Ecophobia

I can’t sleep.

The thought that Ruaridh might still be outside when it’s getting so late worried me to bits, the boy will make me an insomniac soon if I’m not careful. That’s just the problem I care too much about it, maybe I don’t let him escape from his life because I’m always pushing him back in. Good God I think it may really be me that needs a therapist.

A sense which I have grown aware of alerted me that I must find out where on Earth Ruaridh is right now. My too eager finger tips turned my bedside lamp on then picked up the mobile that sat half charged on the table. From memory I stabbed in the numbers with my thumb after that I held the device against my ear. I glanced over at the digital clock, it read 02:28, the little green lights itched my eyes as I waited.

One ring.
Two rings.
Three rings.

“Hello,” Ruaridh’s voice replied from the other end, his voice sounded broken and defeated.

“Ruaridh where are you, are you home yet?” Ok so really I already knew the answer to my own question but my nervous nature took over my ability to think correctly.

Shifting noises followed my question along with the blaring sound of his heavy breathing. I started to get scared from the silence that he was delivering but I calmed down when he answered me.

“I’m not home, am in the park,” He was totally monotone but at least he was still alright and not in a gutter somewhere.

I let my thoughts poses me as to what I was to do next. (A) I could go get him and try to get him home or back to mine or (B) I could let him be and stop being so damn worried about him. I truly am a natural born worrier so picking the first option firmly overruled the second one.

“Stay there, I am coming to get you,” I confirmed to both Ruaridh and myself.

“Fine,” He said before clicking the phone line dead.

I got up off my bed and rummaged around my dark bedroom to find a pair of jeans. Once I found them I put on the same trainers I wore everyday then grabbed a jacket off the bottom of my bed. I didn’t have to sneak around as both my parents are very heavy sleepers, a gene in which I wish I had inherited. The front door opened with barely a sound and I was out before it had swung open completely.

The dark night seemed to swallow the street lamps light, making them useless to me and everyone else up at this early hour. The path to the park was one I knew well, I had been going there since I was three. Back then my dad would take me but now I meet up with my friends there and then go into town or something else normal teenagers do.

Ruaridh loves the park, he feels safe there. An unusual occurrence is that Ruaridh feels safe, not even in the comfort of my house does he feel at all safe. The whole feeling of a happy and together household seems to frighten him; he scared of something some people would die for. He can only spend so long in my house before the horrible dread takes over him, it’s not as bad as when he’s at his own but he still his petrified.

No one is around as I walk, I didn’t expect there to be anyone. The park is the same but I know there is a certain somebody here, I don’t tell him this but he gives off nervous air, a strong atmosphere of uncertainty always hangs around wherever he is. His words tell the fiction but everything else that he lets off is the brutal truth.

“Ruaridh,” I call out into the nothingness of the park, silently wishing for a reply.

The unmistakable sound of a sniff directs be over to the same park bench Ruaridh had earlier run away from. With the unhelpful aid of the moon light I make out the figure of my dearest Ruaridh. I take few strides over to him the plop myself down beside him, my first instinct would be to wrap my arms around him but I wasn’t sure what kind of mood he was in.

“Hi,” His voice sounds mouse like and much like the light the darkness swallows it up.

“Hey buddy.”

“Don’t make me go back home Ryan, I really don’t want too.”

I shush him as he grabs onto my sides, I have a feeling I’m not going to be going home anytime soon. Silence once again over powers us both and words right now would be meaningless and I’m not one for cheap talk.

We’re both cold but as he presses into my side I can’t help feel a smooth warmness in the pit of my stomach. I know the feeling, it’s the feeling I get when I make him feel safe.