The Girl Who Couldn't Feel

I opened my eyes, and the world spun for a second. “Damn it…” I mumbled under my breath.

Candy let go of me a bit. “Marie?” She asked curiously.

“Dinner’s ready!” I heard my aunt call from downstairs. I let go of Candy and pushed her away a bit.

“You should go down.” I said to her, looking down at the carpet as it decided to spin once more. I shook my head a bit.

“What’s wrong Marie?” Candy asked curiously.

I touched the back of my sweatshirt and it was wet. I didn’t need to look at my hand to know. I had forgotten the gash on my back. I had to look at her. I had to look and smile. I finally managed to do so. “Don’t worry, Bunny. Just head down. I’ll be right behind you.” I said as I slowly stood up and leaned against the wall.

“Okay!” She giggled and then she skipped by me. When I heard her footsteps go down the stairs I tried to turn around, but the world was really spinning now.

I staggered into the hallway. Suddenly I was seeing things…

----I saw my uncle near his door. More like flickers of him. “Get out of here!” I saw him say, or at least some sort of ghost version. He grabbed “my” hair and dragged me out of his room. I fell to the floor, and just sat there obviously in pain and then my aunt walked over.

“Get out of the way.” I vaguely heard her say, as “I” got up, and leaned against the wall so that she could pass. The ghost thing of me got up and walked towards me slowly and then disappeared.

I saw another flicker of me walking down the stairs holding my back.----

I didn’t get what was going on. I looked back at my uncle and aunts rooms and took a step towards it. Instead I could feel myself moving backwards. Falling maybe.

“Got you.” I heard Jaden say from behind me.

I tried to focus on his face. I was leaning back onto his chest. “It’s the blood loss along with the whole headache thing.” I mumbled.

“What?” Jaden said as he touched my face. His face was spinning a bit.

“Sorry about the shirt.” I said as I felt my legs totally give out. Jaden held me up. He touched my back and I winced. I assumed he looked at his hand.

“We need to lie you down.” He said calmly, which was surprising, considering my back was bloody.

I had a feeling he lifted me and the next thing I knew he was laying me on a bed. My bed.

“I’m going to lift your sweatshirt and shirt to see the wound.” I heard him say and I felt him pull the clothes from my skin, which they were sticking too. I think he said ‘Jesus’ or something like that again. I think he went somewhere and then he tried to talk to me again. Problem was I was really tired. I didn’t want to think about all this. “Marie, I’m going to wrap this bandage around you to cover the cut and put some pressure. This wrap was the best thing I could find.”

I felt the wrap touch my back and I felt Jaden slowly guide it under me. He lifted me a bit and rolled it under then around again several times.

I heard people talking with someone else and then I felt light again. This was getting a bit annoying. Can’t anyone just let me sleep? Just want the noise to go away. The memories too. Every time I tried to open my eyes I remembered another time I had been beaten or whipped or left to sleep outside. So much pain. Each memory only made it harder for me to breathe. Were these really memories? I was being abused? ME? Of all people, the one who can kick the crap out of anyone and everyone? Why would I put up with it?

Wait. Why would I do that? Why would I put up with something like that? I tried to think about it, but that just increased the headache again, so I let it go.

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When I opened my eyes again, I was surprised. I was in the guest bedroom at Tammy’s house. I sat up slowly as my eyes adjusted. I rubbed my head a bit, happy it wasn’t hurting anymore. That’s when I remembered my back. I touched it and could feel the stitches. Great. I don’t know why I don’t mind blood, but stitches… I can’t stand stitches.

I sighed as I slowly got out of bed. On the dresser I found a note from Tammy. It said that she was at school and her parents were at work but that I had to stay home and I should eat something from the fridge and then take a pill from the bottle next to the note. A pain reliever. I was in pajamas and assumed that Mrs. Pierce had changed my clothes since mine were a bit stained…

There were clothes laid out next to the note. Jeans and loose fitting t-shirt. Perfect. In the bathroom I found soap, a towel, and everything else that I needed. I made sure not to look in the mirror. I don’t like them.

After my shower, it was only around 9, so I had some cereal and then just sat on the sofa, bored. I could go to school, but there was no point. Tammy would probably find me and send me back home anyways. Plus my back was irritating me. I took the medicine I was told to take and then turned on the TV.

There was some movie on so I watched a bit of it. It was about this guy and girl from two families who hate each other. One day the guy insulted the girl’s father so she slapped him and publically humiliated him. He then basically fell in love with her and she fell in love after a while too. They married each other secretly and they had their little honeymoon in some cheat hotel. Afterwards he told her that he had done all this as revenge because she humiliated him with some freaking slap and basically said try telling anyone we’re married now. No one’s gonna believe you, etc. That was when I turned the TV off.

I was actually pissed. That’s what you get by having faith in some one. That’s what you get for trusting someone. That’s what you get for relying on such a stupid feeling like love. It was pathetic. THAT MAN was pathetic. I wanted to kick his ass so hard that he wouldn’t be able to move for the rest of his life. Just watch life pass him by as he lay paralyzed. I don’t mind going to Hell, but I really hoped that the darkest depths of Hell were saved for people like him.

This is why I didn’t trust people. People stab you in the back… in my current case, literally. It was at this moment, when I could not despise mankind any more than I did at that minute, with my whole heart, that the bell rang.

I walked over to the door and after looking through the peephole, I didn’t open it. Not him. Not right now.

“Marie…” I heard him say from the other side of the door. “I know you’re there. Open up.”

I considered still not opening it, but I had a feeling that he wouldn’t leave so easily so I finally did open the door. “Hey.” I said, trying to smile at him.

“Hey…” Jaden said a bit confused. “You alright?”

“Fine.” I said with a more convincing smile now. “Thanks for your help yesterday. I don’t need anymore. So, see you later.” I said as I tried to close the door but he stuck out his arm and stopped the door from closing.

“What’s wrong?” Jaden asked and I groaned internally. I don’t know how he could so easily make me feel so guilty. Wait a minute. Shouldn’t he be at school?

“Why aren’t you at school?” I asked.

“I wanted to check up on you. I thought you might need some company.” He said as he came inside after I finally let go of the door.

“Oh… thanks, I guess.” I muttered as we stood awkwardly near the door. Finally, we went and sat on the couch. “Was Candy alright… after I left? She didn’t… I mean she didn’t see…” I tried to ask. I really hoped she hadn’t seen the blood.

“She didn’t see anything. I just told her you weren’t feeling well.” He smiled slightly. I didn’t say anything else and he was quiet too. I tried not to look at him. That would make me want to talk to him and I had to stop doing that. I shouldn’t. While I stared intently at some random painting to my side, I heard him speak. “I… don’t want you to hate me.” Immediately I turned to look at him, but his smile looked a bit sad. “I was really hoping we could be friends…”

“Did you not get the message yesterday? I’m a monster .” I smiled. You really shouldn’t come near me. I’m not normal.” I said as I kept eye contact. I needed him to take me seriously. “Plus, we could never be friends.”

“But… you do trust me. At least enough to be all alone with me while your injured and nobody else is in the house.” Jaden smiled a bit devilishly.

“That’s because I have no doubt I could beat you up. Plus I’m the one with a knife.” I smiled, even though it was a lie. I had no idea where my knife was… probably with my clothes… Sometimes the things he said just pissed me off. He knew me too well though I barely knew him. That really irritated me. I suddenly felt a bit sleepy. Maybe it was the pain reliever. I think I yawned.

I noticed Jaden staring at me. Suddenly he stood up. “Well, I should go.”

“What?” I asked, confused by his sudden rush.

“You’re tired. You should go rest. I’ll go to school and come over once it’s done. Sleep well.” He smiled at me.

“I’m not tired.” I grumbled, but he only rolled his eyes.

“Of course you aren’t. Still go back to bed and try to sleep some more.” He said as he pat my head, but I swatted his hand away.

“Yeah, yeah. Bye.”

“Bye. I’ll be back later.” He smiled softly as he opened the door and left. I closed the door behind him and locked it. Slowly, I went back upstairs and fell into bed. As soon as I got under the blanket, I fell asleep.

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I woke up and it was completely dark outside my window. That was a long “nap”. I could hear noise coming from downstairs so I got up and found Tammy and her mom sitting on the sofa watching some show.

As soon as Tammy noticed me she smiled. “Mar-Mar!!” She laughed as she came over and hugged me.

“How are you feeling, Marie dear?” Mrs. Pierce asked.

“Fine.” I said somewhat politely. “How was… umm… the opera?” I asked.

Mrs. Pierce smiled. “Oh, it was fine. Except for the fact that Tammy kept talking to a boy next to her. They chatted through the whole thing.”

“MOM!” Tammy groaned. “Anyways, Marie and I are going to go upstairs to my room.” She said as her mom tried to stop laughing at her flushed face.

“Alright.” Mrs. Pierce finally said and Tammy started dragging me upstairs.

She sat on her bed and I finally sat on a chair nearby. I was still a bit shaken by the amount of energy that just hit me.

“So… who was the boy?” I said, because I got the feeling that she wanted me to start the conversation.

“Asher and his parents actually were sitting right next to us!” She smiled. “We mostly just talked about the opera and its flaws.”

“That’s what has you in such a good mood.” I smiled. This felt weird. I felt out of place. Even though I was saying things, it didn’t feel like me. It felt fake, but Tammy’s mood wasn’t.

“I kind of like him.” She sighed as she flopped onto his bed.

“He seems like a good person.” I said, unsure of what else to say. “By the way, what time is it?”

“7:23” She said after turning and looking at her clock. Suddenly she sat up. “Oh! Geez! I forgot! Jaden stopped by. He stayed for over an hour but you were still sleeping so he left. BUT, he told me to tell you to go home for dinner by 7:30.”

This made me laugh. “That doesn’t sound like a good idea.”

“Your parents invited you. To call a truce.” Tammy sighed.

“They are NOT my parents.” I said as the smile fell from my face.

“Marie… they ARE your family.”

“You know I remembered a bit about our ‘relationship’. They used to beat me.” I said feeling the disgust on my face. From the corner of my eye I saw Tammy look away. “You… you knew didn’t you…” I said to her, more a statement than a question. She didn’t say anything. “Tammy!” I called and she looked at me. “You knew ?!” I repeated shocked.

“Yes.” She finally whispered.

I suddenly felt extremely disgusted by all of them. “What a surprise.” I said sarcastically. “You didn’t think that was something you should tell me, perhaps?”

“How? How would I tell you something like that?” Tammy said pained. “Plus, you not remembering the bad stuff didn’t seem like a bad thing. I was hoping you would forget that…”

“Forgetting doesn’t mean it DIDN’T happen!” I said angrily as I stood up. “I can’t believe you…” I muttered but then I smiled darkly. “It’s almost time for dinner isn’t it? It would be a shame if I wasn’t present.”

“Marie…” Tammy looked at me cautiously. “You’re the one who made me promise not to tell anyone. You’re the one who cares about them.”

“Not anymore.” I said and I left her room. She called after me but I walked out of the house without saying another word.

This was unbelievable! I was being abused and she just let it happen? AND WHAT KIND OF PERSON WAS I? They were the real monsters! But I… I just let it happen also. I didn’t see myself fighting back. Why? What was I thinking? What puzzle piece was I missing? Something was missing, that I was sure of.

I could report them, but as I got closer to my house I knew I couldn’t. I couldn’t take Candy’s parents away from her. And as far as I could remember they had never touched her. I couldn’t take her parents away like mine were taken away from me. I was near Candy’s age when they died and it was awful. And even if I tried to explain it to her, she would always feel that it was her fault. WHY COULDN’T THINGS JUST BE SIMPLE FOR ONCE?

I looked up into the sky. “Are you happy!” I yelled at my parents. “You know what? This is all your fault!” I continued. “Nice job leaving me with my ‘family’. Great choice.” I said sarcastically. “An orphanage would have been better than them!” I was huffing and puffing, as I waited for a response. Something. Some reaction. But there was nothing. Then I felt like an idiot for expecting something. My parents were dead and that was that. They couldn’t hear me. They weren’t watching me. They were dead. “You could have at least taken me with you.” I muttered to the dead.

I finally continued walking and knocked on “my” house door when I reached it, in far more control of myself than I had previously been. Jaden opened the door. “Marie. Perfect timing.” He smiled.

I kind of nodded and walked in. We walked towards the table and I saw my aunt putting water in a vase. My uncle was already at the head of the table.

“Marie.” He attempted to smile when he saw me.

“It’s been a while. A whole day, in fact.” I smiled at him and his smile fell.

“Marie!!” Candy giggled. She was sitting to the left of her dad, one seat over. I assumed that seat was for my aunt, so I went around and hugged Candy and then came back to the right of my uncle and took a seat there. Jaden sat next to me.

After putting flowers in the vase my aunt put them in the center of the table and took her seat. The food was already at the table. There was salad, soup, and spaghetti. I sat there as my uncle said grace.

“Alright, well, let’s dig in.” He smiled as he began to pour himself some salad. My uncle had been listening to news on the radio, but now some song was playing in the background. “I’ll turn it off.” He smiled when my aunt looked at him a bit sternly.

It was only when he said that that I actually tried to hear the song. I smiled. “I know this song. Leave it on.” It was Face Down by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. I had heard it earlier today during that movie. It was at the part If you wade around forever you will surely drown. My uncle looked at me and smiled as he walked over to the radio and turned it off.

“Song! Song!” Candy chanted.

“You want to hear that song?” I smiled at her. I got up from my seat.

“Marie! Sit. Back. Down.” My aunt said authoritatively.

“How about some live entertainment too.” I said looking at Candy. I turned the radio on and made the volume loud. It roared as I climbed onto the empty chair at the opposite end of where my uncle was sitting. As the guy sang ‘ Heed my lectureee! ’ I stood onto the table. I walked up to my uncle and began singing along to the song.

“Do you feel like a man ,” I said as I walked towards him and pushed the pots out of my way a bit. My aunt and uncle were covering their ears because of the loud music. “ When you push her around? ” I sang as I squatted in front of him and smiled darkly. “ Do you FEEL better NOW as she falls to the ground. ” As I sang I kicked the bowl of salad to ground and the glass bowl broke. I could faintly hear my aunt yelling.

“ Well, I’ll tell you my friend ,” I said as I picked up the beautiful glass vase, “ One day this worlds going to end! ” I threw the glass vase behind me and heard it crash to the floor. Then, I pointed at my uncle. “ As your lies crumble down, a new life she has FOUND! ” I didn’t notice Jaden walking to the radio and turning it off. I looked at him angrily, but then just looked back at my horrified aunt and uncle.

I picked up the soup bowl and took a step towards my uncle. “ Face down in the dirt ,” I sang without music to back me up. I spilled the soup onto his head and threw the bowl aside onto the ground as well as I squatted. “ She said, ‘This doesn’t HURT’ ,” I said as I looked into his eyes. I stood up and looked at my aunt. “ She said, ‘I’ve finally had ENOUGH’. ” As I sang the words I kicked the spaghetti bowl off the table too.

Then, I re-sang the chorus. “ DO you feel like a MAN when you push her around? Do you FEEL better now as she falls to the ground? ” I picked up the plates and threw them to the ground and squatted in front of Candy who looked a bit scared. I touched her face softly as I continued. “ Well, I’ll tell you my friend, one day this world’s going to end, ” I looked at my aunt and uncle, “ As YOUR lies crumble down .” Then I stood up and walked to the empty chair that I had first climbed. I stepped onto the seat and put one foot on the backrest. “ A new life she has FOUND. ” With the last word I put my weight towards the back rest and the chair tipped backwards and fell to the ground with me standing on it. I stepped off and looked at everyone. My uncle and aunt were both angry and shocked. Jaden also looked surprised and Candy was smiling and clapping. “I think now’s a good time to take my leave.” I smiled and then left the house.

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I didn’t go straight to Tammy’s house. Instead I sat around on a park bench for an hour and then walked to her home. After I rang the doorbell, Tammy opened the door and looked at me a bit nervous. I just smiled at her and walked in. Mrs. Pierce wasn’t downstairs so I took a seat on the couch as Tammy stared at me. “So… how was it?” She said a bit confused by my smile.

“Actually…” I said as I looked at her, “I think it went well.” I smiled again.

At that precise time the front door opened, since Tammy hadn’t locked it and Jaden stood in the doorway. “Think again.” He smiled at me…. But it wasn’t happy at all. Oh Great. I had a feeling that now, I was in for it.

“What’s wrong? Was it my singing?” I said innocently. “Do they want an encore?”

But apparently, he didn’t find my joke very funny.

Hey, it was actually a pretty good joke. At least I thought so…