew it was just a promotional poster to get people sending letters again but it was a good idea. If I sent him a letter it would get there in a few days, hopefully when he’s processed what has happened and is ready to hear why.

I grabbed my notebook and pen from my bag and started writing.



She was gone.

She was really gone and she wasn’t coming back.

It had been two days and I hadn’t heard anything from her. I wanted to call her or txt her but I wanted her to contact me first.

I felt horrible and I bet I looked horrible too. I had been hauled up in my room for the past two days, ever since she told me.

We had been going out for two and a half years and then suddenly out of the blue she breaks up with me, without a good reason either. I bet it was for another guy. Just breaks up with me and then leaves me, not even a goodbye.

I opened my bedroom door to go to the bathroom, as I walk out something on the floor caught my eye. It’s a letter, probably just from the bank or something.

On my way back from the bathroom I picked it up and flip it over. It was in her handwriting. I thought it must be some kind of a joke, why would she send me a letter. I opened it anyway...

Dear Cody

I know I hurt you and I’m sorry. I want you to know that I am really sorry. I just didn’t think it would be fair to you if I just ignored what I was feeling and pretend. There isn’t another guy, I know this is what you’re worried about but there was only you. I tried to feel what I once felt for you but nothing happened, all I felt was friendship, that wasn’t enough. I know that there is a girl out there waiting for you. One that will love you like I once did. One that will always be beside you holding your hand and making you smile. I wish I could have been her and I know you’re probably thinking to yourself that I could have been but I can’t. This girl beside you will love you, really love you, forever. And as much as I hate to say it but I don’t love you as I should anymore. I love you like a cherished friend, a member of my family but not as a lover and a partner.
I didn’t write this letter to cause you pain but for you to have closure and to move on. Go find your forever girl and let our memories fall into the past.

Have a beautiful life and call me in a few years for a friendly cup of coffee.

I will always remember you.

Gabrielle.