These Words Are My Heart and Soul

It was the streetlights that woke me that morning. Yeah, they were still glowing when I awoke. I looked over towards the park, which was next to the playground, and caught a glimpse of the clock. It showed three am.

Maybe I can sneak in the house without them knowing, I thought.

I pushed myself up off the slide, but as pain shot through my hands, I crashed back down. My hands up to my face, I saw that the millions of little cuts were deeper than I’d hoped. One of them was really deep, and still bleeding slightly, seven hours later, and even had a not-so-small shard of glass caught up in it.

“Shit…”

Ignoring it, I gritted my teeth through the pain of pushing myself up off of the slide. I needed to get home.

The walk was okay, considering. I felt incredibly hungry, but because of the time, the only places that were open were bars and all night stores. I had no money. So I would either just wait till I got home or just not eat at all. I’d survived six days with the occasional whatever I could be bothered to eat.

A half hour, it took to get home.

I stood at the door. I knew it would be open. I didn’t know what I would say. So, instead of going in, I sat on the doorstep. Knowing there was no going back now made all the emotion I’d held back that week come pouring out. And I just threw my head forward and sobbed.

Sobbed like a baby.

After another half hour, the hall light came on behind me. The door opened but I didn’t look round.

“Ryn?”

I sniffed and nodded, still not looking round. I heard the guy behind me gulp slightly; I could almost hear his heart sink as he wrapped his arms round me and pulled me up. My bleeding hands stained his skin before he realized. When he did realize, he dragged me into the house, along with my bag, and pulled me to the sink.

“What the hell?” he whispered, taking out the TCP and cotton wool.

I shook my head.

“It was an accident.”

“I bet it was…”

The TCP stung. He noticed the glass still there and seemed to start believing my excuse. He took some tweezers and pulled the glass out; it made me cry, the pain.

“What happened? Why are you so late? It’s four am, Ryn. I thought you’d be back by half seven yesterday…”

“Well, I didn’t wanna come home. So I stayed out.”

“At Gerard’s?”

“No. What, do you not trust me!?” I yelled, getting defensive.

At my outburst, Frank went slightly pale, and Cariad came downstairs. She was just wearing her robe. That’s when I realized Frank was just wearing underwear. He never just wore underwear. Unless-

I looked between them, my face screwing up in total disbelief and my eyes filling up. I knew it…

“Ryn…”

I cut him off. I clenched my fists, the pain incredible but not enough to phase me.

“You don’t get to call me that! My boyfriend and my best friend? Whilst I was away against my will? This is why you didn’t visit me!? I… I hate you!” I screamed.

I didn’t even take my bag. I just ran. Out the house and down the street, anywhere away from them. Just… I couldn’t believe them. Cariad had always had a thing for Frank, but I thought she’d never act on it. She said it was just a crush; I never thought it was mutual. I felt betrayed, even though I’d done the same thing. I didn’t want to know whether that was the only time or whether it had been going on the week, the whole year or what.

So I ran. Dismally distraught in my depressive downfall, I panted as my eyes ran, with my face screwed up in agony, tiredness and hurt. I ran to the person I knew I could trust, who I felt I owed my life to. Who, technically, was in the same position as me.

I ran to good ole Mikey.

***
Mikey’s P.O.V

Loryn was asleep when Gerard came over. Loryn’s mom was kind enough to let me stay that night, because she thought her daughter could use some company. I’d found out Loryn didn’t sleep so peacefully.

“Mikey? Gerard’s here to see Loryn. Wake her fae that slumber, love,” Mrs. Stonem said.

“Okay, Mrs. Stonem,” I smiled falsely.

She chuckled, all nice and motherly, which made me feel comfortable and relaxed. Mothers are awesome. She made me smile more convincingly.

“Please, call me Laurie. Or Miss McStone, if you still wanna be formal. That wee fanny’s the Stonem,” Laurie grinned.

I grinned back and shook Loryn. Her pretty green-blue eyes fluttered open, looking bright for the first time since I could remember, and then they dulled as her smile faded and she realized she was awake. I think her nightmare changed (I wished it was me she was dreaming about…)

*

I woke up, after being nudged slightly by Mikey. I’d been dreaming about my nightmarish reality, but it had changed. Mom and dad and Rebekah and Mikey were there, waving and hugging me and telling me how great they thought I was. And we all had some great big party in this place that I’d probably imagined myself by mixing two of my fondest places together (probably Newark playground and the plaza).

“Hen, Gerard’s here to see ye. Get yer arse up, ya fanny. You also got a letter fae yer sister,” Mom smiled.

I smiled back and put my arms out for a hug. Mom raised an eyebrow and I pouted, fluttering my eyelashes. Out the corner of my eye, I saw Mikey’s eyes widen slightly and his face heat up. Mom rolled her eyes and walked over, giving me a lovely tight hug that hurt but was worth the pain; my mommy gave the best hugs.

“So, get up. Don’t wanna look scruffy for ye fella, d’ye?” Mom grinned.

My heart sank. I was going to meet the guy who’d beat fuck out of me. I know that sounds Irish (as my dad used to say, which is funny but cruel) but true. Yeah, I still couldn’t remember who he was.

But when he walked in, looking so incredibly remorseful and sorry; when he came over to me, running his fingers through my side fringe and looking into my eyes, that same massive sorryness in his eyes - my heart just melted. He smiled at me remorsefully and I couldn’t help but smile back. He kissed me gently, then hugged me, whispering softly in my ear, over and over, that he was sorry.

I hugged back, looking over at my mom and Mikey. Mom was smiling, all happy, and had her hands together like she was clapping or praying; but when I looked at Mikey…

There was no jealousy. There was no anger. There was no vengeance.

In fact, he looked kind of sad. Like he wished it was him or something. I mean, I knew he felt something but I never thought… I felt selfish, at that moment.

How much does that suck?
***