The Girl Who Couldn't Feel

“A movie theater? That’s your idea of fun?” I said dully as I looked at the theater in front of me.

“Oh, come on. I get the feeling you’ll like it.” He laughed.

We went in and two hours later, we came out laughing hysterically.

“That was sooo unrealistic.” I laughed.

“What, you don’t think Blood and Guts was to die for?”

That only set off another round of laughter. “What about that one guy who got his head cut off but his body kept walking.”

“Gives new meaning to being brainless.” He laughed again and then smiled. “I thought you might like it.”

“More like I found it ridiculous.” I said, shaking my head. “I still don’t how a whole town became like that…”

“An extreme case of mob mentality?”

I laughed. “But my all-time favorite part was when the lady said, ‘They won’t eat our flesh. They only eat…’”.

“Blood and GUTS.” We both said eerily. We laughed a bit more and walked out quietly. Jaden began recalling other hilarious moments in the movie and I was still smiling. My smile shrunk a bit as I realized what I was doing.

I shouldn’t be with him. It was wrong. Not just because of the promise. It was more than that. It was because I knew that he was too close. I was far too comfortable around him. He made me feel like someone I wasn’t. And worse, he made me want to actually be that person.

I looked away from him to remind myself that we couldn’t be friends. Though it was dark, I was pretty sure that I recognized a group of people who were walking on the opposite side of the street. “We’re close to that school aren’t we? That other high school near ours?” I asked Jaden.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure it’s only like a block that way.” He said, but I didn’t look to see which way he was pointing. I was already running across the street, and my guess was proven correct. They were the kids from our school, the ones I was supposed to have been with. Most of them were bruised and bloody, but none were seriously injured.

“What happened?” I said as I realized that all of them were glaring at me and visibly upset.

“You were supposed to be with us.” One of the guys closer to me growled.

That was when I realized something that made my heart drop. “Where… is Blade?” I asked slowly.

“The freaking retards brought a freaking gun and he got shot.” The same guy from before growled. “A couple of the guys took him to the clinic nearby.”

All the laughter from before was forgotten. Instead, all I could see was fire. All I felt was the need to see those bastards burn. Blade was actually a good friend… or at least he had been.

“He protected me…” I heard someone mumble, but I couldn’t see any of them anymore.

“The school?” I asked, my voice dark.

“That way.” One guy pointed.

“I’ll take care of this.” I growled, wanting to tear those people apart. I heard Jaden call me, but I didn’t have time. “Make sure he doesn’t follow… Don’t hurt him.” I added, unable to help myself. A few of the guys nodded, and I ran in the direction of the school.

It only took a couple minutes before the school was in sight, and luckily I saw a group of guys not far from the entrance. I walked towards them slowly, and as I got closer I could see that they were a bit beat up. These must be the guys.

“Which one of you idiots shot the gun?” My voice was filled with rage.

“What’s it to you?” One of the guys said as the other three laughed.

“Was it you?”

“And if it was?”

“Then, I promise I’ll kill you.” I said slowly. The guys finally stood up straight and spread out a bit, preparing for a fight. “Who’s first?” I smiled.

One guy smiled and came towards me. I grabbed his shoulders and kneed him as hard as I possibly could between the legs. Immediately he fell to the ground and I kicked his face hard. One guy grabbed me from behind, but I grabbed his arm and twisted it hard behind him until I heard a crack and then threw him at the other guy who was approaching me.

I felt something slash against my back and immediately my back stared aching. I turned around to find that the other guy smiling at me with a bloody knife. I walked up to him as he came at me with the knife a couple times. Finally, when he came at me again. I grabbed his wrist and then used my other hand the hit his elbow hard, making his arm bend in a way it shouldn’t. He let go of the knife and I grabbed it and turned around. I threw the knife at the shoulder of the last guy. It spun several times and finally hit his target. I pulled the knife out of the shoulder of the guy and then through it at the last one, hitting the side of his stomach.

I walked up to the guy whom I’d just hit, because he was also the guy who had shot Blade. I pulled the knife out of his stomach and then stabbed him again, and then did the same thing once more. Blood was starting to come out of his mouth when I noticed the gun in his back pocket. I kicked him over and then pulled it out. He was begging and apologizing, but I didn’t care. I stopped caring the moment he shot Blade. He turned over so that now I could see his face and he begged me not to kill him, but I aimed the gun at his head.

“Now, let me show you how to really fire a gun to kill.” I smiled at him as I cocked the gun and put my fingers on the trigger. “Now, what am I supposed to say? Oh yeah. Any last words?” I looked down in him without any sympathy.

“P-P-Please.” He was still begging and shaking.

“That was no good.” I smiled. “How about a final prayer. ‘Hail Mary, full of grace. Our Lord is with thee’… Feel free to join me anytime.” I smiled at him and then continued the prayer. ‘Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.’” I finished and the guy closed his eyes. I began to put more pressure on the trigger.”Ame-”

“Marie, that’s enough.” Someone shouted as they grabbed my hand. Jaden took the gun from my hand. “Don’t kill him…”

“Oh, come on, I was just scaring him. I wasn’t going to really do anything.” Lies, I was about to pull that trigger and watch his brains spill slowly onto the floor.

“Marie…”

“He shot Blade. The freaking asshole SHOT him. He doesn’t deserve to live.” I said the last sentence calmly. Suddenly, Jaden hugged me. “What the hell are you-”

“Don’t do things like this alone.” He said as he let go of me. “You had me worried. Also… it’s not worth it.”

“Ahhh, but the problem is I don’t care.”

“You cared enough about… uhhh ‘Blade’ to beat these guys up. The problem isn’t that you don’t care but that you care too much.” He sighed. “Now, let’s get out of here.” I stared at the guy who was shaking below me and then finally turned away.

I didn’t say anything to Jaden as we walked back, back out of the school and back past the theater. I couldn’t believe that just a little while ago we had been laughing our heads off. I had felt so comfortable, unusually comfortable. Now, I felt so tense, nervous as to what he was going to say to me next. But he didn’t say anything. Finally, he stopped.

“You haven’t had anything to eat, right?” He smiled slightly as he looked at me and I nodded a bit. “Well, there’s a small place near here where they make amazing pizzas. If you want to go.”

“Sure.” I smiled back a bit too, and then he started walking again leading the way. The pizza place was only a couple blocks down and it was a pretty small place.

“One of my friends brought me here once.” Jaden said as we got seated. He ordered a vegetarian pizza, which surprised me a bit.

“Are you a vegetarian?” I asked.

“Well, this person I like is so I guess I’ve kind of become one too.” He smiled at me widely.

“Must be some person.” I said back. “I’d have a hard time giving up my meat.” I smiled, especially chicken.

“She is worth it.” He laughed.

“Oh, ‘She’. Well, I kind of assumed from the way you were talking. You like her, huh? This mystery girl?” I said as the pizza arrived. I didn’t look at him while I spoke. Instead I grabbed a slice of pizza. Finally I looked at him.

“I do, a lot.” Jaden was smiling, and I wasn’t sure if it was because he was picturing her or because he found my question amusing.

“Well, I hate to break it to you, but she’s flawed. Nobody’s perfect, and even if you think she is, she isn’t.” I said, finally looking at him.

“I never said she was perfect.” His smile was no longer amused. It was sweeter, and though he was staring at me I knew the smile was meant for her. “She apologizes too much and she cares far too much about others and far too little about herself. She can be extremely stubborn and she has a hard time trusting people. But the thing is, even with these flaws she’s the closest to perfect that I’ve ever seen.” He had been looking away, but then he looked at me, and I couldn’t hide my surprise. I broke eye contact first and stared down at my pizza.

She seemed like a good person, not like me. “She sounds… like a really good person.” Nothing like me. I didn’t know why I disliked her even without having met her. Is this was jealousy feels like? But why would I be jealous? What would I be jealous of?

“She is… so good in fact, that I don’t deserve her.” He laughed.

That was when I finally recognized what I was jealous of. It wasn’t her, but the fact that she had someone who liked her. Really liked her, and he was a good person as well. She had the love of a guy who was kind and considerate. She had her very own prince charming. It’s not like I wanted a “Prince Charming” too. I just felt a bit envious of something I would never have. I couldn’t have it. “You probably shouldn’t spend too much time with me then. She might get the wrong message.”

“I’m pretty sure she won’t mind.” He chuckled softly.

“If you say so.” I said as I shrugged and took another bite out of my pizza. We spent the rest of dinner eating in comfortable silence. If only my mind were as silent. The headache was back. My mind was always running, and I couldn’t stop it. Different thoughts screaming at me, constantly getting louder and louder, each voice fighting the other to be heard. And it kept going, it wouldn’t stop.

“What are you thinking about?” Jaden suddenly asked, pulling me out of my mind, out of the fight.

I looked up at him, slightly dazed. “Huh? Umm, nothing, just a bit tired.” I felt so weak all of a sudden. Tired of everything. Not weak in strength but weak of heart. And this stupid headache wouldn’t go away.

“Are you alright? We should get home.” Jaden said as he flagged the waiter. “Can we get the check please? Thank you.” He then said.

“Was Candy alright?” I blurted out, the louder one of my thoughts finally breaking through.

“She was fine. She’s just a little kid. She loves you… a lot. She was just surprised, is all.” Jaden smiled.

“That’s good.” I mumbled. “She seems like a good kid.” Even if I hate kids... I knew that I was important to her. I suddenly felt the weight of another person I was expected to be.

“All you need to do is be honest.” Jaden said, and I looked up at him surprised that he had basically read my thoughts. “That’s all she needs.”

“Easier said than done.” I muttered back.

“We should get going.” Jaden smiled.

“Why?” I asked, curious because he glanced at his watch as if we had to be somewhere.

“Well since the walk back is a bit long, I called… a ‘cab’ of sorts.” He chuckled. “You’ll see.”

We headed outside and a black limo pulled up in front of us after a couple of minutes. The tinted window opened and out popped the head of a girl with short pink hair. “Need a lift.” She smiled as she winked and laughed. She opened the door and I followed Jaden into the limo. “Sorry about Nate. He’s SUPPOSED to open the door for you.”

“I don’t open doors when I’m off duty. I shouldn’t even have to drive right now.” The driver, Nate, I’m assuming, grumbled.

“But you offered cuz you love me.” The girl said, smiling at the driver as he smiled. She looked at me. “something on my face?” She asked me.

“I told you, she doesn’t remember.” Jaden smiled at the girl. “Marie, this is Lexi, a good friend of mine. The guy driving is Nate.”

“So she’s the one you…” I whispered to him. I assumed she was the one he liked.

“No.” Jaden smiled. “Nate happens to Lexi’s driver as well as her boyfriend.”

“Yep. He’s the love of my life.” She smiled as she slid down the seat so she was behind him and ruffled his hair.

“Lex. I’m trying to drive here.” Nate mumbled.

“aww. So serious.” Lexi pouted. “Anyways, Jaden, you were lucky that we were in the area.”

“You were also lucky that Lexi wasn’t having fun at the Ball or we never would have been able to leave.” Nate smirked. “Otherwise it would have taken hours for me to drag her out.”

“Hmph.” Lexi said to Nate and then she looked back to Jaden. “You really did save me though. The party was such a BORE. After I took all the effort to find this dress.” She sighed and for the first time I looked at her dress, which was a pretty pink and very poufy. “Well, at least Nate danced with me.” Lexi giggled.

“It’s a beautiful dress.” I smiled at her, when she looked at me as if she expected some sort of remark.

“Thank you! You know when I saw it in the shop, I was like well it could be nice, but then-“ She said speaking so fast I could barely keep up.

“Lex. Talk a bit slower would ya. You’re scaring her.” Nate cut her off.

“Oops. Sorry! I hope I’m not intimidating to you or anything.” Lexi suddenly began apologizing to me.

“No, um, it’s alright…” I replied.

The rest of the drive was spent in a similar fashion. Lexi kept talking and I tried to keep up. Every now and then I would say a couple words where needed, but otherwise I stayed quiet. When the limo stopped, I was very relieved to be getting out. It was a bit… tiring trying to follow her.

We said bye, and they drove off while Jaden and I watched. Finally I turned to him. “Well, that was…”

“Yeah, she can be a bit too talkative.” Jaden chuckled. “But, she means well.” He insisted. I nodded and then turned around and for the first time realized that we weren’t at Tammy’s house, we were at mine…

“Well, I should get going…” I smiled as I began to walk away.

“Why don’t you come in. Stay for a while.” Jaden smiled.

“I… don’t think…”

“You want to see Candy again right? Instead of worrying so much, why don’t you just talk to her.” Jaden said. “I’ll be with you if you need me.”

I looked at him for a minute and then smiled. “Alright.” I said, though I was actually a bit nervous. WE slowly walked up to the door, and I suddenly remembered my aunt and uncle. They wouldn’t be too excited to see me…

“Jaden!” my aunt exclaimed excitedly. “It’s nice to see you’re back.” She smiled, but it dropped when she saw me. “Oh, Marie… I thought you were staying with Tammy.”

“I was… I mean I am. I just came to see Candy.” I smiled back at her.

“Oh. Well, then come on in.” She said smiling her insincere smile. Then I remembered why I hated these people. They were pathetic. They cared more about their image than their lives. It was stupid and pointless. I hated them.

As we walked in, I “accidentally” broke the vase near the door. “Oops.” I smiled as my aunt looked at me angrily. They dumped their “adopted daughter” at someone else’s house. They pretend to care about me when they don’t give a crap. It’s only fair that I get some sort of revenge. I remembered clearly why my relationship with them was awful previously. They didn’t care so I did everything in my power to show them how awful I could be.

I walked in without taking my shoes off and looked around. I was no longer the person I had been with Jaden. I was back to that image I had to give off. The most awful part of me. The monster. “You’ve really cleaned this place up huh?” I said as I finally looked at her again. She was furious.

“Apparently that rotten personality of yours hasn’t changed.” She said venomously.

“Aww, Mom, you shouldn’t say things like that to your ‘daughter’. You might break her precious little heart. And who knows what else might break.” I smiled as I pulled the nearby mirror off its hook and it broke into little shards on the ground.

“Marie…” Jaden said as he grabbed my shoulder.

“Jaden, you really shouldn’t bother yourself with her. She’s become the same monster she used to be.” My aunt said “worriedly”. What a joke.

“Oh yes Jaden. You wouldn’t to mess with a monster would you?”

“Stop it, Marie. We’re not here for this.” He said as he looked into my eyes. He wasn’t angry… He wasn’t appalled by my bad behavior. He wasn’t afraid. Why not? Everyone else was. Everyone hated me. Even Tammy hated me at times. Even she feared what I might do. Earlier today, he had seen what I was capable of, but he still didn’t shy away from me. A normal person would…

I looked at him and finally calmed down a bit. I looked at my aunt. “I only came to see Candy.” I growled and then I ran up the stairs. Candy was playing quietly in her room. She had a dollhouse in front of her that seemed to be handmade. It wasn’t that big, compared the large one sitting on the opposite side of her room. I didn’t understand, but I guess kids are kind of random in what they want. If I were her, I would have gone with the large and pretty one, but whatever.

“Did someone make that for you?” I smiled at her as she looked at me, surprised. She hadn’t noticed I was there.

“Yep!” Candy giggled and that only made my smile wider.

I walked up to her and knelt beside her. “Listen… Bunny, I’m sorry about earlier. Really…” I said softly.
“You see, I… bumped my head, and I forgot a lot of things, but I still love you. I want you to be happy… so even if I’m different, will you help me remember what I was like?” I asked. I tried to be as honest as possible.

“Okay… Candy will try.” She said a bit shyly. I kept smiling at her warmly, when suddenly, she got all excited again. She quickly got up and hugged me.

“W-what is it?” I said, catching my balance. I almost fell back because she jumped at me with such force.

“Marie smiled! Marie smiled at Candy like she always does!” She giggled. She held onto me, and slowly, I moved my hands from my sides and wrapped my arms around her, ever so slowly so as not to scare her. I hugged her tightly, and it felt right. Everything for once since I woke up felt right in this moment. And I… didn’t feel like such a monster. In this moment, I could believe that maybe I wasn’t a monster. Maybe I could be like the mystery girl Jaden liked. For a second, I really believed it was possible.

But then,

the moment ended…