I Need You to Love Me

Paul kept the café open late that night, staying up to wait for Rachael. Ban and Ginji had also stayed, leaving Ginji asleep and curled up in one of the booths, and Ban staring nervously into his coffee. She had been job hunting for six hours, and it was once again pouring rain outside.

“She seems like a capable girl, Ban. I’m sure she’s fine.” Paul sighed, though the way he was staring blankly at the window proved he wasn’t so confident in his statement.

“Capable yeah, sure, but I know what happened to her just a few days ago. She obviously wasn’t able to fight them off on her own, was she?”

“Yakuza slave hunters are one thing to be worried about, but after being taken by them once, I don’t think she’d let it happen again.”

“Your right… she’ll fight. Wait, no that’s worse! If she fights they’ll just … I have to go look for her.” He announced while quickly standing and moving to the door.

“Ban, wait.” Paul sighed, catching him by the sleeve before he could leave and pulling him into a booth. “It’s kind of obvious you feel something for this girl, and feel you need to protect her. But you have to let her live as well, isn’t that right?” he questioned, sitting down across from him.

Ban remained silent.

“Look, I saw the way you watched her when she was playing earlier. You weren’t just feeling those emotions because she’s an amazing musician, and makes us feel the music. You were feeling them because you love her, and were angry, and sad, because she felt angry, and sad. I can tell just from the way your posture changed when she was afraid of Kazuki earlier that it angered you. Not because she’s afraid, but because of why she is afraid.”

“When did you become a shrink?” he asked sarcastically.

“It isn’t psychology, it’s common sense Ban.” Ginji grunted as he stretched and sat up in the booth behind them, letting the other two know that he was awake.

Before he could retort, Rachael stumbled through the door. Ban immediately jumped up to check over her, nearly tripping over his own feet from moving too quickly. “What happened?” he demanded, taking notice of the obvious result of her being in a fight. “I’m okay Ban, really. You know what they say, curiosity killed the cat.” She tried to joke, but winced in pain when she tried to laugh. “Seriously, what happened?” he pushed. “I… you know that place, the Limitless Fortress or whatever?” she started, but was cut off by Ginji choking on his coffee.

“You went there?” he shouted, “Alone?!”

“I had a feeling I should go, and I did. I won’t be going back though, at least not alone… or dressed up like this. They actually thought I had money.” She laughed, leaning away from Ban and against the counter. “You have to be more careful, you’re not indestructible Rachael!” Ban yelled, making her cower from him slightly.

As soon as he saw how afraid of him she was, he regretted raising his voice. With a heavy sigh he put his hands on her shoulders, feeling worse when she flinched so heavily. “I’m just worried about you, okay? We don’t want anything to happen to you, and the Limitless Fortress is a very dangerous place. You might not have come back from there.” He explained, keeping his voice calm as he spoke to her. “I-I’m sorry.” She muttered with tears in her eyes, avoiding his gaze. “It’s okay, just… please be more careful.” He sighed. She nodded and hugged him, receiving a tight embrace in return. As soon as they parted she went up to her room, hugging Ginji on the way.

“She likes you.” Ginji commented later that night as they sat in their car. They both wanted to be sleeping, but for some reason it wouldn’t seem to take them.

“Hmm, Ginji?”

“I said she likes you. Even though you two just met like a day ago, she has the same feelings for you as you do for her.”

“No, she doesn’t.”

“Did you see how sad she got when she thought you were mad at her?”

“I just scared her, because I was yelling. I shouldn’t have done that, she probably thought I was gonna hit her.”

“Yeah, probably. But I think she was more scared that you wouldn’t like her anymore. I know it’s childish, but that’s what I think.” Ginji nodded and went back to lying with his eyes closed to fall asleep after his reply, leaving Ban to think things over on his own.

Rachael woke up the next morning with a determination to get a job, and start her new life. She remembered seeing three places she would love to work, with help wanted and now hiring signs in the windows. One was a used bookstore, one a small music shop, and the other was an alternative store in the mall called “Lyfestile”. Almost like Hot Topic, but better. It was a music shop, clothing store, piercing parlor, hair salon, tattoo parlor, and “Toy Shop”. It also sold home décor.

She put on a very nice pair of black jeans, and dress casual boots, with a deep purple, quarter sleeved shirt, under a black over shirt. She pulled her hair up into a professional bun, and did her makeup very naturally, while still covering up her bruises before packing all of her new things back into the duffel bag she had gotten and went town to the café.

“More job hunting, Rachael?” Paul questioned. “Every day, until I have something.” She nodded. “I could give you a job here, you know.” He suggested, serving her some toast and eggs. “Thank you, but I need to earn this on my own. This is a chance to start a new life, and find who I need to be; I need to find the answers on my own.” She smiled.

“What is this obsession with answers of yours, anyway?”

“Okay, so let’s say you’re an orphan and live your whole life, being almost invisible in a house with somewhere between fifteen, and thirty other kids. You have four adults to all of those kids, and the kids are all different ages. The two men have to take care of all the boys, and the two women take care of all the girls. But you don’t lash out for attention, and you don’t throw tantrums, you’re just quiet and stay out of the way. So naturally, you’re pretty much invisible, okay?”

He nodded in response and leaned against the counter across from her.

“So, you grow up like this. It’s been this way your whole life. No one really talks to you, unless it’s the other kids pushing you around, and bullying you, hitting you, calling you names, and stuff like that.

“Now you go to school. Not kindergarten and all that, real school. You tried to cut your hair to look nice for the first day, and butchered it, making you need to wear a bright yellow hat to cover it up. All the other kids laugh, and you’re instantly the one getting bullied; as if being the new kid wasn’t bad enough.

“You grow up. You still don’t know where you belong in any of this, because through school you never found the clique you belonged with. The nerds didn’t want you. The jocks pushed you into lockers. The cheerleaders made fun of you and spread rumors about you. The Goths rolled their eye-liner-caked eyes at you and ignore you. The punks tried to take you in but you just didn’t cut it. And even the band kids didn’t work out! You just have no place you belong!

“At school you’re a shadow, and at home you’re a punching bag. The adults don’t see you, so they don’t stand up for you. Years pass, and you still don’t know what you are. You play music, but even that doesn’t have a genre, and you get put in therapy for its disturbed nature. But you can’t see it as disturbed, because it’s just an expression of yourself, right?”

“Right,” he nodded, trying to figure out where she was going with all of this.

“Right. So here you are, living life and being knocked around for fourteen years. Yes, they have middle school cheer leaders, Paul, don’t look at me like that. Anyway, now one of the men at the group home you live in finally snaps under the stress, and guess who gets hit? YOU! Yes you, he takes all his anger out on you. All the time!

“This goes on for another four years, and then guess what? They kick you out of the house. Why? Because you’re now eighteen years old, a legal adult, and have one week to find somewhere to live. You cry, and beg to stay, but there’s no room; you’re out the door and homeless. You wander the streets of your city, sleeping wherever you can, eating whatever you can find, and playing your violin for people to throw spare change into the case in pity. Do you know where you belong, Paul? Do you know who you are?”

“Is that how you grew up?” he asked in disbelief.

“Answer me, Paul.”

He sighed with a smile, playing along. “No, I have no idea.”

“Exactly! I don’t know who my parents are, what my last name is, or who I am supposed to be. I don’t know where I belong! I don’t know anything! I only call myself ‘Stone’ because it was the name of the group home I lived in! ‘The Stone Center for Abandoned Children’! Anyone who comes in ‘Baby Doe’ is given Stone as a last name!

“Now, imagine while sleeping you have a dream. You see a city called Shinjuku, and something there has a sign saying ‘Answers’. Just that. Shinjuku, Answers. Then you wake up. What do you want to do, die in the streets of your home town, with no clue to who you are, or fly to Japan, and die in the streets of Shinjuku, where your stupid dream promised answers?

“I need this, Paul. I need the answers; I can’t live much longer without knowing these things. What was my mom like, what was my dad’s name? Why didn’t they want me? What was so wrong with me that they couldn’t keep me, and love me? Hell, I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do in life! All I know, is what my heart tells me to do. And that’s what I follow. That’s why I came here, how I ended up going into the Limitless Fortress, and why I’m applying for three jobs today. One day, Paul, I’ll have my answers. I just have to find them.”

The café owner was beside himself after her explanation, but now understood. With a simple nod he refilled her coffee, and started to read that morning’s paper as Ban and Ginji walked through the door.

“Good morning, Rachael!” Ginji sang, embracing her tightly. “Good morning, Ginji!” she replied, copying his tone and returning the hug. “You look good.” Ban complimented as they hugged as well. “Thank you. I’m going job hunting again. I need to leave now, but I’ll be back later. Wish me luck!” she smiled and quickly left the building with a small businesswoman’s purse.

With a deep steadying breath, she walked through the door of “Turning Pages”, the used bookstore. “Good morning.” An old man beamed, obviously shocked to see her. “Good morning, Sir. I noticed your help wanted sign in the window the other day, and was wondering if I might apply for the position here?” she smiled. “Of course! I would have never guessed someone as young as you would want to work in my bookstore. I would think you would be off at a college somewhere, learning design, or some exciting career like that.” He smiled, coming around the front desk to shake her hand, and lead her into the office. “I honestly have a love for books, and reading. To me this would be an exciting job.” She smiled.

“I apologize for the disarray of things, I’ve been to busy to clean up here. You would be working minimum wage, is that all right?”

“Of course.”

“And what makes you want to work in my shop, other than your love of reading; you could easily take a job at a library with that.”

“I’m not sure really. I know that used books are often more fun to read than a brand new copy. You never know whose hands those pages have been turned by before you, and you can only imagine who will read them after you.”

“Good answer. Do you have any job experience?”

“No sir, this would be my first paying position.”

“I see… can you use an antique register?”

“No, but I could learn.”

“You would be the only one in the shop during your hours. I’m looking for someone to work here, so that I have some time to myself; I spend every waking moment here it seems.”

“I could easily do that, sir.”

“Do you have an application?”

“Yes sir.” She smiled, and handed over the piece of paper she had taken earlier from his store. “Thank you very much, I have a few other applications to look over, so I will call and let you know if you get the job.” He smiled.

“Thank you, sir.” She smiled, shaking his hand and leaving the store. Mentally thanking Paul for letting her use the Honky Tonk’s phone number for her contact information.

Her next stop was “Musicians Paradise”, a small music store that she had to walk twelve miles in heels to get to. The same routine went as her last application, but in the end, she turned down the position; she just didn’t like the owner, there was something shady about him that didn’t sit well with her. After Musicians Paradise she went to Lyfestile. Before going in though, she removed her over shirt, and took her hair down, messing it up to add some volume.

“Hey.” The man working the register nodded as she walked up. “Hi, I was wondering if I could turn in this job app?” she smiled, adjusting to the personality mold needed for this position, and trying to hide her nervousness around men. “Pfft, looking like that?” he smirked. “Oh what, should I leave and come back in leather pants, and a ripped tank?” she asked, quirking her brow. “Hmm… maybe, but then you’d look like A, a rock star, or B, cheap groupie. I like you, you’re willing to take a joke with stride, and keep on. The name’s Eito, I’m the store manager.” He smiled, extending his hand for a proper greeting. “Rachael.” She smiled. “Right, Rachael, well I don’t have an office… we turned that into the ‘Back Room’ since we got some complaints about our merch. But we have no tattoos going right now, so we can do an interview back there if you want.” He suggested. “Oh, all right.” She nodded, and followed Eito through the store, into a room with a poster of a psychotic tattoo artist, giving a tattoo to someone who was screaming in pain on the door. He flipped a sign on the door handle from green to red, and closed it behind them.

“Okay, Rachael, just have a seat on the bed there I guess. I wish we had a more professional place for this.” He laughed.

“It’s all right.” She smiled. She liked it here; so far she would rather work at Lyfestile than Turning Pages. She hoped to get the job, this place was calling her as much as the Limitless Fortress did.

“Okay, so to start off, why Lyfestile? Out of anywhere you could work, why here?” he asked seriously, almost staring her down.

“I like the environment, your staff seems easygoing, a lot of the things here fit my style, and you actually sell classical instruments, for not-so-classical musicians who play them.”

“What instrument grabbed your attention?”

“Your black and silver skull and crossbones cello, with the skull shaped head stalk. Then… everything else.”

“Cool, cool. Cellist chick, I like it. Have you ever had a job before? A legal job?”

“No, I’ve never had a job before. This would be my first.”

“Okay, that’s fine. Are you afraid of needles?”

“No.”

“Would you be able to work the Back Room?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what that is.”

“You know, the Back Room?”

“I-I’m sorry?”

“Hah, oh boy. We had to make it out of my office, to keep selling the merch. Sex stuff, pornographic stuff, costumes and props. Shit like that.”

“Oh, I, uhm,” she was blushing just thinking about working with that.

“Yeah, I’ll just keep you out of there. For now, but if we need you back there, you’ll have to work back there.”

“Okay.”

“What’s your pain tolerance?”

“W-what?”

“Just kidding, do you still want the job?”

“Yeah, of course!”

“Welcome to Lyfestile! Show up tomorrow wearing something a little less corporate, I’ll show you the ropes. You’ll be working under my management, but I’ll go easy on you the first day. Here’s the dress code, T&A is saved for the back room, so don’t show up dressed like a slut. I’ll send you home. Skirts have to be either to the knee, or worn over pants. You have to wear pants to climb ladders, no thong/skirt combos under any circumstance, and please if at all possible, wear flats. I keep ridiculously hideous clothes here for people who don’t listen to the rules.

“Visitors are encouraged, but not if they distract you. I myself can’t have my girlfriend visit at work anymore for longer than ten minutes, and she has to buy something; I got busted sneaking off to do things with her. Your shift starts at noon, and goes until eight p.m. If you show up late, you stay late. Time cards are… sorry. They’re in the back room.” He laughed remembering that they hadn’t moved the punch in from his old office yet.

“Thank you! Thank you so much!” she beamed, shaking his hand. “No problem, I look forward to having you work here. To be honest, you’re the first to apply since we fired Mick. He was a horny douche and I didn’t like the way he treated the girls here. We’re a family, you know. An inked, dysfunctional, pierced, and dyed family.” He laughed as they walked out of the store. “Thanks again.” She smiled, and walked the twenty miles back to the Honky Tonk.

By the time she got back, it was well after dark, and once again, raining. “There she is!” Emishi announced in an overly excited tone, scaring her as he jumped up to hug her. “H-hi.” She stuttered, laughing as the shock of his surprise hug wore off. “We were worried sick about you!” he scolded jokingly, letting go and stepping back to a comfortable distance before she was glomped by Ginji. “You said three job applications, you’ve been gone all day.” Paul pointed out. “Yeah, the mall is twenty miles from here; I walked remember?” she explained. “Well did you at least get a job out of it?” Ban asked. “Yeah, actually, I did! I start tomorrow!” she answered, clapping her hands excitedly. “Great! Where at?” Ginji asked eagerly. “Lyfestile, at the mall.” She grinned. “Isn’t that place explicit?” Paul questioned blankly. “Yeah, but that’s in the Back Room, where I won’t be working. Unless they need me back there, he said he’d keep me out of there.” She answered with a yawn.

“You look tired.” Emishi joked. “I feel tired. I walked around the city all day, and got lost… twice.” She giggled. “We’ll keep it down so you can sleep. I’m glad you came back in one piece, I was about to go looking for you.” Ban nodded. She blushed lightly and walked up the stairs to get some well-earned sleep.

“Hey, what happened to her eye? It looks like someone hit her.” Emishi asked once she was out of earshot. “She decided to go look around in the Limitless Fortress, alone.” Ban grumbled. “What? What in heaven’s name would she do that? Doesn’t she know how dangerous that place is?” he gasped. “No, because no one told her, and that wouldn’t have stopped her anyway. If she feels like there’s an answer in there, she’ll keep going back until she finds it.” Paul sighed. “Answer to what, chief?” Ginji asked. “To her life, Ginji. We had a little talk before she went out this morning, and she explained everything to me. I’m not repeating it, so you’ll just have to wait until she’s ready to tell you, or you buy the information out of me, by paying your tab.” He smirked. “Oh, you’re so mean.” He sighed before going into his original conversation with Emishi.

A few hours went by, and Emishi was just about to leave when Rachael’s scream echoed through the Honky Tonk Café. Without saying a word, the four guys ran up to her room, with Ban leading the way.

The door was locked when he tried to open it, and the more he knocked the more he heard her sobbing. “Rachael, it’s me, Ban, open the door!” he shouted, getting ready to break it down when he heard it click from the other side.

Immediately they rushed in, and she rushed into his arms, shaking with each sob. “What happened?” Emishi demanded. “Th-they… I w-was running and I c-couldn’t get a-away and they… I,”

“Shh, it’s okay Rache, it was only a dream, you’re okay.” Ban soothed, rocking her side to side and rubbing her back as they stood there. “Come on, she’s all right. Ban can handle this.” Paul announced, guiding the other two worried young men out of the room, and closing the door behind them. “Do you want me to stay with you again?” he asked softly, still holding her in his arms. She whimpered and nodded against his chest, but didn’t move. With a slight sigh he led her to the bed and got her comfortable before taking off his shoes and glasses and crawling in beside her. She instantly rolled over and clung to him, and he continued to comfort her, repeating that she was all right, and that he would keep her safe, until she fell asleep.