I'm Scared

The next day, I stayed in bed for a little bit longer than I usually did, debating whether or not to fake sick so that I didn't have to face TJ.

Correction: So that I didn't have to face TJ and the feelings I had for him.

But I knew I couldn't stay out of class forever. And so I got off my butt and made my way to class. I cautiously stepped into the classroom, about five minutes late, and glanced at the familiar table. It was empty.

I frowned and made my way over, sitting down on one of the empty stools and pulling out my books.

TJ didn't show.

I made my way back to the dorm and opened the door, surprised to see Jonathan and Leslie sitting on Leslie's bed. They weren't doing anything, thank goodness.

"Hey!" Leslie smiled and sat up, giving me a hug. I nodded hello at Jonathan and sat on my bed, falling back against the pillows and closing my eyes with a heavy sigh.

"Bad day?" Jon asked sympathetically.

I sighed again. "You could say so."

It was silent for a moment before Leslie spoke up. "By the way, TJ got hit in the face with a puck during yesterday's game. Just so you know why he wasn't in class today. Coach told him to rest his feet today."

I sat up straight and instantly panicked. "Is he okay?"

Jonathan and Leslie exchanged knowing glances.

"He'll be fine. Just sore," Jon explained.

I stood up and headed towards the door.

Was I crazy?

Yes.

Was I going to regret this?

... Let's hope not.

***
I knocked softly on TJ's and Jon's door, staring at the white wood and willing myself to calm down.

When TJ pulled the door open, I winced as I saw the deep bruise on his left cheekbone, just under his eye.

"Crap, Teej..."

He stared at me for a moment before running his hands through his hair and opening the door so that I could go in. I turned back to face him as he shut the door, my hands instinctively flying to his face. He winced and I pulled away, mumbling an apology.

TJ shook his head. "No. That felt nice, it was just the initial impact. Feel free to continue." He gave me a goofy smile and I felt myself relax a bit as I reached up again.

I traced the outline of the bruise and TJ closed his eyes.

"Mm. That feels good," he said quietly.

I let my fingers fall down to his unbruised cheek before grazing his jaw and letting my hand fall. I looked at the floor and sighed.

"Em."

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. "Yes?"

"You know what I'm going to ask."

I nodded. "TJ..." I let out a whoosh of air and my hands started to tremble. "I've never..." I let out a light laugh. This was about to get really mushy, and I didn't know how he would take it. I was about to say 'forget it' when TJ reached for my hand and squeezed it encouragingly. "I've never felt like this, TJ. It scares me. I mean, if this is how crazy love feels, then how crazy would being broken by love feel? When I met you, I could have sworn you were going to be..." I laughed nervously. "Well, I didn't think you'd be like this. I still find it hard to believe that you won't just throw me out onto the street like furniture you don't need anymore." My voice grew softer, and chills shot up my spine as TJ took my other hand in his. "It's not like I'm anything extra-special... and, well... you are."

There was silence after I finished speaking that was nearly unbearable. The only thing holding me in my spot was the fact that TJ was holding onto my hands.

"Emmaline," he sighed. "You need to stop holding on to who you thought I was. I'm not that guy. I won't hurt you. I won't do whatever it is you think I'm going to do," he said quietly. He slowly released one of my hands and placed his thumb on the side of my chin, his fingers gently brushing against my cheek and causing goosebumps to erupt on my skin. "Will you please stop thinking for a second and just be with me?"

I chewed the inside of my lip, finally meeting his eyes. He was staring at me with so much intensity that I didn't know what to do other than to hold his gaze. His face was serious. My eyes traveled to the bruise, and then so did my fingers. I finally dropped them and placed my hand on top of his hand that was on my cheek.

"I'm still terrified."

TJ smiled slightly. "You think I'm not?"

I shook my head.

"Well, I am," he assured me. "But I'm willing to give it a shot."

I smiled at him, and he smiled back before his gaze drifted to my lips. "If I kiss you now, will you pull away?"

"No."

He smiled before wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me into him. Our lips met and I gripped his t-shirt. This time, I thought I was ready for the butterflies.

Boy, was I wrong.

There was a colony of butterflies flying around in my stomach, whacking the edges of my body and trying to break free. But instead of running this time, I embraced it.

When we broke apart, I wrapped my arms around TJ's neck and buried my face in the crook of his neck. He rested his chin on my head and held onto me as tight as possible. I pulled away for a second, placing my hand behind his neck and pulling him down so that I could gingerly kiss his bruised cheek.

"Don't get hurt next time, you scared me," I informed him.

"I seem to scare you a lot."

I smiled and he leaned down to press a kiss to my lips gently.

"Right now, I feel pretty safe."