Our Love Is a War

I breathed in clean air, trying to move. My mind told my body what to do, but it wasn’t responding. I couldn’t even open my eyes. There was something underneath me. I let my fingers pat the material. It was soft, but feels uncomfortable at the same time. I felt weight on every part of my body. It hurt to breath. I felt something enter me, something that mad me feel high and reduce the pain in my body. I shivered, before I let myself fall asleep.

I left light breathing passing my neck, and a warm body next to mine. I snuggled in closer, not opening my eyes. I heard him sigh, his hands moving from his body to drape across my hips. A light peck to my nose made me open my eyes. I stared into Matthew’s eyes, seeing that they weren’t clouded for a change. I smiled, making him smile.

“Good morning.” I told him, he mouthed it back before connecting his lips to mine. The moment they touch, so many emotions hit me at once. I felt Matthew deepen the kiss, grabbing my hips and rubbing circles. I moaned a bit, blushing afterwards. Matthew pulled away, brushing my hair away from my eyes.

Matthew flipped me to where I was on my back and he was almost sitting on my waist. He pressed his forehead to mine, grabbing my hands and placing them on his hips. “I love you.” he said, pressing his lips to mine. I added pressure, sliding him a bit towards my legs and sitting up. I had to bend my neck a bit downwards, so he doesn’t have to stretch his neck. I felt something wet poke at my bottom lip. I pulled away from him. Matthew looked at me through sad eyes. I caressed the side of his face. I shook my head no, and he nodded, understanding. Matthew got off of me and pulled me down with him on our bed. He brought the blankets over us before cuddling into my side. I smiled, wishing things like this happened all the time. It was nice.

I felt myself shirt on the soft padding, struggling to breathe. I heard a rapid beeping noise, and people shouting for a list of materials. I couldn’t make out any words, nor could I have opened my eyes. I groaned as I felt something being stabbed into my skin, and the rapid beeping noise calmed down into a steady rhythm. Was that a heart monitor?

I watched in silent agony as Matthew brought the bong to his lips, watching with worried eyes as he did this. I stood in the doorway, watching his friends lead him on to this. I was raised to believe drugs were bad by mother. They caused that scars on her beautiful face, leading to my dads death after abuse. Matthew looked up from the red glass, looking right at me. Nothing phased him. His eyes were too clouded for me to read. I sighed before disappearing back into our bedroom, shutting the door quietly before I sunk down to the carpet.

Pressure built on my arm, and I moved around uncomfortably. I felt hands hold me down. Something was injected into me, knocking me out on the spot.

Heart pounding and vision blurring, I let myself drop to the ground as I hear the front door slam shut. I rubbed the spot where Matthew punched a few moments ago. I don’t know why he did that, maybe I did something wrong again. But what? I retraced my steps in memory; Cleaning, cooking…nothing bad. Maybe he was drunk or something. If that’s the case, then I know he didn’t mean it. I mean…Matthew loves me, right?

I felt someone grab my right hand, pressing their - I’m assuming - head to it. Their hair was soft and oily, like they haven’t showered in a while. My eyes opened, but shut again when the white light in the room was too bright. Instead, I squeezed his hand, earning a quick gasp.

“Oswell?”

I turned my head, opening my eyes to Matthew. His face was sullen, bags under his eyes and his face was unshaved. He had a small beard growing. His brown eyes were filled with worry. I smiled at him, a very weak smile. Matthew did something I wasn’t expecting; He broke down in tears. I heard the heart monitor speed up with my heart.

“Baby what’s wrong?” I asked, but no sound came out. I began to panic.

Matthew got up and wrapped me in his arms, a loving feeling surge through me. A feeling I haven’t felt from him in years. “I’m sorry, okay? So fucking sorry…” he cried, pressing his lips to mine in a kiss, like it’ll be our last. He pulled away a while, tears still streaming out like a river. I lifted my arm up, flinching at the pain. Matthew lifted it up for me, letting my hand wipe his tears away. “I…I…” he cried, “I…” he bit his lip before sitting back down on the chair next to my hospital. He cleared his throat, wiping his face with his palms. “Oswell, I love you. I’m sorry for all the shit I’ve put you through. Please, please forgive me.” he begged, taking my hand in his. I looked at our hands, mine sticking out because they were bigger than Matthew’s hand. But then again, I was taller.

“Matthew,” I mouthed, “you’re the best thing ever happened to me.” again, no sound came out. Matthew let go of my hand and cupped my face pressing a kiss to my lips again.

He pulled away before talking. “The doctor said you can’t speak anymore..” he told me. I nodded, understanding. “I’m sorry.” he said, tearing up again. This time I kissed him, a light peck on the lips as a form of ‘forgiveness’. I can never forgive Matthew, for I was never mad at him and never will be. No one’s ‘opinion’ will ever change that.