I Need You to Love Me

Rachael’s throat tightened and Ban had to steady her to keep her from falling over. The men, who abducted her before, had found her. She had no idea what she was to do; all she knew now was fear.

“I’m heading out, I’ll come back for you in a few days to get you to our place. Stay safe, okay?” Jinx announced as she walked over to her new friend. Rachael nodded as the blonde hugged her tightly. “If anything happens to you, I’ll have the whole derby league beat those bastards down.” She nodded before releasing Rachael and leaving the Honky Tonk.

Jun was the next one at her side, with tears in his eyes. “Are you okay?” he asked softly. She nodded but was still silent. “Okay, I’m going to go with Jinx… these guys’ll keep you safe, okay? And if they don’t, I’ll make ‘em regret it. The saying ‘Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned’ is nothing to ‘Hell hath no fury like a gay boy pissed off at you’.” He smiled, trying to lighten the mood. She nodded again and he took off after Jinx. “Okay, back upstairs you two; we don’t want anyone seeing you through the windows. Natsumi go up with them and get their orders for lunch.” Paul ordered. Ban nodded and led Rachael back to her room while Natsumi jogged to catch up with them.

As soon as she had their orders she was gone and Ban had the door locked behind her. “Rachael,” he sighed, turning around to see just how abnormally small and frail she looked. Being sick didn’t help her appearance at all. “What?” she questioned quietly. “You’ll be okay.” He assured as he sat her down on the bed, and put his arms around her. “I’m scared Ban, if they find me… you don’t know what he said they would do to me if I tried to run.” She cried softly. “And you don’t know all the things I’ll do to them if they even look at you.” He smirked, once again rubbing her back.

“Kiss me,” she muttered.

“What?” he was a little confused.

“When you kiss me, all I can think about is you. I can’t think about anything else. I just feel safe, and protected, and like someone actually loves me. While you kiss me, I can’t feel afraid.”

“Rachael, I do love you, but I can’t do that right now. It wouldn’t be right with you upset like this.” He sighed, and tightened his grip on her. She nodded her understanding and clung to him as tears rolled down her face. “I won’t let them find you, Rachael.” He assured.

“If they do,”

“They won’t.”

“But if they do, then what?”

“You fight, with everything you have. Don’t give up no matter what. But it won’t come to that, because I already told you, they won’t find you.”

“They were already here. What if they ask to search the place next?”

“We’ll sneak out the back, and go somewhere safe. Ginji’ll probably send us to Shido’s.”

She tensioned up at the thought of living with Shido, and Ban seemed to guess what was on her mind. “You know, just because we don’t like each other, doesn’t mean he’d hurt you for it. Ginji’d probably kill him, for one, and two, he hates those slave hunters as much as any of us do. He sent his lion on one of them a few weeks ago.”

“His lion?”

“He has this power to communicate with animals, and kind of likes ‘em better than us people; probably why he smells like a zoo. Anyway, the lion is a friend of his, and takes orders from Monkey-Boy.”

She stayed quiet and snuggled even closer to him as he lay down across her bed. After a few minutes of silence, she was about to finally say something when someone started pounding on the door. Ban had Rachael stand on the opposite side of the room from the door as he cautiously answered, only to be greeted by Natsumi, who was cheerful as always.

“Sorry for kicking the door, Ban, I didn’t have any hands to knock with, since I’m carrying so many things right now!” she beamed. “Yeah, it’s all right.” He nodded with a discrete roll of his eyes. “Here are your two ham and cheese sandwiches, cup of tea for Rachael, and some soup, and for Ban, your favorite coffee in your special mug.” She smiled, setting everything out on the desk beside the violin, which still had the flower Ban had given Rachael resting on it. “Wow, do you play?” she asked curiously. “A little, when the mood’s right.” Rachael nodded quietly. “I’ll have to hear you play sometime. Right now I have to get back to work. I hope you feel better soon!” she smiled, and left them once again alone in the room, while Ban locked the door for Rachael’s safety.

“You really should get some rest. You don’t have to worry; I’ll be keeping watch.” He sighed after they had eaten lunch. “I don’t need more rest.” She frowned.

“You’re still running a fever, you need rest.”

“You don’t understand. I never could rest when I was sick growing up, and it hasn’t changed since I’ve moved here. The only difference now, is that I’m not being yelled at or beaten for being in the way.”

“You were beaten growing up?”

“Bullied most of my life, but from the time I was fourteen, until I moved out, one of the male staff at the home started beating me to take out some of his stress.”

“That’s ridiculous,”

“It’s true!”

“No, I didn’t mean that, I meant it’s ridiculous that someone would do that. Like I said before, I can’t see why anyone could want to see you hurt.” He explained, planting a light kiss on her forehead and snuggling down beside her.

“I can’t see why you wouldn’t.” she murmured, not meaning for him to hear her. He repositioned so that he was lying slightly over her, looking her right in the eyes. “Rachael, give me one reason why I should hurt you.” He demanded, but without threatening her. “Because I’m weak, that was the reason I was pushed down the stairs and broke my arm in my first year of High School.”

“But you’re not weak, so that’s not a reason.”

“Because I cry and whine too much, because I’m insane,”

“Stop,” he ordered, and she did, she even stopped breathing. “You don’t cry and whine too much, and when you do it only means I get to hold and be close to you. So that wouldn’t be a reason for me to hurt you. And although you are a little strange at times, I wouldn’t say you’re insane. And if you are, then so am I, and so is Ginji, and Emishi for sure… but we already knew that.”

She avoided his eyes and remained silent.

He sighed and returned to his previous position, but held her closer than before. “I love you,” she whispered. “I love you, too.” He smirked. She leaned up while smiling, and kissed the corner of his mouth. He responded by catching her by the back of the head, to keep her from leaning back more than a few inches. “Here, let me show you how to do that right.” He smirked, and kissed her properly. Once again he tickled her bottom lip with his tongue, and she had no choice but to let him in as she opened her mouth giggling.

His hand slowly went up her shirt half way, making her gasp and arch into the kiss as he lay her on her back. Her hands went around his neck as he kissed hers, coaxing a quiet moan to escape her lips while he sucked on her collarbone. He bit her softly, making her arch once again, pressing her body harder against his as their breathing became heavier.

After about ten minutes, he stopped and rested his head on her shoulder. “Ban,” Rachael said, as if she were afraid to ask something.

“What is it?”

“Did… did you read my journal? It looked like it had been moved.”

He sighed, knowing he couldn’t lie to her about it, and confessed. She just nodded and leaned her head against his. “Why did you try to kill yourself?” he asked. He tried to stop himself, but it slipped out; there was no way for him to prevent it, he had been holding that question in since he first read her writing. She sighed again and adjusted so that she was looking him in the eyes, removing his glasses so she could see them better. He flinched, but she wouldn’t let him look away. “How much of the story do you want?” she asked nervously, she had never talked to anyone about it. Other than her journals, her secrets had stayed inside of her, safely locked away.

“All of it,”

She nodded and thought for a moment before beginning. “My life growing up wasn’t the best. I never got adopted, I never was chosen to go away to foster families, I just stayed at the group home. I’ve always been quiet, and I’ll admit it, insecure. Being insecure comes from being beaten and put down my whole life though. The kids at the group home weren’t happy, none of us were, but they took their anger out by lashing out most of the time. A few of them took it out by bullying me. You already know about the beatings, so I can skip all of that.

“When I started to go to school I was bullied there a lot too, and I had absolutely no friends. I’ve just always been alone. There was one boy, though, in High School. I really liked him, and he acted like he liked me, but it was all a joke. He brought me into the Drama room during a dance, since it was empty and dark at the time and I thought I was finally going to have my first kiss. But instead he pushed me onto my knees in front of his friend, so that my face hit him… there, and his other friend took a picture of it. They started laughing at me, and then just left me in there after he asked if I actually thought anyone would want to love me.

“A few days later, that picture was going around the school, so now not only was I a freak, orphan, nerd, and loser, I was a slut. Guys would make jokes, feel me up, and ask if I’d give them the ‘same treatment’ as I gave Sean’s friend. The girls hated me even more, and spread even more rumors about me. Finally, someone just told me to just go somewhere and die, and I listened, because w-when they said that no one loved me… they were right.” She stopped and took a ragged breath, trying not to cry. It was harder to tell someone about it, than it was to just write it and be done. “And then what?” Ban asked, gently rubbing her jawbone with his thumb. “First I tried to overdose on some pills I found in the Staff Bathroom, but it didn’t work. A few weeks after I got out of the hospital I ‘tripped’ and fell into traffic… but no one hit me. The l-last time I tried, I jumped off a cliff… in the woods where I used to go to think.”

“You jumped?”

She nodded shamefully and closed her eyes. “I broke three ribs, my leg, and my collarbone. The cliff was higher than the one we jumped off of, a-and above rocks.”

“You do know I’m not using you, though, right? I would never do anything like that bastard did.”

“I know, Ban. I trust you… you’re the first person in my life, I have really trusted since Sean.”

“Well forget Sean.” He muttered bitterly and rolled back on top of her. “I love you,” he smirked, kissing away her tears once again. “And I will say it and remind you, every time you mention having no one loving you, because I do. I love you.”

“I love,”

She was interrupted by his lips smothering hers once again; he didn’t need to hear her say it, he already knew.

All of the bad memories of her former life disappeared at once, along with her fears of the Yakuza finding her, as she was lost in the loving embrace she now found herself in. “I…love…you.” He breathed between kisses, repeating himself over, and over, until finally breaking for a decent breath, but she pulled him right back, not wanting to feel that pain and fear again. She not only desired his kiss, she depended on it, and right now his own cravings and desires were too much for him to object to as he continued to kiss and caress the fragile young woman beneath him.

Her breath caught in her chest when she felt his hand slide under the back of her bra, causing her to arch back and press her body fully against his. Something changed as things grew more passionate, and Ban grew more lustful. The ways he was touching her, although they were more than a thousand times more loving and gentle, were still very much like the way the Yakuza touched her. His kisses weren’t enough to keep her fears and memories at bay, suddenly. In fact, it seemed like they were what were bringing them out.

She felt his thumbs brush against her bare breasts and tensioned up. He didn’t seem to notice until she whimpered suddenly, and stopped kissing him back. “Rachael, what’s wrong?” he asked as soon as he saw the look in her eyes. She didn’t answer, but he had already figured it out. “God, Rachael, I’m so sorry. I should’ve thought of that.” He sighed and quickly got off of her. “Are you okay, did I hurt you?” he asked, fearing that he had broken his promise. “No,” she answered quietly; her voice sounded too much the way it had when they had first met, when she was cuffed to a table in the Yakuza house, for him to be comfortable.

With a heavy sigh he sat down on the bed beside her, and lightly took her hand, worried to touch her too much after being so selfish before and not thinking about how she would have felt about the things he was doing. “I’m sorry.” He said again, unable to think of anything else to say to her. “It’s all right, Ban.” She replied, leaning against him and letting him hold her, “You didn’t hurt me, I just… got scared I guess, when you started touching me that way.” She muttered. He nodded and held her closer, trying to comfort her as much as possible, and make up for his stupidity. It wasn’t long before she fell asleep, and left him to watch how peaceful she looked that way.

A few hours later, there was another knock at the door, but it wasn’t enough to wake Rachael. Ban sighed and slowly maneuvered to lay her on the pillows instead of his chest, and get up, without waking her.

“What?” he hissed after putting his glasses on, and opening the door, “What happened?” he demanded after seeing Jun standing in front of him, with eyeliner smudged down his face and puffy, red eyes from crying. “J-Jinx… w-we went to get things done up for Rachael at the Derby House, a-and half way there we ran into those guys again. They were saying horrible things about Rachael, Ban, just terrible, horrible things, that they said they were going to do to her!

“Jinx got… got m-mad and called them out, a-and they got in a fight, and they… s-she…”

“Jun, what the hell happened?”

“They t-took her!” he cried.

Ban’s eyes widened and he pushed Jun back so he could leave the room and shut the door. “They what?”

“T-the Yakuza have Jinx!”

Ban swore under his breath and looked back at Jun, who had fresh tears running down his face, “What did she do to them?” he demanded, trying to figure out what they wanted with the derby girl.

“She hit one, and was yelling and cursing at them, and then one grabbed her, and she spit on the other, and then they pushed her into their car and left!”

“Why didn’t they take you?”

“When Jinx tells you to stay back, because she’s about to start a fight, you stay back; I wasn’t in the alley when the fight broke out! I had to watch it all happen, and by the time I got over to her, the car was speeding away!”

“Keep your voice down!” Ban growled, since Jun had started yelling, but it was too late. Rachael was now standing groggily in the doorway to the bedroom, staring blankly at Jun. “Where is she?” she demanded sternly. “Don’t worry about it, we’ll take care of it. Go back to sleep Rachael, okay?” Ban replied. “No, where’s Jinx? Who did she start the fight with?” she argued. “Nobody, okay?” he sighed, but she had already figured it out on her own. His desperate attempts to keep her from knowing gave it all away.

“Find her. Ban, you have to find her now! She’ll fight more than I did!” she gasped. “I know, just relax Rachael, we’ll get her.” He sighed and pulled her into yet another tight hug, rubbing her back to calm her down. “N-no, you don’t understand!” she cried, trying to pull back but he wouldn’t let her, “I wasn’t the only g-girl in that house, there w-was another, one. S-she fought too much… f-four men took, her and… w-when they were done she still f-fought them; t-they,”

“Rachael,” he sighed, squeezing her even tighter as she started sobbing. “I-in my nightmares, I c-can still hear her screaming Ban, and th-then the gunshot, a-and,”

“They won’t do that to Jinx, we won’t let it happen.” He promised while guiding her back into the bedroom. “Jun, go down and tell Ginji to get the car ready.” He ordered.

“Ginji’s not here.”

“Then where the hell is he?”

“I don’t know.”

“Great… go downstairs and wait for me, I’ll be down in a few minutes.” He sighed, and closed the door on Jun, leaving him alone in the hall.

Rachael was crying almost as hard as she had been when they first met. “Shh, calm down Rachael,” he instructed but it didn’t work. Suddenly she started gagging with her sobs, so he quickly put the trash can in front of her. She doubled over and started vomiting violently, and all he could do to help her was rub her back, and hold her hair back for her.

She finally started to calm down as he held onto her from behind, letting her lean back on him as they knelt on the floor. “I’m going after Jinx, okay? I need you to stay up here in this room; don’t leave for anything, understand?” he announced after a while. She whimpered and started to cry again, not wanting to be alone with the Yakuza out hunting her. “Don’t cry Rachael, I’ll be back soon. But I have to leave now, so I can get her before something happens. Don’t worry, you’ll be okay.” He sighed, and kissed her lightly before leaving her alone in the room to start his solo, and free, recovery job.