Bitter-Sweet Destiny

LEIRA’S POV:

I fall into bed not even glancing at the clock. Tonight was amazing. I can’t even manage to squirm under the blankets because I’m so exhausted. Sighing, my eyes fall shut, the silhouette of Kyo in my doorway being the last thing I remember seeing. I feel as if my body is floating. My lips tingle where he kissed me. My mind spins. I’ve never felt like this before. He’s in my dreams with me, singing a sad song as he pulls me close. His dark eyes meet mine, fingers lightly trailing over my skin leaving trails of icy pleasure.

“Leira.” He whispers, soft hands sneaking beneath my blouse to trace my bones. His delicate lips meet my own once more, fingers slipping along my back. “You’re so beautiful.” His breath speaks against my neck that he fills with kisses. He pulls me closer to his own body, lips trailing along my now bare chest, working their way to my stomach. Now we’re naked together. He stares up at me, head resting on my stomach, fingers swirling around my belly button. His touch has me on fire, my heart beating faster and faster for him. My stomach twists, flips, turns, filling with butterflies. He crawls on top of me, eyes focused on my own. He reads into my soul, like an open book. His fingers dance along my legs, pulling them around his own waist. The butterflies flitter out of control, my heart beating so fast I’m sure it’s stopped by now. He claims my lips once more, as I wrap my arms around his neck. I’m his now. I’ve always been. “I love you.” He whispers as we become one. Every inch of me tingles. I breathe for him. I live for him. I’d die for him.

“I love you too.” I whisper back, my voice filling the room, swimming through the sheets surrounding us. That’s when I know this is only a dream.

Waking up, my eyes fill with tears to an empty room. I lay on top of the blankets, still fully clothed. My bed looks as though it hasn’t even been touched. The clock glares in my face. 5 AM; Time to work. I close my eyes one last time, remembering every detail I could of the dream. Remembering my voice. ‘I like you.’ I want to say. But I’m greeted only with silence. It brings angry tears to my eyes. Even if I’m too scared to say those three words to him, I can’t. He’ll never hear them from me. He’ll never hear anything from me. There’s a knock on my door, followed by Shinya’s tired voice.

“Leira! Time to get up and ready. Tour starts today!”

That’s right…This is it. This is the day. My stomach once again fills with butterflies, the bad kind this time.

XOXOXOXOX

Finally, it’s show time. Time for me to prove what I’ve been working so hard for, time for me to show my stuff, and time for me to make my mark in the world. I was nervous as hell. And the guys could tell.

“Awe Leira, don’t be scared.” Die frowns taking note of my facial expression. I’m sure I look like a deer caught in headlights. Can you blame me? There are thousands of people outside that curtain screaming for Dir en Grey. My lip quivers and Die scratches his chin looking around. “Hold on a second.” He states running on stage, the noise of the fans suddenly turning into a sea of screaming fangirls. What is he doing??? Watching him, he grins at the audience waving his broken and bound arm before grabbing his guitar and making it back to my side. Thrusting it at me with his signature million watt smile, he merely states, “Play!” I can’t help but look at him like he’s retarded. He rolls his eyes, “I know playing de-stresses you, so play!!!” He beams still pushing it at me. Hesitantly, I take it from his hands. I’ll be playing all his instruments tonight, as if playing their music didn’t worry me enough.

‘What should I play?’ I mouth, looking up at him questioningly. It takes him much longer than Kyo to read my lips, and I have to add additional hand gestures until he understands.

“Oh!!! Well, how about Undecided? I wrote that one.” He adds proudly. I nod, smiling at his childishness. I don’t think that song is on our set list, but I know and love it. Trailing my fingers along the strings, I smile as the song comes to life. I can hear the beautiful sound all around me and close my eyes listening to every note. My lips turn into a smile, each pluck of the strings getting me lost in the music. The song ends too quickly, and I open my eyes to see the rest of Dir en Grey surrounding me.

“Manager really did choose well.” Toshiya smiles. I can’t help but smile, a faint blush coating my cheeks.

“You’re definitely the woman for the job!” Kaoru adds. I grin widely. Kyo’s eyes meet my own, a smile playing on his lips.

“I’m glad you’re we all have this chance to meet you. You really are something special. We could all learn a thing or two from you.” He whispers. I cock my head in confusion. I don’t think there’s anything I could teach any of them. They’re the teachers in this case. Kyo smiles again, “You’ve reminded us why we went into music in the first place. It isn’t a job. It’s our life, our hobby, our love, and our world.” He states. That never even crossed my mind. I smile broadly.

“Now let’s go make some music!” Shinya yells, making us all jump. None of us expected him to yell. But we ran onto stage after our group pep talk. That night was probably one of the best shows I’d heard in a long time. And it left me eager for many of the nights to come. By the end of the show, I’d even earned a couple of fans. That made it all worthwhile.

XOXOXOXOX

‘I have fans!!!’ I mouth bouncing around the hotel room. Kyo’s the only one who caught my words. He frowns in dissatisfaction. That, I was not expecting. Does he not want me to have any?…That’s right. I’m only a fill in. If I start gaining fans then maybe I’d have to stick around. But what the hell?! He said I was something special! He said he was learning from me. He kissed me!!!! I thought there might be something between us…I guess I was wrong. I guess I don’t mean anything more to him than some girl he can screw. Am I really like that to everyone? Frowning, I disappear into my room to collect my things. We’ll be traveling as soon as we’re packed. I can feel my face flare up in hot tears. So I’m nothing to them? I’m nothing to him…

KYO’S POV:

Tonight was amazing. That is until I caught her words. She has fans…that’s not good. Frowning, I stuff my clothes into my suitcase before heading to the shower. How could I expect this not to happen? She’s pretty, she’s good, she’s interesting, and she’s a SHE. Guys are going to be all over her. She’s only going to collect more fans throughout tour. She’s going to be in danger. I let the warm water fall over my skin as I collect my thoughts. Suddenly, the shower curtain is thrust to the side, a pissed off and crying Leira on the other side. I can’t help but to scream like a girl.

“I’m naked!!!” I screech hopping out of the shower, grabbing a towel, and quickly wrapping it around myself. She rolls her eyes.

‘Have you been lying to me?!’ She mouths turning off the shower head. I close the bathroom door, the cool air giving me goosebumps.

“Lying? About what?”

‘About everything! You kissed me, you told me I was special, you said everyone needed me! Are those all lies just so you can get in my pants?!’ She silently screams.

“What? NO! What the hell brought you to that conclusion?!” I retort, securing the towel around my waist.

‘You don’t like me having fans!!!’ Her eyes dig into mine, making me feel weak for once.
“Well of course I don’t…”

‘Are you jealous? Because now you’re not getting all the attention?’

“No! I hate my fans!” I growl. This gives her a look of confusion. Sighing, I run fingers through my dripping hair. “Look, when you’re famous, people will stop at nothing to get to you.” I explain, “Their brains turn off, and they rely only on what drives them: Passion and obsession. That’s never a good combination. I’ve had fans kill themselves to gain my attention. Some have stalked me, others have stalked my exes or family. I don’t want that happening to you Leira.” I frown taking a step closer to her. Her eyes open wide in understanding. “I don’t want to see you getting hurt like some of us have. Fans can do horrible things. Don’t get me wrong, some are great. I’ve made good friends with some and even had interesting conversations with them. But there are sick and twisted ones out there.” I shake my head. “Do you understand? I’m not lying to you. I’m not jealous. You are special. We all need you. I need you…that’s why I kissed you. I like you Leira, a lot. I’m not telling you these things to get in your pants, although that would be a nice pair of pants to get into.” I quickly add with a smirk, chuckling as she rolls her eyes, “I’m telling you these things because I care about you, and I want to keep you safe. I want to protect you Leira.” I whisper, fingers on her chin caressing her cheek bones. I smile at the soft pink that develops beneath my thumb. I love the way her eyes flitter back and forth between mine and our surroundings. I love the way her heart beats faster with every step I take closer to her. I love the way her lips part when she wants to be kissed. And I love that she’s here with me.

‘…I guess that makes sense.” Her lips say, breath beating against my own mouth. I can feel her lips brush against mine with every silent muttering. I can tell from the look in her eyes that she knows she’s not making sense. She knows she’s just muttering to prolong the moment. Her palms rest on my chest nervously, sliding down my torso to wrap around my back, pulling my body against her own. I smirk pressing her against the bathroom door, only to have it open, sending us both plummeting toward the ground.

“Oh my god I am so sorry!!!” Toshiya squeaks slamming the door shut again, except it’s rather hard to shut a door with bodies in the way.

“I’m going to kill you…” I growl, slowly glaring up at him. “Once I have pants on.” With that, he bolts from my room leaving Leira pinned beneath me on the ground. “…Now where were we?” I smirk.

‘You were just about to finish your shower I believe.’ She answers, sticking her tongue out.
“Weren’t you about to also? I could have sworn you came in here to shower with me. You told me yourself.” I lie propping myself up onto my palms.

‘Sorry, I already showered today.’ She grins. ‘But you have fun in there!’

“Why do I like you again?” I grumble to myself. She smiles, quickly wrapping her arms around my neck to pull me into a tender kiss.

XOXOXOXOX

LEIRA’S POV:

We’ve played five shows already, and every one of them has been better than the last. Finally, it was time for a break. We have a three day break, and already we’re on day one. How have we been spending it? Well sleeping of course! The bus coasts along the highway, the sound of the radio buzzing in the background. Die and Kaoru snore loudly from their beds, while Toshiya sprawls out on Shinya’s. They have to share a bunk ever since the new addition; aka: Me. Kyo, however, is nowhere to be found. He’s not in his bunk, and he’s not in the ‘kitchen.’ Did we leave him somewhere? Worried, I hop out of my own bunk to begin the search. Luckily, the bus is just that: A bus. So the only place I had left to check would be the passenger’s seat and bathroom. I could hear his voice from the bathroom stall.

“We’re still on tour! I’m not coming home! I don’t care how long she’s there for…I don’t care how long it took you to find her.” I can’t help but wonder who he’s talking to, or who he’s talking about. “Okay look, we have a show near Kyoto next. If I can talk everyone into going there sooner than we planned then will you quit calling me?!! …Goodbye Mom.” He growls, the sound of his phone call ending with a violent snap. The door flies open only for me to be greeted by a very, very, VERY angry Kyo. He looked a little like a demon. But he looked surprised to see me there. “How much of that did you hear?!” He growls, making my stomach churn.

‘Nothing! I have to pee!!!’ I mouth, obviously a lie. I push him out of the way and disappear into the bathroom before he has time to retort. I’ve never seen him so angry…I can hear his heavy footsteps prodding back into the bunk room, even the squeak of springs as he falls into his bed. What could make him so angry? Frowning, I sneak out from the stall, washing my hands to make a bowl of cereal. Something doesn’t feel right.

A few hours finally pass before the zombies return from the dead, stumbling throughout the kitchen and fighting for use of the bathroom. The only one missing is Kyo. Silently, I make my way back to where he resides, pulling the door shut behind me. He lies with his arms raised above his head, bare torso showing as usual. His tattoos even look angrier than usual today. I notice his eyes following me menacingly. Nervously, I take a deep breath and open my mouth.

‘What’s wrong Kyo?’ I frown. He exhales sharply.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” As if I didn’t know he’d say that. I nod my head in understanding, moving closer to sit at his feet. He stares at me, but this time not with a look of hatred. I’m not sure what it is. “Thank you.” He sighs. Again, I nod. “Did you get any sleep last night? You look exhausted.” He frowns. I shrug, recalling last night. I tossed and turned, my dreams filled with uncertainty. I remember a set of eyes. They lit up in the crowd, constantly on me. They weren’t like Kyo’s eyes. They were cold and piercing. I recalled what Kyo had said about his fans. Is that why I had that dream? Did it scare me that much? I could feel a shiver running through my spine, but his warm hand on mine eased the turmoil.
‘I had nightmares all night.’ I frown looking into his eyes. Kyo nods, pulling my body to his, wrapping his arms around my torso. His lips press against my forehead, fingers running through my hair. He tugs a blanket around us both.

“Get some rest Leira. You won’t have a single bad dream as long as I’m here.” He whispers stroking my nose. I let my eyes fall shut, knowing he was right. My fingers traced his dark tattoos, a mysterious, gentle, and intriguing meaning to them all. They were no longer angry. I listened to the gentle hum of his heart, and before long I was asleep. This time dreams filled with the two of us. We made beautiful music together, singing softly and passionately. How I wish I could sing with him…