The Girl Who Couldn't Feel

I walked along the empty streets. I couldn’t remember how long I had been walking for. Finally, I ended up in front on a small supermarket. I looked in my bag to see if I had any money. Luckily, I had my emergency $10 bill. As I stood, shivering because of the cold, I decided it was probably a good idea to buy a blanket, so I wouldn’t be too cold. I walked in, and looked through the aisles. As I looked for any kind of blanket, I began to think about what I was planning to do. I could probably sleep in the park, like I usually do. But, then, something else came to mind. What if…I didn’t go back? What if I just went away? Mother and Father wouldn’t miss me. I was kidding myself calling them Mother and Father. They weren’t my parents. They did adopt me, but they weren’t my parents. They were my uncle and aunt. But, I knew it looked good for them. I could still hear the voices of all the visitors commenting on that. “Oh, isn’t that sweet, “they always said, “not only did you adopt her, Glen, after your sister passed away, but you treat her so well, that she calls you Mother and Father! You guys are just too giving. I don’t think I could handle seeing the face of my sister’s daughter, especially when they look so alike. Practically identical, the two of them are.” They always said loudly as I walked away. Isn’t it weird though? Pretending to be a perfect family. Pretending I’m their eldest daughter, who they truly love, but I lost a screw or something, and that is why I act so ungrateful. No, they wouldn’t miss me. Even Tammy, she would care for a little bit, but her life would be better without me. And Candy, Candy would forget. She was little; she wouldn’t remember anything when she was older. I would just be an imaginary friend she had as a child that always took care of her. Her parents would tell her that was all I was, an imaginary friend of hers. She would hear my name every now and then, and she would probably think of me, but then she would let the thought go as another trick her mind was playing on her. She would tell herself I didn’t exist. And then, that would be it. The one true treasure I had, Candy, would forget me. The only thing I would give my life for wouldn’t remember I was real. No one would. Suddenly, this thought was no longer just a thought. Suddenly, it was a plan. It was going to be the future. I would just walk out of here with my blanket, and I would run, as far as I could get. It would take quite a long time till anyone would admit I was missing, I would be long gone. It probably wouldn’t even make the news. Everything would continue. That was one thing that I was proud of. The fact that I knew that the world could go on, even without a person. The world would go on. Just like how it went on, even though Mom and Dad died. I had waited for everything to stop. For the world to break down in grief. But as I looked around, I saw people laughing, shopping, eating. No one realized. No one realized that my world had fallen apart. My tears never fell after that. They never came, just like how the end of the world didn’t come. I picked the cheapest blanket of the rack. It was a dark black, and looked pretty itchy, but it would work. I went up to the cashier. He would be the last one to see me. I glanced at him. I looked him in the eye. I wanted him to make sure, if they put my picture around the streets, that it was me. That he had seen me. He could tell them that I bought a blanket, and then I was gone. He scanned the blanket and looked at me.

“$9.50.” he said, bored. I handed him the money, and he put his hand out to give me my 50 cents.

“Keep it.” I mumbled. And he just shrugged and put it in a jar in front of him, which was for some foundation. Silently, he handed me the receipt. As I was about to take it, the door behind him opened, it was probably the storage room and the break room. I didn’t look up at who it was as I grabbed the receipt until the person spoke.

“Hey, Neil, I’ll place these on the racks and then I gotta go.” He said, and I looked up to see the one person who I hadn’t wanted to see. It was Jaden. How could this be? Why was he here? Then I realized, I had never asked him where he worked. What are the odds that he worked here? How could he work at a random store I happened to come into? This couldn’t be real. “Marie? What are you doing here?” Jaden looked at me. I kept my eyes on the ground.

“I-I-I came to…buy a blanket…mine…is too old…” I muttered, still looking down. I had to leave. I had to go. My chance to run away was now getting smaller. I had to leave.

“Really? Couldn’t you use another one from home?” he asked. I tried to think of a response. He was right. I didn’t have to walk all the way here for just a blanket. This was a good 25 minute walk from home. Even if there weren’t any blankets at home, there were closer stores. What could I say?

“Dude, I think you’re scaring her…aren’t you being a bit pushy?” the cashier, named Neil, smirked at him. “I mean she’s even shaking a bit.”

“Shut up, Neil.” Jaden smiled at him. “Wait here, Marie, I’ll be right back. One of my friend’s is picking me up from here, and you could come with me.” He then walked to one of the aisles. When Neil snuck into the break/storage room, I made my escape. I quickly opened the door and headed out. I quickly ran away from the store, and headed down a nearby alley. I had to get off of that street. As I slowed down in the alley, I suddenly felt a knife on my neck.

“Keep quiet, and give me all your money.” Someone said from behind me in a low voice. I closed my eyes tight. I didn’t have any money. Someone would come. Someone would help me. I begged in my mind for somebody to help me. I didn’t know what to do. Wait. What am I doing? I don’t need anyone. I had to fend for myself. No one was coming to help me. No one would help me. I tried to think rationally. I needed him to get distracted, for just one second. That was all I needed. I had been an excellent fighter. I could beat him. “Did you hear what I said? I want your money! Or do you prefer death…” he laughed evilly.

“Hey, stop.” I heard someone else say from behind. I could feel the thief look back, confused. This was my only chance. I grabbed his arm, that had loosened from my neck, and flipped him over my shoulder. He landed on the ground with a huge thud. I grabbed the knife from his hand as he groaned. He got up and moved away.

“Okay, okay.” He said as he slowly walked away from me, because I had the knife pointed at him. I hoped he didn’t realize my hands were shaking. After he felt he was far enough, he made a run for it. Once he turned the corner, I felt the strength I had just moments ago pour out of me. I felt myself floating to the ground, but before I could actually reach it, someone caught me from behind, but I wasn’t afraid. As soon as he caught me, I felt him slowly pull the knife out of my hand and it rang as if fell to the ground.

“Woah, there, Marie,” Jaden tried to chuckle, but it wasn’t a very confident one. “It’s okay, you’re alright.” He muttered. He had his arms around my waist, to keep me up. Though he had said the last sentence out loud, I felt it had been more for him than for me. “Can you walk?” he asked. Though I nodded, when he let me go, for only a second, I collapsed once more, and once more he caught me. “It’s okay, I’ll carry you. Don’t worry.” He said, picking me up princess style for the second time, but I was too drained to complain. It had been a long time since I had been attacked, and even then, I had never had someone attempt to mug me. I remember most of the fights I was in were between gangs, but it was pretty stupid, and I knew that they were going to attack me. On top of it, no one had ever gotten close enough to me to hold a knife to my throat. When did I become so unaware of my surroundings? Why did this have to happen now, when I was running away? Why was I shaking? This was silly. I was fine. Nothing had happened. There wasn’t even a scratch on me. In fact, I should have run after that guy and beat him to pieces! But…I wasn’t that person anymore. I didn’t want to fight. I was tired of it. I felt an odd feeling that I had lost something by fighting back. I couldn’t even remember why I had stopped fighting, but I knew the reason was one that still shook me now. I could feel the pain inside me for breaking some promise I had made. Sure, it was for my own protection. He probably would have killed me, right there, in that alley, but I couldn’t stop the awful feeling I got. I tried to keep my mind off it. Off the reason I was feeling so much pain, just for flipping a guy over my shoulder. I thought about how surprised I was that I had been able to easily position myself. I had done it so perfectly, even though it had been more than 5 years since I had even tried to do that. Then, I became aware of the fact that Jaden was trying to get my attention.

“Marie, do you think you can walk, we are at a small restaurant. You should probably eat something, or I’m worried you might pass out.” He smiled softly. Who was he? Why was he always so caring? I had done nothing for him. I told him I hated him, that he was a pain. I tried ignoring him. Yet, why was he still helping me? I decided he must be a really caring person, in general. Maybe he just felt pity for me. That must be it. Because no one does this. People like that don’t exist. There’s no such thing as people who are practically angels… And even if there were, I hadn’t done anything to deserve one. Look at me. I can admit seeing how much pain people are in, but I don’t say anything. I never told the boy who sits next to me in math that I know how it feels to lose a parent. I have never tried to help anyone. Instead, I just ignore it. I ignore how much pain they are in. And why? Because I’m so afraid. I’m afraid of what they’ll say to me. I shouldn’t be nosy. It is their personal grief. I shouldn’t pick at it, even if I could help them just by telling them I understand, because what if they don’t? As I nodded to what Jaden said, I felt him place me down slowly. He kept an arm around me, and we walked in. I wasn’t paying attention to what was going on…so I was a bit surprised when I was already seated at a table, having not remembered walking there.

“What do you want?” Jaden said, touching my hand from across the table. Without thinking I pulled back, and placed my hands under the table. There was a moment of awkwardness and then I realized I had been asked a question.

“Um…just soup.” I whispered. I really loved soup, though I rarely got to have it. I don’t know what I liked about it, but it was good.

“Can you get us 2 glasses of water with ice, and 1 bowl of vegetable soup.” Jaden said to the waitress, who I hadn’t even realized was there. I vaguely recalled the soup Jaden had made for me, as I tried to remember how it tasted. I had been pretty feverish though.

“Is that all?” she asked.

“Yes, please. Thank you.” Jaden said, and then looked at me again. And that is how we stayed, even after the water arrived. He kept staring at me, and I kept my eyes down. Finally, the waitress brought my soup, and Jaden pushed it in front of me. “Eat.” He said, still staring at me. I felt a bit weird, eating while he watched, but I slowly picked up the spoon and dipped it into the bowl. The soup was warm, and I liked how it tasted. After a few spoons, Jaden spoke. “Why did you leave without me?” he asked.

I just stared at him dumbly. But then he spoke again. “Ok, why don’t we start with why you went to get a blanket so far from home.”

“I-it was cold, a-and there weren’t any blankets at home. I must not have been paying attention to where I was walking…so I ended up at that store…the one you happen to work at…” I mumbled, and then filled my mouth with soup.

“Ok, then. But why did you leave without me?” he asked, and he looked concerned.

“B-Because I didn’t want to bother you…” I said, since it was the only really good excuse I could think of.

“Why would you bother me? Why would you think that?” he sighed. He was taking this so personally…I didn’t mean to make him so upset.

I didn’t respond, and just continued eating. I finished half of the bowl, and realized I was really full. I couldn’t eat anymore, so I couldn’t use that as an excuse for no talking. Now, there was nothing I could do to keep from talking to him.

“Are you done?” he asked, but not rudely, it was soft, as if he just wanted to make sure that I didn’t want more than just soup, to make sure I wasn’t still hungry. I nodded silently once more. And then, I made a big mistake. I looked up at him. I looked up into his eyes. His eyes that were staring right into me. I couldn’t stop the next few words that came out of my mouth, I tried, but they came out of their own accord.

“Why did you have to work at that store? The random store I went to.” I blurted out, and after I said that, I was able to take my eyes off his eyes. What had I said? What was I thinking? The answer was I wasn’t thinking. I hadn’t had a chance to think. His eyes pulled it out of me, before I could realize what was going on.

“What? Why?” he waited a few moments, and then just sighed. The waitress came with the bill and he paid for the meal and then looked at me. I realized that the blanket I had bought was in his arms. He must have picked up from the floor when I had dropped it to pull the thief over me. He even had my backpack. I hadn’t even realized. Jaden looked at me. “Let’s go home.” He said.

“I-I-I can’t.” I muttered. I couldn’t go home. I couldn’t.

“Why?” he asked, confused.

Because I am running away, the words echoed in my mind.