Outside A Bar

Gerard closed his shining hazel eyes, letting alcohol's haze take him over. They were more green than brown then; they always turned green when he'd been drinking. He opened them again and smiled at the small crowd before him. "We're My Chemical fucking Romance, get ready for us!" Gerard turned around and motioned to his guitarist to begin playing. He didn't know what song he was supposed to sing first, not because he wasn't told, he just didn't remember. The familiar single pound of the drums from Matt and riff played by Ray signaled that he was to sing Our Lady of Sorrows.

We could be perfect one last night,
and die like star crossed lovers when we fight
And we could settle this affair
If you would shed your yellow, take my hand.

He jumped around the stage, touching Frank occasionally, and he sang the song perfectly. After Gerard screamed the word "throat," he put his hands around Frank's neck and pulled the small man to him, kissing him on the lips with full force. He pulled away, smirking drunkenly, then signaled for the next song to start.

After their last song of the night, Gerard immediately jumped offstage and walked out the bar's front doors. He leaned his back up against the window and ran his fingers through his sweaty black hair, sighing. He fumbled in his jacket pocket for his cigarettes. He pulled one from the pack and lit it up, taking a drag and hesitating before blowing out smoke. He was way more sober than he was at the beginning of the night; playing a long set like that one was good for that. His head was throbbing.

Gerard looked up at the sky as he took another puff of the cigarette. It was near 3 in the morning, but the sky was only dark grey and no stars were visible, the product of a lot of light pollution. Most of the businesses down the main street were closed but they kept on their lights and signs.

He shook his head at the grey above him as he turned his head, staring off into the direction of the parking lot but at nothing in particular. Few cars drove by, but when they did, Gerard wouldn't look over. He kept his focus on the same thing: nothing. He wondered what the rest of the band was doing inside although he knew, since they always did the same thing after shows. They drank and talked and made new friends. Gerard usually joined them.

When the bar door opened, however, he did look over. He saw the man that he'd kissed on stage standing there but turned his head back away. Frank waited before taking another step and when he did, it was right to Gerard. He put his hand on his singer's shoulder.

"So, Gerard..." Frank started to say, but his thought trailed off.
"Hey," Gerard replied apathetically. He put his lips to the cigarette again.
Frank just stood there. Gerard guessed that he didn't know what to say but he didn't know why.
"Well?" he said, trying to get Frank to cut to the chase.
"Uh, so, you kissed me."
"That I did. Wasn't the first time, you know."
There was an awkward silence between the two.
"I know."
Gerard once again took a drag of his cancer stick before dropping it on the ground and stomping on it. "So," he said nasally, blowing out smoke, "what's so special about this time?"
"I don't know, it just... felt different, I guess."
"Different?"
"I don't know."
They were silent once again, for a while. Gerard began to say "it's always felt the same," but his brother ran outside.
"They're asking about you guys," Mikey said cheerily, sounding like a child. When he saw Frank and Gerard his mood dropped. They were just looking at him. "Uh, I'll tell them you're talking." He pushed back inside the bar's double doors.
"Were you about to say something?" Frank asked Gerard.
"Yeah."
"Are you going to tell me what it was?"
"Maybe." Gerard smiled and Frank raised an eyebrow. "Stand in front of me."

Frank did as Gerard said, and as he was about to inquire why, Gerard grabbed his face and planted his lips forcefully onto Frank's. At first, he was motionless, but he let himself succumb to Gerard's kiss. Gerard's arms slid down around Frank's waist as he let his tongue out from behind his lips, tracing Frank's bottom lip. Frank sighed and pulled his face away.

"For me," Gerard began, "it's always felt the same. It's always felt like that."
Frank rested his head on Gerard's chest. They were silent again but it wasn't awkward.
Gerard took a deep breath. "Frank, I love you."
Frank looked up at Gerard, locking their eyes. "I broke up with Jamia last week."
"Really?" he said, his heart beginning to sputter.
"Yeah."
"Why? You guys were high school sweethearts." Gerard didn't know what he was saying. He felt like he was still under alcohol's spell, although he was almost completely sober.
"I realized I don't love her like I used to." Frank buried his head further into Gerard's chest, listening to his heart beat.
Gerard didn't know how to respond. He just knew that he wanted Frank to say that he loved him.

Gerard had been in love with Frank since the first few weeks he met him. Back then, he only drank occasionally and had never taken a pill for any purpose other than medical reasons. The first time Frank brought Jamia to hang out with him and the band (before they were a band), it broke Gerard's heart. That night, he got shit faced drunk alone, locked himself in his room, and cut himself deep. He'd fallen asleep crying. Gerard had thought he had a chance with this boy that was four years younger than him; he realized that this boy was completely in love with someone else, a girl no less. That was what had started his alcoholism. Frank had broken Gerard's heart without even knowing it. Gerard tried to use alcohol to fill the hole. It had been working.

Gerard remembered that night and a tear fell from his eye. He lifted a hand and wiped it away. He had no reason to be that depressed, at least not when Frank was right there, on his chest.

He told Frank about one of the worst nights of his life, trying not to go into specific detail, but failing. He could feel Frank's tears on his shirt.
"Frankie, don't cry, it was my pain."
"But it was because of me."
Gerard thought for a second. "That's true."
"God, Gerard, I'm so sorry."
"It's okay baby"- Gerard kicked himself for accidentally saying baby -"I forgive you."
Frank didn't seem to mind that Gerard had called him baby.

People began to pour out of the bar, when previously they'd only been leaving one or two at a time. As they left, they looked at the boys with raised eyebrows but stumbled to their cars nonetheless. They didn't deter them though.

"I'm glad," Frank said, sighing again.
"So what was the real reason you broke up with Jamia?"
"That was the real reason."

The building across the street shut off its lights with a buzz.

Gerard rubbed his hand up and down Frank's cold back. It was still wet with sweat, but the night air had cooled it. He lifted his hand to his head, pushing back his short hair.

"I didn't love her like I used to." Frank paused. "I loved someone else."
"And who was that?" Gerard asked, though already knowing the answer.
"Gerard Way, I love you."

Gerard pulled up Frank's head by his chin. He bit his own lip before Frank stood on his toes, pushing their mouths together into a sweet, heart-exploding kiss outside a bar in Pennsylvania.