Punch-Drunk Love

Miranda and I spend the rest of the afternoon eating junk food and watching the stupidest movies I had in my collection. I was usually partial to romantic comedies, but I knew that any mention of love would send me over the edge again. If there happened to be an on screen kiss, Miranda would instantly distract me, and I was grateful for that.

“Thanks for not abandoning me like Stephen did,” I said to Miranda as the credits to Bubble Boy rolled up the screen, “This was exactly what I needed to clear my head, even if it was just for a few hours.”

“Everyone makes mistakes,” she said with a shrug and smile, “Which is why it’s stupid to completely abandon someone, especially your best friend, when they need support.”

“I just don’t know how I’m going to tell Brian,” I said running my fingers through my hair, “I love him so much, but I know what I did will make him not love me anymore. I really just don’t want to lose him, Miranda. He’s been my rock these last 9 months, what am I going to do without him?”

I felt a few tears slip out of the corners of my eyes, and brushed them away quickly before Miranda could notice. She gave me a sympathetic smile, which showed me that she had obviously seen the few tears that had escaped. I tried to return the smile, but my lip just trembled and I let my head drop. I rested my palms against my face, and as I felt the lump rising in my throat, the doorbell rang. I heard Miranda mutter that she’d get it, and I felt the weight of the couch shift as she stood up.

I could hear muffled voices in the foyer after the door had been opened, and not long after I heard the door close. I heard footsteps gliding across the tile, and then the wood floor, before stopping in front of me. I pushed the heels of my hands into my eyes, before taking in a deep breath and looking up.

“Babe, why are you crying?” Brian asked coming over to sit next to me, “I’m really worried about you. You just ran out of the garage, and looked like you were going to be sick.”

I bit my lip as he rested his hand on my knee, and broke our eye contact quickly. I looked everywhere I could that wasn’t him, and saw him knit his eyebrows together in confusion. I turned my head to look at the clock, but as soon as my head was turned away from him, he placed his hand gently against my cheek. My skin tingled at his touch, and he slowly turned my head back so it was facing him. I shifted under his gaze as he searched my eyes for some kind of clue.

“Sadie, please tell me what’s wrong,” he said brushing the remainder of my tears away from my eyes.

“You know I really love you right Brian?” I said finally breaking my silence, “You’re everything to me, and I don’t want to lose you. But I know that I’m really close to doing so.”

“I know that, and I love you a lot too,” he said softly, “Now tell me what’s wrong and what happened.”

I nervously ran my hand through my hair, and took a few deep breaths to prepare myself for the inevitable. I dropped my hands into my lap, and fiddle my thumbs a bit before opening my mouth hesitantly.

“At the party last Saturday, I slept with someone else,” I said in the smallest voice I could find, “I’m so sorry.”

Brian dropped his hand from its spot on my face, and scooted away from me on the couch. His face was full of shock and awe, and I could see the hurt that was forming in his eyes. His hurt quickly turned to anger, and he shook his head while repeatedly opening and closing his mouth.

“Why?” he asked finally founding his voice, “Why would you sleep with someone else? I can’t believe you would cheat on me. After you swore to me that you would never cheat on me. How could you throw everything we have away for that?”

“I don’t know, okay?” I said frustrated, “Do you think I wanted to ruin the best thing I had in my life all in one night. I feel disgusted with myself. That’s why I’ve been so distant, and why Stephen won’t even look at me.”

“I don’t even know what to say right now,” Brian said still shaking his head in disbelief, “Who did you sleep with? Was it that Taylor? Because if it was I swear to god Sadie.”

“it wasn’t Taylor,” I said dropping my head again, “It was someone that you’ll be way more mad about.”

“It was Stephen,” he said with his eyes wide, “Oh my god, you fucking slept with Stephen!”

“It wasn’t Stephen, okay?” I said looking back up at him, “It was Josh, which is even worse. We were both extremely drunk, and I regret every second of it.”

“Being drunk is no excuse, Sadie,” he said standing up angrily, “The fact of the matter is that you slept with someone else, my band mate none the less, and it took you way too long to tell me.”

“Do you honestly think I would cheat on you sober?” I asked standing up as soon as he did, “And I know I could possibly ruin the band, I’ve heard that from Stephen countless times. Plus it’s only been 4 days, I’ve been using that whole time to figure out how to tell you, Brian.

“I care so much about you, and I tried to find the best way to tell you that would hurt you the least. Hell, my heart is already breaking because I know that I completely ruined everything we had.”

“If you cared so much about me you wouldn’t have even considered sleeping with somebody else!”

During our argument our voices got considerably louder, and we had gotten into each others faces. Brian’s hazel eyes, normally warm and inviting, were set in a cold stare directly into mine. I could feel the tears brimming my eyes, and I was blinking rapidly to try and prevent them from running down my cheeks. During our almost awkward silence, Brian let his eyes fall onto the silver heart necklace hanging around my neck.

“Remember what I told you when I gave you that necklace on Christmas?” he asked in a calm whisper while brushing his fingers over the cool metal.

“That I would always have your heart,” I said in a small whisper.

He nodded, before wrapping his fingers around the chain, and yanking it from my neck harshly. I let out a small noise of pain, and watched as he threw the necklace somewhere behind me.

“And now it’s broken, just like my heart,” he said before brushing past me, making sure to hit his shoulder into mine, “We’re over, Sadie.”

With his final words, I felt my heart break even more, and I didn’t even try to stop the tears from falling down my face. I rushed after him, and grabbed for his hand, only to have his jerk his away.

“Brian, please, I love you,” I said with my voice shaking, “We can work this out. Don’t leave me. You promised me you’d stay with me throughout this whole rough time. Did that mean anything?”

“I promised the girl I could trust,” he said placing his hand on the doorknob to the front door, “And did that promise of never cheating on me mean anything to you>”

I opened my mouth to respond, but shut it quickly knowing I had no valid argument against his comeback. Brian gave me one final glance, before opening the door, and disappearing behind it. I leaned against the banister for support, but felt my knees buckle under me, causing me to sink onto the ground. I pulled my knees to my chest, and cried as I felt the pain in my heart growing rapidly. I buried my face into my knees, and could feel my hot tears seeping through my leggings and onto my legs.

As I mulled over the past week in my head, I slowly began to realize that there wasn’t much left for me in Phoenix. After sleeping with Josh, I had more than likely ruined all of my friendships, minus the one I had with Miranda. I knew it would be hard for me to stick around, especially with the band being next door so often, which only fueled the idea I had swimming in my head.

I needed to get out of the state of Arizona, and start over.