My Only Sunshine

Shortly after those terrifyingly truthful words escaped from my mouth, silence consumed the room. It was so quiet in the room that if a pin dropped it could be heard at anywhere in the room, and the silence began to scare me. Matt continued to say nothing, his head just was hung down, and his gaze was glued the floor. He snaked his hand over to mine, and intertwined our fingers.

"I'm sorry Matt," I whispered. The guilt that washed over me made me feel almost sick to my stomach. Normally, cutting made me feel better, before and afterward because it took the pain away and knowing that the pain was gone kept me going for awhile. But seeing how much pain the scratches on my wrist caused someone who was starting to mean something to me, it hurt me so much.

Finally, Matt spoke, "Don't be," He whispered after shaking his head. He blew air out of his mouth then spoke again, "Just don't cut.... I can't stand the thought of anything bad happening to you." This made me slightly more than happy. In a way, it was just the pick-me-up I needed after hearing some of the worse news of my life.

I nodded, "Okay, I'll try for you." I wanted too, and hopefully I would follow through.

"There are other alternatives than cutting yourself when you're upset," He paused and gazed into my eyes, "When you're upset, just call me, and me and the guys will be sure to try and help. None of them would ever want you do to something like this to yourself."

I know he cared, and it truly meant the world. He just met me, and so did the guys, and the fact that I meant this much to them already was the best feeling ever. But Matt just didn't understand my reasoning, "Matt, I know that," I broke our gaze and starred at the floor, "But when you've gone accustomed to cutting taking the pain away, sometimes," I began to struggle with my words, and I paused to regroup, "Sometimes, it feels like the only thing that is capable of taking the pain away. I was at a low point last night, my mom told me that she had fucking cancer. It was a blow right to the heart. I already lost my dad, and I just don't know what I'll do when I lose my mom." My eyes brimmed with tears, and the moment that I blinked they began cascading down my cheeks. I quickly wiped my tears away, I hated crying in front of people. But before I could wiped them away, Matt replaced my hands with his own and wiped the tears off of my face, and he wrapped his arms tightly around me, and pulled my close to him. I sobbed into his chest as he rubbed my back and held me close.

"Everything will be okay, Kenny." Kenny, I repeated in my mind, he sounded like my mom, which made me sob harder. "Kenny," Matt cooed, "Just because she has cancer, that doesn't mean that it will end badly. They'll save her..." He kissed the top of my head. I nodded, my face still on his chest, and I wiped my tears off of my face.

Finally, I pulled away from Matt. "You should talk to her about this," I nodded, agreeing with Matt. "When does she--" Matt's question when answered when my mom screamed, "KENDRA, I'M HOME!"

"She's heeeree." I said in a creepy voice trying to mimic the movie Poltergeist . Matt chuckled and shook his head.

"Want me to come with you when you talk to her?" I bit my lip, not knowing what else to say, and I contemplated the idea. Having Matt by my side, might make all of the difference. So finally, I nodded. I got up off of my head, and tugged Matt's hand, pulling him up beside me.

"On forth!" I declared, and began walking down stairs. Matt and I finally made it down stairs and into the kitchen to find my mom sitting at the table with John, talking abut something. I took another step, which made the floor creak, and drew both mom and John's attention.

"Hi Kenny," My mom stopped, and noticed Matt behind me, "Well, hello," She spoke directly to Matt.

"Hi Mom," I paused and half turned around, "this is Matt," then I turned back around, "Matt this, is my mom, Nora Daniels."

I heard Matt quietly mutter. "I never knew you're last name." And it made me giggle a little. I guess I never did tell him my last name.

"Hi, it's nice to meet you!" Matt smiled, exposing his dimples, "I'm Matt Sanders."

Mom returned the smile, "I'm actually Nora Levesque," Matt gave me a strange look, and I sighed, "I changed my name after Kendra's step father, and I got married. " Right, I forgot about the asshole.

"Yeah, that's the asshole himself, John Levesque." I pointed over at John, and Matt bit his lip trying so hard not to laugh.

John scoffed, "Shut the fuck up Kendra." I rolled my eyes, and I saw Matt's facial expression; he seemed more than shocked the John would talk to me like that. Well boy was he in for a surprise.

"Oh, go deep throat a horse John, I'm here to talk to my mom anyways, I'll deal with you later." Both mom and Matt held back laughs.

"Okay Kendra, thats enough," Mom finally told me. I should've known that she would eventually take his side.

"Whatever," I turned my attention back to John, "Go do something productive, I have to talk to my mom."

John just shook his head and disappeared off somewhere. I heard him whisper something to Matt on his way out of the room, but Matt rolled his eyes.

I tugged Matt's hand a little, then we made our way over to the table and sat down with her.

"What's up, baby?" My mom asked me, a little concerned.

A sigh escaped my mouth, and I was just lost for words. Matt squeezed my hand, giving me the extra confidence that I needed, "We never talked about your cancer...."

She sighed as well, "Baby, the doctors said there is a high chance that they can remove the tumor that's in my breast." I nodded, trying to take all of this in.

"When are you going to have surgery?"

She shook her head, "I don't know yet... I need to go back to the doctors, then... we'll go from there."

I nodded again, not knowing what to say. But then the words exploded out of my mouth, like word vomit, "You have to get it soon, I can't take losing the only parent I have left." And with that, both of our eyes filled with tears. Matt just sat there, and watched us cry. I can't say I don't blame him, I wouldn't know what to do if I was in his situation either.

"Mommy, I just miss Daddy so much," I whispered when she grabbed my open hand.

She nodded, and sniffled, "Sometimes, I do too." I really hope she wasn't lying. My mother hated my father for so many reasons, and if she really meant this, it would mean so much to me.

I arose and hugged her, "I love you mommy." I kissed the top of her head.

She pulled my down and kissed my cheek, "I love you too baby. And I promise, you will never lose me." I nodded, then let her go.

Matt stood up then wrapped his arms around me, we just stood there in a tight embrace for a long wonderful moment that I was lost in. At this moment, I realized how much Matt actually had began to mean to me. And truthfully, it scared me that he meant this much already.