Falling For

As they left, I gave George a quick kiss out of the public eye.

“Don’t do anything stupid.” I warned him, squeezing his torso warily. “I want you back in bed by nine.” My sentence finished shakily, as if preparing for the funeral march. He kissed the top of my head, brushing his nose with the back of his hand.

“Stop worrying so much.” He whispered, rubbing his thumb across my jaw; my face easing into a soft caring. “I can’t promise you nine, though. Just stay with mum and Ginny - have some cake and have a little rest up, okay?”

I kissed the base of his thumb and then he left me there, alone.

Molly paced around the kitchen, like a worried mother should; only flicking her eyes towards me if I moved. Ginny sat beside me at the table, the cake in the centre almost rotting away, sitting there in the open air, chunks missing where people had simply grabbed handfuls and left.

All was quiet, except for the Weasley clock on the wall that slowly ticked around with their faces, skimming away from home to some unknown destination my eyes couldn’t bear to read.

I had never been so scared in my life up until that point, everything else I had ever worried about before was now just a blur of complete fatuous thinking. All those times I scolded the twins for never washing their dishes, or when they’d make awfully timed jokes about my hormones, or even when they didn’t tell me what they were really doing in their spare time… it was nothing compared to the thought of something horrible happening to them. It was like someone had a hold of my heart and every so often would give it a hard squeeze.

“Excuse me.” I stood up, taking a quick glance at the two redheads before staggering off to the bathroom, shutting the door quietly before locking it. I leant on the sink, looking up at the basin mirror where a generation of Weasleys had looked before me. Turning on the tap, I sloshed the water through my fingers and patted my face with it, trying to force the images of broom collisions and hastily thrown killing curses out of my mind.

Staring at myself in the mirror, I chewed my upper lip - glancing at all my odd features that stuck out on my rather pale face. I was still the same girl I was when I first met George, though a little thinner and less youthful. The eyes in my fragile skull had naturally sunken to meet my father’s general look, my hair darkening and curling around my breasts like a warm touch… I had become a little worse for wear as the years rolled on, turning me into something of an overbearing and unfantastic blur of teenage years once had.

Shutting my eyes, I leant on the sink, hoping and wishing that no one got hurt. Of course I would turn out to be wishing in vain - but I really believed that if I hoped hard enough, I could save a whole fleet of them. Pressing my fingers into the bowl, I stared at my nails and thought. How did I get so tangled up in something so serious?

“Mignon? Mum needs to go to the bathroom." Ginny’s voice came from behind the door. "Are you nearly finished?” I jumped a little, noting that I must have been in there for a while before accidentally flicking water everywhere; causing me to jump even higher. Vacuuming it up with a quick spell, I then flattened my dress and slipped out of the bathroom under her watch.

She followed me down the tiny hallway, watching me as I looked through into the bedrooms of the boy's with curious eyes - soon padding down the stairs, smiling at Molly quietly before siting back down at the table. And I sat there, oblivious to the strained silence while Mrs Weasley left the room. Ginny sat down in front of me; obviously curious as to why I was so quiet.

As I mentioned before, I loved the Weasley family. They were so welcoming and kind and it was the exact opposite of my own household. Growing up with a mother that needed quiet all the time and a father that read too much to be normal, really screwed me up with the family-bonding thing. So when it came to socialising regularly with the Weasleys, I was quiet and nervous.

“My brother’s may be daft most of the time but they’ve got the right heart.” Ginny whispered from across the table. I looked up from my hands, the position something of a surprise to me. I didn’t even know I had moved from the horrible slouch I had started with. Her brown eyes met mine and I felt my lips purse, cursing the idea that Fred had blabbed about George and I's tiny spat.

“Oh, I know.” I said quickly, not to sound horrible “You do have a lovely family.” I smiled at her. “I’m just worried.”

“I think we all are.” She smiled softly at me, tucking a piece of her long, red hair behind her ear. I studied her, almost jealous in a way of her natural beauty; the entire family seemed to have it, actually. With a faulty smile, I brushed my own hair out of my face and cocked my head.

“How do you do it?" I asked her suddenly, studying her with wide eyes. “How have you not irrevocably freaked out yet? I know this might sound weird but how does your family handle all of this... I mean, like, what happened to Bill, and your dad, and you… how do you cope? I feel like I’m dying just thinking about it.” I looked down at my sweater, pulling on a loose thread. The burgundy animals that decorated the ends seemed upset in their little white boxes.

Ginny sat silent for a moment, scanning the kitchen table while scrutinising the numerous scratches it had gathered over the years, running her little fingers over the bumps and grinds of a Weasley foundation. But, her answer came confidently.

“Because we know Harry can do this.” She told me, voice steady and reassuring. “We all do. He’s saved so many of our lives, Mignon. It does get scary sometimes and we do get worried... but if we fight hard enough, we can stop You-Know-Who." Her eyes, like a warm fire that welcomed me in with her encouraging words. "I’d rather fight than lay down and accept my fate.”

“I’m sorry.” I mumbled, hiding behind my hair. “I just feel like I’ve been thrown straight into this. You know, one day I was at school, waiting for Cedric to put his name in the Goblet of Fire and now I’m here.” I sniffed at her, feeling like an injured baby bird squawking for any kind of help. “Um…” running my tongue over my top row of teeth, my voice faded out. “I love your brothers… I really do. I love your whole family, actually… don’t ever think that I don’t.”

“Oh, dear, no one does.” Molly came back into the kitchen, busying herself with some dishes in the sink. “You make my boys happy, and that makes me happy. Arthur thinks you’re lovely too.” The ceramics floated back into their cupboards - rattling snugly into place. Instead of watching them, my eyes lay steadfast on her. “I was very pleased to hear that you moved in with them.” Ginny watched her mother with a warm smile. “I’m glad they’ve got you to keep an eye on them. I’m only one woman.” She turned to look at me. I swallowed, staying blank-faced for a moment before beaming.

“Thank you.” I told her. “I never wanted to intrude on your family, Mrs Weasley, so I’m sorry if I’ve ever imposed on you.”

“That’s okay, dear.” She smiled at me. “I’ve never had a problem with you.” She spoke with a soft tone and I bit my lip, my face radiating that of pure happiness. I had always needed the reassurance that I was not a blight on her existence.

Knowing that she was thankful for my presence made me open up a little more towards them. I promised myself that I would no longer be quiet and awkward - and I would always try to fit in and stay a part of their group. I didn’t feel like I was intruding anymore - seeing as Molly Weasley didn’t mind me around, so I wasn’t scared to be a part of things.

So we sat and talked for a while, about trivial things like Celestina Warbeck and the fact that my mother’s scandalous books had been given to Molly as a present many a times. We ate tidbits of my cake to pass the time, each of us growing more anxious as every minute without any returns ticked by.

The more that time continued on, we realised that no one had returned. Molly had taken up station at the back door, near the stairs, watching the backyard like a hawk. Ginny and I were standing awkwardly behind her, although a few feet away, not knowing what to do. I felt my heart sink as a blue aura grew in the weeds around the edges of the land, no-one arriving with the rusty old oilcan portkey that now lay abandoned in the longing grass.

Molly’s face grew paler as time passed us by; Ginny telling me quietly that it was Ron and Tonk’s portkey. I didn’t want to think about why they had missed it, so I walked away to shove an entire handful of my cake into my mouth. The smaller redhead watched me with a blank face, though her eyes were curious as I fed my face with such ravenous attention that my hands were now brown and gooey.

Another portkey arrived about ten minutes later, still baring nothing but a flimsy old sneaker and a sinking blue light. Molly’s shaky sigh made my face drain of colour, sucking the cake icing off of my fingers in attempt to ease the rotting feeling that had started to burn in my throat. Ginny had finally joined me at picking at the cake, watching me finish off the last sliver before gnawing in my nails. I must have looked like such a freak, the way I tore off the dead cells with such rigorous precision; not even wincing at the pain of a cut too deep.

Soon Molly shrieked loudly and fled down the stairs, Ginny whipping up just as fast. As her chair hit the ground, I too jumped up, haughtily jumping down the stairs behind the two redheads on a completely serious mission. We reached the landing as the tall, hairy Hogwarts groundkeeper staggered to his feet.

“Harry!?” Molly cried as she reached the pale-faced boy who had hunched over to pant rapidly. “Are you the real Harry? What happened? Where are the others?” She asked him, badgering him to the point of his shuddering.

“What do you mean? Isn’t anyone back?” He asked, panting along while Hagrid swayed beside me. I leant against a wooden pole, watching the scene unfold in front of me from a distance; not wanting to cut in. Molly’s face grew paler, if that was even possible. “The Death Eaters were waiting for us,” he told her as my stomach sank into no return. I felt sick, a horrible feeling clawing at my throat as my mind filled with horrible scenarios about everyone I loved dearly. “We were surrounded the moment we took off. I don’t know what happened to anyone else.”

My face crumbled as I tried not to cry, desperately hoping that my horrified feelings were in vain. Molly brushed passed me to find Hagrid some brandy, leaving me to hug myself in the warm summer air. Harry, who had finally been left alone with Ginny, started asking her questions, only looking over her shoulder once to give me a light stare.

“Hi Harry.” I said to him and he nodded at me, still obviously shaken like a leaf from burning tree. Ginny turned to look at me for a second before turning to face both of us.

“Ron and Tonks should have been back first,” she told Harry quietly while pointing to the abandoned oilcan, “but they missed their portkey, it came back without them. And that one,” pointing to the sneaker “should have been Dad and Fred’s, they were second. You and Hagrid were third and,” she checked her watch with weary eyes “if they made it, George and Lupin ought to be back in a minute.” Her eyes flickered to me quickly before returning to Harry, turning her body away from me to mutter little words to his welcoming ears.

Molly was back giving brandy to Hagrid and I stared at the soft grass of the Weasley’s backyard. The sick feeling grew harsher and I was regretting the cake, pulling at the ends of my sweater in nerves. My mother had given me that sweater my previous birthday, leaving me with nothing but a cross-stitch elephants to remind me of her for another year. The more I thought about it, the more I just wanted George to be back, to remind me that I had more than that stupid sweater with a few loose threads. I wanted him to be back to let me know that I wasn’t going to feel like that forever.

My hopes were fulfilled when a blue light surged through the darkness, causing Ginny to shriek for her mother. The moment I saw them, I knew something was wrong, and it left me defeated as I realised that nothing was safe anymore.