The Girl Who Couldn't Feel

I didn’t pay attention to how long I walked for. I just kept walking. The sun rose slowly, making it easier to see where I was going, though I didn’t care. I saw a few people stare at me, but most just ignored me. I just needed time to think.

I was seeing a strange girl all the time. She could be someone I knew, or she could be a sign that I was crazy. I didn’t have many memories from before 5 years ago. I didn’t know who I could trust. I don’t think I can trust anyone. Everyone is hiding something from me. I was so tired of everything. I was tired of being afraid to go home. I was tired of being afraid of going to school. I was tired of seeing how miserable everyone was. How did other people do it? How did they not see the pain that every single person seemed to carry? I wanted to see it too; how the world looked in someone else’s eyes, because I was tired of looking through mine.

So many questions filled my head. What was I doing living in a place where I was unwanted? Why didn’t I leave? Was I going to continue pretending nothing was wrong? But, I knew the answer. I wouldn’t leave. I would pretend nothing was wrong. I did love them. I truly did. They were my family. They were my only family. That must mean something. It HAD to mean something. I knew it meant something. They cared for me too, somewhere in their hearts. Father cared. Mother cared. Candy cared. They were all that I had in this whole world. These three people were the only things that I truly possessed; no matter how they treated me.

Even though I knew this, my feet didn’t stop moving. I walked all day, going in a random direction, and I just kept going. For a long time I even ran. I kept running till I could barely breathe. When I stopped and looked up at the sky, I realized that I had kept walking through the whole day and even the whole night and now the sun was about to rise once more. I looked around and I had no clue where I was. Once my breathing had become normal, I looked around more carefully. I was standing in front of a hospital and there were also a few shops across the street, but I had never actually been in this area. I didn’t know what to do, but I didn’t care. I walked to a bench and sat down.

It was a bit chilly, but I hadn’t brought a sweater with me. The cold breeze did make my back feel better.

I had to decide. I had to decide what I was going to do. I was going to choose a path, and I wasn’t going to turn back. It was time that I made up my mind. But, I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t even know what options I was trying to choose from.

The sun rose and continued to do so, but I didn’t move, until I felt a tap on my shoulder. I quickly got up and turned around. I guy was standing there, smiling at me. He had light brown hair and green eyes that were a few shades darker than mine. He was definitely at least 6 feet. He also looked pretty strong. I couldn't help but notice these details immediately. It was a habit that I had formed when I used to fight, when I never knew who would attack me. “Hey there.” He said as he smirked. I turned away from him and began walking away. I heard him say ‘hey’ a few times but I just ignored it.

Then, I felt a hand on my shoulder. “Hey, wait up.” I had had enough. I turned around quickly and swung my fist. Maybe if I punched him in the face, he would get the message. I was not in the mood to have to deal with this. I swung fully, but I was swinging at air. He had dodged my fist. “You missed.” He smirked.

“Don’t touch me.” I muttered.

“Oh,” he continued to smirk, “you mean I shouldn’t do this?” He grabbed my right arm and pulled me toward him. I was practically falling onto him. I turned my face, and his lips landed on my cheek. In hopes of catching him off guard I swung at him again, but this time he ducked down. He was fast. I took a few steps away from him and prepared myself. “You’re good. But not good enough.” He stilled had a stupid smirk on his face.

I no longer was curious as to why he was annoying me in the first place. I just knew that I was going to hurt him. I went toward him and tried hitting him in the stomach and he moved back. I tried moving forward and tripping him, but he moved his leg and when I moved back, He got his foot behind mine, and he pulled it back. I began falling backward, but he caught me by my hand. “Is that all you got?”

As he pulled me up, he twisted my arm behind my back. I used my strength to twist back as quickly as I could and then as I turned to face him I extended my leg and hit him in the stomach hard enough to make him stumble backwards. He let go of my hand as he moved away. Then, I tripped him with my foot. I should have let him fall, but I didn’t. I grabbed his hand before his body could hit the ground. Then I grabbed his shirt collar and pulled him up close to me.

“Wow.” He said after a slight groan from the kick to his stomach.

“Don’t mess with me.” I muttered. I could feel my heart racing. It had been so long since I’d fought anyone. I never thought I would do it again. I pushed the guy away.

“But it helped didn’t it?” He smiled.

I suddenly realized that I did feel better. I looked at him carefully. “Bye.” I began walking away. I felt different. I should go home. I was ready to go home…Now I just had to find out which way home was.

“Wait. Where are you going?” The guy said. He was walking right beside me.

“Home.”

“And where’s that?” He smiled at me. Could he read my mind or something? He was waiting for me to say something that I knew he already knew.

I sighed. “I don’t know.”

“I could tell.” He chuckled. He could tell I was confused as to how he knew. “The way you’re headed dead-ends at a factory around that turn.” He explained, pointing ahead.

I felt stupid. I began walking in the opposite direction. I walked for a couple blocks, and he just walked next to me, without saying a word. Finally, I spoke, hoping that I could get rid of him. “Don’t you have better things to do?” I muttered to him.

“Not really.” He smiled after a minute of thought. “Ok, how about this. Why don’t you tell me where you live, and I’ll help you get there.”

I wasn’t going to tell him where I lived. But, I realized that I could just tell him about a landmark in an area that I knew. From there I could get home. I tried to think of something that he probably knew. “Do you know where the park with the small carousal is?”

He smiled and nodded. “I know a bus that stops a block away from it.”

“Where can I find it?”

“Right here.” He said, pointing to a bus stop. So that was why he didn’t stop me. He knew I would have to come to this stop. I looked around, but the bus hadn’t come yet.

“Thank you. You can leave. I will manage from here.” I said to him, but he just shook his head.

“I think I’ll wait till you get on.” He said.

We didn’t wait long till the bus came. When the door opened and a few people exited the bus, I put my foot on the first step of the bus and turned to the guy. “Thank you. Bye.” I said, and he just nodded and continued to smile. As I got up, the bus driver looked at me, with a bored expression on her face.

“Please put the money in this machine right here.” She sighed and pointed at it. That’s when I realized I didn’t have any.

“I don’t have any.” I mumbled.

“Then WHY are you wasting my time.” She growled.

“Here it is.” I heard a voice from behind me. “It’s for the two of us.” The guy smiled at me when I turned toward him. “Let’s just say I had a feeling. Also, I decided I would come with you. I hope you don’t mind, especially since I’m paying for your ticket” He whispered to me with a smile still plastered on his face. He seemed like one of those people who was used to everything going exactly how he wanted to. I didn’t try arguing. I walked down the aisle and found an empty seat near a window. The guy sat right next to me.

“So, why’d you run away?” He said, leaning close to me as he whispered the words, though he didn’t have to since there was only one other person in the bus, not including the bus driver.

“Who says I ran away.”

“Well, the fact that you have no money and have no clue where you are, and you are miles away from home.”

I already really hated this guy, but every time I looked at him, I couldn’t help but feel that I had nothing to worry about.

“Come on. It’s not like you’re going to see me again.” He smiled. That was when I realized why he seemed so trustworthy. He reminded me of Parker when he was younger. He even had the same light brown hair.

I looked out the window as I spoke. “I don’t know who to trust anymore. Even now. Everyone’s lying to me. Everyone’s hiding something. It’s annoying me. I needed to get away from all of them. I wasn’t running away, I was just taking a break."

He didn’t speak for a while. I didn’t expect him to have anything to say. He couldn’t help me. Suddenly, he did speak. “They might not be lying to hurt you. If they love you and they’re lying, it’s only because they feel they’re trying to protect you. You should still trust them.”

“How can I trust them when they’re lying through their teeth?” I muttered. He made it soud so easy, but it wasn’t.

“You don’t have to trust what they say, but trust that they care about you, and that they’re looking out for you. Trust that they will never let you be alone. Trust that you aren’t alone.”

I didn’t speak for some time. But then I did, and I told him the truth. “I don’t know how to do that anymore. Even when they are standing right next to me, and I’m looking at them, I still feel alone.”

“Then close your eyes.” He whispered. “Come on.” He smiled when I looked at him. I closed my eyes slowly, and it was black. I was alone. Then I felt him hold my hand. His hand was so warm. “See, even in the dark, you still aren’t alone.” He said, and I opened my eyes to look at him. His face was only a few inches away from me. I stared into his dark green eyes. “Sometimes, you have to close your eyes to see the truth. You’re not alone, and it’s because you have the love of these people around you. That’s what you should trust, because it’s true.” He said as he leaned away from me and he let go of my hand.

We sat quietly for a while. I considered what he had said. Maybe he was right. He sounded right. “Did I say too much?” He suddenly said.

“No, you were right.”

“Really?” He looked at me, a bit surprised. “I thought you might think I’m crazy.”

“I did. But you gave good advice.” I said.

“I try.” He smiled as he ruffled his hair. “Anyways, we have to get off here.” He said as the bus came to a stop. I looked outside and realized that the sun was already going down. We had spent quite some time in the bus.

“What time is it?”

“6 p.m. It took about 6 hours, because of all the stops the bus makes, but it’s better than walking all the way.” He said as he held out his hand for me. I grabbed it and we walked off the bus. We walked for a block, and I could see the carousal.

“I see it.” I said.

“Well, there you go. We got here safe and sound.” He said. I stood in place for a while, not doing or saying anything. “Goodbye, Miss…” He said, and I realized he was asking me my name.

I considered not telling him, but then I decided that I would. “Marie.”

“That’s a beautiful name, Marie.”

“And what should I call you?” I asked him. He had yet to tell me his name as well.

He just smiled at me and didn’t say a word. Then I saw him look behind me. I glanced back and saw Jaden looking around. It took me a while to look back at the guy, and he realized that. “I think you should go, Marie. Your prince is waiting for you.” Then, he began to walk in the opposite direction. I was going to respond to what he had said, but then I heard Jaden.

“Marie! Marie!” Jaden called as he ran up to me. “Where have you been?” He asked me. I had turned to look at him.

“I got a bit lost and then, he…” I said pointing behind me, but when I looked the guy was long gone.

“What?” Jaden asked curiously.

“…Nothing.” I said after a minute. There was no way to explain it. Jaden hugged me tightly, and then I felt him pull one of his arms away.

“Yeah, Tammy, I found her. We’ll be right back.” He said into his cellphone. “We should get going.” He said to me after he closed his phone. “We’ve been looking all over for you Marie. You really scared us. I thought that you’d…”

“I just got lost. I’m really sorry. I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”

“Have you had anything to drink or eat?” He asked me and I shook my head. He handed me a water bottle after he opened it. “Here, drink this.” I didn’t realize how thirsty I was till I started drinking the water. After I finished half the bottle, Jaden handed me a cereal bar. “This is all I have.” He mumbled. He still had one arm around me as we walked, as if he thought I would fall any minute.

“I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you guys.” I said.

“What would have happened if you had gotten hurt? You don’t even have a phone! We wouldn’t have been able to help you.” Jaden said, angrily. “On top of it, you’re hurt. You shouldn’t be walking around. What you did was so stupid. We were going to call the cops soon and tell your family the truth.”

I was glad that he wasn’t planning to push the issue of how I got hurt. I was going to stay quiet, but his last statement confused me. “Mother and Father don’t know?”

“I told them that you went to stay with Tammy.” He sighed.

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“Yeah...well, I did.” He mumbled. “I’m sorry, I was just really worried. We had no way to find you. Tammy and I have been looking everywhere. Just… never mind. At least you’re safe.” He mumbled as he shook his head.

“Jaden.” I said, as I stopped walking. He stopped too and looked at me. “Thank you.”

He smiled. “I know.” He said, and he looked away. “We should hurry. Tammy’s waiting for us.”

We talked a bit as we walked. He asked me where I had gone and I told him about where I had gone, but for some reason, I didn’t mention the guy who’d helped me. It didn’t matter though; I wasn’t going to see him again anyways. I didn’t even know his name.

We made it to Tammy’s house, and I suddenly felt a bit nervous. I was a bit nervous to face Tammy. I hadn’t spoken to her properly since our argument. But I had to face her, and I had to forgive her, because, she wasn’t lying to hurt me. If she was lying, it was only to protect me.

You should still trust them. The guy’s words echoed in my ear. And I planned to do just that.