The Lace Masquerade

November 8, 2010
6:50 PM
Location: The Dot
Feeling: cheery

After discussing our scene, I was (of course) voted to play Juliet. On the inside, I was still kind of freaking out. I still am.

Kissing on screen is no big deal to me. I’ve been doing it for two years.

But my choice on who to kiss lay between Owen and Tyler, both of whom disgust me, and then Fitz, who, by kissing, I might wind up revealing the fact that we’re actually “together.” Or…whatever we are.

But of course, when I got to football practice, sat in the bleachers and waited for Tyler and Owen to get out, who should come sit by me but the latter male himself.

“What’re you doing?” I asked out of the side of my mouth, moving over a few inches.

“We’re project partners,” he replied, filling the gap I made. “We have a reason to talk now.”

“Fitz, it’s my funeral if anyone finds out about us. Not yours. Now unless you want to etch the gravestone of my friendships with Eli, Clare and Adam, I suggest you go along with what I’m about to do.” He gave me a look, but before he could ask what I was going to do, I stood up, giving him a dirty look, and moved ten feet over and up three rows on the bleachers. I watched Coach Armstrong pull everyone in on the field, and Fitz pull out his phone. Moments later I got a text.

Smooth :)

Like ice.

Just as I put my phone away, Coach dismissed everyone, and before we knew it the entire field was empty. Everyone was trailing in behind Owen and Tyler, who rushed to the locker rooms faster than anyone else. I stood up, ready to go wait at the bottom of the bleachers, and as I went down, Fitz caught me in the isle, smirking.

“Alone at last.” He went to kiss me, but I rolled my eyes and pushed him away.

“Not here.” He rolled his eyes right back.

“Bossy, bossy.” We both went down to the bottom of the bleachers. “I still don’t get why you’re so picky about all this.”

“Why I’m so picky?” I raised my eyebrows at him as we sat down. “Fitz, do you realize what would happen if anyone at our school found out about us?” I gave him a stressed look. “Not only would I loose my best friends, but you would lose your privacy. Clare already has paparazzi stalking out her house every other day. And Alli, Eli and Adam are getting there.” I shook my head. “All I have to do is mention someone on Twitter, and they’re an instant mini-celeb.” He rolled his eyes.

“But you’re not mentioning me on Twitter.”

“That doesn’t matter,” I said, my hand cradling my forehead. “If someone, even someone outside of school, were to spot us together…” I looked up, and glanced around outside. I should have been more careful. I scanned the perimeter of the football field, making sure no one was watching from a distance. They weren’t allowed on school property, but city sidewalks aren’t school property. “Especially the paparazzi, everyone would know within hours. Fitz, I can’t…” I looked down at my hands in my lap. “I can’t put you through that. You have no idea how bad it gets. It’s hard enough going around with my friends out here.” Fitz opened his mouth to speak again, but was interrupted.

“You girls ready to get our project on?” We both turned to see Tyler and Owen coming towards us, Owen carrying a large laundry bag. “Hey, Peterson, it’s laundry day-wanna do mine for me? You are a girl.” He held the bag up, and gave Tyler a high five. I rolled my eyes and ignored the comment.

“I’m not staying here to work on it. I’m meeting Fiona at seven, so we’ve got two hours to get this shit done with. You guys just wanna follow me to The Dot?”

“Whatever you say, your highness.” Tyler made a bowing gesture, and I just started walking towards the parking lot. “It was a joke. Jesus. Why don’t you get that stick out of your ass?” I wheeled around, facing him.

“Maybe because being in this group wasn’t exactly my own choice? I did this as a favor to Ms. Dawes, and I can quit just as easily as I accepted. I don’t have to put up with your BS, so why don’t you cut it out?” All three of their stunned faces put an extremely satisfied smile on my face.

They followed me to The Dot in Fitz’s car. When I got inside, I grabbed a booth in the far back corner, and sat on the side where no one could see me. They found me (eventually) inside and sat down (Fitz next to me), and we started discussing ideas.

“Have any of you actually read this play?” I pulled it out of my bag and set it, along with the slip and camera, on the table. Fitz was the only one to nod. Of course. “Great. Okay. Have you seen the movie?”

“That old nineties version with the dude from Titanic,” Owen said, and pulled Peter over to order food. Tyler nodded.

“Same here.” I’d never really hung out with Tyler up close-I haven’t had a reason to. But under those smug expressions and asshole comments, he was actually kind of cute. Super dark skin, with these weirdly colored blue-green eyes that were a huge contrast to his color.

“Well, it’s a start.” I rolled my eyes and told Peter I just wanted a Diet Coke and some fries-Fitz and Tyler got the same thing. “This scene…it’s basically usual awkward post-sex morning. Only, they’re married.” I sat my head on my hand, my arm resting on the table, and looked down at the slip tucked inside the book. “It’s such an odd scene to choose, though. I wonder why she gave us this one.”

“Well think about the idea of the scene,” Fitz started, pulling the slip out. “You’re 15, maybe 16, and it’s the morning after your wedding day. You’ve just had sex for the first time, and now you’re worried about being able to even see your husband ever again.” He paused, ignoring the semi-awestruck looks on the faces of the boys across from us. “It’s the emotion in this scene-the feelings of desperation, of angst that Shakespeare was trying to convey that teenagers still experience today-that I think Ms. Dawes wants us to give her.” I blinked, momentarily shocked at his openness around his friends.

“Dude,” Tyler said. “That was deep.” Fitz shrugged.

“No biggie.” He turned to me. “So how’re we gonna do this? And who’s gonna play Romeo and the Nurse?” I shrugged back.

“Well, which one of you is a better actor?” Fitz gave me a sarcastic look that I’m sure the other two didn’t really understand, but Tyler stretched, giving me a grin.

“Well, I don’t know if you know this, but I had a starring role in the musical last year.” Owen punched him in the side.

“You did not.” He rolled his eyes. “He was one of the football players.” Owen leaned back like Tyler had, looking at us. “You know what, I think Fitz should be Romeo. You two look damn cute together.” I felt my eyes widen, and saw Fitz give me a look out of the corner of my eyes. But I recovered quickly, rolling my eyes as Peter came back with our drinks.

“Peter,” I started, and he looked startled to know I knew his name. “We’re doing this project for school-a video on Romeo and Juliet. I’m playing Juliet…which one of them do you think should play Romeo?” He gave me a look that plainly said he thought I was crazy, but looked amongst the guys at the table.

“A video?” I nodded. “Well…” He gestured to Fitz next to me. “Honestly the two of you look the best together.”

“Ha!” Owen reached his hands up over the table in a “what now?!” gesture, and I gave Peter the tiniest glare as he walked away. “Told you so!”

“Well, I guess it’s official then,” Fitz said, looping an arm around my shoulder. “We’re Romeo and Juliet.” I feigned disgust, and threw his arm off, but under the table, his hand rested on my knee for most of the time we spent planning and eating.

Fiona showed up just as the guys were leaving, and gave them an odd look as she saw me and sat down. “What was that all about? I thought you two couldn’t be seen in public together.”

“Ms. Dawes asked me to work with them on a project.” I rolled my eyes for what felt like the umpteenth time that day, and offered her the remainder of my fries. She picked one up and chewed on it.

“How’s that going?” I gave her a look somewhere between high and annoyed, and she laughed. “Not well, I take it. What play are you doing?”

“Romeo and Juliet.” Her face split into a grin.

“And who exactly is Romeo in this equation?” I gave her the same look, and she laughed again, shaking her head. “That must be awkward.”

“Believe me, you have no idea.”

9:45 PM

“How the fuck do you expect not to find out?” I asked Fitz, an angry, loud tone seeping into my voice. We were in my lounge downstairs after I got back from hanging out with Fiona; he sat on the couch, and I was standing, my arms flailing about as I spoke (well, yelled).

“Doe. It’s going to be fine,” he said with a laugh, and tried to get me to come sit back down with him. I shook my head and took a step back, crossing my arms. I was going to be stubborn, no matter how many times he used that nickname.

“No, Fitz, it’s not. I did this as a favor to Ms. Dawes because I owed her one for not counting that essay I missed last week, but now I’m starting to regret agreeing to it.”

“You’re regretting agreeing to be in a group with me?”

“Not with you specifically,” I said, rolling my eyes. “But if anything, and I mean anything gets out-hell, if this video we’re making for class finds it’s way online-I could be in serious shit.” I took a deep, long breath. “I just don’t want anything messing this up. Messing us up.” I glanced at him. “Whatever we are.” He made a face, and then reached his hand out to pull me down to him. I let him, wavering at the look on his face, and he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me to him. I laid my head on his chest, and he kissed the top of my head.

“We are just what it looks like we are. Two people who like each other trying to get to know each other, without other people’s opinions or input getting in the way. And I’m okay with that for now, as long as you are.” I smiled to myself. For some reason, I was actually glad he wasn’t pushing to put a label on it. Normally, I would have been antsy with anticipation waiting for the guy to make it official. But it seemed like with Fitz, I didn’t care. As long as I was with him, things were okay; it didn’t matter what we called it. “When are we going to film then?” he asked, changing the subject. “I asked the guys, but neither of them had any idea. I think any time after practice is good…and the sooner we can get this done with, the better.”

“Well,” I started, “the only day I can’t is Wednesday.” He gave me a curious look. “I have church with Clare from 5:30 to 6:30, and then at 8 there’s that LGBT thing at Degrassi.”

“You’re actually going to that?” He made a face, and I made one right back, sitting up.

“Why shouldn’t I? My friends are the ones hosting it. You could do well to go to it too.” He looked hurt, and I immediately regretted what I’d said. “Well, your friends more than you. But still. Maybe you should understand why all those jokes hurt people like Zane and-” I cut my sentence short. I almost said Zane and Riley. But there were only a select number of people who knew about Riley being gay, and apparently very few of those people were guys; Fitz was not one of them. “…and the rest of the LGBT club.” I looked at him. “Just consider it.” He changed the subject again.

“Well I have something tomorrow, so I think we may have to film Thursday, and then we can edit it to get done by Friday.”

“What do you have tomorrow?” I was curious. But for the first time since I’d met him, Fitz was hesitant to tell me something. “What?” I prodded, grinning and poking him in the arm. “What’s so bad that you can’t tell me?” He twisted his mouth from side to side, a habit I guess he was picking up from me, and then looked up.

“You’re not going to like it.” I narrowed my eyes.

“You’re not selling drugs or anything, are you?” His eyes widened, and he blinked, obviously surprised.

“Holy hell, no.” He let out a laugh, and put an arm back around me, pulling me close again. “I would never do that. I’ve done them, yeah, but I would never sell.” He shakes his head. “You get more jail time for that.” I let out a surprised sound and smack him on the chest. “Kidding!” He laughed and kissed my head again. “But I still don’t think you’ll like it.”

“Just spit it out already.”

“Tyler and I run the school Fight Club.” I sat up again, even more surprised than before.

“You guys what?”

“And this is why I didn’t want to tell you.”

“No, no,” I said, blinking. “It’s fine…it’s just…shit. Aha.” I let out an awkward laugh and shook my head. “I didn’t know schools actually had that kinda stuff.” He gave me a conniving smile, and leaned in.

“They don’t.” I raised my eyebrows. “First rule of fight club-

“There is no fight club,” I continued with another head shake. “Jesus. Okay, well, Tuesday and Wednesday are out. I guess Thursday’s our only option. You wanna text the guys and tell them?” He nodded and pulled out his phone, and I laid back on him and pulled mine out of my pocket, sending a quick How’s the filming? to Clare, who was filming her bit with Eli and Adam in the park near her house, just a few short blocks away.

She texted me back not even fifteen minutes later as I was walking Fitz to the door.

You have got to come see this. That’s what her message said. It was ten at night, and she wanted me to come see something.

Now?

It’s worth the two minute drive. Trust me.

With a small growl, I kissed Fitz goodbye and then ran downstairs, grabbing my keys and a jacket. It was starting to get way colder-to the point where my shorts were being replaced by sweats, and my Juicy hoodies were finding their way back to the front of my wardrobe again. Not that I’d ever wear them to school. When I got to Clare’s, her parents were bickering in the front room. Her mother stopped short when she saw me.

“Oh, hello, Hollie. I didn’t know you were coming over!”

“Clare just needed something for her project from me. I’ll be in and out before you know it!” Clare appeared at the top of the stairs, and for some reason, she looked different; glowing, even. She gestured for me to come up, and I followed quickly. Her computer was open in her room, and there was a video read on it.

“Sit.” She pointed to the chair, and I gave a fake army salute and made a face, sitting and facing her.

“Ma’am, yes ma’am.” She rolled her eyes and then turned the rolling chair around to face the computer. Without another word, she clicked play. It was their scene from the play. I watched, silently, giggling along the way. It was rough and uncut, but still followable.

“Romeo! You drank the poisonous high fructose cola beverage, no!”

“Way to be generic, C.”

“Just watch!” I turned back just in time to see Clare and Eli inching together on the screen, and then….

“Holy shit,” I said quietly.

“Hollie!” Clare gave a surprised laugh, and I watched as the two of them kissed on screen, an expression of what I’m sure was a mixture of shock and horror on my face. I mean, finally, but at the same time-ew. My best friends. Making out. On screen. Again, ew. I was silent the rest of the clip, and when it was over, the screen went black. Clare wheeled my chair around. “Well?”

“Well…” I trailed off, twisting my mouth from side to side. “How was it?” I gave a small shrug of my shoulders, and Clare let out an extremely high pitched squeal, scaring the bejesus out of me. She rambled on and on about how passionate and sweet it was. There was a part of me, somewhere in the back of my mind, that was jealous of Clare. She could kiss Eli on screen, and have everyone watch it, and it would make a few moments chatter at school and then be over. There was another part of me that started silently freaking out. Watching her video made me realize that the entire class would be watching these, as she reminded me as she rambled on, and once the entire class saw Fitz and I kissing on screen, who knows what people would say.

November 11, 2010
4:45 PM
Location: Queen Street
Feeling: Confused

I am going to murder Anya.

No, seriously. Cold blooded, completely premeditated murder.

She signed me up for the bachelor auction.

As the only bachelorette on the ticket.

It all started after English this afternoon. Eli started acting weird today, and wouldn’t talk to Clare like he usually did. He was being distant and unfriendly; I’d only seen him that way a few times. I was leaving to go grab lunch with Clare and Adam, plastering posters for the LGBT meeting tonight on the wall at Zane’s request, when Anya pulled me aside.

“Hey, can I talk to you for a few minutes?” I told Clare and Adam I’d meet them at my car, and walked down the hall with her.

“What’s up?”

“I need a huge favor.” Those words made me stop in my tracks. “It’s nothing bad, I swear!” I raised my eyebrows, crossing my arms. “You know we have the bachelor auction next week, right?” I nodded, still confused. “Well, Chantay and I were wondering…”

“Do you want me to bid on someone?” I asked, laughing. “Because I totally will. Zane’s doing it, right?” She smiled.

“Yeah, he is. But, actually, we were wondering if you’d sign up for it.”

“Sign up?”

“Yeah, like…be a bachelor. Well, a bachelorette.” I felt my eyes widen slightly and I gave her a look.

“Are you serious?”

“I’m sorry, it’s just...We haven’t had that many people sign up, and if you did it, I’m sure we’d double the amount of bidders, even if some of them are male.” I twisted my mouth from side to side, taking it into consideration. Letting random males bid on me until time was out; God knows who I’d end up with. But Anya is my friend, and I think she needed all the help she could get.

“Fine. I’ll do it.” Just as Anya was about to jump and give me a hug, Riley walked up.

“Anya, we’ve got a problem!” He grabbed her arm and started pulling her away.

“I’m sure whatever it is, Hollie can help too!” She pulled me right along with her, and he hastily explained that he’d agreed to go to the LGBT mixer tonight, but had nothing to wear. I let out a little laugh; it killed me that he was freaking out about what to wear. The guy looked like a Greek God. I don’t think there would have been any objections to whatever he wore (actually, I think everyone would have been okay with him wearing nothing). “I wish I could help, hun, but I’ve gotta finish getting the cheer for the game on Friday ready with Chantay after school!” They both looked at me expectantly, and I took a deep breath, my eyes narrowing.

“I have church tonight! And then I’m going to the mixer!”

“We’ll go right after school, then,” Riley said, grabbing my arm. “Please, Hollie! I need a girl’s help. I suck when it comes to fashion.” I gave Anya a look over Riley’s shoulder.

“You owe me so much for the auction.” And with that, I walked away to meet Adam and Clare by the car. As of now I’m sitting with Riley at some café on Queen Street grabbing dinner before I head to meet Clare at Youth. He wound up getting two new shirts, and he’s going to ask his mom (yeah, his mom) which one she likes the best before he goes tonight.

10:40 PM

Things went amazing tonight! Youth went great-I sang at worship for the first time. Not up on stage or anything, just with Clare in the back, and super quietly. But I get the feeling I’m going to be up on stage in no time.

As soon as that was over, I rushed home and threw on something a little more casual-as to not outshine Riley and his new clothes. I swung by and picked him up (he chose a blue and white striped shirt, and I thanked God his mother had some fashion sense), and when we got to the seminar, Zane was already seated, a couple people to the right of him. At my prodding, Riley went and sat down next to Zane. I waited a few minutes while they talked, sending a quick text to Sasha, and then quietly sat down next to him. Zane smiled at me from behind Riley.

“Anyone else coming I should know about?”

“I don’t think so.” I highly doubted any of my friends were coming. Sure, it was the LGBT club, but Adam had declined the invite I handed him, saying there was no way his mother would let him go. Clare had to deal with a dinner with the parents, and Eli…well he was Eli. He wasn’t one for organized events. Fiona and Declan had some thing back in NY to Skype with their lawyer about, and everyone else, including Fitz, was busy doing something. So when the lecture started, I sat as the presenter asked about gay jokes, and who all had received them. Even I had to raise my hand, and I’m not even gay. People made jokes about me being a lesbian all the time, after I got caught on film kissing Marcie after one drunken night in town. And after the amount of gay friends I have, to say I hadn’t heard a jab or two would be an understatement.

“What’re we raising our hands about?” I looked to my left as someone slid into the seat next to me, and grinned as I saw the person sitting there.

“I thought you had Principles of Tech homework,” I whispered to Fitz. A girl behind me shushed me, and I gave her a dirty look.

“I finished it early; Mom got an email about this, and she heard us talking about it on the phone yesterday.”

“So you’re here because your mother made you?” He gave me a look.

“I’m here because I want to be.”

“Anyone wanna start?” the presenter said, and I was momentarily silenced in confusion. Zane raised his hand, and the man pointed to him and told him to go. Zane stood, clearing his throat. “Hi, I’m Zane. I’m on the football team here, and sometimes guys make gay jokes in the locker room. Some of them directed at me, others not. I know they’re joking, but it makes me feel…different.”

“Like you’re not part of the team,” the man interjected.

“Exactly.” Zane looked back at Riley, a pointed expression on his face. “Usually I just let it go, but there’s a guy on the team that’s in the closet, and he joins in on the teasing, and for some reason, you know, that hurts…the most.” He sat back down, glancing around the room, and I felt myself glancing at Riley out of the corner of my eyes.

“Internalized homophobia, it’s what happens when a person becomes convinced by friends or family or society they’re disgusting or wrong. These people often hate themselves, and consequently, they take it out on people who are like them.”

“I’m a homophobe,” Riley muttered under his breath. I looked back at him to see his eyes glossing over with wetness. My own teared up immediately, and I reached my hand out to hold his in his lap.

“Would anyone else like to go?” The guy looked around, and I glanced back between Riley and Fitz and Zane. If Zane could get up and talk, I sure as hell could. I’d done speeches on national-no, international-television. I could do this. But when I stood up, my legs shook.

“Hi, everyone, I’m Holly.” There were a few plainly obvious stares from around the room, and I smiled, glancing back at Zane. “One of my best friends is an FTM-he couldn’t be here tonight, so I’m speaking here for him. One of my other best friends is tight with the same guys on the team-the ones Zane was talking about-that make all the gay remarks. These same guys outed my other friend to half of the school.” I glanced back at Fitz. “My friend-the one that’s friends with the other guys-avoids making jokes like the black plague when he can, but when he’s around them, he turns into someone different. What I don’t understand is why a lot of people-straight guys especially-see something wrong in being a transgender. It brings up another point-why people have problems with their own gender. Males don’t tend to have problems with lesbians, but when they find out a guy is gay it’s like he has a disease or something. Same with girls-no more sleepovers just because one of your friends likes another girl in your grade?” I let out a laugh, shaking my head. “Sorry, I know I’m rambling. But I just…I don’t see why so many people freak out over this stuff.” I sat down, and Riley, Zane and Fitz all looked at me, all three smiling. Fitz’s was more sad than the other two, and he grabbed my hand, holding it in his lap. I saw Zane glance at it, and then at me, raising his eyebrows. I rolled my eyes, and gave him a look back, which he returned with a knowing smile.

Neither of them mentioned anything about Fitz and I holding hangs until the four of us made it to the Dot, grabbing a booth in the back.

“So how long has this been going on?” Zane asked. Riley, who’d just taken a bite of his burger, looked up, saying “what?” and I made a face as I saw small bits of chewed up beef and lettuce in his mouth. Zane gave him a cursory glance and then looked back at us. Fitz had his hand on my knee, and he squeezed it, shrugging when I looked at him.

“Not long,” I answered to Zane, and then leaned over the table towards him. “But not many people know.” Zane nodded, and Riley looked even more confused.

“What’re we talking about here?” I laughed, shaking my head, and then wordlessly, Fitz took my hand in his and held them up. “Oh….so you two are like, together now?” We looked at each other, and I smiled at him.

“We’re not really labeling it yet,” I said. “Just taking it one step at a time.” Zane ate a fry, nodding.

“Sounds like a plan to me.”

Fitz and I made it back to the house by ten, and we were coming up with a script for the scene, sitting at the bar in my room. The couch was starting to hurt my back, but the TV was still on, really low in the background.

“I have no idea what I’m going to wear,” I said with a sigh, taking a sip of my Diet Coke. Fitz, who sat beside me, shrugged.

“I’m pretty sure no one working on the project would object to a bikini.” I smacked him on the arm, turning back to the TV in time to see a pair of teenagers making out on screen. My mind flashed back to two nights before, when I’d been watching Eli and Clare doing the very same thing. “Remind me again what we’re watching?” he asked, looking at me.

“Skins.”

“And it is?”

“Only the second most amazing English TV show after Doctor Who.”

“There sure is a lot of making out,” he said, laughing. I raised my eyebrows.

“Since when have you objected to making out?” He smiled and stood up slowly, walking over to me and pulling my face towards his. It didn’t take long for his tongue to run along my lips, asking to deepen the kiss. I smiled, and we were pretty much in full on makeout mode when there was a bubbling sound from my computer. Confused, I pulled away, and Fitz shook his head, coming behind me and wrapping his arms around my shoulders. “What the hell was that?” I looked at my screen to see a popup that said “BembethBaby is video calling you.” I looked back at Fitz. “Someone’s Skyping me,” I said, confused. “Like, no one has this name. Maybe ten, fifteen people. I don’t recognize….” Then, it hit me. Bembeth. bEMBETH. I clicked accept, and a screen popped up. The first thing I heard was the sound of laughing; two girls, it seemed.

“The bitch finally answers!” a voice said. And then the video cleared up. It was Sasha. And Dakota. Both were in sweats, and Sasha had her hair pulled up in a ponytail.

“I’m the bitch?” I laughed, shaking my head. “Who the hell came up with BembethBaby? I mean, really?”

“Hey,” Sasha said, “it’s not my fault my parents suck at picking middle names. They could have gone with something like Sarah or Michelle, but they had to pick Embeth.” She rolled her eyes. “Long time no talk! Do you ever check your texts?”

“Or are you too busy making out with lover boy?” My eyes widened at Dakota’s words, and I screamed at the screen.

“Kota!” I laughed, and adjusted the screen up a bit so they could see who was standing behind me.

“Ohhh. He’s even cuter on video, Hol.” Sasha got closer to the camera. “Hey there! I’m Sasha.”

“I’m Dakota!” I rolled my eyes, and looked back at Fitz.

“These are my retarded friends.”

“Retarded best friends,” Sasha corrected, and they both fell into fits of giggles.

“I’m Fitz,” he said with an awkward wave, and then he put his hand on my shoulder. “I’m gonna go grab some ice from upstairs. I’ll be back, kay?” I nodded, and he leaned down and pecked me on the lips before leaving. The two girls in camera made squealing sounds.

“Holy crap, Hollie.” Sasha shook her head. “You two are so cute together.”

“You are the fourth person to say that in the last week,” I said with an eye roll. “I appreciate it, though.”

“How’s everything going with that, then?” Dakota asked. “From the looks of that little peck, good?”

“Great,” I sighed, leaning against the table. “He’s awesome, guys.”

“Aw!” Sasha squealed. “Our little Hollie’s growing up.”

“Who the hell are you calling little? Last time I checked you were old enough to still be in middle school.” She flipped me off.

“Moving on.” Dakota pulled Sasha’s hand out of frame and looked at me. “Guess who we saw yesterday out in the Palasades?” I shrugged.

“Who?”

“Marcie.” My eyes widened, and I got closer to the screen. “She looked like shit too.”

“That’s horrible,” I said, but I couldn’t help but to laugh. I hadn’t talked to Marcie-no texts, emails, calls-since she left. I think she knew as well as I do that that friendship has long since sailed.

“She really did though,” Sasha clarified, crossing her arms. “She had her hair up in a bun and these big old sunglasses on. When she saw us she took them off-she had these huge purple circles- and acted like nothing was up-I think she legit believes you never told us what happened on Halloween.” I rolled my eyes. “Too bad she got the new Three Musketeers with Logan.”

“She’s Renee?” Both of them nodded, and I let out a horrified laugh. I read the script shortly before leaving town, and while it was decent, it was definitely not good enough to cover what I’d come to be aware of was Marcie’s mediocre acting skills. Having been her best friend for so long, I was semi-blinded before of the fact that Marcie wasn’t actually that good of an actress. Last week, I’d sat down to Algebra II and Avalon High, in which Marcie played Jen, and I almost gagged. “Well we all know what movie’s going to bomb at the box office now.” They both laughed along with me.

“Speaking of bombs-have you been online recently?” I raised my eyebrows at Dakota’s question.

“Online?”

“Like, Perez, Oceanfail, anything,” Sasha corrected. I shook my head. “The PCA noms went out yesterday!” My eyes widened. I’d completely forgotten about the upcoming awards nomination season-and how fast it was coming up.

“Who all got ‘em?” The two looked at each other.

“They were considering Long Lost, H, they were-

“I could care less whether that piece of shit I participated in got a nom or not, S.” I laughed at their faces. Long Lost, the indie film I’d done last spring as I was wrapping up my fall line, ended up turning ut really shitty. The editing, the music; it pretty much ruined the entire thing. “Just tell me who else got them.”

“Selena and Justin B were both in best artist,” Dakota started, and I rolled my eyes. Those two have been friends since summer, but after the news of her recent break up with Nick (I’d gotten word from Marcie when she visited, on top of texts from Debbie and Sasha), we all kind of figured there might be something more than friendship going on. “Taylor was in Fave Country and Fave Female artist, Hellcats got one too in TV something or other.”

“Demi got two-Best Guest Star and best TV movie.”

“Go Dems!” I said with a little hand pump. I heard Fitz coming back down the stairs, and he came and sat back down next to me, pouring the remainder of Coke in his can into the glass he’d set on the table. I was legitimately happy for Demi-we weren’t best friends, but we were pretty tight-at all those Disney events, you’ve gotta hang out with someone, and Demi, Selena, Debbie and I all avoided Miley like the black plague.

“Yeah…have you talked to her in the last week or so?” I shook my head at Sasha’s inquiry.

“No, but I just assumed it was ‘cause of tour.” They looked at each other again. “Why?”

“Her manager put out a release yesterday…she’s been in rehab since after Halloween.” My eyes widened again, and for a moment, I couldn’t talk.

“Is she back on pot?” I finally spluttered out. “Or cutting?” Fitz grabbed my hand, giving me a questioning look, and I blinked at the screen as Dakota talked.

“No! Nothing like that. Selena texted us after the release went out-she just needs to get her emotional shit straightened out.” I looked down at my lap, where my hands sat balled around Fitz’s, and my eyes welled up. “But there’s something else to it…” I looked back up. “Selena heard from Nick this morning that one of the reasons she went is because she punched a dancer in the face.” My eyes went wider than before.

“She punched a dancer?” They both nodded. “I’ve never known Demi to be violent. Only when she’s-

“Drunk,” Sasha finished. “We know. I guess they’re having more fun on tour than we thought.” I let out a gurgle of a laugh, and Fitz squeezed my hand.

“Yeah, those virgins sure know how to party.” Fitz let out a snort at my words, and I looked back up at the screen. “Listen, guys, I better get back to work-but don’t be strangers. Keep video chatting-this was fun.” We all said our goodbyes, and as soon as they were off screen I felt the first tear fall down my face. Without a word, Fitz lead me to the couch and pulled me to him, and he held me while I cried. I was starting to realize that however much I wanted them to, there was no separating my old life and my new one; my one here in Toronto and my one in LA were going to come together, no matter how much I didn’t want them to.

November 12, 2010
12:57 AM
Location: Basement.
Feeling-Crushed? Literally. Aha.

I’m sitting here with Eli on top of my legs.

Nothing dirty, I promise.

It’s quite weird, how we ended up like this.

Not long after school, Fitz, Owen, Tyler and I headed to my house to film. Our theme for our scene was, instead of the usual Romeo and Juliette feuding families type of thing, a female cop who falls in love with a gang member. Fitz was the gang member, and Tyler we forced into one of those super slutty police officer costumes they had on sale in town and a wig to be my roommate/partner on the job (aka the Nurse). It went hilariously, and we got an awesome shot of Tyler walking out of the room in his costume, the horrible synthetic fabric clinging to his ass. We even got a blooper of him picking a wedgie. When it came to the kissing scene, we were standing outside my mom’s room on the patio, with both Tyler and Owen watching.

“Let’s get this over with then,” I said, crossing my arms. I was in barely anything-it was a cool November afternoon, and we were trying to play it off as sunrise, so we had to get things done fast before the sun set-no more than a bra, pajama shorts and a black v-neck, with my hair in a messy ponytail. Owen picked the camera up off the table, pointed it at us, and I heard a familiar beep as the camera went on. I took a breath and started my lines, looking at Fitz as he backed into the wall of the patio, ready to “climb down.” “Then, window, let day in, and let life out.”

“Farewell, farewell! One kiss, and I’ll descend.” With one leg over the wall, he looked at me before closing his eyes and pulling me down for a long, passionate kiss. It wasn’t what we discussed; a quick, short peck that was sweet enough to make the girls (and Ms. Dawes) go “awww” but not enough to elicit any sort of suspicion. When he pulled back, I stayed in character as much as I could, smiling and holding out my hand until he disappeared behind the wall, saying his last couple of lines, and Owen yelled “cut!” But the second he popped back up off the ground, I couldn’t help myself anymore. I slapped Fitz across the face; hard. He was just as surprised as Owen and Tyler were, and the look he gave me was filled with utter shock. “What the fuck was that for?”

“For trying to stick your tongue down my throat, you pervert!” I gave a disgusted sound and turned back to the other two boys. “Are we done?” They both gave silent nods, and I narrowed my eyes. “Email me the videos when you get home. I’ll edit them together tonight.” I pretty much kicked them all out of the house after that. Fitz sent me a text moments after leaving that said “Ouch :(“ and I sent back a smiley face, saying I’d explain later. Not even half an hour into editing the videos together, there was a knock at my door. I took my time getting there; I knew who it was, and making him wait was more fun than getting there fast. When I pulled the door open, Fitz was standing with his arms wrapped around himself. He was still in his basketball shorts and a tee shirt, what he’d thrown on after filming to run out the door in.

“What the hell was that all about?” he asked, pushing his way in to the house. I closed the door and smiled.

“You’re the one who shoved your tongue down my throat,” I said with a shrug, and he smirked. “I just did what I could to make it seem like I didn’t want it.”

“But that just made it hotter,” he replied, and somehow I was backed up into the wall next to the door. He dipped down to give me a kiss, and there was the sound of someone clearing their throat near us. My mother stood in the hallway, and when we pulled apart, surprised, she rolled her eyes.

“I thought you two were working on a project with those other boys downstairs.” I walked towards her, adjusting my clothes. She sounded like she was pissed. Why though, I have no idea. She’s never upset with me.

“We were, now it’s just us though. We’ve got to edit and…” I trailed off when she started laughing.

“I’m just kidding, darling.” She smiled and tilted her head. “You two are cute,” she said, pointing a finger at us. “But don’t get too serious. I don’t need any more stories on Perez tearing you down.” As she walked into the kitchen, the two of us looked at each other and laughed.

We worked on editing the video for the next couple of hours; three bags of all natural microwave popcorn and a six pack of Diet Coke later, we found ourselves drifting off. The video was done, and we were sitting there watching Easy A on my computer. The next thing I knew, I was being woken up by my phone blasting the Glee Toxic cover.

“Really?” I felt Fitz’s chest vibrate under me as he laughed, and I smiled, inhaling one last time before sitting up and unlocking my phone, not even bothering to see who was calling.

“Hello?”

“Hello?” It was a girls voice. “Hello, who is this?” I raised my eyebrows and looked at Fitz. He mouthed who is it and I shrugged.

“Uhm, who is this? You called me.”

“This is Bianca.”

“Bianca DeSousa?” I asked, a hint of shock in my voice. “This is Hollie Peterson.” There was a laugh on the other line.

“Figures you’d be the fucker’s emergency contact.”

“Emergency contact?” I repeated. “Bianca, what’s going on?” There was a pause, and I heard a guy’s voice in the background.

“Listen, you know I hate to call you, but I’m here with your buddy Goldsworthy and-

“You’re with Eli?”

“Would you quit cutting me off?” There was another pause. “Christ. I’m with Goldsworthy and he’s kind of wasted. I have his keys, but he keeps insisting on driving home. I don’t know how to drive a stick, and that’s what it seems his…car is. Is there any way you can come pick him up?” I told her a hurried yes and closed my phone; Fitz looked curious.

“It’s Eli.”

“Again?”

“I’ve gotta go,” I said, standing up. I raced into my room, stripping off my shorts and throwing on sweats, not even noticing that the door was open (not that Fitz would look…he’s not that much of an ass). I went back out into the living room, grabbing my keys and phone and kissing Fitz quickly. “I’ll see you tomorrow in class.” He shook his head, grabbing onto my hand.

“Uh-uh. There’s no way I’m letting you go alone again.”

“I wasn’t alone last time, Fitz. Adam was there.”

“But is he there now?” I looked at my phone; it was already eleven fifty. With an eye roll, I grabbed Fitz’s hand and we reached my car in a matter of moments. Mom was fast asleep, so we didn’t have to worry about her wondering where we were going or anything. We reached the ravine in less than five minutes, pulling up in the same spot I had last week. As I suspected, I saw Eli sitting around a fire with a bunch of random people, including not only Bianca, but Tyler and Owen. Owen was the one to help Bianca get Eli to my car, and when they dumped him in the back seat, mumbling incoherent things under his breath, they both gave Fitz a look that clearly said what the fuck.

“He’s my neighbor; the only one up late enough to help me get Eli back into my house.” I glanced at the boy in my backseat as I jumped back into the car, and Owen spoke; I almost slapped him as he did.

“From kisses to slaps to midnight calls; you got this girl wrapped around your finger, Fitzy.” Owen reached over for a fist pump from Fitz, and with a confused and semi-horrified glance back at me, he returned it. Bianca’s glare, clearly directed towards me, looked something like a cross between confusion and Bitch, hold up. I glared back at Owen as we pulled out, and as soon as we were out of view, I slapped Fitz across the arm.

“Ow! Really? Again with the violence?”

“I am this close to kicking your best friend in the nuts.” I gestured with my thumb and fore finger. “Really. He basically just spilled to Bianca that we kissed, and…” I glanced in the rearview to see Eli sitting up drowsily. “Fuck.”

“Kissing?” He rubbed his forehead, and started muttering again. “Kissing….kissing Clare….” I narrowed my eyes at his reflection as we rounded the corner into my neighborhood, and looked at Fitz. He looked extremely confused. Eli laid back down against the side of the backseat, closing his eyes. And then, it hit me. Like a ton of bricks. The reason he was getting drunk.

“He and Clare kissed on screen for Dawes’ project.” His eyes widened, and he let out a shocked little laugh.

“Finally!” I smiled to myself. “She’s got everyone macking on screen for this project, huh?” I rolled my eyes again, pulling into my driveway and turning the car off. “But why would he get drunk because of that?” He got out first, gesturing for me to wait, and then came around and opened the door for me. I feigned a curtsey and laughed as we both came around to the side where Eli was.

“Maybe he’s too chickenshit to admit he likes her,” I replied with a shrug, opening the door. Eli almost fell out onto the back seat, and both of us rushed forward and pulled him up, an arm over each of our shoulders. “Holy….shit…” I said, adjusting his weight and kicking the door closed. “He’s heavier than he looks.”

“Here,” Fitz said, and shifted to where all of Eli’s weight was on him. “I got it.”

“Sure?” He nodded and pulled Eli all the way down to my basement. Elli stepped a few times; didn’t really do much of the walking though. Fitz dumped him on the couch in the living room, and Eli immediately snuggled into one of the pillows. I laughed. “Of course.” I rolled my eyes and shook my head, and Fitz leaned in for a kiss.

“I should probably go. You emailed the video to Dawes, right?” I nodded.

“She’s got it. So…tomorrow.”

“Should be interesting.” He grinned and leaned in for one more kiss before jogging up the stairs. I didn’t hear the door open or close as I sat on the couch next to Eli with my computer, finishing up some last minute stuff. I was in the middle of working on some lyrics when, out of no where, Eli sat up again, his head bouncing on the back of the couch, and then he fell the opposite direction he’d come from, right into my lap. So that’s where we are now. I don’t really consider it awkward or anything, though. I mean, he’s one of my bes-

Uhm. He’s talking. In his sleep.

“Julia…” What? Who the fuck is Julia? Holy crap. As I was typing, he thrashed to the side in my lap, almost rolling off the couch. “It’s my fault!” What the hell? He’s like, yelling. My eyes are wide, and I poke at him to try and wake him up…maybe he’s having a nightmare? What the hell is going on?

10:20 AM

So I found out. What Eli’s been keeping from us. Well, from me and Clare. Adam’s known for a while.

When I woke up, sun was just starting to come through the small windows in the living room. Eli was still on top of me, and I gently shoved him off as I went to go get ready. Finally at 7:15 I shook him awake, holding a cup of coffee in front of his face.

“There’s aspirin on the table. If you need to shower, do it quickly. I can take you by your house to get clothes.” He narrowed his eyes at me, grasping at his head.

“I’m not going anywhere with this hangover.” He popped the bottle of aspirin open and took three little white pills with a sip of black coffee, just the way he liked it. I cradled my can of Diet Coke in my hands and looked at him.

“So you’re going to skip out on Clare the day presentations are due?” I glanced down at the can and flicked the tab sticking up, making a small bouncing sound in the silence of the room.

“She has the video done. All we need to do is sit and watch the damn mash up video of all of our scenes.” I shook my head and took a drink.

“She’s gonna be pissed.”

“And I care why?” Ouch. I gave him a hurt look on behalf of Clare, and shook my head.

“You’re being a real dick, Eli.” He looked up from his coffee, eyes wide. “Clare may be too nice to say it, but I’m not. You’re being an ass to her, to both of us, for no reason at all. You really hurt her yesterday, Eli.” Clare had called me right after school, as the four of us were setting up to shoot in the master room, bawling her eyes out. She’d confronted Eli, and he’d flat out told her he had no feelings for her. No feelings, my ass.

“And I’m sorry about-

“Don’t you dare say you’re sorry to me, Goldsworthy.” I sat my drink down on the bar behind me. “Who’s Julia?” His eyes widened, bigger than I’ve ever seen. “Oh, so I’m not supposed to know about her, huh? Who is she? Ex girlfriend? Get a girl in trouble or something? Maybe dump her a little too-

“How do you know about Julia?” He sounded severely concerned.

“You were talking about her in your drunken stooper-slash-sleep last night.” He shut is eyes, his hand resting on his forehead and shaking his head. I guess I really wasn’t supposed to know about her. But slowly, he told me.

Julia was his ex girlfriend. His dead ex girlfriend. When he’d said that, I’d taken an involuntary step back, and he laughed, saying that’s how everyone reacts. They’d been together for two years, and had always had a sort of rocky-but passionate-relationship. Yeah, because I really needed to know the passionate part. Anyways, they’d been fighting one day over by the park, and after heated words, she’d gotten out of the car and stormed off. Twenty minutes later, Eli got a call that she’d been hit by a car not two blocks from where he’d left her. The entire thing surprised me; I’d been expecting something big, but not this big. But I kind of understood where Eli was coming from, being an asshole to Clare. He didn’t want to get hurt again, and he didn’t want her to get hurt either.

“You know she genuinely likes you, right?” He shook his head. “Quit being so damn counterproductive and just tell her already. I don’t think anything you do could ever make her not like you. You could probably kick a dog and she’d still love you.” He gave me a weird look. “Not that I’m saying you’d ever kick a dog or anything.” He laughed, and I ran to my room and grabbed my bag for school, coming back and picking up my drink. “Just…tell her, okay? She’s freaking out.”

“I’ll think about it.” That was good enough for me.

12:50 PM

I think Adam wants to rip Fitz a new one.

It’s partially my fault, I guess. I shouldn’t have kept that cut of the kiss in the video. But I wasn’t going to dare to let Fitz kiss me in front of Tyler and Owen again.

Earlier this week, I talked to Ms. Dawes, and she agreed that, due to having, well, me, in her class and the fact that all the videos were going to be shown in all the class periods, she would take up everyone’s cell phones before she showed the finished plays. I know, I know, extreme. But I would rather have the classes annoyed than a video of Fitz and I kissing going viral. So when I got to English and saw Ms. Dawes just near her door, I automatically dug into my pocket and pulled out my phone.

“What’re you doing?” I looked at Clare as I pressed the off button on the top of my phone and then nodded to Ms. Dawes.

“She’s taking up our phones.” She gave me a look. “Some kids in the first couple of classes told me earlier.” She pulled her phone out of her bag and pressed the off button too.

“I wonder why.” I pursed my lips as I handed Ms. Dawes my phone, and gingerly took a seat before Adam and Clare. I glanced around for any sign of Eli; he’d already texted me saying he’d be staying at my house till he was well enough to walk home, but I told him to crash until I got there to take him. But for some reason, I really hoped he’d walked the five blocks to get here. On presentation day, Clare would be as nervous as ever. She sat down, and Ms. Dawes closed the door, walking up to the front. I twisted my hands in my lap as Ms. Dawes pressed play on her computer and the videos started to roll. Hamlet was the first play she showed. Some of the videos were funny. Some were hokey. Some were good. We got through the first play faster than I thought we would, and I felt my palms start to sweat as Romeo and Juliet started. “Are you okay?” Clare whispered across the isle. I nodded slowly as Ali, KC and Jenna’s party scene played on the TV. Their scene was actually pretty well done. They’d filmed it at an actual party. It felt like no time passed before the wedding scene showed, and then, then came the scene I was dreading.

“Shit,” I muttered under my breath, and I laid my head down on my desk. “Shit, shit, shit.”

“What’re you…” Clare trailed off before finishing her sentence, and I squeazed my eyes shut, pulling my head up and shaking my head. My voice played, the short but sweet conversation we shared while laying in my bed. I tried not to look; I’m sure I had multiple chins and the tank top I was wearing was ridiculously tight. But of course, because he wasn’t in the video, Owen got to be head costumer. Go figure he’d put me in the skankiest top and pajama shorts I owned. I heard my own voice, shortly followed by Tyler’s attempt at a girl voice. The laughter of my classmates drowned out my reply, and I opened my eyes. “I don’t see why you think this is that bad. It’s actually pretty funny.”

“How the hell did you get Tyler into that costume?”

“It was Owen’s idea,” I muttered, and sank into my seat as Fitz and I stood up on screen.

“Then, window, let day in, and let life out.”

“Farewell, farewell! One kiss, and I’ll descend.” I watched as Fitz leaned forward, and I crossed my arms, sinking into my seat. And when we kissed on screen, that long, “ohhh” inducing kiss that had most of the kids in my class turning around to look at me with raised eyebrows, Adam and Clare stared straight forward. I sat as low as possible, waiting to be yelled at. But they both just stayed quiet through the next couple of scenes. Then came theirs. I watched with as much enthusiasm that I had the first time, excited to see if people reacted as much to Eli and Clare’s kiss as they had to mine and Fitz’s. But as soon as Clare said her generic soda line, the screen froze and words popped up. “Juliet could join Romeo in death, but instead decides he’s not worth it and chooses life. Go Juliet!” And it was over. Just like that. No kiss, no awkward silence and stares at Clare. I let out a surprised laugh and looked at Clare expectantly.

“What the hell was that?” I asked, leaning forward.

“What was mine?” Clare turned around, glaring at me. “What the heck was yours? You kissed Fitz.”

“Seriously,” Adam interjected, turning around too. “I thought I was going to hurl.” He looked pissed.

“Believe me, it wasn’t any better for me!” I put my hands up in defense, trying to feign disgust right along with them. “It was supposed to be a little peck, and he went in for the big one.”

“I would have slapped him,” Clare said, crossing her arms.

“I did as soon as the camera stopped rolling.” With a smile, Clare offered her hand for a high five. I took this as a chance to move in and change the subject.

“So why did you take out your steamy makeout session?” She rolled her eyes and faced the front, shaking her head.

“It just didn’t feel appropriate keeping that in the video. Especially since he’s not here.”

“Yeah, where is Eli?” Adam gave me a questioning glance and I shrugged.

“Wherever he is, I’m sure it’s not-

“Eli not liking me is one thing,” Clare interrupted as she turned back around. “But abandoning our group at the eleventh hour? It’s unacceptable. It’s like he’s got this big, dark secret. He’s so confusing.” Adam and I shared a glance. I’d cornered him this morning before homeroom and berated him for not telling me about Julia in the first place. With me being, well, me, I think they should know by now that secrets are kind of my thing. The entire entertainment industry is built on secrets.

“He is a weird one.”

“He talks to you,” Clare whined to him. “Next time he talks to you, can you investigate for me?” He gave her a look. “Please.”

“So I’ve gone from third wheel to go between?” Adam and I rolled our eyes in time to hear Ms. Dawes calling the two of them to come see her. They wound up getting chastised for changing the ending of the play, and Clare was made to change it.

Serves her right for taking out the best part.

After lunch at The Dot, I drove back in time for Clare to go by and talk to Ms. Dawes about her project; I decided it might be a good idea to talk to her about mine too. There were one or two bits I wasn’t really sure about, and now that she’d seen it a few times, I could ask for critique and everything. I left Adam at his locker and walked to the English room, getting at the door in time to hear Clare say “I guess I’d rather have him in my life as a friend than not at all.”

“Okay,” Ms. Dawes said, “and it might help to hear from him why he doesn’t feel the way you do.” Clare sighed.

“Fun,” she said sarcastically.

“Believe me, getting closure is never easy.” Ms. Dawes shook her head. “But you’re strong.” I chose the end of the conversation to walk in.

“Talking about a certain raven-haired fellow, I presume?”

“You presume correctly,” Clare said with a laugh, and then looked at Ms. Dawes. “Thank you.” She turned back to me. “Do you want me to stay?”

“I’m fine. I’ll meet see you in Algebra.”

“Have fun with Fitz and his bonehead entourage.”

“Always.” I gave her a grin over the shoulder and she waved at the two of us as she walked out.

“I must say, I think you being in this class might have started a quite impeccable foresome.” I smiled at Ms. Dawes.

“I think you’re right.” I set my bag down and walked up to her desk. “I was wondering if you had any critique on our scene? I mean, I know you’re not the theatre teacher or anything, but Anya told me about the LARPing and I figured you might have some insight into it.” She shook her head.

“Ah, yes, our time in the forests.” Her eyes glazed over a bit, like she was remembering something fun. “I wish I still had time to do that, but since I picked the English classes up again I’m too busy to do anything outside of school.” She took her glasses off for a moment, rubbing her eyes. “As for your scene, I don’t think I have anything to say except job well done. I loved the gang and cops idea, and I think seeing Mr. Mayfield in that costume might be the highlight of some people’s days. I knew you could get those boys into shape.”

“Actually, I wouldn’t have been able to do it without Fitz.”

“Ah, yes, Mr. Fitzgerald.” She put her glasses back on and looked up at me. “I’ve been meaning to ask you about that.” That did not sound good. “I was watching your video this morning, and I was very intrigued by the amount of chemistry you and Mark shared on screen. I’ve heard about the disputes between he and Mr. Goldsworthy, but I have to wonder…is there something going on between the two of you?” This woman…this woman, I swear. She could read right into me. I gave her a shy smile. “Ah, so my suspicions were correct.” She gave me a smile back. “And I assume that neither Mr. Goldsworthy nor Mr. Torres knows about this…relationship?” I shook my head vehemently.

“Not even Clare knows we’re friends, and she’s one of the closest people I have to a best friend out here.” I look down at the desk and trace a heart with my finger. “Only Fiona, Holly J, Declan and my friends back home really know. And our parents of course.”

“And Tyler or Owen?” My eyes widened and I let out a laugh. “I guess that’s a no.” She laughed too, and looked down at the papers on her desk. “You two seem like such an unlikely couple on the outside, but after watching your scene, I’m starting to see a side of Mark that I haven’t seen before. I’ve been watching all of you this last week, and he seems less boyish around you…more mature.” The bell rang overhead, and I walked and picked up my bag, turning back to her.

“Is it really that obvious something’s going on?” She smiled and stood up, grabbing the bucket off her desk. I walked with her halfway to the door as she spoke.

“Only if you’re paying very, very close attention to everything that’s happening. Which, believe me, almost none of these kids are.”

4:30 PM

Owen walked into class with a black eye and split lip. I shit you not. After I gave Ms. Dawes my phone to put in the bucket, I sat and turned around, waiting for the three boys in my group to get there. Fitz was the first one to walk in, and he handed Ms. Dawes his phone with a smile before sitting down in front of me. “You’re gonna like this one,” he said as he turned around. I tilted my head, confused as to what he was talking about, but he nodded behind me and I turned around. Owen was handing his phone in, and when he looked up, I saw the damage Riley did to his face.

“Holy hell. Anya mentioned something at The Dot about Riley going apeshit this morning, but whoa.” Fitz laughed as Owen walked up, and I turned to face him when he sat across from me. “Looks like somebody made one too many jokes in the locker room.”

“Looks like somebody needs to shut their freaking mouth.” My eyes widened at his tone, but before I could say anything Fitz spoke.

“Hey, don’t talk to her like that. It’s not her damn fault you got punched in the face.” Owen gave a grimace in our general direction and then faced forward, staying like that most of the period. I texted Riley, and he told me that Owen had written “Homo” on his locker and “Riley’s Gay” on the bus in shaving cream. What. A. Douche.

Anya started the serious planning for the Bachelor/Bachelorette auction today. We had to be ready to be “sold” by Wednesday, and I had to bring an extra “sexy” outfit to change into. I warned Fitz that I was going to be sold, and his reaction was definitely less than pleasant. In short, he told his mom to fill up his debit card at a level that could be heard down the street.

I didn’t hear from Clare until about nine. She finally texted me and said to come around. Her parents were out at a church function and she needed someone to talk to.

He told her. He took her to the place it happened and told her all about Julia. At first, I didn’t know how to react. I wasn’t really expecting him to just jump out and tell her so soon. But after the initial shock, I’m kind of excited for Clare. Doesn’t this mean they can be together? Doesn’t this mean all the secrets are finally over?

Oh, wait. That’s right. I’m holding the biggest secret out of all of us.

November 17, 2010
11:54 AM
Location: Cafeteria
Feeling-SCARED.

I have no idea why I agreed to this. Honestly. I don’t know why I let Anya talk me into standing on stage and being auctioned off to the highest hormonal bidder.

I don’t see why this is so bad though, why I’m freaking out. If I can stand on stage with Orlando, I think I might be able to do this.

So why I do I feel so damn uncomfortable in this dress? Why are my feet suddenly aching and my head’s starting to hurt and my heart is racing at a mile a minute?

Maybe because I know that the only way today is going to end is Fitz bidding on me. In public.

1:40 PM

I was wrong. I was so very, very wrong.

The auction started as innocently as possible. I watched from behind the back wall in the cafeteria; the announcements had just said for males to come out and bid on a “very special female bachlorette.” The females in the crowd were definitely dominant, but there were for sure males out there. The first few people got auctioned off, going for twenty, thirty dollars. Alli was the winning bidder on Drew, and once they were done hugging it out, they sat at a table in front. I’d told her, along with Clare, Eli and Adam, about being auctioned off. The three of them sat in the back corner, ready to laugh at whatever poor sucker was willing to pay money to go on a date with me. Eli’s words, not mine. And yeah, I slapped him.

“And,” Anya started, glancing around. “Our next bachelor on the block; Wesley Betencamp.” There was some light applause as Wesley stood up on the stage, and I felt my eyes widen as I texted Alli.

What the hell? Since when is Wesley a bachelor.

“Lets start the bidding at one dollar.”

I have no idea.

“Do I hear one dollar?” There was a definite awkward silence as everyone in the audience looked at one another. “Wesley, why don’t you come and tell everyone a little bit about yourself.”

Ohmigod. Ohmigod. This is painful to watch.

Lol! I know. I feel so bad. Drew tried to train him and everything…

With a glance up on the stage, I heard Anya say “I’ll bid two, do I hear three?”

Read my next text out loud word for word. I’ll explain later. With shaking hands, I typed my next text. I’ve got an anonymous buyer who wishes to bid fifteen dollars.

I saw Alli’s eyes widen as she looked up on stage, and found me peeking out. I narrowed my eyes at her and mouthed “say it.” And she did. And I won a date with Wesley Betencamp. He seemed more than chipper; elated, even. I knew deep down it was a pity bid, but Wesley was like a puppy dong. You couldn’t just stand there and watch him suffer! Three guys later, and it was Zane’s turn. I watched as the bids increased and increased, a smile creeping up on my face. 15, 20, 30, 35. And then I heard it. I knew the voice, I’d know it without even trying. “Fifty!” It was Riley. Riley had just bid fifty dollars on Zane. In a public auction. I felt my eyes widen and watched as Zane was finally sold to Riley; the guy that really deserved him. Both Zane and I shook our heads at Riley, and I pulled my phone out, sending a cute “way to go!” to Riley and a “Told you so!” to Zane. I had told him so. Last week, when he’d come bitching to me about Riley, I told him he was a good guy on the inside…he just had to get Riley to rid himself of that asshole exterior.

“And now…for the moment all you guys have been waiting for….” I squeazed my eyes shut, standing up and flipping my hair one last time. “I’d like to introduce our special guest and the only bachelorette on the block…HOLLIE PETERSON.” There’s an initial intake of breath before a huge bout of applause welcomed me on stage. I waved awkwardly to the people in front of me, easily spotting my friends in the back and giving them an eye roll. Behind some of the guys in the back, I spotted Fitz, and gave him a barely noticeable nod, hoping he caught it. “Let’s start the bidding at…twenty dollars.” My immediate reaction is to look at Anya with wide eyes. I almost wanted to say “Bitch, twenty dollars?” But then the first person in the crowd spoke.

“Twenty five!”

“Thirty!”

“Fourty!”

“Sixty!”

It got to one hundred. One hundred dollars for a date with me. In retrospect, that’s kind of a small number, but when it jumped, it jumped.

“Two hundred.” There was no need to look to see who was talking. I feigned shock and slight disgust as Clare gave me a look.

“Two thousand.” I didn’t have to feign shock for that bid. I felt my eyes widen, and I glanced around, looking for the source of the voice. It was Declan. Declan Coyne had broken through the crowd and was standing a few feet behind Fitz, a checkbook out and held up. “And I’ll go higher if need be.” Fitz threw me a helpless look and I squeezed my eyes shut. This isn’t happening. This isn’t happening. I just kept repeating that to myself over and over.

“Well, I’m going to guess no one’s going to bid more than two thousand?” There was a stunned silence from the audience. “Going once…going twice…sold! To Mr. Declan Coyne.” I tentatively stepped off the stage with Declan’s help, and he led me to sit with the rest of my friends, sitting in the seat next to me. Ater the final bidding was over, I walked out with Declan, and he got about ten high fives from guys as we walked down the hall towards my locker where I stored my clothes to change back into. I stared into the locker for a second, gathering my thoughts. Declan had just paid two thousand dollars for a date with me. For one night of alone time with me. Did he not know he could have just asked to go see a movie and I would have said yes?

“Thanks for the warning,” I said, throwing my phone in the bottom of my locker and pulling out my bag with my clothes.

“What, was I supposed to text you? Oh, how about Hey, just a heads up, I’m buying a date with you. Because that would have gone over so well.” I rolled my eyes and walked down the hallway.

“It’s not going to be a date,” I said, turning around as I headed towards the bathroom. “You’re one of my best guy friends. It’ll just be another dinner with you.”

“If you say so,” he said with that trademark smirk as I finally walked into the bathroom, leaving him in the doorway. Something tells me he’s going to consider this more than just dinner among friends.

9:12 PM

I didn’t see Fitz until after school. When I got home, I went straight into my room and crashed. The last couple of weeks have been so exausting; I’ve had three tests, four quizzes and a reading check in the last seven days, and all of this business with making excuses about where I’ve been after school to Clare is starting to get on not only my nerves, but hers as well. If I have to tell her one more time that I’m working on a new idea for a book, I might actually have to start working on one.

An hour and a half later, I was awakened from my semi-deep sleep by the sound of three consecutive texts. The first was from Anya; Thanks so much for today! I think Declan’s bid payed for our entire trip to Districts! The second from Clare; Are you driving tonight or does my mom need to pick you up? The last one made me roll over and groan. We need to talk.

Just come over. I’m in bed. Not even three minutes later, the front door opened above me, and I heard Fitz’s voice. “Oh, hey Mrs. Peterson.” It’s amazing how much you can hear through the vents in this house.

“Caroline, please.” There was the sound of clinking glasses, and then the fridge opening. “Here, take this down to her. She’s been in bed since she got home. I think it was a rough day.”

“It’s been a rough couple of weeks.” I heard him coming down the stairs a few minutes later, and then the door to my room opened. Without looking up from where my face was planted into the pillow, I muttered a “just come in, why don’t you. It’s not like I could have been naked or anything.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard of you sleeping naked. Ever.” I rolled my closed eyes and turned back over, facing him.

“Isn’t this a lovely view?” I said, waving my hand over my face, where I’m sure a double chin and baggy eyes had developed in my position and lack of sleep.

“Gorgeous.” His stern looking face faltered for a second to give a small smile, and then he held up what was in his hand. A Diet Coke and a water. “Your mom sent me with caffeine. Figured you’d need it.”

“Figured right.” I sat up in bed and held my hand out, and he sat on the side of the bed, handing the can to me and opening his own bottle of water. “You’ve never really been in here, have you?” He shook his head, taking a sip.

“Only for a second, and I didn’t look around or anything.” He glanced around, taking in the room for the first time. “It’s a nice color. Tiffany Blue, right?” I nodded. “Your favorite.”

“I painted it with Clare, Eli and Adam,” I said, taking a long sip of my now open Coke. “We gonna talk? That is why you came over here, correct?”

“Yeah.” There was a silent pause before he looked at me. “Why did Declan bid on you?”

“I have no idea.”

“Don’t give me that crap, Hollie. You looked surprised when you walked off stage, but I’m pretty sure you weren’t caught as off guard as I was.” I glanced up at him and caught his eye. There was this weird light behind it-a fire burning. Could that be a hint of…no.

“Is Mark Fitzgerald jealous of Declan Coyne?” I laughed, trying to lighten up the situation, but this seemed to make him madder.

“No, I am not jealous of that Bieber-haired, cardigan loving metrosexual.” I let out a snort, covering my mouth to keep the Diet Coke from spitting out. He had a point. Declan was way too into his looks, and those cardigans did seem to be a staple of his wardrobe. But then again…

“Hey now. He’s one of my best guy friends.” Fitz narrowed his eyes.

“Guy friends. Friends being the questionable term here. Are you sure he doesn’t see you as more?” I was quiet for a moment. He did have a point. Declan has always acted flirty towards me, but no more so than he does to Chantay and Anya. At least, I thought he was the same way with them. But hadn’t called me all those names? Sexy. Cute. And that’s when I realized what Fitz was so suspicious about; what I’d been suspecting for months, but had never really thought it was more than a vague idea. Declan liked me. Declan Coyne liked me.

“I-I don’t know,” I stuttered, putting my Diet Coke down on my bedside table. “I mean, it’s possible, but-

“But what, Hollie? Either he does or he doesn’t. There’s not really a fine line.”

“It took me a few weeks to realized I liked you,” I said with a pointed glare. “But, I think you might be right. He may like me.” He let out something between a growl and a sigh. “I don’t see why that’s such a big deal!” I leaned forward and caught his face in my hand before he could turn away. “You know I like you. I know you like me. But no one else knows it. And we’re not even official. So let him like me for a little bit-maybe get the rumor mill running about a possible romance.”

“People are already going to speculate after today,” he said, not sounding at all happy. I held his face firmer.

“Let them. Because as long as people think something’s going on between Declan and I, they won’t suspect a thing about the two of us.”

“And what if Declan actually wants something to happen between the two of you?”

“Then I’ll just tell him that I like someone else.”

“But-

I shut him up the only way I knew how. I kissed him, long and hard. He was tense at first, but then after a few seconds, his lips responded to mine hungrily, as if to say “you’re mine.” I smiled into the kiss and sat up on my knees, my hands finding their way into his hair, tugging ever so lightly. He let out a little moan that made our lips vibrate. This, I’d learned over the last few weeks, was his weakness. My hands in his hair, one at the top, one at the base of his hairline, pulling, kneading. He had yet to find mine. In a moment of empowerment, I worked my way around to the other side of the bed and forced him to lean back on my pillows. I leaned back, straddling his upper thighs, and he looked almost as shocked as I felt at my own actions. But, hey, we’ve been at this for two weeks and the stemiest thing we’ve done so far is a mini-makeout session on Saturday after we spent the afternoon making dinner for one of his mom’s friends who just got out of the hospital.

Before his shock continued any further, I leaned down and kissed him again, this time more lightly, trailing small pecks down his jawline and up to his ear. “You’re such a tease,” he growled, not angrily, more in a joking manor. But there was nothing joking about the way his hand pulled at the silky material of the thin green dress I’d thrown on after the auction, or how he pulled my forehead to his, looking in my eyes. And without warning, he flipped me over, my head hitting the pillow with a soft thud.

“So I’ve been told,” I muttered, and without hesitation, reached down and unzipped the front of his disgustingly camo hoodie. He sat up on his knees and pulled it off, unintentionally flexing his chest and ab muscles. I would love to know how I got so damn lucky to have a guy who spends at least two hours a day working out (there’s a reason he looks so fit when he gets to school). I trailed my finger along the curve of his bicep, and he watched me, seeming almost mesmerized. I pulled the collar of his shirt with my other hand, bringing him towards me, and then grabbed the back of his neck and pulled his lips towards mine. I closed my eyes firmly, savoring in the feeling of having a warm body next to me for the first time in a long time; the feeling of someone’s hands tangled in my hair; the feeling of want-of need. His lips trailed in the same direction mine had earlier-down my jawline, making my arms erupt in goosebumps. What happened next I was not expecting. When his lips hit my neck, I assumed he was just going to nuzzle there for a moment and then we would go back to kissing. But as he got further down to just above my collar bone, he hit a spot and I felt my back arch up from the bed. The jolt that went through my body made my knees grasp his thighs, and I felt him smiling into my neck.

“Looks like I found yours,” he said, sitting up slightly and looking down at me. I just laughed and shook my head, and he didn’t wait for a reply as he bent back down and assaulted my collar bone.

Twenty minutes later, we found ourselves calmed down, myself back on top, sprawled out half on top of him. My head sat on his chest, the thud of his steadily declining heartbeat in my ears, his fingers playing with my hair.

“I really wish you and my friends got along.” He let out a laugh, and when I didn’t laugh back, a long sigh.

“So do I.”

November 21, 2010
7:15 PM
Location: bedroom
Feeling-exhausted!

I have literally been on the run since Wednesday. Seriously.

In the last four days, I’ve had five tests, three parties, two crying friends, one hair appointment and a grand total of maybe twenty hours of sleep.

Wednesday was normal; we worked with the first graders at church. Thursday brought a Fashion Maerch presentation with Fiona, an Algebra test, a reading check for English and a chemistry quiz I’m sure I failed. Friday welcomed three more tests and an assembly mandatory for all students about the graffiti found on the back wall of the school (I highly suspect Tyler). Friday night was party number one. Chantay’s birthday was Monday, so she had a bunch of people over to not only celebrate turning 18, but the $300 bucks she’d won on her first (yes, her first) lottery ticket. That girl must be part Black Irish or something. Anya, for some reason, in the middle of the party, started bawling. She was completely drunk for some odd reason, and Holly J helped me get her to Chantay’s bathroom where she plopped down on the closed toilet and continued to cry. She still won’t tell either of us why, but I suspect it has something to do with the fact that Holly J and Sav were holding hands for a brief period of time during the party. I can’t believe I didn’t suspect that those two were together long ago.

Early yesterday afternoon, Clare and I were summoned to-get this-Mr. Simpson’s house for Connor’s birthday party. Apparently he’s Mr. Simpson’s godson. I didn’t know this until yesterday morning when Clare told me where Connor’s party was. There weren’t that many people-twenty of us, maybe. It was a bit odd seeing some of these people outside of school-Wesley, Dave. Ms. Oh was even there. We played some silly party games and ate hot dogs and burgers as provided by Ms. Simpson. Some blonde college age girl and her husband (I think their names were Emma and Spinner?) were walking around helping with everything. I think it was college fall-break this week or something, and the girl was Mr. Simpson’s daughter. The husband was kinda hot, but I think early twenties is a bit to far fetched for even me. Besides, I have my own hunk at home. Saturday night was this big party at Fiona’s for her mothers’ birthday. Only Holly J and I went, so I threw on one of my old Lanvin dresses-the one with pearls around the collar and everything-and we just drove there. By the time we arrived around eight, things were in full swing. Champagne was being toasted, hors d'œuvres were being served, and Fiona was already completely trashed. We let her giggle and slosh her drink around the house for an hour or so before a mutual look between Holly J, Declan and myself showed that we all agreed it was time for her to retire for the night.

Declan and I dragged her into her room, and he left while I changed her into PJ’s and took all her makeup off. When I was done, I came back out to the party and stayed for a bit longer. At around ten, though, I was starting to get super tired. Holly J and I told everyone goodbye, and I dropped her off at her place before coming back to mine. But of course, I couldn’t just crash, because when I texted Fitz that I was on my way home he immediately said he’d be there in fifteen. We were up till about two watching Skins-and then not watching Skins.

Sunday morning Fiona, Holly J, Clare and I went to go get our hair done at some salon in downtown. It’s where Fiona goes to get hers done. I have to say, the complimentary manicure and paraphin treatment was definitely worth the hefty price tag (Fi and I paid for Holly J and Clare-it would have been rude not to, since we invited them). Holly J was the only one of us who got anything really drastic done-a few good inches off her already short-ish hair. I got my highlights touched up, but other than that the rest of us just got trims and called it a day. Clare and I went back to my place where she gushed about her and Eli-how things were great with them and they’ve been seeing each other so much, and how wonderful and close they are now that she knows his secret. Then she suggested I find a guy. And you know who she suggested? Ethan. ETHAN. The kid on the basketball team with Connor, Dave, KC and Drew that insists on using completely unoriginal pickup lines on anything with a vagina. I kind of wanted to bang my head into the wall.

She finally just left a few minutes ago. I just feel like passing out…

November 26, 2010
2:12 PM
Location: History
Feeling-confused, but somewhat excited!

We’re having another dance! I know, I know, things haven’t gone so well for me at the last few, but I have a good feeling about this one. I went out to lunch with Holly J and Fiona today and we started talking about it, and I think a dance is just what we need at the end of term. We’re having a meeting in the Student Council room next Friday to discuss ideas.

Things are getting more and more hectic around here. Finals are in less than a month, and so is the holiday season, and I can already feel the pressure of awards season even though it’s months away. Most noms come out in a little over three weeks, and Sasha, Kim (Perry, from The Band Perry) and Chris (Colfer, yes, from Glee, and yes, he’s my friend) are all shoe-ins for multiple noms this year. I’m starting to wish I could be out there with them the day they come out.

I’m actually starting on another book, too. After telling Clare I’ve been working on one for so long, I figured it’d be a good idea. I haven’t really got the plotline down, but so far it’s about this girl whose dad owns this large hotel in Los Angeles. In short, she falls for one of the wait staff. I’m kind of excited about it. The main character is very Blair Waldorf (in her lifestyle/fashion sense) meets Crystal Renn (in looks mostly).

Hopefully this one makes it to the top tens like Kinda, Sorta did.

November 30, 2010
5:20 PM
Location: Basement living room
Feeling- freaking out.

Remember how I said something big was going on with Fiona? Something I didn’t know about? Well, now I do. We came home from shopping the other day to find Fiona’s lawyer meeting with her mom. It took him leaving and all of us sitting down for her to tell me the story.

“Do you remember me telling you that I was dating Bobby Beckonridge?” I wracked my brain for a second.

“I think I remember hearing about it on the Page 6 site or something.” I tilted my head to the side. “What did he do to you sweetie?” She looked at her mom, Declan and Holly J before trying to answer.

“He…he hit me.” I blinked, uncomprehending for a minute. Bobby had hit her. Bobby Beckonridge, son of millionare New York real estate mogul Victor Beckonridge, had hit one of my best friends.

“What the fuck, Fiona? Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“Hollie,” Laura, Fiona’s mom chastised. I took a deep breath, trying to get any thoughts of using another cussword out of my head.

“You know if I’d known anything I would have-

“That’s why I didn’t want anyone here knowing!” Fiona said, gesturing with her hands. “I don’t want a pity party just because he pushed me down a flight of stairs.” My eyes widened. “I just want to be a normal teenager. That’s why I came back to Degrassi; this is where I felt the most normal.”

“And of course I brought the paparazzo back into our lives,” I said with an eye roll. She smiled for the first time since we walked in the door. “I really wish you’d told me, Fi. It would have explained a lot right from the beginning. There were so many rumors about why you left Vanderbuilt-that bitch Tinsley-

“Hollie,” Laura said again. But this time it wasn’t as chastising as it was warning. A sign that I’d said something forbidden. I backtracked on what I’d said, and then thought for a second. Tinsley. Tinsley must have had something to do with this.

“Well, nonetheless, I’m glad you told me.” I reached out and set a hand out on her knee. That explained so much. We watched Bobby’s deposition last night, and that smug bastard fucking straight up lied on video. He pisses me off so much now. I mean, it’s one thing to hit a girl, but to make Fiona sound like some lying, crazy bitch is a completely different thing.

On another completely unrelated note, Riley and Zane are supposed to go on their date tonight! I helped Riley pick out his clothes (again) and even let him borrow the Burberry Britt samples I had in the bottom of my vanity (really I just got them for Fitz because if he comes and sees me before school he always winds up smelling like me). I’m anxiously waiting to hear how that goes.

I guess Adam and Eli are supposed to have a guys night on Friday? Which means I’m with Clare. That’s a good thing, I guess, because I haven’t spent alone time with her in forever. I feel bad because for the last couple of days I’ve been keeping an eye out on Fi, and the weeks before that I’ve either been trying to figure out what was wrong with Fi in the first place, working on my book or making out with Fitz. Though I’m sure if she actually liked Fitz, she wouldn’t have a problem with that last one since she and Eli are always together now.

On the other hand, I don’t think they’ve even made out yet. Which is surprising because Eli strikes me as an extremely sexual person. Not that I’m saying I would know or anything. Aha. Ahaha. Oh god. I so did not need that mental picture in my head. >.< But I’m still waiting for her to dish on that. Because when it happens I’m sure I’ll get an earful from both of them.

December 4, 2010
10:59 AM
Location: The Dot
Feeling- I want to bang my head into the wall.

For the love of God. These last couple of days….they’ve been weird.

I’m going to start off on a happy note and say that Riley and Zane’s date went swimmingly. Yes, I said swimmingly. I have no idea why. And get this. He, Anya and I were all talking in the hall and he said he needs to go “big” when he comes out after football season-so Anya and I nominated the two of them for Winter Formal King and King. Do you know how awesome that would be? Pretty freaking awesome. And I guess he’s officially out anyways because the noms got posted online and in bold print if definitely says Riley Stavros and Zane Park. Oh, how Chantay’s site makes me smile.

On a not quite as cheery but still happy note, we finally settled on a theme for the formal! It’s going to be A Night in Vegas. Fiona, Sav, Holly J and I had a meeting on Wednesday before study period and Fi mentioned this big bash at her old school called A Night in Monaco. It also happened to be the theme of Keegan’s 17th. I wholeheartedly agreed that gambling for prizes and velvet lined walls sounded like something everyone would have fun at. Fi acted weird at the meeting; she walked funny and was stuttering a bit. If I didn’t know any better I’d say she was drunk, but she’s not stupid enough to pull something like that at school. Holly J mentioned yesterday that Simpson might have a problem with it, and I guess we might have to present it to the PTA? But I’m sure we can handle that. If an international debutante, a novelist and a future female president can’t handle giving a little old speech to a bunch of moms and dads then I don’t think anyone else can. Holly J found an unfilled prescription for ant-anxiety meds in her textbook as they started study period and we both urged her to get it filled. Maybe it’ll help her calm the fuck down during this Bobby thing.

After school on Thursday I met Zane at the Dot for an early dinner and some gabbing about the date only to see Clare and Eli sitting in the corner looking quite flirty. I had no idea they were hanging out that night, and I don’t think Adam was aware either because the next time I looked up, he and Eli were in heated words and then he stormed out. As soon as Zane left I walked up to the table and asked Eli what happened. He forgot to tell adam that they couldn’t hang out because he was with Clare.

I know I shouldn’t be talking, but that’s pretty shitty. Like, at least I don’t make plans with people when I know I can’t hang out.

Then Friday at lunch…Jesus.

Alli, Clare, Eli and I were all sitting and talking about the dance at our usual spot indoors-it’s getting a little chilly to eat outside. Alli’s usually with Drew but I guess he had math tutorials or something. Adam came up to sit with us and I think he saw Clare and Eli being all giggly because the next thing I knew he was walking away. And that’s when it happened. Adam was looking for somewhere to sit, anywhere open, and Fitz saw him. “Look like you’re lost,” he called out to Adam. I almost dropped my fork. Fitz had talked to Adam. In public. Without a snotty tone.

“Just trying to find a new place.” To my utter and complete shock (with everyone else at my table), Fitz tapped one of the empty spaces across from him. “Seriously?”

“Oh shit,” I muttered under my breath, and started to pack my stuff up without really thinking.

“It’s a free country,” Fitz replied with a still serious face. I was waiting for him to burst out laughing. To say it was a joke. Something. But he just gave me a glance out of the side of his eyes and then looked back at Adam expectantly. “I know we got off on the wrong foot, but…I’m over it if you are.” Clare’s jaw dropped. I stood up, throwing everything into my lunch bag as Adam sat down wordlessly across from Fitz.

“Where are you going?” Eli said, sounding pissed off.

“To watch my best friend’s back, because his best friend isn’t.” I turned to walk away.

“Hollie, I wasn’t trying to-

“That’s the fucking point, Eli. You weren’t trying.” I looked between him and Clare. “I’m with him until you two figure your thing out. Just because you’re together doesn’t mean he has to be alone.” I turned back around and walked over to Fitz’s table, watching him the whole way. When I lightly sat my drink down in front of the open seat next to Adam, the entire table got quiet. “Mind if I sit here?”

“Not at all,” Fitz said with that cocky smile of his. I sat down across from Tyler and with the two of them-Tyler and Adam-were giving us both what the fuck looks, I aimed my foot at Fitz’s shin. It hit the target, and I saw his face tighten for an almost unnoticeable second. Adam glanced over at our-my-friends to see all three of them looking a bit astonished. “Soooo,” Fitz started, dragging his word out and giving me a glare. “What happened? You two get in a lovers quarrel at guys night?” He gestured to the table behind us and Adam sighed.

“There was no guys night. He bailed.”

“Probably blinded himself with too much guyliner.” My eyes widened a little bit at the low blow to Eli’s sense of style.

“Yeah, probably listened to Emo and got all emotional.” I slapped Adam on the arm just as Eli walked up, looking slightly disappointed and offended by what he was hearing. I couldn’t blame him. But I wasn’t about to leave Fitz and Adam together without a median of some sort there.

“Clever, guys. Another stunning display of verbal acuity.” With a searing look at me, he walked away. I looked at Adam, and knew in that second what he was about to do.

“Another stunning display of verbal acuity!” Adam mocked, and I punched him in the arm as everyone at the table laughed, and threw a glare in Fitz’s direction. Lunch from there went uphill. Adam and Fitz actually got along when they weren’t beating on each other (or in Fitz’s case, Adam’s brother). They had similar interests-Dead Hand, this band Fitz listened to religiously, WWE, and a mutual hate of John Cena. At the end of the period, Adam stunned me by saying “We should chill sometime soon.” I thought my jaw was going to hit the floor. But no, that’s what he really said.

“There’s a match on tonight,” Fitz started, dumping his tray and throwing his backpack on. “I have a kick-ass media room if you’re game to watch.”

“Sounds like a plan to me.” Adam held out his hand for one of those fist grabby-things. “You’re right down the street from Hollie, right?”

“A couple doors down, yeah. 4406.” And the two of them walked off in conversation, leaving me with Tyler and Owen, extremely confused but slightly elated at the fact that one of my best friends and the guy I’m dating are friends.