These Words Are My Heart and Soul

I woke up to sirens blaring. Cariad’s beautiful face was hidden in the wheel. She wasn’t moving. I lifted my arm, with great difficulty, and shook her. She didn’t move at first, but I shook her again and she stirred. She lifted her head from the steering wheel and I gasped.

One side of her face looked like it had been blown off. It was covered in blood and her nose was totally crushed. Her eyes were bloodshot and one of them was turning purple. Her lip was disintegrated into a blood explosion. But that wasn’t the worst of it.

The steering wheel had crushed into her chest, which was bleeding heavily. It looked like she’d broken all but one rib. Her legs were crushed by the bonnet and her left arm was just hanging on by bone and a little skin, because the door had sliced it to ribbons.

“Cariad…” I wheezed. “Cariad, speak to me.”

“Loryn… I can’t feel my body, Loryn,” she coughed.

Blood spluttered over the windscreen and I knew she was dieing.

“Don’t die on me, Addie…” I cried, tears splashing all of me.

“Loryn… Loryn… I know I’m gonna die… tell…” She winced in pain. “Tell Mikey that… I love him… and I’m… I’m sorry… and Loryn?” she asked painfully.

“Yeah?”

“I love you more than air,” she whispered.

I coughed and nodded.

“Me too… I love you more than air too… you’re my best friend, I love you so much…”

She smiled, closing her eyes. She laid her head back on the steering wheel, and I watched her chest get slower and slower. Until it stopped.

My crying grew hysterical.

“Help! Somebody please help me!” I screamed, crying hard.

The door on my side swung open, and I saw two firemen with the jaws of life. A paramedic came and undid my seatbelt. I saw her eyes fill up as she saw my swollen belly.

“We’re gonna get you out of here, honey, don’t worry,” she whispered, taking hold of me gently.

I was pulled out of the crushed car, barely wincing at the pain of my legs. I knew they were broken, like Cariad’s. They put me on a stretcher and took me away. I watched them carefully pull Cariad out, trying not to destroy her mangled body anymore.

She was put on a stretcher and I watched them use the defibrillator on her. They tried multiple times, and the last time, she burst back into life. I cried hard, trying to get up and make sure she was okay. But I was held down by straps so they could rush me to hospital.

The put me in the ambulance and I started screaming. Contractions had started again. A paramedic checked me over and said I wasn’t ready yet, saying I was only three centimeters. They were talking in worried tones. I knew something was wrong.

They got us to hospital and I saw them, through my catastrophic chaos of doctors, pulling Cariad out of the other ambulance. I knew she’d gone, as they pulled out a body bag. This put me into so much distress that the doctors were contemplating sedating me, but they couldn’t because of Laurie.

Before anything, they rushed me to the maternity ward.

“Is there a father we could call?”

“Frank Iero,” I gasped instantly. “But Mikey and Gerard Way need to be here too. Give them a message from me.”

The nurse nodded as she added a wire to my arm.

“Tell them…” I grunted in pain. “Tell them the girls need to come… and tell Mikey… that Addie says she’s sorry and that she loves you… she loves you more than air.”

The tears rolled down my face as I repeated Cariad’s last words. The nurse nodded and ran off to the reception desk, where she’d do her best to fulfill my requests.

Within half an hour, Frank was by my side. He was crying as his shaking hand took my own. He kissed me fearfully, squeezing my hand and sobbing lightly. I whimpered as more contractions, closer and more painful, ripped through me.

“She’s ten centimeters. Come on Loryn, it’s time for you to push,” a doctor between my legs said.

Squeezing Frank’s hand and praying Cariad would be okay wherever she was now, I pushed. I pushed hard and long. Sweating and bleeding and crying, I pushed like it was the last thing I’d ever do. If I wasn’t going to survive, my daughter was.

Finally, there came relief. I smiled relieved, breathing still heavier. There was feverish knocking on the window of the door and I saw a crying pair of brothers. Gerard looked like he was screaming for me not to die, and that he loved me and needed me to stay alive to see him get married, and Mikey was screaming he loved me too.

It was then I realized my baby wasn’t crying.

“Why isn’t she crying? Make her cry! Help her breathe! Please, Laurie, don’t you leave me too! Mommy needs you!” I cried loudly.

The room grew silent, apart from beeps and doctors murmuring. As if Laurie had heard me, there came a baby cry. I cried harder and they put Laurie on my belly. I looked down at her, smiling.

She was beautiful. She had a tuft of red hair, big brown eyes and the most perfect baby face ever. She was mine and Franks. She was beautiful.

“Laurie Marie,” Frank whispered, still crying.

“No…” I said. “No… not just Laurie Marie… she’s Laurie Marie Cariad Leigh Iero. After her nana, her mom, and her Auntie Cariad…” I whispered.

Gerard and Mikey, and all the girls burst through the door. They crowded round me and were all crying. They only got a small chance to look at Laurie, as she was whisked away from me, and they were kicked out.

I started feeling funny. My head grew light and my heart started thudding painfully. The machine beside me went haywire and I knew what was happening. Blood came from everywhere, from all my wounds and from my area. I knew I was dieing.

“T-T…” I tried.

Frank told me to shush but I shook my head and tried to swallow.

“T-Tell Gerard… I-I-I’m s-s-s-s-sorry…” I whispered.

My breathing shuddered and jolted and Frank was pushed away from me. He was screaming, screaming my name, telling me not to die, and crying. He was crying, just crying, loudly and heavily.

“Frankie…” I whispered.

He came close to me again, taking my hand.

“I love you…” I whispered for the first time.

“I love you too… don’t die,” he whispered, crying.

My eyes grew heavy and I closed them. Everything went silent.

***
I woke up, looking around. Forgetting last night only briefly, I sat up and wondered where I was. Had I done it again? But I looked and saw a familiar face lounging over the sofa. I smiled and shook him.

He opened his eyes, groaning and looked at him. He smiled warmly and kissed me.

“Morning…” he smiled.

“Afternoon,” I whispered, pointing at the clock.

He laughed and hugged me gently.

“Can I ask you something?” he asked.

“Sure,” I grinned.

“I know I’ve only know you a few hours, but… will you be my girlfriend?”

My blood ran cold. With everything going on in my life, did I want to drag him into it? But it was Frank… he was perfection. I couldn’t let him go.

“Yes,” I smiled.

I held my worry back. I knew that meant I had to close the business down and make sure people didn’t keep showing up or anything. And that would be a hard job. But we wouldn’t be moving in together for ages yet. We’d only just met.

So maybe the business wouldn’t be such a hard thing to close down. But it did mean I had to quit and start actually engaging at school. I had been meaning to… I mean, I was smart but I’d basically given up.

But now I had two things to living for, alongside my sister and her ever growing family. I had a best friend, and I had a boyfriend. Things were finally starting to look up for me and my sorry excuse for a life.
***