These Words Are My Heart and Soul

Gerard visited more. Though my sordid memories hadn’t melted, I felt more secure with him around. He knew a lot about me, if not everything - apart from the obvious - and it was nice knowing that he wanted to cheer me up.

It just scared me that it might all happen again. I had met him through Mikey, after meeting Mikey in Junior Math. I’d been moved up due to ‘exemplary and spectacular Mathematical brilliance’, and me and Gerard had caught on like a house on fire when Mikes had brought me home.

I’m digressing again.

Frank’s warm body came in contact with mine in the dark. I felt his breath, minty fresh from just brushing his teeth for bed, on my face and neck, and couldn’t stop the goose bumps. His hand slid down my waist, down my hip, round my ass and pulled my leg round his own hip. His lips collided with mine in a well earned sparkling kiss, in which lips meshed and tongues enveloped.

One of his hands slipped slightly up my strap-tee, just below my boob. I smiled into the kiss lightly as he moved on top of me, my legs open slightly so he could perch comfortably on my pelvis. One hand on my face and the other moving up and down my side, his lips moved up my jaw line and down my neck, kissing and nipping at a sensitive spot that made me squirm happily.

He pulled my shirt over my head, smiling at me briefly before kissing me again. Frank was just pulling off my bed shorts when Cariad burst in.

“How comes he’s staying here again?” she demanded, oblivious.

Though she’d seen it all before, whilst we’d danced ourselves to a living, I still grabbed my top to cover myself. She noticed and went red slightly, kicking at the carpet nervously.

“Because he’s pissed out his head and I can’t let him go home alone when he’s like this,” Frank mumbled into my neck.

Cariad sighed and nodded, mumbling for us to go back to what we were doing as she turned to leave. I pulled a face as if to say ‘will we ever get any peace?’ and Frank laughed at me. I was always doing silly things like that.

“Where were we?” he grinned, kissing me and laying us down again.

I rolled my eyes and closed them, smiling into the kiss as he successfully pulled down my shorts. I pulled off his pajama pants, and seeing as it was bedtime, there was no underwear involved so we could get straight into it.

He eased in, making us moan. And pulled out and pushed in, thrusting repeatedly as our bodied became sticky and slippery with sweat, and our breathing became heavy and loud and laced with moans and groans of pleasure.

Until he came, breathing heavily as he rolled off of me to regain his compassion. When he had, he smiled at me and pulled me close. I smiled as I rested my head on his shoulder, his fingers making little circles on my side and his arm making a comfortable cushion for me. I played with my hair, soaking in the bliss that was settling.

That was until we were interrupted again.

“You guysh just sexed, didn’t yuz? Coz I hearded yuz,” Gerard giggled drunkenly.

We couldn’t even have peace in our own home…

***
I saw the way he was looking at me; the disdain in his eyes made me want to throw up, want to escape, want to die just so he wouldn’t look at me like that. I hadn’t done anything wrong. He was just drunk, again.

He didn’t have to say anything. Just pointed at the bed and my shaking frame ran over and sat on it. He gave me that look, which meant to take off my clothes. I held my tears back and tried to stop my lip quivering as I unbuttoned my shirt, unzipped my jeans, slid off my underwear.

Then he smirked at me, that disdain still in his eyes. I wiped my own eyes discreetly; he would laugh or scorn if he saw me cry.

He would be different if he was sober, Loryn, I told myself time and again. But it was just so hard to believe, because he got so damn fucked up so damn often. There wasn’t even a reason why he had to drink so much, he just did it. Because he was a frickin’ idiot. I was beginning to re-convince myself he didn’t care; I didn’t know what to believe anymore.

It made me tired, wore me out. I started slacking at school, even failing in some subjects. When he was sober, he’d cared enough to ask me why, but I never told him. I just said that something was going on but I’d sort it.

Sometimes there was something in his eyes that made me think he knew; other times, I knew he was completely oblivious.

It hurt…