These Words Are My Heart and Soul

We sat down in the restaurant, and two waiters gave us some menus. I instantly knew what I wanted; well, Laurie did. I was having the full three courses, from starter to dessert.

I decided on a nice tall glass of OJ - Laurie’s favorite - for my drink, whilst Cariad chose a small cup of tea, and the others ordered wine and various other alcohols. I screwed my face up in envy, whining to Frank that it was his fault I couldn’t drink. He just pouted cutely and made my heart melt, and he was instantly forgiven.

The meals were ordered and I rocked back and forth, pleading for it to hurry up because I was starving, Goddamn it. My garlic mushrooms and garlic bread arrived and I politely awaited the others’ starters, before diving hungrily, but with etiquette, into my food.

Course after course and people grew steadily more full. I ate my main course of vegeburger and salad, even stealing some of Ellee’s because she’s a vegetarian too and she was getting full and wanted to share the bit of cake Gerard had ordered for her and him to share.

When everyone was finished, I picked up my knife to make a toast, but Gerard got there first. I just grinned and joined in bashing my glass for his toast.

“Right. Thanks you guys, for this amazing meal for my birthday. I never thought turning 26 with all my friends would be this great. But I have something really important that I need to do.”

He rummaged in his pocket and pulled out a little black box. I held back a squeak and grabbed onto Frank’s arm, shaking it excitedly.

Gerard sighed, smiling happily, and looked at Ellee. Her eyes were shining and she was smiling behind her hands. A tear rolled down her cheek and she laughed, wiping it and putting her hands back to her mouth. Gerard got down on one knee and opened the box.

The ring was beautiful. It was silver, and had a modest little diamond on the top. It was so pretty, just like Ellee. It was the perfect engagement ring for her. It was almost as if it should have been called the Elnor ring.

“Elnor Ann Jayde Rayleigh… would you actually do me the honor of marrying me?”

“I said it before, and I’ll say it again… yes, yes, a thousand million billion zillion trillion gazillion times yes!” she squealed, bursting into tears.

Everyone at the table cheered as he slid the ring onto her finger and kissed her, smiling properly for the first time since I could remember. He was so incredibly happy, and that’s all I could ever really ask. The fact that it was with one of my oldest and dearest friends was just the perfect bonus.

“Aw, this is just the perfect day!” I squealed, crying.

Frank just smiled and hugged me. Then something weird happened that hadn’t happened before. I gasped and looked down at my belly.

“Oh my God…!” I yelled.

Everyone looked at me worriedly, because I was crying and because I had a look of pure shock on my face.

“Frankie, put your hand… here,” I said, grabbing his hand and putting it on my belly, not really giving him the choice.

He looked confused for a second, but then his face turned to shock, and then to pure happiness. He moved his hand slightly and it happened again.

“What is it?” the girls all asked.

I hurried them over and put Cariad’s hand on my bump first. She gasped and pulled her hand away, before squealing and hugging me. The girls all took turns putting their hands on my belly.

“Wow! Oh my God, you’re right, it is the perfect night! This couldn’t be more perfect! I just got engaged and your baby is kicking! This is actually the best day of my life!” Ellee cried.

I giggled and smoothed my hand over my belly.

“Wanna feel, Gerard?” I asked, a little shyly.

He nodded, smiling, and came over. I put his hands on my belly, both of them, and waited. She kicked twice this time. Then I felt some movement.

“She likes you, Uncle Gerard,” I smiled cutely.

He laughed and hugged me tightly, stroking my belly.

“She’s gonna be a right little beauty,” he grinned.

Frank seemed to almost swell with pride. I laughed at him and kissed him lightly, before picking at everyone’s plates. I was still hungry. Laurie sure loved her food!

***
My bed was cold. I had the heating on, but I still felt cold. I’d just had my pain pill, a single one every four hours once I realized it wasn’t going to kill me. I was reading about a new band, called Muse. Their album was called Showbiz and they were British. Apparently, they’d been very big in Europe. I’d bought the album not long after getting out of hospital and my favorite song by far was Escape. Mainly for the title.

“And I don’t want you to think that I care. I never would, I never could again.”

I sang along as best I could. One, because my throat was still a little swollen and I kept getting shortage of breath, and two, because I didn’t know the words. I turned off the computer and sighed. Insignificant; exactly how I felt.

There was a knock at the door and I got up, edgily because my legs were still a tad wobbly. I answered the door and went to close it again, because there seemed to be no one there. But there was.

“Loryn,” a crying Cariad whispered.

She ran back and hugged me, still crying. I held her away from me, asking what was wrong. She just shook her head and asked if she could come in. I nodded and we went to the front room.

“I got married,” she cried.

It took a minute for this to sink in and be processed.

“What?” I asked, blinking.

“Married. But I can’t get it annulled and I can’t tell my foster rents, they’d kill me. I have to wait for a divorce, as well,” she wept.

I hugged her and asked her where she was living.

“Well, I was living with Luke, but now we’re married he doesn’t want me. I left, Lorz, I just upped and left. I have nowhere to go coz I’m sicka the rents and… oh God, just help me,” she whimpered.

“There’s always a place for you in this house, Cariad,” I smiled, feeling like I wanted to cry again.

She nodded and hugged me.

Her bags were outside, and we dragged them inside. She shared my bed for the time being. There was nothing sexual - come on, how we were feeling, we wouldn’t even shag a customer if we didn’t have to. Plus, she was straight and I was mostly straight. And she was my friend, that would be wrong!

We shared the bed to comfort each other; she didn’t know half of it, though. She’d already forgotten what she’d learned about my mother. It was best that way for now. She didn’t need my crummy problems dragging her further down.

Slowly, we got sort of on the right track. It was bumpy, at first. Still was when I returned to school.

Business went down but the money in my account went up. I made sure I put almost every penny into it, to save myself and whatever family I got a chance to create from any sliver of poverty. I wanted my family to be perfect.
***