Falling For

Waking up in the next morning was like trying to pull myself out of bed on during a frosty dawn. I had curled around George like a creeper vine, literally wrapping myself around his gangly body to help him retain whatever strength he had left – almost like I was trying to transfer all my excess energy that had pent up over the passed few days.

As soon as my eyes opened I felt fingers running through my hair, slithering down my neck to my shoulders and ending in the patterned swirls that the silver strings had fallen in. The warmth from his body was sticking to mine, throbbing off into my tired pores while I lay and watched him watch me.

Stretching up, I pawed the pillow with my little fingers, kissing him on the chin before collapsing on his chest, making him laugh weakly into my hair once more. It was still dark outside; the moon shining wearily passed the few clouds that wandered the deep blue sky.

“Hello there,” He mumbled at me, placing his lips to my crown and smiling. I beamed at him, leaning up again and taking in his weary face with wide eyes and a bit lip.

“Check it out, amputee.” I grinned awkwardly at him and he brightened.

“I’m glad you like it,” he divulged me “I had a dream that you got rid of me for a dirty old coot with two ears.”

“I actually don’t mind it.” I told him, reaching up to run my fingers around the crevice that used to be his ear. It was going to take a while to get used to it but it didn’t bother me as much as I initially expected it to. “At least I won’t accidently grab Fred instead.”

“I’m embarrassed for the both of us right now.” He teased, watching me as I sat up at me as I sat up, crawling into his lap before taking a swing glance at his brother who was facedown in his pillow – almost dead to the world. I hadn’t forgotten about the conversation the night before, but I chose not to disclose it to George, as I knew it would upset him. “I need a shower.”

He sat up with me, resting his forehead on my shoulder, curling his arms around my waist before quickly sneaking a peek at his twin. He scoffed at the sight, suddenly leaning forward to readjust his legs so he could sit comfortably with me on top of him. He kissed my lips quietly, taking one last sneak-peek at his brother while running his hands through my hair.

“When he wakes up we should probably get back to the flat. Check on Verity and take some clothes.” He then sighed. “I don’t want to wake him though. It’s been a pretty long night.”

“It has been for everyone…” I droned off. “And speaking of, you should probably be sleeping too.”

“If I could.” He muttered quietly, turning his head to rest on my shoulder. “I’m tired but I can’t sleep.”

“Oh?” startled, I flinched awkwardly in his grip. I couldn’t bare the thought of him knowing what Fred and I discussed the night before.

“Well I slept half the night…”He sniffed “but once it hit three I couldn’t keep my eyes closed.”

Chewing the morning off of my chapped lips, I twirled a strand of ginger around my shaky fingers, placing my forehead on his chin and staring into his old bed shirt. Nothing seemed to be normal anymore; claimed by the unknown that had already had our future in its tyrannical grip.

Up until then, I couldn’t grasp the concept of inevitable death. It had always appeared to me as a choice of both parties; suicide or homicide - nothing else really. And, in essence, the world could never force you to do anything you didn’t want to…

Obviously I was wrong.

“Well how about we try and sleep a little longer.” I mumbled into the space between our bodies. “You really need to rest, sweetie.”

His mouth cocked into a cheeky smile, kissing me quickly on my crown before throwing himself back down into his childhood pillows. I instinctively joined him, curling my body back around his as I buried my worried face into his chest. His fingers returned to my hair, dizzily swirling over the thin chords of nothing but white blond eternities.

Every so often, his touch would stop; the twirls faltering as he slipped off into a light slumber. His breathing would relax for a while, chest rising and falling almost warily – all his recent efforts piling out of his breaths like a constricted army escaping the shuddered captivity of his lungs. But then he would wake; startled, trying to sit up but instead feeling my weight and quietly settle back down.

And as for me, all I could do was clutch his side and lay wide awake, strongly hoping that things would turn down hill and I could finally stop pedalling so hard. But, in tune with everything else in our rather upsetting relationship, his nightmares never really did stop… and I never really did stop pedalling.