The Girl Who Couldn't Feel

“Tammy? Ummm…” Mrs. Pierce smiled, awkwardly. She had opened the door for us and we had yet to gob inside. “I was under the impression that she was with you. She hasn’t come home yet.”

I felt my eyes widen a bit. “Don’t worry, Mrs. Pierce. I’ll find her.” I muttered before I turned around and walked down their driveway, but Jaden grabbed my arm.

“You are not going anywhere.” I glanced behind him, but I could not see Mrs. Pierce from where we were standing.

“I have to go. She’s my best friend… my only friend. I HAVE to go look for her.” I said as I tried to pull out of his grasp.

“Fair enough. If you can beat me to the end of the block, I will let you go. I’ll even give you a 5 second head start.” He smiled, but it was not his usual smile. It was much darker. I looked at the stop sign that was not too far away. With a five second head start, it would be easy to beat Jaden. However, I was also a bit dizzy. “If you can’t run that far, how are you going to walk around town, huh?” He said as he chuckled.

“You’re right.” I mumbled. “Fine.” We prepared to start. The distance was not a lot, and I tried to ignore the sick feeling in my stomach. I had to do this. I would do this. As soon as Jaden said go, I sprinted as fast as I could, and it only took me three seconds to realize my mistake. The dizziness was getting worse, but I kept pushing myself. However, it was not enough. Jaden beat me to the end, though not by too much. As I stopped, he stared at me.

“As we agreed, you aren’t going. You can barely stand straight, let alone look for Tammy.” As if on cue, I felt the ground move and my knees hit the ground. I was still breathing quite heavily from such a short run. Jaden did not move to help me up immediately. In fact, he probably could have steadied me before I fell, but he didn’t. When he put out his hand, I grabbed it silently and he helped me up. “Go back inside and get in bed. Mrs. Pierce can help clean your wound. I’ll go look for Tammy instead, alright.” He sighed as he helped me to the door of their house. I did not resist. I am not stupid. He had made his point, and though I did not approve I would keep my promise. Before he left, he looked at me once more, this time with much more sympathy. “Don’t worry. I WILL find her.” And with that, he left.

I went to bed pretty early, so I didn’t hear about their return. When I woke up, Tammy was not in her bed. I don’t know why my heart clenched so tightly. I got up quickly and ran downstairs only to find Tammy sitting at the table eating breakfast. “Tammy.” I sighed, releasing all the tension that had so quickly built up. I expected her to smile. I expected her to tell me to hurry up and get dressed. However, she didn’t do any of that. She waved, barely even looking at me, and then continued to eat. Suddenly I remembered what I had been so quick to forget. I had hurt her feelings. I did deserve this. How could I expect her to forgive me every time I did something awful? She had a right to do so, and I did not have a right to judge her in any way for it.

I quietly got dressed, and by the time I was down for breakfast, Tammy had left. Tammy was a good person and very sincere. She had a right to be angry, but that did not take away my right to be a bit hurt. I never realized how quiet walking to school could be without Tammy. It felt odd, even after Jaden joined me. The day passed far more slowly than normal, and I felt myself literally counting the seconds till lunch. I still held this hope that I could talk to Tammy and ask for forgiveness. At the very least that seemed like something that I had to do. When I finally potted her at lunch, she was sitting alone. “Tammy!” I called out she glanced at me as I ran towards her. When I finally reached her, she just stared at me blankly.

“Umm, yes.” She responded, as if we did not know eachother.

“I-I… I just wanted to say…” I said trying get the words out, but the way she stared at me distantly made it difficult. Suddenly her friends were laughing and coming to sit down next to her. She smiled normally and laughed as they made fun of each other. I should have walked away, but I didn’t.

Finally they noticed my presence. “Ummm. Do you need something?” One of the girls asked a bit rudely.

“Oh, yes, did you want to say something?” Tammy responded in a tone that was only slightly more polite.

I felt stupid. “No. I’m sorry for bothering all of you.” I muttered as I stared into her eyes just as blankly as she was staring into mine. If she wanted it this way, then it would be just as she pleased. I would pretend to not know her, and I would not let her see that it did hurt. I already had years of practice in hiding my feelings. This was not new to me. Recently I had become a bit soft, but I would do this for Tammy. Didn’t I always say that she deserved a better friend? Didn’t I want to be alone? That hadn’t changed, right? Though I wanted to ask her if she really couldn’t forgive me, I bit my tongue and walked away.

“What a weirdo…” one of them said, and I heard all of them laugh… including Tammy. This was how it was meant to be though, right? There were so many questions in my head, and they kept me preoccupied for the rest of the day. As I got my books from my locker after school, she walked up to me.

“Tammy.”

“Marie.” She responded. “I just wanted to inform you that it is fine if you stay at my house…” She paused, I saw her glance at my bandaged hand as well as my cheek. Then, she finally continued, “I understand that it is difficult for you to leave right now, so do not worry about that.”

“Thank you for being so generous.” But before I could even finish she was walking away. I didn’t go home after that. Instead, my feet took me to the same park. I found an empty bench and sat down, putting my backpack beside me. I had done my homework during my classes so I did not have anything to do, but I did not want to take advantage of her kindness, so I decided to stay out as late as I could. I got home around 12, and the next day I did the same thing, as well as on the next day.

On my fourth trip to the park I remembered something. That night four days ago, Tammy had gone somewhere, but I had never found out where exactly she had gone. Jaden had mentioned the next morning that when he had gone looking for her he had searched for hours, only to find her a block away from the house, walking back as he was heading home as well. Suddenly, this began to bother me. Where did she go and why was she gone for so long? I considered where she could have gone, when someone stood in front of me.

“Ahh. Losers are not allowed in this park.” Kelly said. I didn’t need to look at her to know it was her. I kept me glance downward. “What? You don’t talk anymore huh?” She said as she shoved my shoulder, but I still didn’t respond, I was not in the mood to start a fight. Maybe if I ignored her, she would go away. “Well, then, I guess you are not worried about Tammy…” I looked up at the mention of Tammy’s name and found Kelly smiling at me. I knew immediately that I should not have looked. I shouldn’t even have flinched. It was likely that she was lying… BUT that was not a risk I was going to take.

“Kelly, if you…” I began to say as I glared at how.

“If what? Hmmm? I haven’t done a thing. In fact, the mean look you’re giving me is affecting my memory… what was I saying?” she said dramatically with a smile.

I controlled my expression and tried to appear calm. “You were talking about Tammy…”

“Oh yes. You don’t know where she is, do you? Well, I can give you a hint… but I do want something in return. That’s only fair right?”

“Tell me where she is.”

Kelly laughed. “Now, now, that would be too easy. I will give you a hint though.”

There was no use fighting. If Tammy was in trouble, I did not have the time to argue over this, especially when I did not have a chance of winning. “Fine.” I growled.

“Then , let’s shake on it.” She said as she continued to smile. I stuck out my right hand, the one that was not injured, but she stuck out her opposite hand. I was about to say something, but when I looked at her face she was practically laughing. She was doing that on purpose. I flexed my hand and felt a small sting. It took me a second, but I finally raised my hand and placed it in hers. She gripped it tightly and I focused on not wincing from the pain.

“And what do you want in return.” I said, trying to keep my mind off of my hand as she released it.

“First things first. Your hint. She’s where she always goes when she needs to think.” Kelly laughed. I felt my body burn.

“You know, I don’t remember…”

“Well, then you’d better start trying.” She smiled. “Anyways, now for what I receive in return… Hmmm, what should I say…” She said as she pretended to think. I had promised, and I was not about to try to start another fight. I would at least listen to her request. “I have an idea. Let’s change it up a bit. How about, instead, I tell you something. My request is that you have to listen.” Her smile was filled with animosity. Whatever, she was planning, I already knew I wouldn’t like it. “I have a little secret to tell you.” She said as she took a seat next to me. “Are you ready?” She said as she got very close to my ear and began to whisper… I felt my face fall just a little bit. As she spoke, I remembered. Not everything, but a little and it truly did hurt. This was her plan. To hurt me. I knew it, but I had not been prepared for this.

…

I paused again and closed my eyes, trying to recognize the streets and sidewalks in my head. I knew where she was, but getting there was proving to be difficult. At the same time, Kelly’s words were still ringing in my ear. I could still feel her hand at my ear and her malicious words seeping out of her mouth. NO, this was not the time. I would have a lot of time to consider it later. However, right now I had to focus on Tammy. I had to find her. I turned left and looked straight ahead at the dead end in front of me. I stepped off the sidewalk and walked towards some bushes. As I pushed them back I found a large opening in the fence. As I walked through the fence, I looked at the beautiful view. You could see the whole city from this empty lot. The weeds were very high, but I ignored them as I looked around for Tammy. She would be here. I knew it was here. It took me a few more minutes to see her sitting up against a tree.

“Tammy?” I called out to her, but she did not respond. It was only when I got closer that one of her hands had a handcuff that was attached to a chain going around the tree. As I quickly ran to her, I saw a key around 10 feet in front of her. I picked it up and undid the handcuff, but she had yet to say anything. “I’m so sorry Tammy. I didn’t mean to take so long.” I said, cursing myself for not being quicker. She still did not respond, and as the handcuff unlocked I looked at her face.

Tears were running down her face as she spoke. “You remembered? You remembered this place?” Suddenly she hugged me tightly. “I knew you would. I knew it. Even though it took you FOREVER.” She said, smiling as tears continued to stream down her cheeks.

“I-I don’t…”

“You are the same. Even if you don’t remember the past, you haven’t changed.” She whispered. “You know, you promised, when we were really little that you would always find me. Ofcourse I made it pretty easy for you since I always came here…”

“yeah… I remember…” I mumbled, and immediately I realized my mistake.

“Wait. You got your memories back… ALL of them?” she asked a bit nervously.

“N-no, just some of them…” I said, but I couldn’t look into her eyes. This had probably been Kelly’s plan all along.

“What… is it Marie?” Tammy suddenly said.

“Nothing… um. I thought you were mad at me.” I said, trying to change the subject.

“I was at first. But we’re friends, best friends. It’s not like we haven’t argued before. However, this time I wanted to prove a point. No matter what you remember and what you don’t, you are still you. You still came looking for me, even though you thought I didn’t want to see you.”

I sighed out of relief.”That was a bit too extreme to teach me that wasn’t it.”

“Ok, ok, I'll tell you my secret." she sighed, and I felt myself hold my breath. "I may be your friend, but who says I can’t have fun every now and then? I hoped you would realize that you could not live a month without me!” She laughed as she wiped away her tears and then poked my shoulder.

“Message received.” I said.

“Also, I wanted to tell you. I do trust you, but that doesn’t mean I won’t try to stop you when you’re doing something stupid.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.” She laughed. “How’s your hand, by the way.”

“It’s almost healed. Don’t worry about it.”

“What are you talking about! I’ve been worried SICK!” She suddenly said with a lot of tension. “I have really wanted to check on it, since I found out about it. I’m so happy you’re alright. It could have been worse! Please be more concerned about your own safety! And don’t think I didn’t see the cut on your cheek.” She said as she grabbed my chin and turned my face to get a better look at it.

“I’m ALRIGHT.” I said pulling her hand away gently. “Can we just go home now?”

“Of course we can. Thanks for helping me out. I didn’t notice Kelly had followed me here. I feel so stupid… How did you realize I need help, anyways?” She said, suddenly curious.

“I met… Kelly. She told me you were in trouble.” I could hear the disgust in my voice when I said her name.

“Really…” Tammy said as she laughed a bit. “Did she… say anything else?”

“No.” I responded a bit too eagerly. “She didn’t say anything actually. I think that was her method of annoying me.” I sighed. We began walking home, but it was a bit quiet… What Kelly had told me kept me distracted even when Tammy tried to talk to me… It had been a long time since I had a secret. It had been even longer since I had tried to keep a secret from Tammy. I didn’t like secrets. It had been such a long, tiring day.

It was pitch black, but then I was staring at a door. Even though I didn’t want to, my hand moved to the doorknob. As the door slowly opened, I took a step inside, but blood covered everything, until all I could see was blood… I called out for help, but nobody answered. Suddenly, I was running. I did not know where or why but I kept going as if my life depended on it. Suddenly I was at the lot, and I could see Tammy.

“Tammy!” I called out, but she didn’t respond. I called out again and again, but she didn’t respond. “Why is there so much blood?” I said aloud. Suddenly she turned around. Her face was wet from crying to much and her eyes were bright red.

“It’s not true. You remember right? It’s..it’s not…”

The world began spinning once more and I was sitting in a chair when I realized that I was bleeding. Blood continued to pour out of from, though I could not see the wounds.

Suddenly I heard laughing. “Is this what you wanted Monkey? THEN HAVE IT! YOU WON’T LISTEN TO ME?” She screamed.

“B-Bunny…help.” I called, but everything was already getting blurry. Every part of me hurt and was shaking from the pain. Then, it was all gone. The chair, the blood, everything.

“Then suffer. This is what you get for not listening. Now, MA-RIE,” Bunny said, overemphasizing my name, “Prepare for HELL.” She growled and a fire surrounded her, until it was surrounding me. Then, I burned and continued to do so.

I was burning… Why was I always burning? What awful crime did I commit that I deserved this. Was this just God’s way of having fun? Why me? Why was it always ME?

Why me?