I've Medicated Myself Again

I cried until I caught my breath. I was gettting sick of the re-occurring, I just wanted it all to end. I knew exactly how it would, and to save time I'll so it myself. I walked across my room wiping my tears away. I grabbed my purse and took a bottle of Advil out and put ten in my palm. I took them quickly five at a time.
I walked into my closet and on the wall hidden, was taped a razor blade. I took it off the wall and went to my bed. I sat down and waited for thirty minutes. All I needed was the Advil to set in and make my blood thinner.
I rolled my eyes looking at my book shelf. On it was a bottle of wine from my parents wedding, a picture of them together and happy was on it along with the year the got married. I went to it and since it was already openedI had no problem getting the cork out with my teeth. I took two large gulps and squinted my face. It was disgusting but it would also help thin my blood. I drank the ntire thing down, all it had been missing was a small glass. I sat back on my bed feeling it all kick in. I picked up the blade and stared at my wrist I looked straight at a vein and pushed the blade on it with force. I dragged it feeling every single nerve letting my brain aware of the strong pain. I dragged down a fourth of my fore-arm i pulled the blade away a wiped the blood off of it on my jean shorts. I then looked at my right thigh and took my blade to it as well.
Closer to my knee i cut about two inches up my thigh and then quickly went at it about four times in random spots starting to cry again. I did one more deep cut and looked back at my wrist. Dark crimson red blood was dripping on my sheets and I didn't give one fuck. I wanted more. I cut over the same spot making it deeper than it was before. I then cut my right thigh more until it was all red. I dropped the blade on accident and picked it up with my left hand and blood was flowing down my figner tips. I looked at my right wrist and cut it the same way and the left without a second thought.
I stood to my ability with the blade still in my hand. I went to my purse and pulled out my cigarettes and lit one, holding it between my index and middle finger. I took a long drag until my lungs couldn't take no more. This was the first time I smoked inside the house. My mother knew I smoked but I usually did outside on the back porch. I took another hit of the cigarette longer than the first one making my lungs burn more than before, I soon felt light headed. I put the cigarette out on the wall closest to me. I sat the unfinished cigarette on the dest with the razor blade. I began to walk back to my bed to bleed my life away. Before I could make it there I blacked out.
I felt my body collapse benethe me. I hit my right knee first shooting a strong pain throughout my entire leg. I pushed my arms out infront of me so I didn't hit my face hard. Everything was pitch black as if I was staring into an abyss. I used the rest of my strength to roll me over on my back I saw a glimpse of the ceiling before it went black again.
I heard loud quick foot steps coming to my room. the door opened but I couldn't open my eyes or speak. I could tell it was my mother by the way she was breathing. She let out a throated scream running back out i could feel blood under my wrists and legs. The empty bottle of wine wust've rolled off my bed because I heard glass break near me.
I laid there for what felt like forever hoping my soul would give up already.
I heard my mother running again. She had just hung up a phone, and was breathing heavy by the time she got to me. She pushed back my hair and sighed.
"Elizabeth honey, please wake up." she shook me.
I didn't respond, I couldn't. She started to cry shaking my more.
"So much blood. Why? Why, Elizabeth? Just why?" she cried.
Her crying turned into sobs next to my body. I heard the front door open, she then screamed my fathers name angrily.
"That bastard better be gone!" he yelled coming to her.
I wanted to cry but my body wouldn't let me do a thing.
"Shut the fuck up! Thanks to you she could be gone forever, you sick piece of shit! Look what you fuckni' done!" me mother yelled I could hear his slow breaths and her trying to hit him.
"I- I-" he chked.
Good.
I heard sirens get close and my mother left the room, the sirents were in my front yard. she opened the front door and they got louder. I heard extra foot steps and the sirens soon cut off.
"Get the stretcher! one yelled.
"Sir, you're under arrest. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be used against you. You have the right to have an attorney present before and during questioning. If you can not afford one you may have on appointed at public expense before and during questioning." an offer said. I heard my father grunt as hand cuffs went on him.
The man took my father out while another attempted to check my pulse.
"We have time but not much!" he yelled, "Hurry!
I heard more people come in.
"Here, I'l hekp, dad." one guy said.
"Thank you son, her mother is a close friend of mine. That's why I had to leave the hospital with the ambulance. I couldn't leave you alone there either." another man replied.
My body was lifted gently and I was soon strapped onto a stretcher. I wanted to sleep but I could hear everyhing.
"She wanted to die." I heard the son I assume say.
"She won't on my terms." his father replied.
"Too beautiful to die." the son said.
I was now getting carried out of the house. I heard a few car doors.
"Come on Marcia, you coming to the hospital?" the father asked.
"Yea," she dired I was now in the back of the ambulance.
I heard the doors shut and the sirens kick back on. My mothers sobs continued. I felt my arm get picked up, soon it was getting wrapped up.
"Ronnied, can you do her other wrist?" the father asked.
"Yea, dad." he replied.
I felt a shock as he lifted my other arm. My body almost twitched.
"Dad, she just moved." Ronnie said.
"Good just wrap it up so there's not a big mess. She's going to need stitched."
I felt my leg getting wiped up.
"So much blood." my mother repeated again catching her breath.
"Come here, miss." Ronnied said.
I could hear her get closer. Her cries were not muffled as he shushed her repeating, "It's going to be okay."
I stated to drift off unintentionally. Everything was black, numb, cold, and silent. Was my life finally over? Am I done suffering this Hell on Earth? Am I done getting beaten almost on a daily basis? Or was this just too good to be true, and just a dream.