You're My Favorite Explosion.

"Kimmm. I'm home!" I yelled as I walked into our two bedroom apartment.

"I'm in here!' Kim called from my bedroom.

I walked into my room and observed the mayhem. From the looks of it, the contents of my dresser were in two of the suitcases on my bed. While Kim was busy putting the clothes from my closet into one and my shoes in another. I walked over to her and we went on like this for hours. We talked and packed, and talked and packed, and talked and packed.

When we finished nothing was left in my room except for the furniture. Kim promised to keep it here if I ever decide to come back and visit. I made sure to leave a few outfits out and all my hygiene shit for the next two days. Kim and i sat in silence and stared at my bare wall.

"So, how are you feeling?" she finally broke the silence.

"Well, other than the fact that I feel completely used, broken, tired, stressed, scared, and my ass hurts, I'd say I feel okay." I sighed.

"Scared of what?" she questioned.

"Leaving... I spent my whole high school career preparing to move to Baltimore, I saved half of every paycheck for 2 years just to get us here, not to mention I used most of my inheritance too. I'm just scared to leave it all behind when I worked so hard for it. Not to mention how alone I'll be in the BIGGEST city in the U.S." I exclaimed.

"You are the strongest person I have ever met Celina," she looked at me and grabbed my hand "I have admired you since the first day I met you. You have no parents, yet you don't use it as an excuse. You work hard for EVERYTHING and never ask anyone for anything. When you have your mind set on something, you always follow through with it. You have such a tight grip on reality, but you can still be a dreamer. I admire every little thing about you Cel. Seriously, you are the kind of woman that every man wants to marry, Jack is either retarded or blind." she gave me a reassuring smile as tears poured out of her eyes.

"Kim, do you want to know why else I'm scared?" I whimpered.

She nodded and looked into my eyes.

"I think that this has proved to me that true love exists. Even though I've been fighting it my whole life, I am proud to say that Jack Bassam Barakat was my first, and ONLY true love. What scares me about that though, is I want him right now. I want him to hold me and tell me everything will be okay. I want to listen to him promise me the world even though I know it's all lies, and most of all I want to hear him say those three little words because they can fix EVERYTHING." I sobbed.

If Jack were to show up on my doorstep right now and apologize I'd probably melt on the spot. It may sound crazy, and you may think I'm dumb. But that is what love is. The person you love the most can be the person that hurts you the MOST but honestly, no matter how much they hurt you, the love will never go away. So, even though Jack had left my heart torn, tattered, bruised, broken, everything in the fucking book! I would have dropped everything to just run into those arms and smell him and kiss him.

Kim had fallen asleep next to me on my bed after our little crying session. I pulled my phone out of my purse and read through the 6 messages I had.

From: Jack.

Now I know for sure your mad at me. :(

From: Jack

Fuck.....

From: Jack

I think I know Cel. You need to tell me why you're mad RIGHT NOW.

Re: Jack. Don't get so worked up. If you did nothing wrong then why should you worry about if I'm mad? Did you do something wrong?

I replied to Jack purely to see if he'd be honest to me or if he'd lie to me once more.

From: Alex

Jack just called and confessed to me that he cheated. He wants to know if you know, what do I do?!?!?!?!?!?

Re: Alex! Just tell him you have no clue! Stick to the plan! Tomorrow break it to him.

From: Sarah

Tickets are purchased for our flight. We leave tomorrow night at midnight. I hope you'll have your life packed in the next 24 hours.

I set my phone down onto the night stand and walked out to the living room. I saw the scrapbook kim had been putting together for Jack and I. I opened it up and looked through the pictures. It was us kissing, holding hands, playing beer pong, laughing at eachother, laughing at a naked ratboy, Jack laughing at a naked ME and ratboy, hugging eachother close while looking at the ceiling above us and laughing. It was so horrendously cheesy i almost puked. But, at the same time, Jack would see these some day, and he'd KNOW what we had was real. He threw it ALL away though.

After lots of thinking I finally settled on a title and grabbed a sharpie from the scrapbooking drawer. In my girly scrawl I wrote "We're Young and In Love, Heart Attacks Waiting To Happen" then kissed right below that with my lipstick covered lips. Jack would never forget me. Even though the REAL me would disappear from his life, I wanted him to have SOME memory of how great the past month has been.

I walked back to my room and checked my phone once more before getting into bed. Only Jack had replied.

From: Jack.

I would never do anything to hurt you Cel!!! You know that!!

I shook my head and laughed bitterly at his lie. Did this mean anything to him? Or was he just hoping he could hide his mistake. "Hey white lie, truth comes out a little at a time" I guess he doesn't listen to country. If he did, he'd know, the truth will always come back to bite you. NO MATTER WHAT. Even if I had never seen what I did today, somehow someway, someone would've heard about it and then told another person, and then another person. Sooner or later it would've gotten down the grape vine and too me. Cheating is never EVER not revealed. Like, honestly, sooner or later, the person cheating, or the mistress will say the wrong thing or reveal to much and the truth will come out. He would've never gotten away with it.

From: Jack

I love you.

I couldn't take it any longer. I turned my phone off and snuggled under the covers with Kim. i soon feel asleep..

***********************

I was walking down an alley. A dark alley. I could feel in my heart that I was looking for something but I couldn't tell what. There were voices all around me whispering me to go in different directions. I tried to block the whispers out as I kept walking. I heard a familiar voice calling my name. I ran and ran to the direction of the voice. But when I got there all there was, was a wall. I could hear my name louder now though. It wasn't being called, someone was sobbing and saying my name. The voice sounded all too familiar. I felt like whoever it was, I needed to help them. I turned around and was faced with a dark corner. Someone was crouched over in that corner. I walked over to the shaking, sobbing body, I bent down to get a closer look. The man looked up at me and our eyes met.

"Jack? Jack! Why are you crying? What's wrong?" I cried.

"You left me Celina. You left US." Jack sobbed.

He pointed to a body behind him. I instantly recognized the girl. It was Lily!

"Lily! Why are you here?" I asked thoroughly confused.

"Lily? Her name is Talia! That's our daughter Celina! Remember, the one you LEFT" he said with an angry look on his face.

"Jack, we never had kids! Thats lily the girl from the park!" I exclaimed.

Jack just kept fighting me. Trying to convince me that i had left him, (my apparent husband) and our poor daughter. He cried harder every time I denied it and finally I got so frustrated I stood up to leave. I turned around and began to walk away, I heard Jack's voice from behind me.

"If you leave again I will shoot myself."

"Jack.. Dont!" I begged.

He put the gun up to his head and cocked it. He smiled at me before pulling the trigger. The sound of the gun shot ringing in my ears.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHH." I screamed sitting straight up in bed.

"What? What?!" Kim exclaimed from next to me.

"Just a nightmare..." I gasped.

Before I knew it my head was in my lap and I began to sob. Kim rubbed circles into my back as I told her my dream through my sobs. She nodded when I finished then looked at me.

"I think it means one, you NEED to say goodbye to Lily. Two, you can't just leave Jack with nothing. Atleast leave him a letter or something..." she shrugged.

I nodded my head in agreement and then layed back into the pillows. A Letter.... That's not a bad idea at all.... And I already knew seeing Lily was a MUST.