Desolate

Jordan sat next to Charlie for a few minutes, patting her back and trying to tell her everything would be ok even though she didn’t even believe herself. But she didn’t know what else to tell Charlie other than that.

“Well I’m going to leave you alone for awhile,” she mumbled after awhile, “I’m not really helping much.”

Charlie sat up and ran her fingers through her hair and took a deep breath. “I’ll come too. It’s not good to just sit here and wallow, right?”

Jordan gave a single nod and they made their way out of the room, just as Zakk was leaving his own room. Charlie looked from Jordan to Zakk and awkwardly strolled away.

“Jordan, you were right,” Zakk said softly. Jordan tucked her hair behind her ear and refused to say anything to him.

“I’m sorry,” he added desperately.

“It’s a little late for that isn’t it?!” she snapped, “you doubted me, you doubted yourself, you doubted us. So, like you said, it’s better for both of us.”

“Jordan, you can’t say that unless-” Jordan cut him off by running over to him and slapping him.

“Don’t even say that I don’t understand unless I’ve lost someone! I have!” she screamed, “just because it wasn’t someone I used to sleep with!”

Zakk stepped back and pressed his lips together. She took a deep breath to keep herself from exploding and continued, “I lost my mom and my step-dad. My dad is probably dead too so tell me Zakk, do you really think that I don’t understand?”

He didn’t speak and she sighed and softened her voice, “Zakk, it’s not just about you. This whole zombie apocalypse is making me crazy.”

“It’s making us all crazy Jordan,” he mumbled. Jordan nodded in agreement and pushed her hair back.

“I know…I just…don’t feel right,” she mumbled.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“Just the constant looking over my shoulder every five seconds because some zombie might have snuck in somehow is making me stress eat but I can’t seem to keep down anything I eat,” she explained.

“That’s normal Jordan. Some people just starve themselves unintentionally when they’re stressed. You just eat when you’re stressed, and a lot of people get nauseous when they’re nervous or stressed or paranoid,” he said, cupping her face with one of his hands.

“I know Zakk, but I just can’t deal with the hunger and the nausea and looking out my window every five seconds to see if something is out to get me. There are days where I regret defending myself against my zombie mother,” she said with tears spilling down her face, “if it weren’t for the huge train wreck that is my current mental state, I’d be making this better.”

“So, this whole time you were mad, it wasn’t about us?” he said.

“At first but…now I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve broken a fuse,” she replied.

“Jordan, you’re not crazy. You could ask Alex or Charlie if they’re feeling the same way you are and they’ll say yes,” he said reassuringly, “maybe you’re body just isn’t used to all this commotion and you’re just trying to adjust. Whatever it is, we can fix it.”

“I’m sure,” she murmured, rubbing her stomach uncomfortably. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and took her back into her room.

“You just need to lie down,” he said gently as he helped her onto her bed. She grabbed his collar and sat him down on the chair beside her bed.

“Just stay…” she said as she began to doze off. He nodded and watched her as she closed her eyes and fell asleep.

“Hey, are you guys ok?” he heard Charlie ask.

“Yeah, we…sort of worked things out,” he said, “she’s convinced that she’s crazy.”

“Why would she suddenly start thinking that?” she asked.

“I don’t know. She’s talking about being nauseous all the time, stress eating, and just being paranoid and tense,” he sighed.

“Well, we all deal with stress differently, I suppose,” she mumbled.

“You’re not stressed?” he said.

“Of course I am!” she snapped, smacking him on the head, “I just thought she was PMSing or something.”

Zakk chuckled and rolled his eyes at her, even though he doubted that she was kidding.

“Anyways, sleep will probably do her good,” Charlie said softly, stuffing her hands in her pockets. Zakk nodded in agreement and after a few minutes of complete silence she left the room. As she walked out, she bumped into Oliver. He stared at her, with nothing but contempt in his eyes.

“Excuse me,” she grumbled. Without responding, he walked away and she scoffed at him, “Oliver, why are you still mad? Didn’t you see me trying to remove myself from Darren’s face?!”

He shook his head and continued walking and she laughed softly, “I guess you didn’t because you’re apparently blind.”

“I’m not blind Charlie. Obviously we’re not meant to be together,” he grumbled, “before Darren, it was Andrew. Who will it be next?”

“You’re crazy,” she said scornfully. Oliver shrugged indifferently and headed back down the stairs. Charlie rubbed her extremely tired eyes and groaned. Why was everything falling apart? Things were totally fine until Darren got in the way and ruined everything. Although, Oliver was to blame too. His jealousy and immaturity got the best of him and screwed everything up too. Hell, everything she’d worked so hard for was crumbling from under her and everyone else. Why should this whole Oliver thing be any different?

*********

Sleep couldn’t stop Jordan’s thoughts speed through her head a million miles a minute. She was woken up by the sound of those thoughts. She couldn’t even get a decent five minutes of sleep.

“Only five minutes?” Jordan whined groggily. Zakk chuckled awkwardly and moved a stray hair out of her face. Jordan sighed and sat up, pulling her hair back as she did.

“I’m gonna go downstairs for awhile,” she mumbled as she stood up and headed out the door.

“Jordan, are we cool?” he asked, grabbing her wrist gently, but firmly enough to stop her.

“I don’t know Zakk, you’ll just have to see,” she answered, pulling her wrist away and walking out. It wasn’t the right timing. Things were just too complicated and too frightening that happiness was impossible at the moment. Happiness would just end up being eaten alive by the zombies outside the safety of John’s house.