Punch-Drunk Love

I woke up with a heavy pounding in my head, and squinted due to the sunlight streaming in from the window. I rubbed my face as I sat up, and realized the worst thing in the world. I was completely naked. I started freaking out, and hugged the blanket to my chest as I dared to look on the other side of the bed.

I felt my breath catch in my chest, as my eyes landed on someone that was definitely not Brian. I could tell they were still completely asleep, from their snoring, and I eased myself out of bed, trying to find my clothes. I was able to find everything but my underwear, and quickly slid them on before slinking out of the room.

I hurried out of the unfamiliar house, but not before grabbing my keys from the bowl by the door. I kept my head down as I walked across the street to my car, and got in before speeding off towards my house. I arrived in record time, and ran straight up to my room once my car was in the garage.

I threw off my clothes, feeling disgusted with myself, and dashed for the shower. I turned the water as hot as I could stand it, and stepped in. I winced at the heat, but let my body get used to it before scrubbing my body roughly with my loofah. I stood in the overly warm water, and could feel the tears streaming down my face.

I was disgusted, and disappointed with myself. I had sworn up and down to Brian that I would never cheat on him, and then the one night I don’t hang out with him, I sleep with another guy. I just didn’t know how I could be so careless, and especially with the person I had slept with.

I felt my knees go weak, and I slid down the shower wall all the way to the floor. I hugged my knees to my chest, and let sobs wrack my body as the hot water drenched my body. I felt completely worthless, and had lost all self-respect for myself.

I wasn’t sure how long I stayed in the shower crying, but it was long enough for the water to start turning cold. I stood up, my body sore, and clambered out of the shower, drying myself off. I halfway combed through my hair, and through it up on top of my head, before putting on my baggy sweats and an oversized shirt.

I climbed into my bed, and buried myself under the blankets, trying to forget what had happened the night before. Every time I would close my eyes, I would get flashes of images from the night before, only causing more tears to come. My phone started ringing from the nightstand, and my heart sped up when I realized it was Brian.

I let it ring, and go to voicemail, knowing I didn’t have the strength to talk to him without telling him my secret right away. I watched as the screen went black, and re-buried my face in my pillow while pulling the blankets tighter around me. I stayed in my position, a few occasional tears slipping out, and had no intention of moving for the rest of the day.

As I sat in my cocoon, I heard my phone constantly ringing, but didn’t bother to check who was calling. I figured it was one of the guys, or Miranda, but I didn’t feel like talking to anybody. They were probably asking where I was, since I had left without telling anybody, but I figured they’d realize soon enough that I was home, and that they’d just let me be.

Of course, just because I didn’t want to see them, I knew I would have to.

I had started to finally doze off, when I heard my door creek open, and close again. I kept my eyes tightly shut, pretending to be asleep, and tried not to flinch as I felt someone sit on the end of my bed.

“Sadie, I know you’re awake,” Stephen said from the end of my bed, “You sleep on your stomach, not curled up.”

“What do you want Stephen?” I asked from under the blankets still.

“Well you can start by telling me why you left this morning without telling anybody,” he said trying to tug the blankets away from me, “Brian said he called you and couldn’t get an answer. Then we all called you and you’re not answering. You had us worried sick.”

“My mom called and said she wanted me home,” I lied skillfully, “And then my phone died.”

“Okay, that’s bullshit,” Stephen said finally getting the blankets, “You’re mom left on a trip two days ago. And your phone is plugged in right there.”

“Just drop it Stephen,” I said not bothering to look at him, “I don’t feel like talking about it right now.”

“So you’re saying something did happen?” Stephen asked still not giving up, “What the hell did you do Sadie?”

I sat up slightly, still keeping my head down, and played with the edge of my comforter. Stephen could tell something was wrong, and kept pestering me by repeatedly saying my name. I finally got fed up, and threw my blanket to the side and staring Stephen in the eyes.

“I slept with Josh, okay?” I said throwing my hands up, “There, now you know how big of a slut I am.”

Stephen stared at me, his eyes wide and full of shock. He kept opening his mouth to say something, but no words would come out. I sat fidgeting under his stare, and waited for him to yell at me.

“I can’t. I mean, how could,” Stephen said stuttering, “Why?”

“I don’t know, Stephen!” I said with tears brimming my eyes, “Do you think I did this on purpose? I feel so disgusted with myself right now. I ruined the one good thing in my life, and for what? A drunken fuck.”

“I’m disappointed in you Sadie,” Stephen said after a few minutes of silence, “I sat in this same room, and told Brian that you were better than that! And with one of his friends? That’s low, real low.”

“I thought that of all people you would be here for me through this,” I said still crying.

“I can’t sit back and pretend you didn’t screw up Sadie,” he said in a low tone, “And you could possibly ruin my band over this.”

I took in what he said, hung my head low, and once again let the sobs wrack my body. It was hard to sit in front of Stephen, knowing he wasn’t going to be there to comfort me like he always had been. I wrapped my arms around my middle, and took deep breaths in trying to stop my tears. I could here Stephen typing away on his phone, and my eyes snapped up.

“Don’t tell him,” I said with panic in my voice, “Please, don’t tell him Stephen.”

“I wouldn’t do that,” he said with a shake of his head, “But if you don’t tell him soon, I will. I’ll give you a week, got it?”

I merely nodded, and watched as Stephen stood up and left my room. I sunk back down into my bed, and hugged my pillow, as I let the tears still slip down my face. I wasn’t sure how I was going to tell Brian, but I knew that any way I told him would be the end of our relationship.